Bridesmaids Quotes
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[lets her off the ticket with the condition of getting her tail light fixed]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: And I'm gonna give you this.
[he hands her a business card]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Uh...it's a buddy of mine. He has a bodyshop in Milwaukee. He'll fix those right up for you.
[reading the name on the business card]
Annie: Bill Cosby?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. With a zee. Different guy.
Annie: Yeah.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: And don't mention the whole Bill Cosby thing to him. It drives him nuts. I mean it!



[referring to Lillian not joining them to play tennis]
Annie: Well, you know, she's not really that into sports. Even when we were little she didn't like anything that was too competitive.
Helen: Oh, she certainly enjoys playing tennis now. It's funny how people change, isn't it?
Annie: Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Do people really change?
Helen: Mmm. I think they do.
Annie: Yeah. But I mean like, still stay who they are, pretty much.
Helen: I think we change all the time.
Annie: I think we stay the same, but grow I guess, a little bit.
Helen: I think if you're growing, then you're changing.
Annie: But I mean we're changing from who we are, which we always stay as.
Helen: Not really. I don't think so.
Annie: I think so.
Helen: I don't.



Helen: Oh Annie, these are my kids.
Helen's Stepdaughter: Step kids. Step!
Helen: [laughing] They're so hilarious!
Annie: Funny.
Helen: Excuse me, my husbands kids. What are you guys up to?
Helen's Stepdaughter: Going to the snack bar.
Helen: Awesome. You need a ride home later?
Helen's Stepson: Fuck off, Helen.
[they start walk away]
Helen: Okay. Put a quarter in the swear jar. Good to see ya!
[turning to Annie]
Helen: They're so cute!
Annie: Sweet kids.



[to his sister whilst watching Helen and Annie play tennis]
Helen's Stepson: I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.



Annie: Um...I've been thinking and Brynn needs to start paying rent. That's it. She's been here long enough. The three of us live here, it's not fair for me to be paying half. We split it three ways, what do you say?
Gil: Well, she can't work.
Brynn: No.
Gil: She's on a tourist visa.
Brynn: Yeah. So technically I'm only allowed to tour.
Annie: Well, you know...
Brynn: I have no way of earning money. Unless I just go and prostitute down on the street.
Annie: I don't want you to do that.
Brynn: Hello, fellas. Here I am.
Annie: No.
Gil: Yeah, but we...
Brynn: Put you're American sausage in my English McMuffin.
Annie: No!
Gil: No. But we did that.
Brynn: Right.
Annie: Okay. I don't even know what you're talking about anymore!



Gil: Is this about the diary again?
Annie: What diary?
Brynn: You're diary proved very interesting to read.
Annie: You read my...you read my journal?
Brynn: At first I did not know that it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Annie: What? That doesn't make any...sense
Brynn: But then, because of the deep personal details and the bits that mentioned Gil and Brynn.
Gil: And the crumbs.
Annie: No! No! No! Don't read my journal! Don't go in my room!
Gil: Well, hello! I think before you make those sort of demands, you need to maybe think about putting a note on your door saying, "Do not com into my room, read my diary and wear my clothes."



[as they stand in the parking lot looking at the run down buiBridesmaids Quoteslding of a restaurant]
Becca: Wow! I've never been to this part of town before.
Helen: Oh, look! You can get your checks cashed next door.
Annie: I know it looks a little scary on the outside, but the food is really good authentic Brazilian. I'm telling you this is where Brazilians come to eat.
Lillian: I gotta say Annie is really good at this. She always drives me to the weirdest places and the food is always incredible.
Annie: And plus you get a lot for your money too.



[at the Brazilian restaurant]
Becca: Helen, aren't you eating any meat?
Helen: Oh, it's not good to eat a big meal before a fitting, you know? Feel a bit bloated, so.
Megan: Not me.
Helen: No?
Megan: No. Physically I don't bloat.
Lillian: You're lucky.
Megan: It's a gift.



