Bridesmaids
Quotes (Page 3)
Bridesmaids
Quotes Part 1
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[drunk on
plane, pulls
open curtains to coach after getting kicked out of first class]Annie: This should be open, cause it's civil rights. This is the nineties.
Flight Attendant Steve: Right. It's not. You're in the wrong decade.
Annie: You are.
Flight Attendant Steve: Okay, I am.
[to a drunk Annie who's sneaked back onto first class after being kicked out back to coach]
Flight Attendant Steve: You have three seconds to get back to your seat.
Annie: Oh, you can't get any where in three seconds!
Flight Attendant Steve: Well, you better try.
Annie: You're setting me up for a loss already.
Flight Attendant Steve: Okay, thank you.
[pointing to his name badge as she gets out of her seat]
Annie: Whatever you say, Stove!
Flight Attendant Steve: It's Steve.
Annie: Stove! What kind of a name is that?
Flight Attendant Steve: Well, that's not my name. My name is Steve.
Annie: Are you an appliance?
Flight Attendant Steve: No. I'm a man and my name is Steve.
Annie: You're a flight attendant.
Flight Attendant Steve: That's absolutely accurate.
[stops Jon as he comes out of the airplane rest room]
Megan: Hey, not Air Marshall Jon. You wanna get back in that rest room and not rest?
Air Marshall Jon: No. I have to get back to my seat.
Megan: Yeah, you gotta get back on my seat.
[she hums a little tune]
Megan: You get it?
Air Marshall Jon: No. I think, yeah! I definitely got it.
[to Rita as they are both getting more and more drunk]
Becca: You're more beautiful than Cinderella! You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!
Annie: All the girls hate me right now.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: So, you're like the maid of dishonor!
Annie: I just wish that things were they way that they used to be, you know? I feel like, her life is going off and getting perfect and mine is just like...
[she pulls a face]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It'll turn around you know.
Annie: I've been hearing that for a long time.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It's gonna turn around, I just know it.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You gotta bake!
Annie: I don't wanna do that anymore. I told you, it's gone.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Why?
Annie: I don't know. It's just...I don't know. After it just went under, I just kinda stopped I guess. It doesn't make me happy anymore.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Just cause you didn't make any money at it, doesn't mean that you failed at it.
Annie: Lost a lot of money. All my money.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You're so good at it.
Annie: Oh, well. Let's change the subject. No more baking! I'm done.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I don't know how you just can't do it anymore. If I wasn't a cop anymore, I would still go out...
[laughing]
Annie: Arrest?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: ...with a gun and shoot people. I probably wouldn't do that. I'm just wanted to make you feel better.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You're okay, you know?
Annie: You don't know me very well.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: I know you well enough to know that you're not so bad. You got some stuff.
Annie: Oh, yeah.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. You got bits and pieces goin' on. I've been thinkin' about you a little bit.
Annie: About me, really?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: There's somethin' about you. Somethin' about you that sticks.
[the morning after they've slept together]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [awkwardly] So, last night was fun.
Annie: It was. It was very fun. I had fun.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It was fun. If you care to accompany me to the kitchen, the fun may continue!
Annie: Oh!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Different kind of fun.
Annie: Oh!
[after Annie enters the kitchen to see Nathan has put out baking items]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: You're workshop awaits! I know it's a bit crazy, but I popped out and I got a few little bakin' bits and pieces. Butter, milk. Cause I thought that it's be fun for us to bake together today! I mean, obviously you will be doing the baking. I will be doing the eating, because you are the expert.
Annie: Yeah. I don't...I don't really wanna...sorry! You went to all this trouble, but...
Come, on! I know you haven't done it in a while. But it'll be great! Don't be silly! Just get in to it! You're so good at it!
[leaving a message on Lillian's cell phone]
Annie: Hey, Lil. Uh...it's me. Um...I'm sure you're probably still a little bit at me, but I hope not! Anyway, um...the excitement still continues with me. Uh...I just slept with the cop that pulled me over and woke up today and he was really sweet and nice and cute. So naturally I ran out as fast as I could! What's wrong with me?! Um...anyway, I know you're busy and stuff. So, uh...just call me when you get a chance. Uh...I'd love to talk this out with you when you can. Okay, bye.
