Funny Movie Quotes and Lines


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The King’s Speech (2010)

Lionel Logue: Do you know the ‘f’ word?
King George VI: Ffff…fornication?



Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

[as he sees that Po is alive]
Shen: How many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?!

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Last Vegas (2013)

Drunk Girl: Do you guys have drugs?
Sam: Does Lipitor count?



The Lego Movie (2014)

Batman: If anybody has black parts I need them, okay? I only work in black. And sometimes very, very dark grey.


Batman: Babe, look. If this relationship is ever gonna work between us, I need to feel free to party with a bunch of strangers whenever I feel like it.

See more The Lego Movie Quotes


Life of Brian (1979)

Brian’s mother: He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!



Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

Richard: Sarcasm is the refuge of losers.
Frank: [sarcastically] It is? Really?
Richard: Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level.
Frank: [sarcastically] Wow, Richard, you’ve really opened my eyes to what a loser I am. How much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom?
Richard: Oh, that ones on the house.



A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

[comes out of the bar drunk and goes to his horse]
Albert: I’m gonna get a running start.
Edward: Dude, you really shouldn’t drink and horse.
[Albert goes to jump onto his horse but misses and lands on the ground on the other side]



The Man with Two Brains (1983)

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people!


Dr. Necessiter’s butler: Can I get you anything more, doctor? I’m about to retire.
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Really? You seem so young.



Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

Constantine the Frog: My name will go down in history as greatest thief of all time.
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine the Frog: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name.



The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)

Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!



Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me?
Napoleon Dynamite: Heck yes! I’d vote for you.
Pedro: Like what are my skills?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.



National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)

Clark Griswold: I think you’re all fucked in the head. We’re 10 hours from the fucking fun park and you wanna bail out! Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much fucking fun, we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You’ll be whistling ‘Zippity Do-da’ out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy! I’m on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy shit!



No Strings Attached (2011)

[as Adam and Emma are having loud sex, Eli walks over to Adams room and bangs loudly on his door]
Eli: I can’t focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!

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Office Space (1999)

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s…it’s not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know, there’s nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm…well, why don’t you just uh…go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.

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The Other Guys (2010)

Terry Hoitz: Your farts aren’t manly.
Allen Gamble: Are you serious?
Terry Hoitz: They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.



ParaNorman (2012)

Mr. Prenderghast: Do you know who I am?
Neil: The weird stinky old bum, who lives up the hill?
Mr. Prenderghast: I was asking him!
[points to Norman]

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Penguins of Madagascar (2014)

Skipper: We got a soggy mad man to stop.
Classified: I give the orders round here.
[turning to Short Fuse]
Classified: You were supposed to handcuff them!
Short Fuse: But they don’t have hands, they just have flippers and I have flippers. So it’s flipping useless!



Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Captain Teague: I heard where you’re headed. The fountain.
Jack Sparrow: Have you been there?
Captain Teague: Does this face look like it’s been to the fountain of youth?
Jack Sparrow: Depends on the light.

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Pineapple Express (2008)

Scientist: Private Miller, you’ve been smoking item nine for seven minutes and thirteen seconds. We’re going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?
Private Miller: Ah, well, sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter…melting on top of a big-ol’ pile of flapjacks…yeah.



The Proposal (2009)

Margaret Tate: What am I allergic to?
Andrew Paxton: Pine nuts, and the full spectrum of human emotion.



Puss in Boots (2011)

[to Puss]
Humpty Dumpty: You got any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo prison?
[Puss stops walking and the music playing in the tavern also stops]
Humpty Dumpty: I’ll tell you this, my friend. It ain’t over-easy!
[a cat appears behind Humpty]
Ohhh Cat: Ohhh!

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Rango (2011)

Rango: Is this heaven?
Spirit of the West: No. If it were, we’d be eatin’ pop tarts with Kim Novak. 

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The Rum Diary (2011)

Lotterman: How does anybody drink a hundred and sixty one miniatures?
Pauk Kemp: Are they not complimentary?



Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

Wallace Wells: If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott, break out the L word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbian?
Wallace Wells: The other L word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbians?



Seven Psychopaths (2012)

Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
Billy: No, it doesn’t. There’ll be one guy left with one eye. How’s the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left?



Shrek (2001)

[after Shrek growls in Donkey’s face to make him scared]
Donkey: Wow, that was really scary and if you don’t mind me saying, if that don’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath stinks!



The Sitter (2011)

[counting the money he’d stolen from the Bat Mitzvah party]
Noah Griffith: Three thousand bucks.
Blithe: Is that good?
Noah Griffith: No, it’s not! We need seven thousand more and it’s almost eleven o’clock.
Blithe: Hey, Noah, I have an idea. How about you start your own signature fragrance?
Noah Griffith: That’s a great idea! I’ll just alert my team of scientists, have them invent a new perfume. We’ll starting selling it and we’ll have seven grand in the next forty five minutes!

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Sleeper (1973)

Dr. Melik: Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything?
Miles Monroe: Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.



Spy (2015)

Anton: Who the fuck are you?
Susan Cooper: I’m the person that’s gonna cut your dick off and glue it to your forehead so you look like a limp-dick unicorn! That’s who the fuck I am!

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Step Brothers (2008)

Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this shit on me?