Becca: I can't wait to be married for as long as you have been married. And to have kids. To be a mom.
Rita: Becca.
Becca: Yeah?
Rita: The other night I'm slaving away making a beautiful dinner for my family, my youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order a pizza. I said no, we're not ordering pizza tonight. He goes, mom why don't you go and fuck yourself! He's nine!



[referring to Lillian's shower]
Annie: I was thinking it could be like, French themed. You know? I mean she's always wanted to go to Paris her whole life. So I figured we could bring Paris here and have champagne, and you know, little cookies, we can dip them in chocolate fondue and, you know, get cheese from the nice part of the store.
Megan: I love that.
Rita: Very cute.
Becca: Good idea.
Rita: Very cute.
Annie: You can have French invitations, the whole thing. Don't you think that could be nice?
[Becca, Rita and Megan all agree]



[after Annie has proposed the French themed shower]
Helen: I don't know. It's really cute, but I feel like personally, the Paris theme is a bit 'been there, done that.' I just feel like we could top it. We should throw some ideas around, see you know, if anyone else has like a theme they had in mind, or something they'd been thinking of, or...
Becca: What about a Pixar themed shower? We all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character.
Megan: That and I uh...I'll just snowball on top of that also Fight Club. Female Fight Club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn't know so it's; 'Surprise! We're gonna fight!' We bit the shit out of her. She's not gonna forget that. We...we just fucking attack.



Rita: Can I be honest?
Megan: Oh, no!
Rita: I'm at home with three boys all day, every day. What about the bachelorette party? That's what's more important. I've got a new tube top, I wanna cut the tags off. I'd like to take advantage of this opportunity. Where are we going?
Megan: I'm gonna second her. We better blow this shit out. That poor girl, Lillian, who we're all here for, is in the bathroom probably balling her fucking eyes out. Cause she's realizing, 'holy shit! I gotta spend the rest of my life with Doug'. He's my brother, I love him. But he's a fucking asshole! I think we can all agree on that, right?



[as they walk into the bridal gown store]
Megan: Oh, man! This is some classy shit here...
[she suddenly does a load burp]
Rita: Jesus, Megan!
Megan: I'm sorr...I wanna apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.
Bridesmaids Quotes



Helen: Ladies, I...I just don't think we can do any better. This is...this is beautiful.
Rita: That is gorgeous.
[Annie takes a look at the price tag]
Helen: It is unique. It's special. It's couture. This is made in France.
Annie: Helen, this is um...this is eight hundred dollars.
Helen: Are you kidding? It's on sale!



[to Megan after she nearly hurls and farts at the same time]
Helen: Oh, my God! You got food poisoning from that restaurant, didn't you?
Annie: No, I had the same thing that she had and I...I feel fine.



[whilst trying on their bridesmaids dresses, they all start looking sick, nearly hurling and farting]
Rita: You know, I don't really care which dress we get. I just need to get off this white carpet!
Bridesmaids Quotes



Helen: You don't look very well, Annie.
Annie: I feel fine.
Helen: Are you sure, it wasn't that grey kind of lamb? Or you ate a lot of that weird chicken, was it that?
[Annie looking sicker by the minute shakes her head]
Annie: No. I'm...I...I feel fine.
Helen: I think you'd feel just better if you threw up.
Annie: I don't...I don't have to throw up.



Helen: You're not sick?
Annie: No.
Helen: No?
[Annie looking really sick and sweaty]
Annie: In fact, Helen, I'm hungry and I wish I had a snack.
Helen: You're hungry?
Annie: I'm starving.
Bridesmaids Quotes



[whilst taking a dump in the handwash basin in the bridal store toilet]
Megan: [shouting] What did we eat?
[Becca finished just being sick in the toilet looks at Megan]
Becca: What are you doing?
Megan: It's coming out of me like lava!



[to Lillian whose ran out of the bridal store into the street to find a bathroom but is too late]
Whitney: Oh, no! Don't you dare ruin that dress!
Helen: Boy, you really doing it, aren't ya? You're just shittin' in the street.



