Bad teacher movie
are pretty basic, but best described as an amusing and offbeat crude
farce. The storyline is uneven and it's definitely not consistently
funny, and there are several lines that just seemed disjointed and out
of place. That said it does have some sharp lines to carry
movie through the leaner moments. All in all this movie was a
great idea but just not executed as well as it could have been. The
best recommendation for this
movie is to go in with very little
expectation. Scroll down to view the occasionally
gleefully rude Bad
by: Jake Kasdan
Lee Eisenberg Starring: Cameron Diaz -
Lucy Punch - Amy Squirrel
Jason Segel - Russell Gettis
Justin Timberlake - Scott Delacorte
Phyllis Smith - Lynn Davies
John Michael Higgins - Principal Wally Snur
Dave Allen - Sandy Pinkus
Jillian Armenante - Ms. Pavicic
Matthew J. Evans - Garrett Tiara
Kaitlyn Dever - Sasha Abernathy
Kathryn Newton - Chase Rubin-Rossi
Igal Ben Yair - Arkady
Aja Bair - Devon
Andra Nechita - Gaby
Noah Munck - Tristan
Finneas O'Connell - Spencer / Twilight
Daniel Castro - Rodrigo (Acne Kid)
Adrian Kali Turner - Shawn
Eric Stonestreet - Kirk
Thomas Lennon - Carl Halabi
Paul Bates - School Superintendent
Jeff Judah - Janitor
Nat Faxon - Mark
Stephanie Faracy - Mrs. Pubich
David Paymer - Doctor Vogel
Alanna Ubach - Angela
Christine Smith - Danni
[during the faculty
members celebration] Principal Wally Snur:
But as summer draws upon us, it's time not only to say goodbye to
another school year, but sadly also to say goodbye to one of our
faculty members. [there's a sigh of
sadness by the crowd of faculty members] Principal Wally Snur: Yes.
Uh...Elizabeth? Is Elizabeth Halsey here? [there's a parting in
the crowd and we see her waving] Principal Wally Snur: There
she is. Elizabeth, can you come on up here? [Elizabeth walks towards
Principal Snur and the crowd claps] Principal Wally Snur: Yes,
that's appropriate applause I think. Elizabeth, um...even though you
were only with us for one short year, um...please know that we will
always consider you part of the Jams family. And we got you a little
something. Tada! [he hands her a small
gift card which she opens to see the collection amount of $37] Elizabeth Halsey: Oh!
Thank you. Wow! Almost forty dollars. Thank you. Principal Wally
Snur: You're very welcome.
[giving her speech to
the faculty members after receiving her parting gift] Elizabeth Halsey: Well,
I'm really terrible at these types of things. So. I'll make it quick.
Uh...I know I've only been here a year, but there's so much I will
miss. My students probably most. [we see a flash
back Elizabeth running away as she spots a crying student] Elizabeth Halsey: And
I wish that I had gotten to know all of you better. [we see a flash back of
Elizabeth running away when she spots celebration of one of
the teachers birthdays] Elizabeth Halsey: But
between four classes and planing a wedding, my plate was full. Still I
know out students are in good hands. And even though I'll never teach
again professionally, I've realized that I don't need a blackboard or a
classroom to set an example.
[as she walks through
the front door of her house] Elizabeth Halsey: Babydoll,
I'm home! [shouting form another
room] Mark: In
here! Elizabeth Halsey: Get
yourself hard, cause I'm gonna suck your dick like a meth addict! [she walks into the
living room to see her Mark sitting on the couch with his mom] Elizabeth Halsey: Look!
You're mom's here!
starting to think that maybe we need to take a break. Mrs. Pubich:
Forever! Mark: Mom! Mrs. Pubich: Tell
her what the accountant said! Mark: Mom! [to Elizabeth] Mark: Steven
said that you spent sixteen thousand dollars last month. He thinks
you're bad news. Mrs. Pubich: I
know women like you! Mark: Dammit,
mom! I told you I could handle this!
