The
Hangover 2
Quotes: Feels like Deja Vu!
(Total Quotes: 84)
The Hangover 2 quotes are pretty much a repetitious rehash of the first movie. The story used the same ingredients as the first movie's plot but just set in a different location. If you enjoyed watching the first movie then I can only say it's best to not expect anything better. Although the movie certainly fails in providing anything original, it still offer some funny moments so you won't feel totally cheated. If you're looking for a Hangover deja vu, then keep on reading to view The Hangover 2 quotes.
Directed by: Todd Phillips
Written by:
Craig Mazin
Scot Armstrong
Todd Phillips
Jon Lucas (characters)
Scott Moore (characters)
Starring:
Bradley Cooper - Phil
Ed Helms - Stu
Zach Galifianakis - Alan
Justin Bartha - Doug
Ken Jeong - Mr. Chow
Paul Giamatti - Kingsley
Mike Tyson - Himself
Jeffrey Tambor - Sid Garner
Mason Lee - Teddy
Jamie Chung - Lauren
Sasha Barrese - Tracy
Gillian Vigman - Stephanie
Aroon Seeboonruang - Monk
Nirut Sirichanya - Fohn
Yasmin Lee - Kimmy
The
Hangover 2
Quotes Page
1 | 2
[first lines; Stu's
office telephone
answering message]Voice on voicemail: Hi, you've reached the office of Dr. Stuart Price. Please note the office will be closed until the twenty fourth. If it's an emergency please check...
[Stu's cell phone answering message]
Stu: Hi, this is Dr. Stuart Price. I'm getting married, so I'll be out of the country for two weeks. I'm not sure if I'll have cell service. If this is a dental emergency please...
[Lauren's father referring to Stu]
Fohn: I looked into this eyes. They're not the eyes of a man. The eyes of a coward!
[Tracy answers her cell phone]
Tracy: Phil?
Phil: Tracy, I'm sorry.
Tracy: Where the hell are you?
Phil: It happened again!
Tracy: Don't say that. Please!
Phil: No! This time we really fucked up!
Tracy: Seriously, what is wrong with you three?
Phil: So much, Trace, I don't even know where to begin.
Tracy: Oh, God! How bad? Like no wedding bad?
Phil: Yeah! Little worse than that.
[looking into Phil's mouth]
Stu: You really need to floss more.
Phil: Fuck that! That's why I come here.
Stu: Well, then you should come more than once every two years.
Phil: Why? So you could bleed me of all my money?
Stu: I never charge you a dime, Phil.
[referring to why he chose to get married in Thailand]
Stu: But it's where her parents are from and it means a lot them.
Phil: Who gives a shit about her parents? And her dad hates you.
Stu: He doesn't hate me. He's just never spoken to me. I think it's cultural think.
Phil: Why can't you just get married in Vegas, like you did last time? It's so much easier.
Stu: Why can't you just be excited for me? This is my wedding!
Phil: You really happy, huh?
Stu: I really am.
[just as Phil is leaving Stu's dental office]
Stu: Phil?
Phil: Hmm?
Stu: Put the prescription pad back.
[Phil comes back, reaches into the front of his pants and pulls out the pad]
Stu: Thank you. You know that's a felony, right?
Fuck you, man!
[Phil walks out of the office again]
Stu: Was this right up against your scrotum?
[as he's walking away]
Phil: Yep.
[Doug is trying to convince Stu to invite Alan to his wedding]
Stu: No fucking way! Absolutely not!
Doug: Come on, Stu! It's killing him!
Stu: I don't care. Honestly, the two of you were barely invited.
Phil: Woh!
Doug: I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what? Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
Stu: I consider Alan to be insane.
Phil: Stu, throw him a bone! Doug already said his dad would pay for everything he eats and everything breaks.
Stu: Umhumm.
[as they are sat at dinner eating lunch]
Stu: I'm glad you brought that up. Because this is the bachelor party.
Doug: What?
Phil: What are you talking about?
Stu: Yeah! It's my bachelor brunch. Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress.
Phil: That's bullshit! You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
Stu: Do you see that?
