Things I Hate About You (1999)
perceive you as
'Heinous bitch' is
the term used most often.
Things I Hate About You Quotes
Walter Stratford: Hello,
Make anyone cry today?
Sadly, no. But
it's only 4:30.
you can be
overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be
think you can in
[discovering Joey Donner
has drawn on
have a dick on my face, don't I?
[after discovering Kat
her car on purpose]
Walter Stratford: My
insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat Stratford: Well
them I had a seizure.
Walter Stratford: You're
don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're
45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
guess in this
society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.
a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no
piercings, no ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God,
giving them ideas.
21 Jump Street
you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.
If them boys is cops, I'm DEA.
[Schmidt does a fake
know! Right? I know! It's hilarious.
[Schmidt stops laughing]
why don't you show us a little respect?
Fuck you, pig!
You want me to beat your dick off?
want to beat my dick off?
beat your dick off with both hands. What's up? Let's go.
That's weird, man!
think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times
round the genital area that...that your dick's just gonna fall off.
See more 21
Jump Street Quotes
Jump Street (2014)
her buying drugs on campus, and that's the dealer. Find him and we'll
find the supplier.
can I just say, it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim.
I mean, we care so much more because she's black.
think what he's really trying to say is that we care equally. It's a
tie really how much we care.
we're not. If it was a white person I wouldn't even care. One less
crackerass crackhead to worry about.
every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up? Infiltrate the
find the supplier!
See more 22 Jump
or Less (2011)
[at the check out
counter a register woman swipes their items]
Guns. Mask. You sure you all don't wanna grab some condoms?
Because this is usually what men buy before they rape someone.
we're not rapists! Us two, small fries? No way.
[she gives them a cold
Is it gonna be cash or credit for your rape kit?
[Chet put a box of
hamburger slider kit on the counter]
is a slider station in a rape kit? Cause we're gettin' one of
into rape, just into sliders.
See more 30
Minutes or Less Quotes
The 40 Year Old
don't let him
bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not everybody's a pussy magnet.
You, uh, what are you, 25?
shit, man, you got
to get on that!
more The 40
Year Old Virgin Quotes
Stitzer: You know what? I respect women! I love women! I
respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!
[after getting his chest
This is not a
good look for me!
Boy at Health Clinic:
Hey, do you
have any extra large condoms?
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh,
Seth, please! You have a tiny penis.
Stitzer: I need some poon! I need genital to genital
[to a shirtless Andy,
who has an
incredibly hairy chest]
love your sweater.
Does that come in a V-neck?
Andy Stitzer: She
had hands as
big as Andre the Giant's, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her
[Trish and Andy are on
I don't like
gonna tell her.
should totally tell
I'm going to.
I watched this
movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "Don't lie." And that was
a smart movie.
gonna be fine.
gonna be fine. Fifty fifty! If you were a casino game, you'd have the
See more 50/50 Quotes
(500) Days of Summer
[Tom's boss reads the
message on a
valentine's card that Tom has written after he's been dumped by Summer]
are red, violets
are blue...Fuck you, whore!
Anchorman: The Legend of
Ron Burgundy (2004)
lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of
diversity on the news team.
What in the hell's diversity?
Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden
ship that was used during the Civil War era.
more Anchorman Quotes
For just one night let's not be co-workers. Let's be co-people.
I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am
rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of
slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48
and am what some people call mentally retarded.
My God, what is that smell? Oh!
That's the smell of desire my lady.
God no, it smells like, like a used diaper...filled with...Indian food.
Oh, excuse me.
You know, desire smells like that to some people.
News Station Employee:
What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee:
Smells like Bigfoot's dick!
[Brian tries to act
casual and walk away]
Woah, what's that smell?
Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be
with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
2: The Legend
Let me ask you something, and I'm not trying to be funny here. Are you
sure he's not a midget with a learning disability?
more Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes
American Reunion (2012)
have not had a night like that since the seventies.
be surprised what you can do...with a well placed thumb.
It's mental masturbation!
And you would know all about that, wouldn't you?
Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.
more Annie Hall Quotes
Don't you see the rest of the country
looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual
pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
It's so clean out here.
That's because they don't throw their
garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
You know, I...I feel that life is...is
divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two
categories, you know. The...the horrible would be like, um...I don't
know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't
know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the
miserable is everyone else. That's...that's so...so when you go through
life, you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very
lucky to be miserable.
