Funny Movie Quotes and Lines

(Total Funny Quotes: 101)


“I look like someone’s homophobic aunt!”

Inside Out

“Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.”

What We Do in the Shadows

“When you’re a vampire you become very sexy.”

Penguins of Madagascar

“Kevin, bake on! We’re still going to need that victory cake!”

Guardians of the Galaxy

“He said that he may be an a-hole. But he’s not, and I quote, hundred percent a dick.”


The Lego Movie

“I think I got it. But just in case, tell me the whole thing again, I wasn’t listening.”


Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

“I’m so lonely, I paid a hobo to spoon with me.”


The Campaign

“You’re mama’s like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet.”


“I look like something you give to your kid when you tell ’em Grandma died.”



Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?”

Blazing Saddles

“God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.”

The Hangover

“I look like a nerdy hillbilly!”


Toy Story

“Did you all take Stupid Pills this morning?”

We all know that there a lot of funny movie quotes out there but with so many things going on in our lives nowadays it’s hard to remember them and we forget what’s funny let alone the quotes from the movie.

To help you along on this little expedition of merriment and amusement, a random collection of the funniest movie quotes have been gathered here, so if you don’t have the time to watch the entire film, well, these quotes are the next best thing. Hopefully these quotes will put a smile on your face, but remember don’t take the jokes too seriously!

A – Z Funny Movie Quotes Page   1   2


10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat…
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: ‘Heinous bitch’ is the term used most often.



21 Jump Street Quotes (2012)

Captain Dickson: Hey! Hey! Stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain’t got time for your problems! He’s busy, with Korean shit!

See more 21 Jump Street Quotes


22 Jump Street (2014)

[to Schmidt]
Captain Dickson: Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up? Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier!

See more 22 Jump Street Quotes


The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)

Mooj: Hey Andy, don’t let him bother you. It’s okay not to have sex. Not everybody’s a pussy magnet. You, uh, what are you, 25?
Andy Stitzer: I’m 40.
Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that!



(500) Days of Summer (2009)

[Tom’s boss reads the message on a valentine’s card that Tom has written after he’s been dumped by Summer]
Vance: Roses are red, violets are blue…Fuck you, whore!



Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell’s diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.



Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)

Ron Burgundy: Let me ask you something, and I’m not trying to be funny here. Are you sure he’s not a midget with a learning disability?

See more Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes


American Reunion (2012)

Jim’s Dad: I have not had a night like that since the seventies.
Jim: [disgusted] Don’t need this.
Jim’s Dad: You’d be surprised what you can do…with a well placed thumb.



Annie Hall (1977)

Alvy Singer: It’s mental masturbation!
Annie Hall: And you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?
Alvy Singer: Hey, don’t knock masturbation! It’s sex with someone I love.



As Good as It Gets (1997)

[enters his psychiatrist’s office]
Melvin Udall: Hi.
[shuts the door, turns and yells]
Melvin Udall: Help!
Dr. Green: If you want to see me, you will not do this. You will make an appointment.
Melvin Udall: Dr. Green, how can you diagnose someone as an obsessive compulsive disorder, and then act like I have some choice about barging in here?



August: Osage County (2013)

Barbara Weston: Marriage is hard.
Karen Weston: That’s one thing about Mom and Dad, you gotta tip your hat to anybody who could stay married that long.
Ivy Weston: Karen, he killed himself.



Austin Powers (1997)

Dr. Evil: My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking, I suggest you try it.



Bad Words (2013)

Eric Tai’s Mother: You’re an asshole.
[pointing to Chaitainya]
Guy Trilby: That’s a child.
Eric Tai’s Mother: Yes.
Guy Trilby: So why don’t you take your potty mouth, go locate your pre-teen cocksucker son and stuff him back that old blown out sweat sock of a giant vagina and screw it off to whatever shit kicking town you came from.



The Big Year (2011)

Stu: Am I nuts, Edith?
Edith: Are you asking me as a therapist or as a wife?
Stu: Which one is cheaper?



Blazing Saddles (1974)

Taggart: What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!
[Taggart finally finds a pen and paper]
Taggart: Could you repeat that, sir?