[pointing to his glass of orange juice]
Stu: That's orange juice with a napkin on top. Do you know why? So nobody roofies me.
Phil: Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party!
[after Stu's told them that eating at the diner is his bachelor party]
Doug: Come on, Stu! Don't you think you're over reacting?
Stu: No, I don't. I'm still putting the broken pieces of my psyche back together. And you know what the glue is? Lauren! And I'm not doing anything to screw that up.
Phil: Oh, please! You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us.
Stu: Oh, this will be good!
Phil: Stu, think about it. You ended up ditching Melissa and two years later you meet your true soul mate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt!
[the table next to them gives Phil a look]
Phil: [sarcastically] Oh, it's okay. No! No! I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party. Drink up, everybody. Oh wait! There's no alcohol. I forgot. We're at a fucking IHOP.
Stu: Well, it's my decision. And it's final. So, how about a toast?
Phil: This sucks! I'm gonna wait in the car.
Sid Garner: Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got wind of the wedding.
Stu: I'm sure he has.
Sid Garner: Yeah. He's been standing outside by the mail box everyday.
Phil: Wow! That rough.
Sid Garner: Yeah. I uh...I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas, you know? He really needs this.
[entering Alan's bedroom who's still living with his parents]
Phil: Pretty cool room, Alan.
Alan: Oh, thanks Phil. My dad pays my rent.
[looking at the photo's stuck on the walls of Alan's room]
Doug: Alan, what the fuck?
[referring to the photo's they'd taken whilst on roofie during the Vegas bachelor party]
Doug: You were supposed to delete these! You made a promise
Stu: Woh! Woh! Woh! What the hell? I'm not cool with this all! You can't have these!
Alan: Relax, Stu. Nobody ever comes in here.
Stu: Total violation of trust!
[as Alan's mum comes to collect his lunch dishes]
Alan: I guess we don't do desert anymore. I didn't get that memo.
Linda Garner: Well, I'm sorry darling. I'll be right back.
[as she turns to leave]
Alan: Would a cupcake kill you?
[to Alan]
Doug: Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
Stu: Well only if you’re not busy.
Phil: Stu?
Stu: Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.
Alan: Nope, they’re in Raleigh, Durham that weekend.
[after Doug has told him Stu has invited him to the wedding]
Alan: Are you really being serious, Stu? You're inviting me?
Stu: Yeah, why not? It'll be fun, right?
Alan: Phil, are you going?
Phil: Of course!
Alan: Then it will be fun.
[he suddenly grabs a syringe from his fridge, stabs himself with the needle and injects himself]
Stu: Ah!
Phil: Wow! What the fuck are you doin', man?
Alan: It's my immunizations. It's the last day I can do it.
Stu: That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse!
Alan: I'm a nurse. I'm just not registered.
Stu: Yes Alan, my bride's little brother is coming to the wedding. Is that okay with you?
Alan: Just the first time I've heard of it. You could have paged me.
[after getting introduced to Stu's finance's younger brother]
Alan: So what are you a doctor?
Teddy: No. Not yet. I'm pre-med.
Alan: Ever heard of that guy, Doogie Howser?
Teddy: Yeah.
Alan: Well, he turned out to be a gay.
Doug: Alan!
Alan: It's true. I read it in Teen People.
Teddy: Hey, mind if I sit?
Alan: Wolfpack only. Find another chair.
Stu: You know, between Teddy and me you must be pretty excited. Pretty soon you'll have two doctors in the family.
Fohn: You have to realize that in my country we don't consider dentist to be a real doctor.
Lauren: Dad!
Stu: Okay.
Fohn: Anyway, I have to go and talk to Teddy about his chello performance tonight.
[as he hangs up talking to his dad Alan walks over to Stu and Lauren]
Alan: That was uh...my dad. I'm a stay at home son. We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense.
Stu: Oh! That's so unnecessary.
Alan: I've been uh...meaning to ask someone, I noticed that this is a fishing village, is there a Long John Silvers on the island?
Lauren: You know, no, I don't think so. I'm so sorry.
Stu: But we are actually serving some great fresh sea food.
Alan: Better than Long John's?
Stu: Yes.