As Good as It Gets (1997)
door, turns and yells]
If you want to see
me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Dr. Green, how
can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then
act like I have some choice about barging in here?
more As Good
As it Get Quotes
People who talk
in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.
Okay, we all have
these terrible stories to get over, and you...
It's not true.
Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with
boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot
of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it
so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so
many others had it good.
[introducing Carol to
waitress, Simon the fag.
When you first
entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome...and then, of
course, you spoke.
interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the
sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming
from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold
a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think
you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's
election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some
fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of
the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and
you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not
on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
Uhm, yes. It's
not a...subtle point that you're making.
[shuts door in Simon's
[sitting in the bar
insulted Carol and she's storms out]
Well, it's not
right to go into details, I got nervous. I screwed up, I said the wrong
thing. Where if I hadn't, I could be in bed right now with a woman who,
if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead I'm here with you...
[gestures to bartender]
but a moron pushing the last legal drug.
How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I
think of a
man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Simon Bishop: The
you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.
[after Carol arrives at
apartment in the middle of the night]
I'm not going
to sleep with you! I will never sleep with you, never, ever! Not ever!
Well, I'm sorry,
but...we don't open for the "no sex oaths" until 9am.
[to Simon after he's
from hospital for being beaten up and robbed]
Melvin Udall: You're
disgrace to depression.
August: Osage County
Marriage is hard.
That's one thing about Mom and Dad, you gotta tip your hat to anybody
who could stay married that long.
Karen, he killed himself.
more August: Osage County Quotes
Charles Aiken: So,
I'm curious. You don't eat meat of any kind?
Right. When you eat meat, you ingest an animal's fear.
Violet Weston: Ingest
what? It's fur?!
Jean Fordham: Fear!
Charles Aiken: You
can't eat fear!
Bill Fordham: Our
kid is trying to deal with this mad house you dragged her into!
Barbara Weston: This
isn't a mad house, this is my home.
Bill Fordham: Yeah,
think about that statement for a second.
Violet Weston: I
have an Indian in my house.
Barbara Weston: They're
called Native Americans, Mom.
Violet Weston: They
aren't any more native than me.
Barbara Weston: In
fact, they are.
Violet Weston: Let's
call the dinosaurs Native Americans while we're at it.
[they start laughing]
Mattie Fae Aiken:
Look at your boobs! Last time I saw you, you looked like a little boy.
'Little' Charles Aiken: I
missed Uncle Bev's funeral!
[he starts crying]
That don't mean anything compared to what you have in your heart.
[struggling to give a
prayer as everyone is sat at the dinner table]
Charles Aiken: Dear
Lord, we ask that you watch over this family in this sad time. Oh,
Lord, we're truly blessed in our fellowship, our togetherness. We
recognize now more than ever the power, the joy of family.
'Little' Charles Aiken:
Charles Aiken: Let's
Ivy Weston: You
supposed to be smoking?
Violet Weston: Is
anybody supposed to be smoke?!
Violet Weston: Soon
you'll be gone and never to return.
Barbara Weston: Don't
start with that.
Violet Weston: Your
father, you broke his heart when you moved away.
Barbara Weston: That
is widely unfair.
Violet Weston: You
were Beverly's favorite, you know that?
Barbara Weston: I
prefer to think my parents loved their children equally.
Violet Weston: I'm
sure you prefer to think that Santa Clause brought you presents too.
Barbara Weston: Thank
God we can't tell the future, we'd never get out of bed.
Austin Powers (1997)
father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium
with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a
fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My
father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims
like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts
of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess
and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon,
luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent
I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard
really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of
fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my
testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's
breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
Bad Words (2013)
Eric Tai's Mother:
You're an asshole.
[pointing to Chaitainya]
That's a child.
Eric Tai's Mother:
So why don't you take your potty mouth, go locate
your pre-teen cocksucker son and stuff him back that old blown out
sweat sock of a giant vagina and screw it off to whatever shit kicking
town you came from.
more Bad Words Quotes
Chaitainya Chopra: I
was in last year's tournament. I overheard you say you're going too.
You're the grown up that's competing, huh? I heard about you. What was
the winning word?