[at the jewelry store Annie works in a young wants to buy her best friend a gift]
Annie: Are you sure you want it to say 'forever'?
Girl in Jewelry Store: Yeah. Why?
Annie: Come on, forever?
Girl in Jewelry Store: Forever.
Annie: I don't think you guys will be best friends forever. No offense, but you know? The friends you have when you're younger are sometimes...sometimes you grow apart. You know, when you get older maybe she'll find a new best friend. And maybe she'll be more successful than you are and prettier and richer and skinnier. And they end up doing everything together!
Girl in Jewelry Store: You're...you're weird.
Annie: I'm not weird. Okay?
Girl in Jewelry Store: Yes, you are.
Annie: No, I'm not! And you started it.
Girl in Jewelry Store: No, you started it! Did you forget to take your Zanax this morning?
Annie: God, I feel bad for your parents.
Girl in Jewelry Store: I feel bad for your face.
Annie: Okay. Well, call me when your boobs come in.
Girl in Jewelry Store: You call me when yours come in.
Annie: What, do you have four boyfriends?
Girl in Jewelry Store: Exactly.
Annie: Yeah, okay. Have fun having a baby at your prom.
Girl in Jewelry Store: You look like an old mop.
Annie: You know what? You're not as popular as you think you are.
Girl in Jewelry Store: I am very popular.
Annie: Oh, I'm sure you are....
[Annie sticks her tongue in cheek and mimics fellatio]
Annie: ....very popular!
Girl in Jewelry Store: Well, you're an old, single loser who's never going to have any friends.
Annie: You're a little cunt!
[suddenly her boss and the man he's serving look over in shock at Annie]
Brynn: We'd like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore.
Annie: What? What do...what you do you mean? I don't get it.
Gil: Well, the thing is, we decided that it was actually a bit immature for a grown up brother and sister to still be living together with a room mate.
Brynn: Yeah!
Gil: At our age! A bit ridiculous, isn't it?
Brynn: Yeah!
Gil: We look a bit silly, don't we?
Brynn: Pathetic!
Gil: Yeah!
[looking at Annie]
Gil: So we're actually gonna live together, alone. Without you.
Brynn: You're moving out.
[Annie sits in silence looking at them after they've told her to move out]
Brynn: She's not moving.
Gil: She will move.
Brynn: Eventually.
Gil: Eventually.
Brynn: She has to.
Gil: She's taking it in.
[touching Annie's leg]
Gil: You have to leave.
[referring to Annie's leg]
Brynn: Ooh! That's prickly!
[to her mom as she's getting her stuff to move back home]
Annie: Remember when you though I hit bottom? That wasn't bottom!
[at Lillian's shower party, after Helen has given her gift of taking Lillian to Paris]
[everyone suddenly goes quite]
Annie's Mom: Annie!
Annie: No, mom! Motherfucking Paris?!
Lillian: Annie, what are you doing?
Annie: I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!
Lillian: Annie, calm down.
Annie: No, Lillian! What are you gonna go...are you gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What, are you....are you guys gonna ride around on bikes with beret's and fucking baguettes in the basket, in the front of your bikes? Oh, how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?
Becca: I'm not.
Annie: Okay. Yes, we're all thinking it! Right?
[shouting and referring to the giant heart shaped cookie outside on the lawn of Helen's mansion]
Annie: Look at this shower? Look at that fucking cookie? Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie? Really? Oh, and you know what? That reminds me actually. I never got a chance to try that fucking cookie!
[steps outside]
[shouting to Annie as she is destroying the decoration at Lillian's shower]
Lillian: Have you lost your fucking mind?! What are you doing?
Annie: What am I doing? You know what? You wouldn't know, would you? Where have you been? You have no idea! Let me fill you in, okay? Ever since you got engaged, everything's turned to shit!
