Funny Movie Quotes and Lines
(Total Funny Quotes: 97)

We all know that there a lot of funny movie quotes out there but with so many things going on in our lives nowadays it's hard to remember them and we forget what's funny let alone the quotes from the movie.

To help you along on this little expedition of merriment and amusement, a random collection of the funniest movie quotes have been gathered here, so if you don't have the time to watch the entire film, well, these quotes are the next best thing. Hopefully these quotes will put a smile on your face, but remember don't take these jokes too seriously!

If you want to send your favorite funny movie lines, please do not hesitate to send it by clicking here.

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10 Things I Hate About You Quotes10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat...
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: 'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often.

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21 Jump Street Quotes
21 Jump Street Quotes (2012)

Domingo: Are you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.
Tom Hanson: If them boys is cops, I'm DEA.
[Schmidt does a fake laugh]
Schmidt: I know! Right? I know! It's hilarious.
[Schmidt stops laughing]
Schmidt: So why don't you show us a little respect?
Domingo: Fuck you, pig!
Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
Jenko: I'll beat your dick off with both hands. What's up? Let's go.
One-Percenter #1: That's weird, man!
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that...that your dick's just gonna fall off.

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22 Jump Street Quotes
22 Jump Street (2014)

Captain Dickson: That's her buying drugs on campus, and that's the dealer. Find him and we'll find the supplier.
Schmidt: Sir, can I just say, it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim. I mean, we care so much more because she's black.
Jenko: I...I think what he's really trying to say is that we care equally. It's a tie really how much we care.
Schmidt: Um...no we're not. If it was a white person I wouldn't even care. One less crackerass crackhead to worry about.
Captain Dickson: Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up? Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier!

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30 Minutes or Less Quotes
30 Minutes or Less (2011)

[at the check out counter a register woman swipes their items]
Register Woman: Guns. Mask. You sure you all don't wanna grab some condoms?
Nick: No. Why?
Register Woman: Because this is usually what men buy before they rape someone.
Chet: Oh, we're not rapists! Us two, small fries? No way.
[she gives them a cold unbelieving look]
Register Woman: Is it gonna be cash or credit for your rape kit?
[Chet put a box of hamburger slider kit on the counter]
Chet: Hey, is a slider station in a rape kit? Cause we're gettin' one of those too.
Nick: We'll pay cash.
Chet: Not into rape, just into sliders.

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The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes
The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. Not everybody's a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
Andy Stitzer: I'm 40.
Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!

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50/50 Quotes
50/50 (2011)

Kyle: You're gonna be fine.
Adam: Yeah.
Kyle: You're gonna be fine. Fifty fifty! If you were a casino game, you'd have the best odds.
Adam: Yeah. Thanks.

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500 Days of Sum,er7
(500) Days of Summer (2009)

[Tom's boss reads the message on a valentine's card that Tom has written after he's been dumped by Summer]
Vance: Roses are red, violets are blue...Fuck you, whore!



Anchorman Quotes
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.

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Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)

Ron Burgundy: Let me ask you something, and I'm not trying to be funny here. Are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability?

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American Reunion Quotes
American Reunion (2012)

Jim's Dad: I have not had a night like that since the seventies.
Jim: [disgusted] Don't need this.
Jim's Dad: You'd be surprised what you can do...with a well placed thumb.



Annie Hall Quotes
Annie Hall (1977)

Alvy Singer: It's mental masturbation!
Annie Hall: And you would know all about that, wouldn't you?
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.

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As Good as It Gets Quotes
As Good as It Gets (1997)

[enters his psychiatrist's office]
Melvin Udall: Hi.
[shuts the door, turns and yells]
Melvin Udall: HELP!
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?

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August: Osage County Quotes
August: Osage County (2013)

Barbara Weston: Marriage is hard.
Karen Weston: That's one thing about Mom and Dad, you gotta tip your hat to anybody who could stay married that long.
Ivy Weston: Karen, he killed himself.

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Austin Powers Quotes
Austin Powers (1997)

Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.