Mrs. Pubich: Do
you truly love my son? Elizabeth Halsey: I
love him so much, it hurts! Mrs. Pubich: All
right then. When is his birthday? Mark: Mom! Elizabeth Halsey: I'm
not...! You know, that is just offensive, that you would even ask me
that! Mrs. Pubich: It's
Elizabeth Halsey: Okay,
fine! I'll sign the prenup. Mark: It's
over, Elizabeth. Elizabeth Halsey: Mark,
I'm pregnant! Mark: No,
you're not. Mrs. Pubich: Bullshit! Elizabeth Halsey: Okay,
fine. I'm not actually pregnant.
know what? I'm starting to wander whether this has always been about
the money. You never loved me! Elizabeth Halsey: I
don't love you? I have been listening to you whine about opera for the
last year! Mark: Okay,
if the younger generation doesn't get into opera, then guess what? No
more opera! An art form has died! If opera goes away we're fucked!
[Elizabeth walks into
her classroom] Amy Squirrel:
I am so excited we're gonna be across the hall mates. But I am so sad
it's because your relationship ended. Elizabeth Halsey: Who
are you again? Amy Squirrel: Amy
Squirrel. Elizabeth Halsey: Squirrel? Amy Squirrel: Yeah!
You know? [she puts her hands in
front of her mouth imitating a squirrel] Amy Squirrel: Don't
worry, you were kinda of a lone wolf last year and so busy
planning the wedding. Elizabeth Halsey: I
found him in bed with somebody else. Amy Squirrel: Oh,
my gosh! Elizabeth Halsey: It
was another man. Amy Squirrel: Shut
the front door!
Elizabeth Halsey: You
know Lynn, when I first started teaching I thought that I was doing it
for all the right reasons. Shorter hours. Summers off. No
accountability. Lynn Davies: Oh,
I love my summers. Fresh corn...mmm. Elizabeth Halsey: From
now on, my full time job is finding a guy who's gonna take care of me. Lynn Davies: God,
I pray for that.
[to Lynn] Elizabeth Halsey: You
know I spent my entire summer hanging out at bars near where the Bulls
practice. I had some fun, I got some cool souvenirs. But those guys are
not looking to settle down. I mean, they all wear condoms. Then they
take the condoms with them! That's how paranoid they are! Like it's so
easy to get pregnant from some dude nutting into a condom!
Elizabeth Halsey: I've
been thinking about it a lot. I might get eight, eight and a half. But
if I got a new pair of tits, right? Lynn Davies: You
don't wanna do that. You're already so pretty. Elizabeth Halsey: You
have no idea how difficult it is to compete against these Barbie doll
types. Lynn Davies: Yeah,
that's true. We're not getting any younger.
[to her students on her
first day back at school] Elizabeth Halsey: Anyone
seen Stand and Deliver? Show of hands. [no one shows their
hands] Elizabeth Halsey: You
kidding me? Edward James Olmos? Lou Diamond Phillips? [the classroom is silent] Elizabeth Halsey: Wow!
All right. [pointing to two
students] Elizabeth Halsey: You!
And you. Grab a TV and roll it up front. Sasha Abernathy:
We're watching a movie on the first day? Chase Rubin-Rossi:
I think it's awesome. You rock! [Elizabeth takes a bite
from one of the cookies Sasha had given her but quickly spits it out] Elizabeth Halsey: Urgh!
These cookies suck!
[in the school cafeteria] Russell Gettis: So,
I heard about the whole engagement thing. That blows. Elizabeth
Halsey: Did you know I walked in on him trying to
fuck his dog? Peanut butter
everywhere. Russell Gettis: That's
gross. Anyway, hey, uh...it might be too soon, but do
you wanna grab a bite or something sometime? Elizabeth Halsey:
You still a gym teacher? Russell Gettis:
I am. Yeah. Elizabeth Halsey:
Then, no. I don't date co-workers. Russell Gettis: I
won't tell anyone. Elizabeth Halsey: I
also said no. Russell Gettis: Okay,
cool! Well, this has been awesome!