Tangled (2010)

[to Rapunzel, after they enter the Snuggly Duckling]
Flynn Rider: You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose.
[he takes a deep breath]
Flynn Rider: Really let that seep in. What are you getting? Because to me it’s part man-smell and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. Your thoughts?



Ted (2012)

[Ted is dressed in a suit and tie as John helps him find a job]
Ted: I look stupid.
John Bennett: No, you don’t. You look dapper.
Ted: I don’t! I look like Snuggles accountant.
John Bennett: Come on. It’s not that bad.
Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell ’em Grandma died.
John Bennett: Look, I know it sucks, okay? But you gotta make some money so you can pay for an apartment.
Ted: I don’t wanna work at a grocery store.
John Bennett: Yeah, but you have no skills.
Ted: I told you, I can totally be a lawyer.

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Ted 2 (2015)

Samantha: Do I have “Fuck me” eyes?
Ted: No, you have the “Give us the ring, my precious” eyes.

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That’s My Boy (2012)

[as they are drinking at a spa club at Todd’s bachelor party, Donny spits out his drink]
Donny Levine: What the fuck is this?
Mrs. Ravensdale: It’s water infused with cucumber, rose petal and harvest sandylion.
Donny Levine: It tastes like fucking dick infused with balls!



This is the End (2013)

[talking into his camera]
James Franco: Emma Watson showed up.
[we see Emma threatening them with an ax]
Emma Watson: Give me everything you have to drink!
Seth Rogen: There are six of us! You cannot rob us!
Emma Watson: I’m not fucking around!
[Emma hits Seth Rogen in the face with then end of her ax]
Seth Rogen: Aah!
[pointing to their supplies]
Craig Robinson: Giver her the drinks!
[talking into the camera]
Danny McBride: Hermione just stole all of our shit! And Jay suggested that we rape her. I think the only reason he did that is because he knows he’s about two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.



This Is 40 (2012)

Pete: This sounds horrible, but do you ever wonder what it would like if you and your wife were separated by something bigger, like death, like her death?
Barry: I have given it a fair amount of thought.
Pete: Not in any painful way, but just like a gentle…floating off.
Barry: It’s gotta be peaceful, I mean, this is the mother of your children.
Pete: And then the new wife would be great.
Barry: God, I can’t wait to meet my second wife. I hope she likes me better than this one.
[they both laugh]



This Is Where I Leave You (2014)

[to Paul; referring to his wife]
Wendy Altman: You need to put a baby in that woman like yesterday. Have you had your man parts checked? Cause you may have emptied them over the years.
Paul Altman: That’s not…
Wendy Altman: My room was next to yours. My room was next to yours.



This Means War (2012)

[we see FDR and Tuck watching the TV monitor as Lauren and Trish talking about them]
Lauren: FDR has these tiny, like, girl hands. Like little T-Rex hands.
Trish: Eeww, gross! That means he’s got a Mike and Ike for a penis.
[on hearing this Tuck laughs out hard and FDR turns to Tuck]
FDR Foster: You know that’s not true. You’ve seen it. You’ve seen it in Bangladesh, you know that’s not true.



To Rome with Love (2012)

Jerry: They gave us such a great room. You know, you married a very bright guy. I got a…I got a hundred and fifty, hundred and sixty I.Q.
Phyllis: You’re figuring it in Euro’s. In dollars it’s much less.



Toy Story (1995)

Woody: You! Are! A! Toyyyyy! You aren’t the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re…you’re an action figure!
[holds up his fingers indicating something small]
Woody: You are a child’s play thing!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.


Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take Stupid Pills this morning?



Toy Story 3 (2010)

[to the toy Peas-in-a-Pod]
Mr. Potato Head: I told you kids to stay out of my butt!



Tropic Thunder (2008)

Kirk Lazarus: Me? I know who I am! I’m a dude playin’ a dude disguised as another dude.

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The Watch (2012)

[interrogating a teenage kid]
Franklin: Look at his face.
Evan: Look at my face.
Franklin: Look at this face and listen to me.
Evan: Look at him and listen to me.
Franklin: Look at me.
Evan: Look at me.
Franklin: Look at him and understand me. Look at both of us, but understand no one. Listen to my words, and hear his face.



What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Deacon: I’ll kill you!
Nick: I’m already dead!



The World’s End (2013)

Gary King: We are gonna do the Golden Mile, and this time we are going to see it through to the bitter end. Or…lager end.



Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

[to Ralph]
King Candy: You wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses, would you?
[Ralph takes the glasses from his face and smashes it over his head]
King Candy: You hit a guy with glasses! That’s…that’s well played.



Yes Man (2008)

[riding on a motor scooter]
Alison: Am I going too fast for you?
Carl Allen: Nah. In fact, I think you should go faster. That way if we crash, at least I’ll die. I just don’t wanna be kept alive artificially.



Your Highness (2011)

Leezar: What are you laughing at?
Belladonna: I was just thinking about your penis, and how unusual it must look.
Leezar: It doesn’t look unusual.
Belladonna: How do you know it’s going to work?
Leezar: Because I’ve tested it.
Belladonna: Really?
Leezar: If you’re vagina is anything like my hand, there will be no problem.

See more Your Highness Quotes


Zoolander (2001)

Maury Ballstein: Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.


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Total Quotes: 101


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