Bad Words Quotes
Bad Words (2013)

Eric Tai's Mother: You're an asshole.
[pointing to Chaitainya]
Guy Trilby: That's a child.
Eric Tai's Mother: Yes.
Guy Trilby: So why don't you take your potty mouth, go locate your pre-teen cocksucker son and stuff him back that old blown out sweat sock of a giant vagina and screw it off to whatever shit kicking town you came from.

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The Big Year Quotes
The Big Year (2011)

Stu: Am I nuts, Edith?
Edith: Are you asking me as a therapist or as a wife?
Stu: Which one is cheaper?


Blazing Saddles Quotes
Blazing Saddles (1974)

Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!
[Taggart finally finds a pen and paper]
Taggart: Could you repeat that, sir?

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Bridesmaids Quotes
Bridesmaids (2011)

Annie's Mom: I signed up to speak at AA tonight and I...I...I...I just have to.
Annie: Mom?!
Annie's Mom: No! I...I forgot. I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Annie: Mom, I keep telling you, you're not supposed to go to those things. You know, you're not an alcoholic.
Annie's Mom: Well, only because I've never had a drink.
Annie: What?
Annie's Mom: I mean, they are inspiring.

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The Campaign Quotes
The Campaign (2012)

[as they shake hands in front of the news crew and reporters]
Cam Brady: How you doin'?
Marty Huggins: Hate to break it to you friend, but uh...you're balloon's gettin' ready to pop. And that balloon is full of your own butt toots.
Cam Brady: Are you tryin' to trash talk me? You're mama's like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet.
[Brady shakes Marty's hand hard]
Cam Brady: That's what nuts feel like.
Marty Huggins: Stop it!

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Cars 2 Quotes
Cars 2 (2011)

Finn McMissile: Finn McMissile, British intelligence.
Mater: Tow Mater, average intelligence.



The Change-Up Quotes
The Change-Up (2011)

Dave: You're living the dream, Mitch. Having children, it's...it's like, it's living with little mini-heroin addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute and then they're crying the next. And then they trying to kill themselves in the bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and burn through your money. And they break shit...
Mitch: Got it! Got it! Got it! Come on!

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Cluess Quotes
Clueless (1995)

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?!
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".

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Crazy Stupid Love Quotes
Crazy Stupid Love (2011)

Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

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The Croods Quotes
The Croods (2013)

Guy: I'm Guy and this is Belt. We need to leave immediately, the world is ending.
Eep: What?
Guy: Everything we're standing on, right here, will be gone. I'm calling it 'the end'.

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Despicable Me Quotes
Despicable Me (2010)

Gru: Clearly we need to set a few rules. Rule number one: You will not touch anything.
Margo: Uh-ha. What about the floor?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor
Margo: What about the air?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.
Edith: What about this?
[she holds a ray gun on her hands, the laser sight aimed at Gru]
Gru: Aah! Where did you get that?
Edith: Found it.
[Gru takes it away from her]
Gru: Rule number two: You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
Agnes: Does this count as annoying?
[makes annoying sound with her cheeks, Gru stops her]
Gru: Very!

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Despicable Me 2 Quotes
Despicable Me 2 (2013)

[to Gru]
Silas Ramsbottom: We are the Anti-Villain League, dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. A new villain has surfaced. You know how a villain thinks, that's why we've brought you here. I am the League's director, Silas Ramsbottom.
[one of the minions looks to the minion next to him and chuckles]
Minion: Bottom!
[both minions laugh]
Silas Ramsbottom: Hilarious.

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The Dictator Quotes
The Dictator (2012)

[Aladeen approaches the NYPD]
General Aladeen: Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe twenty million dollars.

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Dumb and Dumber Quotes
Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

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Due Date Quotes
Due Date (2010)

[referring to his dad]
Ethan Tremblay: At least he tasted good.
Peter Highman: Not bad. Yeah, strong. It was uh...full flavored, robust blend.
Ethan Tremblay: He really enjoyed coffee and in the end he was enjoyed as coffee. Circle of life.
Peter Highman: Lion King. All that.

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Ferris Bueller's Day Off Quotes
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.

