Starring: Owen Wilson, Ed Helms, Glenn Close, J. K. Simmons, Ving Rhames, Katt Williams, Terry Bradshaw, June Squibb, Kate Aselton
Comedy directed by Lawrence Sher which centers on Kyle and Peter Reynolds (Owen Wilson and Ed Helms), two brothers whose eccentric mother (Glenn Close) raised them to believe their father had died when they were young. When reveals she doesn’t know who their real dad is, the brothers set out to find the truth about their past, to find their real father and learning more about their mother than they probably ever wanted to know.
Best Quotes from Trailer:
Peter: [to Kyle] Look at this poor guy, we’re not picking up a hitchhiker. He could very easily be a serial killer, and I don’t want to be late to mom’s wedding.
[they stop to pick up the hitchhiker]
Hitchhiker: Hey, fellas.
Kyle: We got a nervous Nelly here, so this is going to sound like a funny question, but are you a serial killer?
Hitchhiker: I am not a serial killer.
Kyle: You just emphasized the word “serial”, you’re still not saying, “I promise I’m not a killer.” We’ll give you a ride, but…
[we see the hitchhiker is sat in the back of their car and he’s been tied up]
Kyle: Those aren’t too tight, are they?
[he extends his tied hands forward]
Hitchhiker: Almost kill you, can’t kill you.
Mrs. Reynolds: I probably should have told you a long time ago, I made up all those stories about your father.
Peter: Okay, what?
Mrs. Reynolds: That he died of colon cancer. I’m not sure who your father was.
Peter: I’ve spent my whole life trying to honor his memory. This means I stare at assholes for a living because of a fictional man’s colon cancer.
Kyle: Could you pivot into plastic surgery or something less butt related?
Peter: He’s out there. I’m going to find dad.
Kyle: Let’s do it.
[looking at an old photo of his mom]
Peter: Mom actually dated Terry Bradshaw?
[showing him an old photo of his mom]
Peter: Do you remember a woman named Helen Baxter?
Terry Bradshaw: Talk about a blast from the past. She had the tightest ass you’ve ever seen and a set of knockers… Damn near cost us the Super Bowl.
[Peter and Kyle looked horrified]
Terry Bradshaw: Does the name Helen Baxter ring a bell?
Rod Hamilton: It does more than ring a bell.
Terry Bradshaw: Oh, Rod…
Rod Hamilton: The woman was like a dick whisperer. What makes you think about Helen Baxter?
Peter: She’s our mom.
Rod Hamilton: All we did was cuddle.
[on the phone to his mom]
Peter: Who’s Roland Hunt?
Mrs. Reynolds: [to Peter] Why don’t you just stop this foolishness. Who your father is or isn’t is totally irrelevant.
Roland Hunt: You guys are Lynn Baxter’s kids? So what are you doing here?
Kyle: We think we’re your sons. You’re our dad.
[they hear Roland shouting from the other room]
Roland Hunt: There is no way those two jackasses are my kids! They look like a couple of dickheads!
Kyle: [to Peter] He runs hot, just like you.
Sarah: It sounds like you had an awful day.
Peter: And yet, an amazing day.
Peter: Go, go, go!
[as Kyle goes to quickly back out of the drive he hits someone]
Kyle: What was that?
Peter: I think it was a person.
[Peter suddenly stops the car in the middle of a train track]
Peter: We almost got killed!
Kyle: No, we just had one of the best adventures of our lives!
Peter: No, we didn’t!
[Peter punches Kyle in the face and Kyle hits back]
Hitchhiker: Hey, guys, my Negro spider senses is tingling.
[we hear a train hooting as Peter and Kyle continue to hit each other]
Hitchhiker: It’s not the soul train. There is a train!
Bastards is set for release in the US December 22, 2017.