Alan: I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening.
Lauren: You too.
[he suddenly grabs Lauren's wine glass and walks away with it]
[at Stu's pre-wedding dinner, Lauren's father stands to give a speech]
Fohn: I admit it. When I first met Stu I was not quite sold. He seemed unattractive. He lacked intelligence and imagination. He was missing the spark you look for in a man. But then I look into Stu's eyes, he reminded me of my sweet brother, Chio. For those who do not know, Chio is learning disabled and lives in group home.
[Alan laughs]
Fohn: But Chio loves khao and that's when I realized, Stu is khao.
[Stu whispers to Lauren]
Stu: What's khao?
Fohn: Khao is soft white rice in lukewarm water. It has no taste. Befitted to small babies and very old people. It is nourishment that everyone can digest. The world needs khao, just as the world needs people like Stu.
[he raises his champagne glass]
Fohn: To my sweet daughter and Stu. Congratulations.
[Alan stands up to read his speech at Stu's pre-wedding dinner]
Alan: Hey, everybody. Here's some fun facts. The population of Thailand is sixty three million people. It is twice the size of Wyoming. It's chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice. Each year, approximately thirteen thousand people a
re killed in car accidents in
Thailand. The climate in Thailand...Doug: Alan? Uh...Alan, do you wanna skip to the last card there, buddy?
Alan: Okay. Sorry.
[he goes to read from his last card]
Alan: None of you know Stu like I do. Not you! Not you! Not you! Not you! Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one! I can't even tell you what we've been through, cause we made a pact more important than blood. What I can tell you is this; this is not Stu's first marriage.There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years...
[the table goes quit, Phil gets up to stop Alan from talking any further]
Phil: [whispering] Times up. Times up.
Alan: My uncle Roger said that he once saw a albino polar bear.
Stu: Really? Polar bears are white. How would he know if it's an albino?
Alan: Well this one was black.
Stu: Do you think maybe he was just a black bear?
Alan: Whatevs.
[sitting around a camp fire at night on the beach]
Phil: Now, can we have our one fucking beer then?
Stu: Umhumm.
Phil: All right. Toast.
[he gets up]
Phil: Come on stand up, guys.
[they all gets up to join him]
Phil: Come over here, Alan. To Lauren and Stu. You did it, buddy.
Stu: Sure did.
[they all raise their drink]
[the morning after their night on the beach]
Alan: Phil, I think it's happened again!
Phil: Alan, what the fuck did you do?
Alan: I didn't do anything. I swear to God!
Phil: You're hair is gone.
[Alan not realizing he's completely bald touches his beard]
Phil: No! No! Up.
[Alan touches his head and laughs]
Phil: Where the fuck are we?
[suddenly the lights in their motel room goes out]
Alan: Phil, I'm scared!
[Phil and Alan find Stu sleeping in their motel room bath tub]
Phil: Stu! Come on, get up. We got a situation.
[Stu wakes and turns to face them, the right side of his face has been tattooed]
Phil: Oh! Holy shit!
Stu: Where are we?
[he looks around and notices Alan is bald]
Stu: Oh, my God! Alan, your head!
Alan: No, your head!
[to Phil]
Stu: He's bald!
Phil: Stu. You're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be okay.
Stu: Why? What? Is it my teeth?
Phil: No. It's not your teeth.
[after trying to wash the tattoo off his face Stu looks at himself in the mirror and screams]
Stu: This is a real tattoo! Alan, what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: I didn't do anything!
[Doug calls Phil on his cell from the hotel resort]
Doug: What's going on? Where are you guys?
Phil: I don't know, man! We woke up in some shit hole room in some city.
Doug: Oh, God! What city?
Phil: I don't know, Doug! Fuckin' Asia town!
[continuing to talk to Doug on his cell]
Doug: Yeah. But I left early, remember?
Phil: I don't remember shit!
Doug: Tracy wasn't feeling well, she came down to get me. Wait a second, is Teddy with you guys?
Phil: Teddy? What? What are you talkin' about?
[Phil notices a severed finger with a ring on it and takes it to look at it]
Doug: He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning.
Phil: Teddy went to Stanford, right?