[driving Lillian home after the bridesmaids fitting incident with everyone getting sick]
Annie: You okay?
Lillian: I just took a shit in the middle of the street. I just shit.
Annie: People do that.
Lillian: I shit. I shit in my shorts. I shit myself.



[after they've just had sex]
Annie: You know, I was thinking, you should come with me to Lillian's wedding, maybe? Not like...not like that. Not like anything serious, but just like a fun time, you know? We can get dressed up and we can go dancing and have a drink. It'll be fun, right?
Ted: No, honey. I don't want you to make you have to explain to all those people what our relationship is. You know, that would suck for you. Right?
Annie: Oh, yeah. I guess so.
Ted: I'm just thinkin' of you.



Annie: I have someone else I can ask, anyway.
Ted: Really?
Annie: Yeah.
Ted: Who?
Annie: Um...this guy George.
[she watches him as he drinks from his glass of water]
Annie: George...Glass.
Ted: Okay. Who is this George?
Annie: He is a very hot, nice guy, who likes me a lot and would probably love to be my date.
Ted: Really?
Annie: Mmhmm.



Ted: Well, let me ask you this. Can this George Glass do this to you?
[he puts his hand on her breast and cups and squeezes rolling it several times]
Annie: Probably.
Ted: You know it's getting really late. You should probably go. I'm gonna miss you so much.
[he rolls over to fall asleep]



[seeing Annie looking sad]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You wanna talk to a cop about it? We're just like priests. Accept we can tell everybody about it afterwards.
Annie: [laughing] Oh!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I won't though.
Annie: Doesn't sound very inviting.



Officer Nathan Rhodes: Ooph! That sounds rough.
Annie: It's gonna get better, right?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I wouldn't have thought so. You know, my sister was a maid of honor at our cousins wedding and she found it so stressful her hair started falling out.
Annie: That's terrible!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. It grew back. But it was...pretty gross.



[picking up an ugly looking carrot from the bag of carrots]
Annie: Ew!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Oh! You got the ugly carrot!
Annie: What?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: There's one in every bag! You have to eat it. It's good luck.
Annie: I'm not eating this!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah! I'll eat it.
Annie: This is a lucky carrot?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah.
[as he goes to eat the carrot Annie stops him]
Annie: No! Don't eat it! Don't eat it! Don't eat it!
[she takes it from him and throws it on the ground]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Well, don't litter! I'll fine you.
Annie: I'm sorry.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You know what? Actually I'm gonna pick it up.
Annie: Oh.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It really bothers me.
Annie: I'm sorry.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I'm sorry. It's just I'm anal about that kind of thing.



Annie: I didn't know that you could be a cop here, if you weren't a citizen.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You can't.
Annie: No?Bridesmaids Quotes
Officer Nathan Rhodes: No. No, you can't. But they made a special dispensation because I'm so tough and strong.
Annie: Oh, right!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: And handsome.
Annie: Oh, okay! You're pretty...you're pretty tough.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I am tough.
Annie: You're a tough...you're a tough cop.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You're saying it, but you're laughing.
Annie: No, you're...you're...
[she feels his bicep]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You didn't let me flex that time. That was unfair. I'm really tough.



[calls Annie after Annie has sent email about her idea on the bachelorette party]
Helen: I just got your email. Um...lake house?
Annie: Yeah...um. Well, it's you know, it's Lillian's parents house. We used to go there all the time, in the summers and everything. It's wonderful.
Helen: A bachelorette in a cabin?
[she hears the beep of a call waiting]
Annie: Oh, wait! Can you...can you hold...hold that thought? Hold on.
Helen: Hello?
[to herself as she goes to answer the call waiting]
Annie: Fucking Helen!



[on the phone]
Rita: Listen, I need a trip that I can fantasize forever, so that I'm able to have sex with my husband. That's why I'm thinking, Vegas.
Annie: Vegas?
Rita: Hang on.
[she turns to shout at her kids in the background making noise]
Rita: Hey! Shut your filthy fucking mouth!
[to Annie]
Rita: I'm sorry. I'm surrounded by savages.
[she hears the beep of caller waiting]
Annie: Ah! You know what? I should probably run, my other line is ringing.
Rita: You know I can get cocaine from my hairdresser.
Annie: It's okay. Bye!



