Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates, Christina Hendricks, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Ryan Hansen
Black comedy crime sequel directed by Mark Waters, the story follows Willie Soke (Billy Bob Thornton), still a halfway decent thief and a truly terrible mall Santa. Willie and Sunny (Kathy Bates), his tough-as-nails, foul mouthed mean mother, try to scam a charity headed by Diane (Christina Hendricks) and her husband Regent (Ryan Hansen). Although Diane looks prim and proper on the outside, she apparently “has a thing for shady lowlifes in a Santa costume,” so Willie should be just her type.
Best Quotes from Trailer:
[dressed as Santa with a little girl sat on his knee]
Willie: What can I get you?
Girl: A stuffed cat that moves but doesn’t poop, some duct tape so I can build a boat.
[a young boy is sat on his knee to give Willie his Christmas wishlist]
Boy #1: I want Minecraft Halo 5: Guardians, Assassin’s Creed Chronicles Trilogy…
Willie: That’s great, that’s great. I don’t know. I have no idea what that shit is. You could be speaking fucking Swahili now and I wouldn’t know any better.
Boy #1: Grand Theft Auto V.
Willie: No, I don’t care.
Boy #1: Why do you have two beards?
Willie: That’s a none of your fucking business.
Willie: What can Santa Claus get you?
[the boy just stares at Willie]
Willie: What the hell are you looking at me so funny for?
Boy #2: Sorry, Santa, I had to go.
[we see the boy has peed himself and it’s dripping onto the floor]
Willie: Oh, is that you? I thought it was me.
[standing in the corner of a street dressed in his Santa suite collecting money]
Willie: Ho, ho, Merry Christmas. Feed the starving children.
[everyone just ignores him]
Willie: Come on, you fucking dickheads!
Marcus: We got a job. I’m talking millions this time. Can you still crack a safe? Or did you get carpal tunnel from jacking off?
Willie: Why are you even out of the joint anyway? You know, they used to sterilize guys like you, keep the world from becoming some Negro Land of Oz.
Marcus: Early release, you racist moron fuck!
Willie: It must have been packed to the gills if they couldn’t cram your three foot ass in there.
Marcus: I know we left on bad terms.
Willie: You tried to murder me.
Marcus: I got an associate that got this thing all lined up.
Willie: What associate?
Sunny Soke: Shit stick. What’s it been, fifteen years?
[Willie punches her in the face]
Sunny Soke: You still hit like your fucking father.
Willie: Eat me.
Willie: I’m not working with that poisoned bitch!
Marcus: What you don’t trust your mama?
Willie: Yeah, I trust her about as far I can throw you. And I trust you as far as I can throw her.
Sunny Soke: Come on, boy. It’ll be just like old times.
Willie: You mean a living fucking nightmare? Why didn’t you say so, I’m in.
Willie: I traveled all the way across the country to rob a Goddamn charity?
Marcus: You got a problem with it?
Willie: You’re damn right I got a problem with it! No way these assholes have two million bucks.
Marcus: Will you keep it down!
Marcus: You’ve got one job, just keep your deviant mouth shut.
[sees Diane for the first time]
Diane: Come on in, fellas.
[quietly to Marcus]
Willie: I bet that pussy got lips like an orangutan.
Diane: Excuse me.
Willie: What’s up?
[to Marcus and Willie]
Diane: We’re a charity, when you walk out those doors you’re representing us.
Willie: You didn’t tell me I’d have to get in the suit again.
Thurman Merman: Willie? Willie, it’s me, Thurman.
[Thurman enters the room to see Willie trying to hang himself from the ceiling but instead just falls down to the ground]
Thurman Merman: You fell.
Willie: Kid, are you a complete retard?
Thurman Merman: No. I’m top of the spectrum.
Thurman Merman: I didn’t even know you had a mom.
Willie: Did you think I was just hatched?
Willie: So you haven’t done it with anybody yet?
Thurman Merman: No.
Thurman Merman: I’m twenty-one, officially a man.
Willie: You’re twenty-one already. That’s creepy.
Thurman Merman: Are you still going to pop my cherry?
Willie: What! Fuck, no! I said I’d get it done by somebody else.
Marcus: What is he doing here?
Thurman Merman: Elf! You got smaller.
Marcus: Fuck you.
Sunny Soke: I’ve even got minnies for the muncher.
Marcus: Don’t you ever call me that.
Sunny Soke: Look if you’ve got a problem with that, you take it up with lollipop guild.
Marcus: Shut the fuck up!
Thurman Merman: One time I ate too much turkey bacon I didn’t poop for two weeks, for four weeks.
Sunny Soke: Is this your spawn?
Willie: Do I look like I made him?
[pointing to Thurman]
Sunny Soke: Well if this ain’t fetal alcohol syndrome, then what the fuck is it?
Thurman Merman: [to Willie] When you don’t have real family you got to make a new one. And I know you’re not the Santa, but you’re still my Santa.
Marcus: How do I look?
Willie: You look like one of those trolls that gang fucked Willy Wonka.
[to Willie who’s dressed as Santa collecting money on the street corner]
Santa: You’re standing on my spot.
Willie: Well, that’s funny, I don’t see your name on it anywhere.
Santa: You need a hug from Santa.
Willie: No, I don’t need no fucking hug from Santa.
[as the other Santa comes to hug him Willie hits him in the stomach and face]
Willie: I ain’t exactly what you’d call the romantic type, but I got to tell you, you got gigantic titties.
Diane: Excuse me!
Thurman Merman: I get to wear this?
Store Manager: You’re a Santa now, Thurman.
[Thurman turns, pulls his pants down and we see he’s buck naked butt]
Marcus: Damn, that’s some fucked up shit!
[in his Santa suit collecting money on a street corner]
Willie: Spare some change. Think about somebody else besides your fucking self.
[as someone puts money in her charity collection bucket]
Sunny Soke: Well bless your heart.
[as the guy leave she looks in the bucket]
Sunny Soke: Cheap little fucker.
[as they’re collecting money for charity]
Willie: Cash only, ten dollars or more, hundreds are better.
[a man comes up with his baby in a stroller to put some money in their charity bucket]
Sunny Soke: Look at those cheeks!
[after the man walks off]
Sunny Soke: That’s the ugliest baby on the planet.
Diane: You reek of whiskey. You know the rules and your flouting them.
Willie: Flouting? I never sucked jizz out of nobody’s ass.
Diane: I believe that’s felching.
Diane: I’m a good girl, but sometimes I need to be bad.
[as Willie is banging her doggy style behind a dumpster in an alleyway]
Diane: Tell me how dirty this is?
Willie: It’s a dumpster and an ally. It’s pretty fucking dirty I guess.
Diane: Tell me it’s fucking dirty!
Willie: Okay. It’s fucking dirty!
[another Santa walks over to Willie, who’s also dressed in his Santa suit]
Santa: I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language when you’re representing this suit.
Willie: And I’m going to have to ask you to suck my fucking dick.
Sunny Soke: It’s starting to feel like Christmas.
Bad Santa 2 is set for release in the US and UK November 23rd.