Fight
Club
Quotes: Darkly
Funny and Enlightening
(Total Quotes: 116)
Fight Club quotes are dark but also enlightening with a faint touch of humor. From the moment the opening credits start, the audience knows that it is going to be something different and you need to enter your dark side fearlessly to fully appreciate the story. Lets begin your descent into this dark but oddly enlightening world….
Directed by: David Fincher
Written by:
Chuck Palahniuk (novel)
Jim Uhls (screenplay)
Starring:
Edward Norton - The Narrator
Brad Pitt - Tyler Durden
Helena Bonham Carter - Marla Singer
Meat Loaf - Robert 'Bob' Paulson
Zach Grenier - Richard Chesler
Richmond Arquette - Intern
Jared Leto - Angel Face
Holt McCallany - The Mechanic
Eion Bailey - Ricky
Evan Mirand - Steph
Thom Gossom Jr. - Detective Stern
Peter Iacangelo - Lou
Fight
Club
Quotes Page 1
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[first lines;Tyler is
pointing a gun
into the
Narrator's mouth]Narrator: [voice over] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.
Tyler: Three minutes. This is it: ground zero. Would you like to say a few words
to mark the occasion?Narrator: ...i...ann...iinn...ff...nnyin...
Narrator: [voice over] With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
[Tyler removes the gun from the Narrator's mouth]
Narrator: I can't think of anything.
Narrator: [voice over] For a second I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is.
Narrator: [voice over] That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways.
Tyler: Two and a half. Think of everything we've accomplished.
Narrator: [voice over] And suddenly I realize that all of this: the gun, the bombs, the revolution...has got something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.
[Narrator is engulfed by a weeping Bob in an intense embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob. Bob had bitch tits. This was a support group for men with testicular cancer. The big moosie slobbering all over me... that was Bob.
Bob: We're still men.
Narrator: Yes, we're men. Men is what we are.
Narrator: [voice over] Eight months ago, Bob's testicles were removed. Then hormone therapy. He developed bitch tits because his testosterone was too high and his body upped the estrogen. And that was where I fit...
Bob: They're gonna have to open my pecs again to drain the fluid.
Narrator: [voice over] Between those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.
[Narrator, sleepy, stands over a copy machine]
Narrator: [voice over] With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy, of a copy, of a copy.
Narrator: [voice over] When deep space exploration ramps up, it will be corporations that name everything: The IBM Stellar Sphere. The Microsoft Galaxy. Planet Starbucks.
Richard Chesler: Gonna need you out-of-town a little more this week. We've got some "red-flags" to cover.
Narrator: [voice over] It must've been Tuesday. He was wearing his "cornflower-blue" tie.
[about his boss, Richard Chesler]
Narrator: [voice over] He was full of pep. Must've had his grande latte enema.
[sitting on a toilet talking on the phone ordering IKEA furniture]
Narrator: [voice over] Like so many others, I had become a slave to the IKEA nesting instinct.
Narrator: [voice over] I'd flip through catalogs and wonder "what kind of dining set defines me as a person?"
[Narrator sits before an intern in a doctor's office, who studies him with bemusement]
Intern: No, you can't die from insomnia.
Narrator: What about narcolepsy? I nod off, I wake up in strange places, I have no idea how I got there.
Intern: You need to lighten up.
[after going to his first support group meeting for Testicular Cancer]
Narrator: [voice over] And this is how I met the big moosie, his eyes already shrink-wrapped in tears. Knees together, those awkward little steps.
[Bob walks towards Narrator and extends his hand]
Bob: My name is Bob.
Narrator: Bob!
[Bob takes Narrator into an embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob had been a champion body-builder. You know that chest expansion program you see on late night TV?
That was his idea.Bob: I was a juicer. You know. Using steroids. Diabonol, Wisterol, they use that for racehorses for Christsakes. And now I'm bankrupt, I'm divorced, my two grown kids, they won't even return my calls...
Narrator: [voice over] Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.
[Bob breaks into sobbing and embraces Narrator tightly. After a long moment of crying, Bob raises up his head, looks at Narrator's nametag]
Bob: Go ahead, Cornelius. You can cry.
[Narrator begins to cry and tighten his arms around Bob]
Narrator:[voice over] And then something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion...dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
[after admitting his addiction to attending Support Groups]
Narrator: [voice over] I wasn't really dying. I wasn't host to cancer or parasites; I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around.
Narrator: [voice over] Every evening I died, and every evening I was born again, resurrected.
[Bob and Narrator are in an embrace]
Narrator: [voice over] Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation... and she ruined everything.
[Marla
Singer enters, smoking]Marla: This is cancer, right?
Narrator: [voice over] This chick Marla Singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at "Free and Clear", my blood parasite group Thursdays. Then at "Hope", my bi-monthly sickle cell circle. And again at "Seize the Day", my tuberculous Friday night. Marla...the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry, so once again I couldn't sleep.
Narrator: [voice over] When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep and you're never really awake.
[at one of his Support Group meeting]
Narrator: [voice over] Oh, yeah, Chloe...Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.
Chloe: Well, I'm still here. But I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I've got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But...I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite...
[the group leader takes control of the mic]
Group Leader: Thank you, Chloe...everyone, let's thank Chloe.
[whilst trying to meditate in of the Support Group meetings]
Narrator: [voice over] If I had a tumor, I'd named it Marla. Marla...the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.
Narrator: Hey. We need to talk.
Marla: Sure.
Narrator: I'm on to you.
Marla: What?
Narrator: Yeah. You're a faker. You're not dying.
Marla: Sorry?
Narrator: In the Tibetan philosophy, Sylvia Plath sense of the word. I know we're all dying. But you're not dying the way Chloe back there is dying.