[on the phone]
Becca: I'm so excited! Helen just called, she said we can go to Vegas.
Annie: You know, just...yeah, but we have to...we have to fly there.
Becca: Okay, Annie. I know you're afraid of flying, but I wanna see Chris Angel. But I'm scared. Which I sorta of love.
[she hears the beep of another caller waiting]
Annie: Can you just hold on for one second.
Becca: Oh! Sure! Sure! Sure! Sure! Take your time.



[on the phone]
Megan: Just had some thoughts about the bachelorette party. Okay, here we go! Easy peasy, Vegas it is!
Annie: Helen called you, didn't she?
Megan: Yeah. She got the jump on you.



[on the phone to Annie]
Rita: I want balls in my face.



Megan: No carry-on huh?
Air Marshall Jon: No.
Megan: Yeah, I noticed. I noticed you didn't put anything in the overhead bin either. I get it. I get it. I want you to know uh...protect and serve Air Marshall style.
Air Marshall Jon: What?
Megan: I don't want to infringe on your privacy, man. I just um...I really appreciate what you do for this country. And I respect the hell out of out of you.
Air Marshall Jon: That's great. I'm not an Air Marshall. I'm gonna take a nap.
Megan: Awesome.
Air Marshall Jon: Cool.
Megan: I'll take the first watch.
Air Marshall Jon: I'm not an Air Marshall. There's no...you don't need to take the watch.
Megan: Okay.
[then she whispers]
Megan: I've got the first watch.



[on the plane to Vegas]
Annie: Oh, gosh! I am uh...really hoping this flight just...is quick and we get there on the ground safely. I'm not a good flyer. I'm sorry.
Nervous Woman on Plane: I had a dream last night that we went down. Yep. It was terrible. You were in it.
Annie: What?!
[they hear the noise of plane's engines]
Nervous Woman on Plane: Oh, God! Sounds like something is happening.
Bridesmaids Quotes



Rita: I can't believe you've never been with anybody else!
Becca: Just Kevin.
Rita: [laughing] Oh God! I'm sorry, I just...Becca, I just can't help but feel bad for you. You don't even know what you want!



Megan: I gotta know where you keep the gun, man. I mean, is it ankle, hip, lower back? You don't...between the cheeks do you?
Air Marshall Jon: No, I don't stick a gun up my butt! I mean, that's...stupid!
Megan: I didn't say up. I just know of a guy, that got a lot of under cover work, and all I know was he had tape marks all up and down his cheeks.
Bridesmaids QuotesAir Marshall Jon: That can't be true! People don't keep guns up their asses, because if you needed to use it, how are you gonna get it?!
Megan: He cut a hole in his pocket.
Air Marshall Jon: What?
Megan: It was...it was in his back pocket. You've gotta get somethin' out of your ass, and you cut a hole in the back of your jeans, you wanna tell me you can't get to somethin'?
Air Marshall Jon: I don't have gun for you to put up my ass to make your point!
Megan: I can put my nano. I will show you.
[holds up her iPod nano]
Megan: I will, if you get me scissors, I will cut a hole in my pocket and I...you'll never find this again until I want you to find it.



Becca: Kevin can only have sex in bed, in the dark, under the covers, only after we've showered separately! And sometimes, by the time we're finished cleaning ourselves, he's too tired. I'm...and then I pretend I'm tired, but I'm not tired. I'm not tired! I'm not tired!
Rita: That's why every girl needs those slutty college years. To experiment, get it out of your system. Find out what you like.



Becca: So you don't even have sex anymore?
Rita: Oh, no! I have...I have sex constantly. The sex is constant. But he hasn't kissed me in five years.
Becca: What are you doing when you're having sex then?
Rita: Thinking about other things and wishing it would stop. You know, sometimes I just wanna watch the daily show without him entering me.

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