Trilby: I don't know.
Chaitainya Chopra: What
was the word you spelt to win your regional to get here?
Trilby: I don't fucking remember. Do you see my eyes
Chaitainya Chopra: Mine
Chaitainya Chopra: Come
on, try. How could you forget? It such a special word.
[there's a pause then
Guy opens his eyes and finally answers]
Trilby: It was autofellatio. Okay?
Chaitainya Chopra: Yeah.
Chaitainya Chopra: I've
never heard of that word. What's its origin?
Trilby: Loneliness. If
you don't point that curry-hole that way and sit your fucking ass down
on that seat, I'm gonna tell the Captain that your bag's ticking.
The Big Year (2011)
you asking me as a therapist or as a wife?
one is cheaper?
What do you want me to
I want you to
round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this
[Taggart looks for a pen
while Hedley talks]
rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs,
pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men,
Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers,
hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers,
ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!
[Taggart finally finds a
repeat that, sir?
becoming a big underground success in this town.
twenty-five years, you'll be able to shake their hands in broad
[Jim downs a bottle of
whiskey in one
Bart: A man
drink like that and
he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: [eagerly] When?
did you expect?
"Welcome, sonny", "Make yourself at home", "Marry my daughter". You've
got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of
the land. The common clay of the new West. You know...morons.
[explaining why he
became a drunk]
it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who
thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco
Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty
gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I
was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say,
"Reach for it, mister!" I spun around...and there I was, face-to-face
with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked
away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest
saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
there is one thing standing between me and that property... the
Rape, murder, arson,
You said rape
[Taggart finds everyone
at the camp
farting whilst eating beans]
'bout some more
beans, Mr. Taggart?
[Taggart fans his hat in
the air to
remove the foul stench]
Charlie. What is it
that's not exactly water and it ain't exactly earth?
My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading
into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
darnit, Mr. Lamarr. You use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar
[Lamarr gives Taggart a
I signed up to speak at AA tonight and I...I...I...I just have to.
I...I forgot. I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
I keep telling you, you're not supposed to go to those things. You
know, you're not an alcoholic.
only because I've never had a drink.
mean, they are inspiring.
See more Bridesmaids
The Campaign (2012)
[as they shake hands in
front of the news crew and reporters]
to break it to you friend, but uh...you're balloon's gettin' ready to
pop. And that balloon is full of your own butt toots.
you tryin' to trash talk me? You're mama's like a vacuum cleaner. She
sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet.
[Brady shakes Marty's
what nuts feel like.
more The Campaign Quotes
[looking in a small
How's my hair?
Strong. So Strong.
Cam Brady: My
hair could lift a car off a baby if it had to.
Cam Brady: That's
what I like to hear.
This has been my dream, running for office.
You're challenging our four term congressman, how do you expect to do
[Marty doesn't reply and
looks blankly at the news reporter's camera]
Marty Huggins: Uh...say
[at the dinner table
with his family]
Marty Huggins: Now
that I'm running for congress, we're gonna be under a lot of scrutiny.
Anybody have anything that they wanna share with us?
I said the lord's name in vain at school.
Marty Huggins: Is
I went to the petting zoo and I let the goat lick my weaner.
[at the dinner table
Cam Brady: That
little guy's a weirdo. I'm gonna smoke that clown.
[giving a speech in a
Marty Huggins: Washington
D.C. is a mess.
[turns to the rabbi
standing next to him]
Marty Huggins: How
do you say 'it's a mess' in Hebrew
Marty Huggins: Donkey
[giving a speech on his
Cam Brady: Let
me hear a Cam Brady o-twelve.
[suddenly the snake he's
holding in his hand bites his arm]
Cam Brady: Oh,
shove a throwing star up a Chinese mu...!
[the crowd looks
Cam Brady: I
refuse to lose! And I will win!
Cam Brady: Marty
Huggins, what you got there? Is that a crossbow?
[suddenly Marty shoots a
bow and it lands in Brady's leg]
Cam Brady: Ah!
Ho! Black Hawk down!
Gentlemen, we got some babies to kiss.
Cam Brady: That's
my baby to kiss!
Marty Huggins: Stop
goes to kiss the baby being held by it's mother, Brady goes to punch
him out of the way but Marty moves out of the way and Brady punches the
just punched a baby.
