Friends with Benefits
movie quotes tries hard to be an anti-romantic comedy,
but it goes from poking fun at cliched romantic comedies to becoming
itself! Although the movie does offer some genuinely funny moments,
in the end it
fails to reach it's full potential. What elevates the story,
and saves the story form being a total waste, is the energetic
dialogue and the sexual chemistry between the
leads. Despite it’s
downfalls, Friends with
Benefits does try to inject a bit of
freshness and vitality in this highly over done genre. Keep on
reading to get a taste of the predictable, but funny Friends with
by: Will Gluck
Keith Merryman (screenplay)
David A. Newman (screenplay)
Will Gluck (screenplay)
Harley Peyton (story)
Keith Merryman (story)
David A. Newman (story) Starring: Justin Timberlake
Mila Kunis - Jamie
Patricia Clarkson - Lorna
Jenna Elfman - Annie
Bryan Greenberg - Parker
Richard Jenkins - Mr. Harper
Woody Harrelson - Tommy
Nolan Gould - Sam
Andy Samberg - Quincy
Shaun White - Himself
Andrew Fleming - Driver
[Dylan gets a call
during a staff meeting] Jamie: Hey,
baby where are you? Are you still at work? Dylan: No!
Not even close. Jamie: Just
so you know, the movie starts in ten minutes. Dylan: I
know. [as he's dropped his
coffee on his pants he turns to his co-worker] Dylan: Give
me your pants. Male Co-Worker:
What? Dylan: Buy
you lunch tomorrow. Come on! Male Co-Worker: No. Dylan: I'm
your boss. Give me your pants. Jamie: Please,
try not to be late really hate missing the beginning. [the co-worker stands
and takes off his pants revealing that he has not underpants on] Dylan: I
know. I know. [Dylan turns to another
male co-worker] Dylan: Give
me you pants.
[still talking on his
cell as he gets out of the office and jumps into his car] Dylan: I'm
almost there. Jamie: How
far away? [driving in his car as
fast as he can] Dylan: I
think I see you. Jamie: Where
are you? I'm here. Dylan: So
am I! So many people. What are you wearing? Jamie: I'm
wearing the only clothes outside the theater. Because I'm the only
person outside the theater! Dylan: I
love that outfit. You look so sexy in that.
[we see Jamie standing
outside the movie theater talking on her cell phone] Jamie: You
know I love this movie! If a prostitute and a ruthless business man can
fall in love, then anyone can. [we see Dylan running
and talking on this cell phone] Dylan: I
know this means a lot to you. Which means it means a lot to me. Jamie: Well,
apparently it doesn't. Dylan: I'm
looking at you right now. I can see you! [Jamie hears her name
being called turns to see her date which we now realize is not Dylan]
[referring to Dylan
arriving late to the John Mayer concert] Kayla:
Here's and idea. Next time, instead of being late, just shit on my
face. Cause that's kinda the same thing as missing 'Your Body is a
just feel should chill for a while, you know? Jamie: You're
said I was your soul mate! Quincy: I
did! When? Jamie: When
we were at that Bed & Breakfast having sex. Quincy: But
you know, that doesn't... Jamie: That
doesn't what? Quincy: Count. [she hits the sandwich
she'd made him out of his hand]
[as Kayla is breaking up
with Dylan] Dylan: I
was tied up at work. I'm sorry. Kayla: Maybe
you should care a little bit less about work and a little more about
the girl you're dating? Cause last time I checked, work doesn't
reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay! Dylan: I
never said, go up! Okay? I just said, lightly around. It's like
a...like a little button. You know what? Not your issue anymore.
this why you were late? You were worried about how to break up with me? Quincy: Oh!
No! No! I was trying to decide what to wear. Jamie: So
you went with sneakers and a hoodie? Quincy: Yeah. Jamie: What,
are you gonna take the S.A.T's after this? Quincy: Don't
lash out, okay? You're better than that. Jamie: I'm
just think we're heading in different directions. Dylan: Yeah.
You to the John Mayer concert and me not! Thank you, for doing this
before the concert by the way. Best break up. [then mouths the word
'ever'] Kayla: He
is the Sheryl Crow of our generation!
me just ask you a quick question? And just know that I am not at all
crushed by this break up. So, be honest. Why? Quincy: Is
this a trick? Jamie: No.
Just pure anthropological research. Quincy: Okay.