Lillian: You know what? This is supposed to be about my time! You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding! Thank you very much!
Annie: Okay! Well, thank you very much! It's all her fault.
[points to Helen]
Annie: It is not mine! And you would know that if you got your beautiful haired head out of your asshole! In fact, out of her asshole! Which I'm sure is perfectly bleached!
Lillian: Yes! You know what? It is! And you know how I know? Cause I went to the fucking salon with her and I got my asshole bleached too! And I love my new asshole!
Lillian: You know what? Why can't you just be happy for me? And then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person!
Annie: I am happy for you, Lillian. I am very happy for you. I wish you well. I won't bother you anymore!
Lillian: Anybody else have anything they wanna share today?
[Megan puts up her hand to speak]
Megan: I took two dogs already. They're in the back of my van.
[after Annie's had her car crashed into]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: This didn't happen because of Helen. This happened because you didn't get your tail lights fixed. It's pretty simple. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to see you night by night drive past me with your fucking tail lights still broken?! Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me? It's a simple solution! You're problem, Annie, is that you just don't understand that you can hurt people! With these broken lights! Don't you see how irresponsible this is?
Annie: Yes, I should have gotten my fucking tail lights fixed. But I didn't, okay! I didn't!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Listen, don't worry about it. Seriously. You're message was received.
[Ted drives up and stops in front of Annie and Nathan as they're arguing]
Ted: Boom! What's up, fuck buddy? Called for some road side assistance?
[Annie doesn't answer]
Ted: Thanks, officer. I can handle it from here on out.
[Nathan looks at Ted then turns to Annie]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Come on!
[he turns and walks back towards his car]
Annie: I just...I didn't have anyone else to call! I didn't know you were gonna show up!
Officer Nathan Rhodes: That's the problem with cops, Annie! We're just never there when you need us!
[driving Annie home]
Ted: You know, you look tired. If you're tired, you can totally lay down on my lap, if you want.
Annie: What?
Ted: Just take a little lap nap.
[he gives Annie a knowing look and points to his penis]
Ted: If you want? Open for biz.
Annie: Okay. Can you just...can you just pull over?
Ted: Oh, yeah! Actually, that's an even better idea.
Annie: No! No! No! Can you please just stop the car? I wanna get out.
Ted: No! It's super gravely!
Annie: Please pull over!
Ted: Why?
Annie: Because I would rather get murdered out here than spend the next half and hour with you! Can you please...can you please just pull over?
Ted: Come on, Annie! It's called humor! Learn about it. Besides, I would never last a half hour!
[as Annie gets out of his car and starts walking]
Ted: You know, if you're trying to turn me on, it's working!
[she ignores him and keep on walking]
Ted: You used me! No big deal!
[shouts out to her as he drives away from her]
Ted: You are no longer my number three!
Megan: I think you're ready now to hear a little story about a girl...girl named Megan. Girl named Megan that didn't have a very good time in high school. I'm referring to myself. When I say Megan, it's me Megan.
Annie: Yeah, I got it.
Megan: I know you look at me now and think, boy she must have breezed through high school. Not the case, Annie.
[pointing to herself]
Megan: No, this was not easy going up and down the halls. Okay? They used to try to blow me up. They threw fire crackers at my head. Fire crackers. I mean literally. I'm not saying that figuratively. I got fire crackers thrown at my head. They called me a freak. Do you think I let that break me? Think I went home to my mommy crying; 'Oh, I don't have any friends. Oh, Megan doesn't have any friends.' No, I did not. You know what I did? I pulled myself up. I studied really hard. I read every book in the library and now I work for the government. I have the highest possible security clearance. Don't repeat that!
Annie: I won't.
Megan: I can't protect you. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes.
Megan: You lost Lillian. You got another best friend sittin' right in front of
Annie: Yeah. I just miss her I guess.
Megan: Yeah, I know you do. I know you do. All right, com on? Bring it in. There's the Annie.
[she hugs Annie]
Megan: There's the Annie I knew was there, Okay? All right. Man, you gotta wash you hair!