Cam Brady: Is
anyone asking how my hand feels after punching that iron like jaw of
Cars 2 (2011)
Finn McMissile, British intelligence.
Mater, average intelligence.
The Change-Up (2011)
living the dream,
Mitch. Having children, it's...it's like, it's living with little
mini-heroin addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute and then
they're crying the next. And then they trying to kill themselves in the
bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and burn
through your money. And they break shit...
it! Got it! Got it! Come on!
The Change-Up Quotes
me about your women. Please!
have been keeping company with a number of nice ladies.
[going through photos of
the women he's seeing]
right here is Brenda. She wants it in missionary, Wheelbarrow,
the Arabian Goggles, the Lonesome Dove, the Arsenio Hall,
the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck. And let me
tell you something, no man is that hungry.
don't even know what these are!
married. You're married, Dave.
[referring to the woman
in the photo]
is her name?
And what's her last name?
calls me at three in the morning and wants to fuck steam. Who gives a
into a fountain]
know I was just saying that I envy you life, Mitch.
I envy yours.
Mitch and Dave: I
wish I had your life!
switched bodies; Dave is now in Mitch's body and Mitch is in Dave's]
Dave: I'm a
a fucking tool!
the first time in your life, you're good looking, you're single. What's
goin' on between us, it's crazy! But what's even more crazy, is not to
How long have you been shaved down there?
get an extra inch. And only married dudes rock the dick froze anymore!
Mitch: So I
can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women. What the hell
say that like it's a
Besides, the PC term is
just like Hamlet
said, "To thine own self be true."
didn't say that.
think I remember
I remember Mel
Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
look like Pippi
you look like
Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
Someone Mel Gibson never
Stoeger, my plastic
surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
Well, there goes
your social life.
Christian said he'd call
the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.
[after taking her
how did I do?
How'd you do? Well,
let's just see shall we? You can't park, you can't change lanes, you
can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you
almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed.
should I listen to
you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.
was way harsh, Tai.
you call me selfish?
not to your face.
Cher: I want
to do something
man Christian is a
Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know
what I'm saying?
no way, not even!
even, he's gay!
does like to shop,
Cher. And the boy can dress.
Tai: Do you
think she's pretty?
she's a full-on Monet.
like a painting,
see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's
ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?
Crazy Stupid Love (2011)
skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.
See more Crazy
Stupid Love Quotes
The Croods (2013)
and this is Belt. We need to leave immediately, the world is ending.
we're standing on, right here, will be gone. I'm calling it 'the end'.
more The Croods Quotes
[Guy gives Eep shoes to
open them. I call them shoes.
[Eep opens her eyes and
screams in excitement]
Eep: I love
them! Where are my feet?
worry! They're still there.
we've been in that cave forever!
days is not forever.
Eep: It is
with this family.
[Grug roles his eyes]
we're ready to leave.
[there's a pause as Gran
doesn't answer, Grug smiles to himself]
[Gran comes out of the
cave, much to Grug's disappointment]
[Grug smears mud on
are so passe. I call this a snapshot.
[he hits Thunk in the
face with a flat rock, leaving an impression of his face]
we do that again? I think I blinked.
Eep: [voice over] We
never had the change to explore the outside world, because of my dad's
is always bad! Never not be afraid.
we'll hear the story of Crispy Bear. A long time ago this little bear
was alive, because she listened to her father, so she was happy. But
this little bear had one terrible problem, she was filled
with...curiosity! Yes! And one day she saw something new and died!
ending as everyday.
get it, dad. I will never do anything new or different.
we need to set a few rules. Rule number one: You will not
Uh-ha. What about the floor?
you may touch the floor
about the air?
you may touch the air.
[she holds a ray gun on
her hands, the laser sight aimed at Gru]
Where did you get that?
[Gru takes it away from
number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule
number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or
sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
this count as annoying?
[makes annoying sound
with her cheeks, Gru stops her]
more Despicable Me Quotes
[Gru is showing Mr.
Perkins his plans, using pictures on an easel]
Gru: I fly
to the moon, I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on
the toilet bowl...what?!
[sees a child's drawing
in his plans of himself sitting on a toilet
Gru: We are
going to pull of the TRUE crime of the century...we are going to steal
stole the Statue of Liberty...