You want someone to sweep you off your feet, but you're more interested
in getting swept off your feet than the someone who's doing the
sweeping. You seem like you got it totally together, but you're
actually really emotionally damaged. Also, you have like really big
eyes. And that freaks me out sometimes. Jamie: Thank
you. That's enough.
is not you, at all. Dylan: Of
course, it's me! You can't say that! You're breaking up with me! Kayla: It's
not! It's me! I don't like you anymore.
a great guy. A little too emotionally unavailable, if you ask me. Dylan: I
didn't. Kayla: I
really wanna stay friends.
[talking to his friend
after breaking up with Kayla] Dylan: Why
do relationships always start off so fun and then turn into
[talking to her friend
after breaking up with Quincy] Jamie: You
really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true
love. [sees movie poster for
a romantic comedy starring Katherine Heigl] Jamie: Shut
up, Katherine Heigl! You stupid lier!
just gonna work and fuck. Like George Clooney.
just gonna shut myself down emotionally. Like George Clooney.
[at the airport, meeting
each other for the first time] Jamie: Welcome
to New York. Dylan: Thank
you. You're not exactly what comes to mind, when you think 'headhunter'. Jamie: Yeah,
I prefer executive recruiter. Headhunter sounds a little creepy. Dylan: You
did stalk me for six months. Kinda creepy!
[referring to his bag]
I'll take it. Dylan: You're
really gonna carry my bag? You're that girl? Jamie: No.
I'm gonna change your life. I'm that girl! Dylan: My
life is already pretty great. Jamie: Oh,
really? Cause you wouldn't be here if your life were already pretty
great. Dylan: A
free trip to New York, I'd be an idiot to turn that down. Jamie: Well,
then I guess you must have been an idiot for the past six months. Dylan: Ooh!
Yeah, a lot of people would say longer than that.
[after he's commented on
his blog getting six million hits] Jamie: I
could put up a video of me mixing cake batter with my boobs. And it
will get eight million hits. Dylan: That's
been done. Dunkin-My-Tits-Hynes dot com. Jamie: Really?
[after Dylan has been
given the job offer by GQ] Dylan: Would
you uproot your life for a job? Be honest. Jamie: Well,
no. For a job, probably not. But for New York? Yeah, I would. Which is
why I'm not gonna try to sell you on the job. I'm gonna sell you on New
York. Dylan: It's
New York! I've seen Seinfeld. Jamie: Not
the bullshit tourist version.
do women think the only way to get a man to do what they want, is to
manipulate them? Jamie: History.
Personal experience. Romantic comedies.
[as Shaun White turns to
leave he trips and falls on their table] Dylan: Hey
bro, that was like a Double McTwist twelve sixty. Shaun White:
Oh! Yeah, like the trick. Dylan: Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Dylan. Shaun White: Jamie,
you wanna get this guy out of my face before I break his fucking skull? Dylan: Sorry,
bro. No disrespect. I'm a huge fan. Shaun White: You
don't fucking know me, man! Don't talk to me like you know me! What do
you think, I'm all chilled cause I snow board and shit? One more word!
Fuck you up like dynamite! Dylan: Dynamite? Shaun White: Ah,
I'm just playing, bro. Any friend of Jamie's is cool with me. It's all
good, man. Dylan: All
good. [Shaun hugs
Dylan and whispers in his ear] Shaun White: I'm
whispering in the ear of a dead man!
White seems really great. Nice dude. How do you know him again? Jamie: I
tool his virginity. Dylan: Oh!
So, you've guys known each other for a while? Jamie: No!
It's like eight months ago. Dylan: Wow!
So does the carpet match the drapes? Jamie: Uh,
it's a hard wood floor, if you know what I mean. Dylan: My
God! Terrible visual. Jamie: Totally
kidding by the way. He's just an old friend of mine. Dylan: You
guys use the same leave-in conditioner? His hair had nice body.
[lying down on the
rooftop of a skyscraper and looking at the sky] Jamie: Only
place in the city you can actually see the stars. Dylan: Wow! Jamie: Yeah. Dylan: It's
very awesome. Jamie: I
know. I like to come up here to think. Just when it gets a little too
much for me down there. It's like...it's like my New York version of
mountain top. Best part, no cell reception. Dylan: Aah!
You take all your recruits up here? Jamie: Actually,
never really taken anyone up here. Dylan: Really? Jamie: Yeah.
you tell anyone about this, I will rip your ears off and staple them to
your neck. Dylan: Everyone
in this city seems really violent.
[Jamie shows him a flash
mob at Time Square, with dozens of people joining in a synchronized
dance] Jamie: It's
nice to feel like you're a part of something. New York can be a little
bit lonely at times. Dylan: And
you're trying to sell me on it?. Jamie: Every
place can be a bit lonely sometimes.