Amy Squirrel: Listen,
I don't wanna tell you how to run your class. But maybe it might be fun
to try some ice breakers. Like telephone charades or the string game. Elizabeth Halsey: Are
we gonna have a problem, me and you? Amy Squirrel: Go...no!
Eliz...if I gave you that impression, well I...I'm so sorry! Because
actually I was really hoping we could be more than just across the hall
mates. Elizabeth Halsey: I
don't know what you heard, but I don't eat muff pie. Amy Squirrel: No,
of course not. I don't even know what that is. I just meant friends. Elizabeth Halsey: Tell
you what friend? I gotta get going. Cover me. [she leaves the school
I'm the new sub. Elizabeth Halsey: Welcome!
Welcome! [looking at his watch] Elizabeth Halsey: Is
that a Jaeger LeCoultre? Scott Delacorte: Good
eye! Elizabeth Halsey: Thanks.
I love mens watches. It's kind of a hobby. Scott Delacorte: Well,
sometimes I get self conscious about it. But my grandfather made
it, so. Elizabeth Halsey: Oh,
your grandfather designs watches? Scott Delacorte: The
family business, yeah. My mother's maiden name is LeCoultre. Elizabeth Halsey: Shut
Elizabeth Halsey: So
did you and your wife just move to town? Scott Delacorte: I'm
not married. I actually just got out of a relationship. Catherine.
Yeah, it's been a year. She's still the wallpaper on my phone. [takes out his phone
and shows her the photo of Catherine wearing a bikini] Scott Delacorte: She
had such a big heart. Elizabeth Halsey: Looks
[calculating the breast
enlargement operation costs] Angela: The
double is ninety three hundred for the surgery plus one nights stay at
our facility. How would you like to pay? Elizabeth Halsey: That's
absurd! I'm a teacher, not a dealer! Angela: We
accept all major credit cards. Elizabeth Halsey: Yep.
Well, my credit situation is a little complicated. Angela: I'm
sorry, but if you can't pay then I can't schedule the appointment. Elizabeth Halsey: I'll
Elizabeth Halsey: What? Sasha Abernathy: I'm
the student leader for the trip to Springfield. Elizabeth Halsey: [sarcastically]
Shocker! Sasha Abernathy: We're
having our car wash this weekend. If you're around, maybe we could wash
your car? The Springfield trip is the best part of seventh grade. Last
years car wash raised six thousand dollars. Elizabeth Halsey: Woh!
Principal Wally Snur: Did
I hear that right? That you were showing movies all last week? Elizabeth Halsey: Mmm...some
clips maybe. But you know, in a lot of ways, I think that movies are
the new books. Principal Wally Snur: Uhuh.
[looks at his dolphin
collection and picks up one] Elizabeth Halsey: Is
this new? God, I love it! You know, I've always said that, dolphins are
the humans of the sea. Principal Wally Snur: I
have a bumper sticker that says that! Elizabeth Halsey: No
way? Principal Wally Snur: I'm
not kidding! It's on my car! Elizabeth Halsey: Come
on! Principal Wally Snur: Hold
on a sec. [takes out a certificate
of a dolphin he's sponsored and holds it up] Principal Wally Snur: His
name is uh...Simon. And he lives in the Cayman Islands, with his
brother, A. Jackson. Elizabeth Halsey: Wow!
What a great story.
Elizabeth Halsey: I
was thinking that I wanna get more involved. You know...I don't know?
Something like uh...maybe supervising the seventh grade car wash. Principal Wally Snur: Uh...you
know Amy has been running that, for like, two years. Elizabeth Halsey: Yeah,
but she does so much already. It might be nice to give her a little
rest. Principal Wally Snur: That's
so nice, to see you become a real member of the Jams family. Elizabeth Halsey: Just
feels so good to help.