Bridesmaids (2011)

Megan: I’m glad he’s single, cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree.

See more Bridesmaids Quotes


The Campaign (2012)

[as they shake hands in front of the news crew and reporters]
Cam Brady: How you doin’?
Marty Huggins: Hate to break it to you friend, but uh…you’re balloon’s gettin’ ready to pop. And that balloon is full of your own butt toots.
Cam Brady: Are you tryin’ to trash talk me? You’re mama’s like a vacuum cleaner. She sucks, she blows and gets laid in a closet.
[Brady shakes Marty’s hand hard]
Cam Brady: That’s what nuts feel like.
Marty Huggins: Stop it!



Cars 2 (2011)

Finn McMissile: Finn McMissile, British intelligence.
Mater: Tow Mater, average intelligence.



The Change-Up (2011)

Dave: You’re living the dream, Mitch. Having children, it’s…it’s like, it’s living with little mini-heroin addicts. You know, they’re laughing one minute and then they’re crying the next. And then they trying to kill themselves in the bathroom for no good reason. They’re very mean and selfish and burn through your money. And they break shit…
Mitch: Got it! Got it! Got it! Come on!



Clueless (1995)

Tai: Cher, you’re a virgin?!
Cher: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is “Hymenally challenged”.



Crazy Stupid Love (2011)

Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner’s ball sack.

See more Crazy Stupid Love Quotes


The Croods (2013)

Guy: I’m Guy and this is Belt. We need to leave immediately, the world is ending.
Eep: What?
Guy: Everything we’re standing on, right here, will be gone. I’m calling it ‘the end’.



Despicable Me (2010)

Gru: Clearly we need to set a few rules. Rule number one: You will not touch anything.
Margo: Uh-ha. What about the floor?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor
Margo: What about the air?
Gru: Yes, you may touch the air.
Edith: What about this?
[she holds a ray gun on her hands, the laser sight aimed at Gru]
Gru: Aah! Where did you get that?
Edith: Found it.
[Gru takes it away from her]
Gru: Rule number two: You will not bother me while I’m working. Rule number three: You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart! So no, no, no annoying sounds. All right?
Agnes: Does this count as annoying?
[makes annoying sound with her cheeks, Gru stops her]
Gru: Very!



Despicable Me 2 (2013)

[to Gru]
Silas Ramsbottom: We are the Anti-Villain League, dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. A new villain has surfaced. You know how a villain thinks, that’s why we’ve brought you here. I am the League’s director, Silas Ramsbottom.
[one of the minions looks to the minion next to him and chuckles]
Minion: Bottom!
[both minions laugh]
Silas Ramsbottom: Hilarious.



The Dictator (2012)

[Aladeen approaches the NYPD]
General Aladeen: Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe twenty million dollars.



Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That’s weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.



Dumb and Dumber To (2014)

Harry Dunne: Woh. Check out the hotties at twelve o’clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That’s three hours away. Why can’t I check ’em out now?
[Harry turns Lloyd round and he gasps when he notices the two women]



Due Date (2010)

[to his father’s ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Dad, you were like a father to me.

See more Due Date Quotes


Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectively govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.



Frozen (2013)

Anna: Olaf, you’re melting.
Olaf: Some people are worth melting for.
[as his face starts to melt he tries to hold it up]
Olaf: Just maybe not right this second!

See more Frozen Quotes


Get Hard (2015)

Darnell Lewis: Your training is not going well, man. I got a plan.
James King: Thank God.
Darnell Lewis: You’re gonna learn how to suck dick.
James King: What?
Darnell Lewis: When life throws you dick, you make dickade.
James King: Dickade doesn’t sound like a significant improvement over dick.



The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

M. Gustave: You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that’s what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant…oh, fuck it.



Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Well that’s just as fascinating as the first eighty-nine times. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?
Rocket Raccoon: Well he don’t know talkin’ good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to “I” and “am” and “Groot,” exclusively in that order.
Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that’s gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.