[meeting Tommy on the
first day at his new his job in New York] Tommy:
Listen, I'd love to take you out one night and troll for cock. Dylan: What? Tommy: You
got some pretty boys out there in L.A., but the quality in this town is
ri-dic-ulous. We can tare this shit up. Dylan: I'm
not gay, Tommy. Tommy: Really?
Oh! I just assumed, art director and...your face. [he strokes Dylan's face] Tommy: Hey,
no skin! More pipe for me.
I was thinking of getting some lunch. Do you know a place? Jamie: Are
you asking me out? Dylan: Well,
I...I'm not asking you out. I'm asking you to show me a restaurant. Jamie: I
mean I'm the only friend you have in New York. You don't want to
complicate that! Dylan: I
know! I'm not asking you out. Jamie: I
mean, sure. We'd have fun, roll around. Get into some erotic
fantasy... Dylan: Erotic
fan...? Could you just lower the... Jamie: ...which
would blow up in our faces, end badly. And we'd never speak to each
other again! Dylan: I'm
not fucking asking you out! I swear to God! Jamie: Okay.
You don't like me like that. You don't have to be so mean about it. Dylan: I'm
sorry. I didn't...I... [Jamie starts laughing] Jamie: God!
You're such a girl. Come on, it's my treat.
emotionally unavailable? Dylan: Oh,
yeah! Jamie: Oh,
my God! I'm emotionally damaged. I haven't seen you at the meetings.
done with the relationship thing. Jamie: Girl,
you are preaching to the congregation. Dylan: Choir. Jamie: What? Dylan: Preaching
to the choir. You're supposed to preach to the congregation. That's the
expression. Jamie: Did
you understand what I'm saying? Then don't be a dick about it.
[whilst watching a
romantic movie on TV] Dylan: Why
do all these movies have such bad music? Jamie: Because
so that you know how to feel every single second. Dylan: I'm
heart broken. Bam-bum-bam-bummm! I'm getting married to the man of my
dreams. Bum-bam-bum-bam-bammm! I'm sneaking to an office.
she's watching the ending of the romantic movie] Jamie: God,
I wish my life was a movie sometimes. You know, I'd never have to worry
about my hair, or having to go to the bathroom. And then when I'm at my
lowest point, some guy would chase me down the street, pour his heart
out and we'd kiss. Happily ever after. [referring to the couple
in the romantic movie, riding in a carriage at the end of the movie] Jamie: I
mean, a horse and carriage! Come on! That is...awesome! Dylan: Not
as awesome as this ambiguously upbeat pop song that has nothing to do
with the plot! They put in at the end to try to convince you that you
had a great time at this shitty movie. Jamie: You
know, why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they
kiss? Dylan: They
do. It's called porn.
I miss sex! Right, I mean sometimes you just need it. It's like...uh,
it's like cracking your neck. Dylan: Why
does it always gotta come with complications? Jamie: And
emotions. Dylan: And
guilt. Jamie: Woh!
Guilt! Dylan: It's
womens fault. Jamie: What? Dylan: You
heard me! 'Hold me.' 'Lets spend the rest of our lives together.' Jamie: Oh,
please! You are no better. 'Oh, yeah. Baby, come on now. Say my name.
Yeah...eee...uuhh! I'm done. How was that?' Dylan: Who
have you been with?
can it not be like that? It's a physical act. Like playing tennis. Two
people should be able to have sex like they're playing tennis. Jamie: Yeah!
I mean, no one wants to go away for the weekend after they play tennis. Dylan: It's
just a game. You shake hands, you get on with your shit. Jamie: Yeah. Dylan: Yeah.
Dylan: Jamie? Jamie: Yeah? Dylan: Let's
play tennis. Jamie: What? Dylan: Let's
have sex like we're playing tennis. Jamie: [laughing] Get the
hell outta here! Dylan: Don't
laugh! This could be great. This could take all the weirdness out of it. Jamie: Well,
we talked about this. I don't like you like that. Dylan: I
don't like you like that either. That's why it's perfect.
don't even know if I find you attractive. Dylan: That's
cute. Jamie: Mmm.
I do have a thing for jerks. Well, do you even find me attractive? Dylan: That's
cute. Jamie: No!
No! No! Before you got to know my awesome personality. Strictly
physical. First time you saw me. Dylan: This
is just two people talking? Jamie: Yeah.
Two girls, over drinks at Bennigans. Go. Dylan: I
liked your eyes. I didn't think I'd ever seen such big beautiful eyes. Jamie: And
your lips. Yeah, thought you might be a good kisser. Dylan: I am.