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Frozen Quotes
Frozen (2013)

Anna: Olaf, you're melting.
Olaf: Some people are worth melting for.
[as his face starts to melt he tries to hold it up]
Olaf: Just maybe not right this second!

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The Grand Budapest Hotel Quotes
The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

[looking at Madame D. dead body laid in her coffin]
M. Gustave: You're looking so well, darling. You really are. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but I want some.

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The Guilt Trip Quotes
The Guilt Trip (2012)

Joyce Brewster: You seeing anyone?
Andy Brewster: Are you seeing anyone?
Joyce Brewster: Please, don't be disgusting. I thought you were seeing that girl with the exotic name.
Andy Brewster: Bethany?!

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The Hangover Quotes
The Hangover (2009)

Stu Price:
This is so illegal.
Phil Wenneck: Can't you see the fun part in anything?
Stu Price: Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?

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The Hangover 2 Quotes
The Hangover Part II (2011)


Alan: I'm going to miss you monkey. I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.

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The Hangover Part III Quotes
The Hangover Part III (2013)

Alan: I can't believe my daddy is dead. I can think of so many people I would rather have died first, like my mother.

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Happy Feet Two Quotes
Happy Feet Two (2011)

Carmen: You, me? Fat chance!
Ramon: I have a chance! And it's fat!

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The Heat Quotes
The Heat (2013)

Mullins: You are killing us out there, you don't fit in! Take off that fucking jacket.
Ashburn: This is...this is a good jacket.
Mullins: Really? Cause you look like you're gonna set up a table and do their fucking taxes!

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The Help Quotes
The Help (2011)

Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan: I got a job today.
Charlotte Phelan: Where?
Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan: Writin' for the Jackson Journal.
Charlotte Phelan: Great. You can write my obituary; Charlotte Phelan. Dead. Her daughter still single!
Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan: Mother, would it be really so bad if I never had a husband?
Charlotte Phelan: Skeeter!

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Horrible Bosses Quotes
Horrible Bosses (2011)

[introducing himself]
Dean 'MF' Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus: Your first name is Motherfucker?!
Dean 'MF' Jones: Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?
Dale Arbus: No! No! Cool name. Yeah. Is that like on your birth certificate?
[Kurt elbows Dale to stop asking questions]
Dean 'MF' Jones: My real name is Dean.
Nick Hendricks: Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug.
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is.
Dean 'MF' Jones: I know who he is, bitch!
Kurt Buckman: Sorry.
Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this fuckin' neighborhood with that Disney-assed name!

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Identity Thief
Identity Thief (2013)

Trish Patterson: This is crazy! You don't chase criminals! You're not Batman!
Sandy: I can handle her. She's like a hobbit, I'm going after Bilbo.




The Internship Quotes
The Internship (2013)

Nick: We're looking at some sort of mental Hunger Games against a bunch of genius kids for just like a handful of jobs.

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Jack and Jill Quotes
Jack and Jill (2011)

Jill: Are you going bald?
Jack: Huh?
Jill: No! No! No! You're getting fatter and your hair doesn't realize it needs to cover more face.

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Joyful Noise Quotes
Joyful Noise (2012)

G.G. Sparrow: Well I am who I am!
Vi Rose Hill: Well maybe you were, five procedures ago.

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Juno Quotes
Juno (2007)

Leah: Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em.
Juno MacGuff: I'm Pregnant.
Bren: Oh, God.
Juno MacGuff: But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And...and what...in thirty or odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac MacGuff: You're pregnant?
Juno MacGuff: I'm sorry. I'm sorry...and if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday...morning.

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The King's Speech Quotes
The King's Speech (2010)

Lionel Logue: Do you know the 'f' word?
King George VI: Ffff...fornication?



Kung Fu Panda 2 Quotes
Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

[as he sees that Po is alive]
Shen: How many times do I have to kill the same stinking panda?!

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Last Vegas Quotes
Last Vegas (2013)

Drunk Girl: Do you guys have drugs?
Sam: Does Lipitor count?

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Total Funny Quotes: 97



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