[the minions cheer]
small one, from Las Vegas!
[the cheering stops]
Dr. Nefario: Here's
the new weapon you ordered.
[shoots minion with the
no, no. I said DART gun!
Oh yes. Cause I was wondering...under what circumstances would we use
Gru: Do you
Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
just that your face is so...Como es burro.
[thinking it's a
Miss Hattie: Oh!
Why, thank you!
Despicable Me 2 (2013)
We are the Anti-Villain League, dedicated to fighting crime on a global
scale. A new villain has surfaced. You know how a villain thinks,
that's why we've brought you here. I am the League's director, Silas
[one of the minions
looks to the minion next to him and chuckles]
[both minions laugh]
more Despicable Me 2 Quotes
[to Dr. Nefario]
because everybody hates it doesn't mean it's not good.
Mr. Gru, Agent Lucy Wilde of the Anti-Villain League.
[shows her badge to Gru]
Lucy Wilde: You're
gonna have to come with me.
[Gru pulls out his
plasma blaster gun and shoots at Lucy, who calmly takes out her own gun
which counter attacks Gru's plasma blaster]
Lucy Wilde: You
know, you really should announce your weapons after your fire them.
[Lucy takes out her
Lucy Wilde: For
[she points her lipstick
at Gru which sends electric shock through Gru's body]
Lucy Wilde: Lipstick
[gives Edith a good
[goes over to Margo]
[gives Margo a goodnight
kiss, who's texting on her phone, Gru comes back]
Hold your horses. Who are you texting?
[Gru looks confused]
that a girl's name or a boy's name?
Gru: No! No,
it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!
know what makes you a boy.
[turns to Agnes]
[Gru looks relieved]
Gru: Oh, yes.
[Agnes creates an
imaginary line around Gru's head with her fingers]
I stare at it and imagine a little chick
[imitates a chick
[gives Agnes a good
you really gonna save the world?
right, baby! Gru's back in the game with cool cars, gadgets, and
The Dictator (2012)
[Aladeen approaches the
there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe twenty million
more The Dictator Quotes
[recording his speech to
I am for free press, fair elections and equal rights for women...
[he starts to laugh]
General Aladeen: I
can't say that!
General, welcome to New York city. And while you're here, I highly
recommend a visit to the Empire State Building, before you or one of
your cousins takes it down.
[Zoey is giving Aladeen
a ride on her motorcycle, Aladeen is sat behind
Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those
are breasts? I thought you were a boy!
General Aladeen: I
accept your job offer as general manager.
you can't be the manager because I'm the manager.
General Aladeen: Well,
I can if I kill you.
[as he's riding through
General Aladeen: Ah,
America! The birth place of Aids.
[after having sex with
General Aladeen: Megan,
you were worth every penny.
[Aladeen has laid out
gold watch, diamonds and rubies to pay Megan Fox for having sex with
General Aladeen: I
trust everything is in there as your manager requested?
[Megan picks up a small
piece of ruby]
What's this, a ruby? Is that a joke? What am I, a Kardashian?
General Aladeen: No,
of course not. You're much less hairy.
& Dumber (1994)
mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Really? That's weird.
we called it a
& Dumber Quotes
can't believe we drove
around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is
nothing, nada, zip!
Unless you wanna
work forty hours a week.
hooters you got
Mary: I beg
State Trooper: Pullover!
it's a cardigan but
thanks for noticing.
killer boots man!
Mountains would be a little rockier than this.
that John Denver
is full of shit, man.
her up, she
gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I
don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
[referring to his dad's
ashes which they've drunk accidentally]
least he tasted good.
Not bad. Yeah, strong. It was uh...full flavored, robust blend.
really enjoyed coffee and in the end he was enjoyed as coffee. Circle
King. All that.
See more Due Date Quotes
Last thing I
need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller
disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to
effectively govern this student body.
makes you look
like an ass is what he does, Ed.
Ferris Buller's Day Off Quotes
Ed Rooney: I
did not achieve
this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese
out in the wind.
popular Ed. The
sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies,
dickheads, they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two
weeks you'd have a diamond.
[Rooney thinks he's just
Les jeux sont
faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
Olaf, you're melting.
people are worth melting for.
[as his face starts to
melt he tries to hold it up]
maybe not right this second!