[at the school car wash
event] Scott Delacorte: Miss
Halsey, I'm impressed. Elizabeth Halsey: Thanks!
I've been working
out. [thinking he's referring
to her body, she gives him a little twirl but he ignores her] Scott Delacorte: What
a turn out! Elizabeth Halsey: Oh,
yeah! And the kids are just having a blast. Scott Delacorte: Well,
that's what it's all about. Elizabeth Halsey: God,
you know? We should go get a drink tonight. I feel like getting drunk.
I mean not drunk drunk! Strong buzz. Still be able to drive. Scott Delacorte: I'm
sorry. I can't yet, I'm just not ready. But, if you're patient, I think
I might be worth your while. Elizabeth Halsey: You're
worth the wait. Scott Delacorte: I
think so too.
Amy Squirrel: Now,
I don't wanna speak out of school, but from where I was sitting I
think, it seemed like Miss Halsey was getting pretty chummy with the
money. Principal Wally Snur: Are
you accusing Elizabeth of embezzling from the seventh grade car wash? Amy Squirrel: Wally,
we barely know anything about her! Principal Wally Snur: Yeah,
you know what? They raised almost seven thousand dollars. So whatever
she did, worked. Leah Humes dad called, he said the car wash was a
raging success. And Loren Richmond's dad called, he said we should have
a car wash every weekend! Amy Squirrel: Oh! Principal Wally Snur: So
instead of accusing her, you might wanna ask her for some pointers! Amy Squirrel: Well,
if those pointers include wearing provocative beach wear, for money? I
think I'll pass.
[referring to Scott as
he walks into the cafeteria] Lynn Davies: I
love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles. Elizabeth Halsey: I
wanna sit on his face.
[referring to a student] Scott Delacorte: Is
everything okay with Gabby? Amy Squirrel: She'll
be fine. I told her, Gabby if you're not happy with yourself, you can't
expect others to be happy with you. It starts with you. Scott Delacorte: I'm
sure she appreciated that. Amy Squirrel: Yeah.
And it's exactly what I told Elizabeth, when she told me about this
upcoming fake breast job. Scott Delacorte: Oh! [Elizabeth gives Amy an
evil look] Amy Squirrel: Sorry!
Sorry! I thought you were telling everyone. Elizabeth Halsey: Did
you? Scott Delacorte: Well,
I'm pro choice. I believe every one should choose whatever makes them
happiest. Accept abortion, of course. Elizabeth Halsey: Of
course! Amy Squirrel: Obviously!
Scott Delacorte: Looks
like algebra is calling. I hate math. Wish me luck. [with a thick foreign
accent] Amy Squirrel: Hi,
I'm a math terrorist with close ties to alge-bra. I have weapons of
Amy Squirrel: Hi!
I got you something. Scott Delacorte: What?
You didn't have to do that! [she hands him a gift
bag] Amy Squirrel: It's
nothing. It's...well, my favorite book. [he takes out the gift
and looks at it in amazement] Scott Delacorte: Eat,
Pray, Love. Amy Squirrel: Yeah Scott Delacorte: This...this
is my favorite book too. Amy Squirrel: What's
your favorite part? Scott Delacorte: Love.
[Sasha catches Elizabeth
smoking marijuana in her car] Elizabeth Halsey: What
do you want? Sasha Abernathy: Is
that marijuana? Elizabeth Halsey: No.
It's medicinal marijuana. I have a prescription and everything. But I'm
not gonna tell you why, because it's between me and my doctor. Sasha Abernathy: Oh!
Okay. Well, feel better!
Elizabeth Halsey: Listen,
word to the wise. Stop dressing like you're running for congress. Sasha Abernathy: I
don't wanna run for congress. I wanna be president. Elizabeth Halsey: See,
that's what I'm talking about. Keep saying shit like that, you're gonna
get punched. You really wanna be president or is that somethin' your
parents want? [Sasha shrugs he
shoulders] Elizabeth Halsey: Look,
you don't have to decide right now. You know, who knows, one day you
wake up you decide you wanna be a masseuse. Salary plus tips. Think
about it. Sasha Abernathy: If
I think about it, will I get extra credit? Elizabeth Halsey: Hopeless!