Doug: Yeah. Why?
[suddenly he throws the finger away]
Phil: Fuck! I just found his finger!
[looking at something pocking out from between the sheets on the floor]
Phil: What is that?
Stu: We don't know.
Phil: Is it a worm?
Alan: It's a mushroom.
[touches the tip with his finger and then puts his finger in his mouth to taste]
Alan: Yeah. Shitake.
[the monkey goes and sits on top of th object]
Alan: Monkey, taste it. What do you think? Is this shitake?
Phil: He can't understand you.
[the monkey then goes and tastes the object]
Stu: He just did! Why is he pulling on it?
Alan: He's probably hungry.
[Phil looks closely at what the monkey is pulling]
Phil: Wait a second! Is that...?
[the monkey suddenly hit what looks like a small penis and we hear a scream]
Mr. Chow: What the fuck, man? Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!
Phil: Chow?
Phil: Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
Mr. Chow: Alan, called me a few days ago and invited me to wedding.
Stu: Excuse me?
Alan: What? He's my plus one.
Stu: You didn't have a plus one. It's two hundred dollars a plate!
Phil: Chow, what happened?
Mr. Chow: You guys texted me. Said you fucked up and looking to party!
[he starts laughing and Alan also starts to laugh]
Mr. Chow: I picked you up in my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok. And we had a sick night, bitches!
Phil: We're in Bangkok?
Mr. Chow: Holla! City of Squalor!
Stu: Do you know how I got this tattoo?
Mr. Chow: Uh...yeah! From a fucking tattoo guy! Come on, Stuey! Use the big Jewish brain.
Alan: Hey, what' the monkey holding?
[they look round and notice the monkey is holding a severed finger ]
Stu: Haah! That's a finger!
Stu: Teddy's dead?
Mr. Chow: Teddy not dead. He party with us all night!
Phil: Well then, where is he?
Mr. Chow: Don't you remember anything?
Stu: No!
Phil: No. Nothing, Chow.
Mr. Chow: Okay. Okay. I explain it all, okay? Just let me do one bump. Get my head straight.
[he puts a massive line of cocaine powder on the back of his hand]
Mr. Chow: Come to papa. Okay.
Phil: That's a big...
[Chow snorts the cocaine and wipes his nose]
Mr. Chow: You ready for craziest fucking story ever....
[suddenly he chokes and drops dead]
Stu: I can't believe this is happening again!
Phil: Okay. Look, we'll handle this. You get back there. You tell them that Alan and I got drunk with him, we're still partying. You gotta go get married.
Stu: No! No! I'm not going back without Teddy. It's Laura's little brother, he's lost! He's injured! If I fuck this up, I lose everything.
Phil: Okay. All right.
Stu: Phil I really think we should go to the American Consulate.
Phil: For what? Report a dead body who was shoved into an ice machine?
Stu: Well, what are we gonna do? Keep walking around in circles? Cause that real productive!
Phil: You know, I'm trying to figure this thing out here. Your attitude is not helping!
Stu: Well, I'm sorry! It's a hundred degrees and we don't have a plan.
[pointing to Alan]
Stu: And all we've done is buy him a hats and sodas.
Alan: What? It's a bag of Fanta!
Phil: All right! What do you wanna do, Stu?
Stu: I don't know!
Phil: Well then stop yelling at me like it's my fucking fault!
Stu: It is your fault! All I wanted was a bachelor brunch!
[to the old man that was released to them from police custody instead of Teddy]
Stu: Do you know where our friend is? Teddy? He's missing!
Phil: Stu, forget it! The guy's worthless.
Stu: He knows something! He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt. What if just doesn't understand? Uh...I'll...I'll act it out. Yeah! Like charades. Watch.
[turning to the old man]
Stu: Two words.
Alan: Is it a movie?
Stu: This is not for you, Alan.
[turning to the old man and pointing to Teddy's ID picture and miming]
Stu: American teenager in Asia.
Alan: Karate Kid with Jaden Smith. It's easy cause you're talking through it.
Phil: Stu, it's a waste of time. Just leave this fucking guy here.
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Total
Quotes: 84