Marla: So?
Narrator: So, you're a tourist. Okay? I've seen you? I saw you at melanoma, I saw you at tuberculosis and I saw you at testicular cancer!
Marla: I saw you practicing this.
Narrator: Practicing what?
Marla: Telling me off. Is it going as well as you hoped...? [reads his nametag] "Rupert"?
Narrator: I'll expose you.
Marla: Go ahead. I'll expose you.
Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla: ...instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?
[following Marla out of the Support Group meeting]
Narrator: Hold on, I'll tell you; we'll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis...
Narrator: Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
Marla: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
Narrator: You're kidding.
Marla: I don't know... am I?
Narrator: No, no! What do you want?
Marla: I'll take the parasites.
Narrator: You can't have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites...
Marla: I want brain parasites.
Narrator: I'll take the blood parasites. But I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
Marla: I want that.
Narrator: You can't have the whole brain, that's...
Marla:: So far you have four, I only have two!
Narrator: Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three...
[following Marla into the thrift shop]
Marla: So, we each have three...that's six. What about the seventh day? I want ascending bowel cancer.
Narrator: [voice over] The girl had done her homework.
Narrator: No..No, I want bowel cancer.
Marla:: That's your favorite too? Tried to slip it by me, eh?
Narrator: Look we're going to split it, Okay. Take the first and third Sunday of the month.
Marla: Deal.
[they shake hands]
Marla: Looks like this is goodbye.
Narrator: Well, let's not make a big thing out of it.
[Marla walks out the shop not looking back]
Marla: How's this for not making a big thing?
Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't.
[Narrator wakes up in Airplane cabin]
Narrator: [voice over] You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
Narrator: Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.
Narrator: [voice over] Every time the plane banked too sharply on take-off or landing, I prayed for a crash, or a mid-air collision...anything.
[we see the plane having a mid-air collision]
Narrator: [voice over] Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.
[Narrator
wakes up an sees Tyler sitting next to him on the same flight.
They
start talking]Tyler: You know why the put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breathe.
Tyler: Oxygen, gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, we're taking giant, panicked breaths...suddenly you become euphoric, docile, you accept your fate.
Narrator: What do you do?
Tyler: What do you mean?
Narrator: What do you do for a living?
Tyler: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?
[to the Narrator]
Tyler: You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.
Tyler: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator: No, I did not know that. Is that true?
Tyler: That's right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Narrator: Really?
Tyler: If one were so inclined.
Narrator: Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met. See I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving, even the...
Tyler: Oh I get it, it's very clever.
Narrator: Thank you.
Tyler: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler: Keep it up then. Right up.
[Tyler gets up from his seat]
Tyler: Now a question of etiquette: As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
[in the airport baggage claim area, the Narrator has lost his luggage]
Narrator: Was...was it ticking?
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...[whispers]...it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article "A dildo", never "Your dildo".
Narrator: I don't own...
[Security Officer waves Narrator off]
[Narrator arrives to see his condo has been blown up with all his belongings burned and scattered everywhere]
Narrator: Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets their hearing aid go and have to watch game-shows at full volume. Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night. I suppose these things happen.
[Tyler and Narrator are at a bar discussing the distruction of Narrator's condo]
Tyler: You know man it could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There's always that. I don't know, it's just...when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. Whatever else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Tyler: Shit, man, now it's all gone.
Narrator: All gone.
Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvet is?
Narrator: It's a comforter...
Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?
Narrator: Uh...consumers?
Tyler: Right. We're consumers. We're by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty...these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler: Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass of the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your string green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let...let's evolve, let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, I could be wrong, maybe it's a terrible tragedy.
Narrator: No. It's just...it's just stuff, not tragedy.
Tyler: Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for modern living.
Narrator: Fuck, you're right!
[Tyler offers him cigarettes]
Narrator: No, I don't smoke.
Narrator: My insurance is probably gonna cover it, so.
[Tyler gives Narrator a look]
Narrator: What?
Tyler: The things you own, end up owing you.
Narrator: Oh, it's late. Hey, thanks for the beer.
Tyler: Yeah, man.
Narrator: I should find a hotel.
Tyler: [in disbelief] What?
Narrator: What?
Tyler: A hotel?
Narrator: Yeah.
Tyler: Just ask, man.
Narrator: What are you talking about?
Tyler: [laughs] Three pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask.
Narrator: What?
Tyler: You call me because you need a place to stay.
Narrator: Oh, hey, no, no, no, I didn't mean...
Tyler: Yes, you did. So just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask man.
Narrator: Would...would that be a problem?
Tyler: Is it a problem for you to ask?
Narrator: Can I stay at your place?
Tyler: Yeah.
Narrator: Thanks
Tyler: But I want you to do me a favor.
Narrator: Yeah, sure.
Tyler: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
Narrator: What?
Tyler: [talking very slow] I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
[talking about Tyler Durden's job as a projectionist splicing frames of pornography into family films]
Narrator: So when the snooty cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.
[we see the audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]
Narrator: Nobody knows that they saw it. But they did.
Tyler: A nice, big cock.
[we see several audience members look rattled, a little girl starts to cry]
Narrator: Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.
Narrator: Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler: C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator: Why?
Tyler: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that...that's a good thing.
Tyler: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.
Narrator: Oh God. This is crazy.
Tyler: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator: I don't know about this.
Tyler: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler: [laughing] Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so fucking stupid.
[Narrator swings, connects against Tyler's head]
Tyler: Oh. Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler: Ow, Christ...why the ear, man?
Narrator: Aw, I fucked it up...
Tyler: No, that was perfect!
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Total
Quotes: 116