[at the School Christmas
party] Russell Gettis: Wanna
go get high? Elizabeth Halsey: Yeah!
Give me a nug. I'll go get some from my car. Russell Gettis: Wow!
No! I mean do you wanna get high with me.
[dancing and singing
along to 867-5309/Jenny by Tommy Tutone] Scott Delacorte: They
don't make songs like this anymore, right? Russell Gettis: You
know, that's actually not true Scott. I'm writing a song right now
called, eight five five eight two four one seven seven seven. Extension
Scott Delacorte: I
don't know how to say this. I'm kinda nervous. This all just happening
so quickly. Elizabeth Halsey: You
can tell me anything, Scott. You're one of my best friends. Scott Delacorte: I'm
crushing on someone. Elizabeth Halsey: I
think you're pretty great too. Scott Delacorte: Thanks.
[referring to Amy] Scott Delacorte: She's
been amazing, helping me deal with my breakup. Elizabeth Halsey: Yeah,
I don't know her that well. I know all the other teacher really hate
her fucking guts, but I stay above all that stuff. Can I be honest with
you? Scott Delacorte: Of
course. Elizabeth Halsey: It's
nothing personal, but I don't think that you're Amy's type. Scott Delacorte: Really? Elizabeth Halsey: Yeah. Scott Delacorte: Always
seemed so...I don't know, sympatico.
Elizabeth Halsey: Trust
me. She's only using you for your money. Scott Delacorte: What?
Well, I feel stupid. Elizabeth Halsey: No!
Scott! Scott! Look at me? I'm gonna get my breasts enlarged in a couple
of months and when I recover from my surgery, you and I are gonna go
out and we are gonna find awesome people for each other. Scott Delacorte: That
[trying to give Lynn
some weed to smoke] Elizabeth Halsey: Just
try it? Try it! Russell Gettis: Can
you please stop pressuring her! Elizabeth Halsey: How
does she know she doesn't like it, if she's never tried it before? Lynn Davies: You
know we should probably be getting back. Elizabeth Halsey: Just
fucking do it. Weed is awesome!
[challenging Russell to
climb up the gym rope]
Russell Gettis: Are
you sure you wanna do this? Elizabeth Halsey: Gym
teacher. Russell Gettis: You
understand this is what I do? Elizabeth Halsey: Yeah,
I got it. Russell Gettis: Like
for a living? Elizabeth Halsey: Mhmm. Russell Gettis: Right [he grabs hold of the
rope and tries to haul himself up but he's unable to climb up it] Elizabeth Halsey: You
have no upper body strength. Russell Gettis: Yes,
I do! Just not in my arms or my chest. But I have cat-like reflexes.
Makes up for it. [Elizabeth quickly hits
him on the arm]
Elizabeth Halsey: So,
Russell? Russell Gettis: Mhmm. Elizabeth Halsey: What
has to go wrong in someones life for them to end being a middle school
gym teacher? Russell Gettis: Well,
uh...granted that it wasn't the original plan, as a young boy
wanted to be a professor of Physical Education at Harvard. But...I
don't know! I like it here. What went so wrong in your life that you
ended up educating children? Elizabeth Halsey: I
don't know. Maybe I was a bad person in another life.
Russell Gettis: We
should like go have a drink, sometime, together. Like over winter break. Elizabeth Halsey: Nah.
Got something brewin'. Russell Gettis: Can
I say something for the record? Elizabeth Halsey: Fine.
Russell Gettis: It's
about your...the...the big fake tities. Are you really gonna do that? Elizabeth Halsey: Uhuh. Russell Gettis: Why
would you do that? Your tits are fine. I like your tits. Ask my room