See more Frozen Quotes
The Grand Budapest Hotel
You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this
barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's
what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant...oh, fuck it.
more The Grand Budapest Hotel Quotes
[to his officers]
want road blocks at every junction for fifty kilometers. I want rail
blocks at every train station for a hundred kilometers. I want fifty
men and ten blood hounds ready in five minutes.
Nobody is saying it's a stroll down a tree light promenade with a fine
lady and white poodle, but it's got what you'd call, vulnerability.
M. Gustave: Have
you ever been questioned by the authorities?
Zero Moustafa: Yes,
on one occasion.
M. Gustave: What,
Zero Moustafa: I
was arrested and tortured by the rebel militia after the desert
M. Gustave: Right.
Well, you know the drill then. Zip it.
What is a lobby boy? A lobby boy is completely invisible, yet always in
sight. A lobby boy remembers what people hate. A lobby boy anticipates
the client's needs before the needs are needed. A lobby boy is, above
all, discreet to a fault. Our guests know that their deepest secrets,
some of which are frankly rather unseemly, will go with us to our
graves. So keep your mouth shut, Zero.
of the Galaxy
Well that's just as fascinating as the first eighty-nine times. What is
wrong with Giving Tree here?
Well he don't know talkin' good like me and you, so his vocabulistics
is limited to "I" and "am" and "Groot," exclusively in that order.
Well I tell you what, that's gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.
Guardians of the Galaxy Quotes
The Guilt Trip (2012)
you seeing anyone?
don't be disgusting. I thought you were seeing that girl with the
more The Guilt Trip Quotes
Andy Brewster: Do
you have any rooms available?
One for you and your lady?
Andy Brewster: A
Joyce Brewster: Andy,
they have clip-on fog earings!
[Andy looks at the hotel
clerk, who's smiles and winks at Andy]
Andy Brewster: Oh,
dude! Don't wink at me! It's my mother! Are you insane?!
[stopping in front of
what seems like a restaurant]
Joyce Brewster: Look,
there's a restaurant! Does that say tapass? I love tapass!
[Jessica starts walking
towards it, Andy looks closer and sees that it's a strip club with the
lights on the letters L and E gone out on the sign that says 'TOPLESS']
Andy Brewster: That's
not what it says, mom!
[at the strip club]
Andy Brewster: Please,
don't sit near me.
Joyce Brewster: When
you were a baby your penis started to turn purple.
Andy Brewster: I
almost threw up all over the table.
Joyce Brewster: You'd
tell me if your penis started to turn purple again.
Andy Brewster: My
penis could literally grow an eyeball and I wouldn't tell you.
[standing at the edge of
cliff at Grand Canyon]
Joyce Brewster: I
always wanted to see the Grand Canyon!
Andy Brewster: I
Joyce Brewster: How
long are we supposed to look at it?
Andy Brewster: Ten
minutes? Seems disrespectful to look at it for any less.
Joyce Brewster: But
Andy Brewster: That's
a good point.
This is so illegal.
the fun part in anything?
in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing
child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?
See more The Hangover
The Hangover Part II (2011)
going to miss you monkey. I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.
See more The Hangover
Part II Quotes
Hangover Part III (2013)
can't believe my daddy is dead. I can think of so many people I would
rather have died first, like my mother.
See more The Hangover
Part III Quotes
Happy Feet Two (2011)
me? Fat chance!
have a chance! And it's fat!
more Happy Feet Two Quotes
on the outside.
Will the Krill:
I'm moving up the food chain. I'm gonna go chew on something that has a
Bill the Krill:
No! No! No! No!
[suddenly Will takes a
bite out of a giant seal]
Will the Krill: A
Bill the Krill: You
just nibbled on its butt!
are killing us out there, you
don't fit in! Take off that fucking jacket.
is...this is a good jacket.
Cause you look like you're gonna set up a table and do their fucking
See more The Heat Quotes
The Help (2011)
Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan:
I got a job today.
Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan:
Writin' for the Jackson Journal.
You can write my obituary; Charlotte Phelan. Dead. Her
daughter still single!
Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan:
Mother, would it be really so bad if I never had a husband?
See more The Help
Dean 'MF' Jones:
Your first name is Motherfucker?!
Dean 'MF' Jones:
Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?
No! Cool name. Yeah. Is that like on your birth certificate?