Annie: I'm sorry.
Megan: You gotta wash that hair.
[as Helen is crying]
Annie: This is the first time I've ever seen you look ugly, and that makes me kinda happy.
Helen: I look ugly? No, I don't! I don't really look ugly, do I?
Annie: You're an ugly crier, but that's okay.
Helen: No, I'm not really and ugly crier.
Annie: Okay, maybe just a little bit.
Helen: No.
Annie: Just a little bit.
Annie: I really need your help. We can't find Lillian.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: How long has she been gone?
Annie: She's been missing for like, twelve hours.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Twelve hours! It's not a missing person until it's at least twenty four hours. Have you ever seen CSI? Twenty four hours!
[to Annie after Nathan has traced the address Lillian has used her cell phone at]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: So, you're saying she's at her apartment? That's what you're telling me?
[to Helen]
Annie: She must have gone back after you left.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [sarcastically] God, that was crazy of her.
[after finding out that Lillian is at her apartment]
Annie: I am so sorry. I didn't mean to waste your time. That's embarrassing. Thank you.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: [sarcastically] No. You are welcome. This is the kind of high up there end stuff that really made me wanna become a cop. Missing girl found at her apartment. It's...it's adrenaline pinching.
Lillian: I'm sorry I kicked you out of my wedding. It's my fault.
Annie: No, it's my fault. I think I'm the one with the...the mental problems.
Lillian: Yeah! Wasn't it my turn to be crazy?
Annie: Yes.
Lillian: The brides supposed to be crazy, right?
Annie: Technically.
Lillian: You kinda stole all the crazy.
[explaining why she ran away back to her apartment]
Lillian: I realized this is the last time I'm going to be here, in this apartment. With that couch. And this bed. And take a bath in my bath tub, cause you...you know how much I love my bath tub.
Annie: It's a good tub. I slept in there on my thirtieth birthday.
Lillian: What's gonna happen to you?
Annie: I'm gonna be fine. So don't worry, okay? I'm gonna be...I'm gonna be fine. I am fine. And besides, you need to blaze the trail for me and then report back and tell me what's coming.
Lillian: Whatever you say, boss.
Helen: It was really nice meeting you.
Annie: It was...Helen, it was really nice meeting you too. Hey, you know, maybe, sometime, the three of us could go to Rock'N Sushi together.
Helen: Oh, thank you, Annie. I...I would love that.
[they hug]
Helen: You're ride's here.
[Annie turns and sees Nathan standing by his police car]
Officer
Nathan Rhodes: So
I ate your cake. That you left.Annie: You did?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. I mean, I had to fight some raccoons off. But, that's okay. I'm pretty strong and tough, so it wasn't much of a contest. So, that might have been...I'm just gonna kiss you now rather just...
[he comes forward and kisses her]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Oh, I'm on duty!. And I need to put my uniform on. If I drive like this they're gonna think I just stole the car. Which wouldn't be great. You could ride with me, if you want? You wanna come?
Annie: Yeah, I do.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Come on.
Annie: All right.
[she goes to get in the front passenger seat]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Woh! Woh! Woh! Where are you going?
Annie: I'm getting in the car.
Officer Nathan Rhodes: No! No! No! You gotta get in the back.
Annie: What?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah. You can't sit in the front. It's against regulations. Come on! Come on!
Annie: You're...you're gonna make me sit in the back seat?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Yeah! Come on!
[as she goes to get in the back seat he puts his hand on her head like a criminal]
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Sorry! Habit.
Annie: All right
Officer Nathan Rhodes: It's a force of habit.
[last lines]
Annie: Can I please get in the front seat?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Actually, no. There's a warrant out for your arrest.
Annie: What? Why?
Officer Nathan Rhodes: Uh...reckless driving. littering. Texting. Consuming alcohol while operating a vehicle. You didn't think I was gonna let you get away with that, did you?
Can we put the siren on? Please?
[he put the siren on]
Annie: Thank you.
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Total
Quotes: 116
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