See more Guardians of the Galaxy Quotes


The Guilt Trip (2012)

Joyce Brewster: You seeing anyone?
Andy Brewster: Are you seeing anyone?
Joyce Brewster: Please, don’t be disgusting. I thought you were seeing that girl with the exotic name.
Andy Brewster: Bethany?!



The Hangover (2009)

Phil Wenneck: Now, let’s just calm down.
Stu Price: You fucking calm down! He drugged us! I lost a tooth! I married a whore!

See more The Hangover Quotes


The Hangover Part II (2011)

Alan: I’m going to miss you monkey. I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.

See more The Hangover Part II Quotes


The Hangover Part III (2013)

Alan: I can’t believe my daddy is dead. I can think of so many people I would rather have died first, like my mother.

See more The Hangover Part III Quotes


Happy Feet Two (2011)

Carmen: You, me? Fat chance!
Ramon: I have a chance! And it’s fat!



The Heat (2013)

Mullins: You are killing us out there, you don’t fit in! Take off that fucking jacket.
Ashburn: This is…this is a good jacket.
Mullins: Really? Cause you look like you’re gonna set up a table and do their fucking taxes!

See more The Heat Quotes


The Help (2011)

Eugenia ‘Skeeter’ Phelan: I got a job today.
Charlotte Phelan: Where?
Eugenia ‘Skeeter’ Phelan: Writin’ for the Jackson Journal.
Charlotte Phelan: Great. You can write my obituary; Charlotte Phelan. Dead. Her daughter still single!
Eugenia ‘Skeeter’ Phelan: Mother, would it be really so bad if I never had a husband?
Charlotte Phelan: Skeeter!

See more The Help Quotes


Horrible Bosses (2011)

[introducing himself]
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus: Your first name is Motherfucker?!
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: Last name Jones. You got a problem with that?
Dale Arbus: No! No! Cool name. Yeah. Is that like on your birth certificate?
[Kurt elbows Dale to stop asking questions]
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: My real name is Dean.
Nick Hendricks: Dean Jones. That’s the same name of the actor in Herbie The Love Bug.
Kurt Buckman: Yeah, he’s not gonna know who that is.
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: I know who he is, bitch!
Kurt Buckman: Sorry.
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: I can’t walk around this fuckin’ neighborhood with that Disney-assed name!

See more Horrible Bosses Quotes


Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)

Nick Hendricks: Name me one movie where the kidnappers weren’t incarcerated?
Kurt Buckman: Nine to Five.
Dale Arbus: Nine to Five.
[to Jones]
Kurt Buckman: Nive to Five was this movie…
Dean ‘MF’ Jones: I know what Nine to Five is. It’s about the white woman with the big ass titties.
Dale Arbus: That’s the one.



Identity Thief (2013)

Trish Patterson: This is crazy! You don’t chase criminals! You’re not Batman!
Sandy: I can handle her. She’s like a hobbit, I’m going after Bilbo.



Inside Out (2015)

Sadness: Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.



The Internship (2013)

Nick: We’re looking at some sort of mental Hunger Games against a bunch of genius kids for just like a handful of jobs.



The Interview (2014)

Dave Skylark: This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. But you’re just Boromir!
Aaron Rapaport: I don’t know who the fuck that is!
Dave Skylark: “I don’t know who Boromir is.” That’s such a Boromir thing to say!



Jack and Jill (2011)

Jill: Are you going bald?
Jack: Huh?
Jill: No! No! No! You’re getting fatter and your hair doesn’t realize it needs to cover more face.



Joyful Noise (2012)

G.G. Sparrow: Well I am who I am!
Vi Rose Hill: Well maybe you were, five procedures ago.



Juno (2007)

Leah: Dude, I think it’s best to just tell ’em.
Juno MacGuff: I’m Pregnant.
Bren: Oh, God.
Juno MacGuff: But, uh…ah, I’m going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they’re going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And…and what…in thirty or odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac MacGuff: You’re pregnant?
Juno MacGuff: I’m sorry. I’m sorry…and if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven’t taken a dump since Wednesday…morning.


Page   1   2      >>
Total Quotes: 101


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