[Kurt elbows Dale to
stop asking questions]
Dean 'MF' Jones:
real name is Dean.
Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug.
Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is.
Dean 'MF' Jones:
I know who he is, bitch!
Dean 'MF' Jones:
can't walk around this fuckin' neighborhood
with that Disney-assed name!
See more Horrible
Identity Thief (2013)
This is crazy! You don't chase criminals! You're not Batman!
can handle her. She's like a hobbit, I'm going after Bilbo.
looking at some sort of mental Hunger Games against a bunch of genius
kids for just like a handful of jobs.
more The Internship Quotes
team's a joke.
guy's gotta start believing.
reminds me of a little girl from a steel down who had the dream to
dance. She had to strip down to nothing, she had to sit in that chair
and arch her back, and she reached up and pulled the chain from nowhere
and doused herself with water.
You're talking about the movie from the eighties.
you're damn right I am.
don't the two of you guys right now go and find the programmer.
His name name is Charles Xavier.
a professor at Stanford.
in a wheelchair.
it. Stanford. Wheelchair.
[Billy and Nick approach
a bald guy in a wheelchair in Stanford]
Guy in Wheelchair:
Xavier, we know that it's you.
Guy in Wheelchair: You
found me out. Cyclops, Rogue, we're all here. Now come closer, I want
to share some
of my wisdom with you.
[Billy leans down
closer, suddenly the guy in the wheelchair punches Billy in the face
and Nick in the nuts and wheels away]
Xavier is a total...!
Mr. Chetty: Your
first challenge; create and app.
[turning to the other
are taking photo's all the time, so what if, you take that photo and
you put it out there on the line?
you share it with our friends.
mine's more of a social sharing on the line.
interjection. When you say 'on the line', you mean online?
Jack and Jill (2011)
you going bald?
No! No! You're getting fatter and your hair doesn't realize it needs to
cover more face.
more Jack and Jill Quotes
Office Worker #1:
What's this about a twin?
Office Worker #2: Jack
here has a twin sister.
Office Worker #1: Identical
Office Worker #2: Uh...nocturnal,
like a bat.
Your sister and I grew up on the same street. When I look at her I see
I look at her I see me too.
twins can feel when the other one's hurt.
[Jill slaps herself in
the face and looks at Jack to see if he feels the pain]
didn't feel it.
[Jill slaps herself in
the face a little harder]
[Jill slaps herself in
the face more harder]
Jill, stop it! He's kidding.
[suddenly Gary punches
Jill hard in the face]
actually did feel something there. Pride in my son.
Joyful Noise (2012)
Well I am who I am!
Vi Rose Hill:
Well maybe you were, five procedures ago.
more Joyful Noise Quotes
[to Vi Rose]
G.G. Sparrow: Who
cares if I got a few little nips and tucks? God didn't make plastic
surgeons so they could starve!
[as G.G. is trying to
hit Vi Rose]
Vi Rose Hill: Quit
it with those nails, Edward Scissorhands!
I think it's best
to just tell 'em.
But, uh ah, I'm
going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect
couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything.
And...and what...in thirty or odd weeks we can just pretend that this
sorry...and if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating
in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday...morning.
[after Juno's parents
have found out
Mac MacGuff: Did
you see that
Yeah...but I was hoping
she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
That was my first
instinct too. Or a DWI...anything but this!
pay for that
pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because
you marked it with your urine!
I still have
I still have your
Juno MacGuff: Bleeker's
possibly attractive once, but now she looks like a Hobbit. You know,
the fat one, that was in the Goonies.
I hate it when
adults use the term "sexually active." What does it even mean? Am I
gonna like deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?
Do you know the 'f' word?
King George VI:
Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
[as he sees
that Po is alive]
many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?!
See more Kung Fu
Panda 2 Quotes
Last Vegas (2013)
Do you guys have drugs?
more Last Vegas Quotes
gonna party like it's 1959!
[looking extremely drunk]
these Red Bull vodkas are strange. I feel like I'm getting drunk and
electrocuted at the same time. I probably should get up and dance, but
I'm used to having a partner. But it doesn't seem to that fella. Maybe
I'll give it a shot, maybe now.
[he gets up and starts
dancing and Billy and Sam start laughing]
Total Funny Quotes: 98
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