Men in Black 3
quotes are a mixed bag but it has a series of okay gags
with genuine laugh out moments that makes it worth a look. The
narrative and tone of the movie is very light hearted and a bit
cartoonish at times with no heavy thinking required. A quick summary of
the plot; when alien 'Boris the Animal', is liberated from his lunar
prison, Boris decides to jump back in time to carry out the evil intent
he had planned for 40 years ago which was diverted at the time by Agent
K. So J jumps back in time to save his partner and the
world. As expected Will Smith's charismatic performance
dominates the movie with a winning performance from Brolin, with his
dead-on impression of Tommy Lee Jones as young Agent K. The best credit
has to be given to the ending of the movie, as it comes full circle
to reveal the real relationship between Agent J and Agent K.
Overall Men in Black 3
quotes packs enough of a punch to get the
franchise back on track.
by: Barry Sonnenfeld Written by:
Etan Cohen (screenplay)
Lowell Cunningham (comic)
David Koepp (screenplay)
Jeff Nathanson (screenplay)
Michael Soccio (screenplay) Starring: Will Smith
- Agent J
Tommy Lee Jones - Agent K
Josh Brolin - Young Agent K
Jemaine Clement - Boris The Animal
Emma Thompson - Agent O
Michael Stuhlbarg - Griffin
Mike Colter - Colonel
Nicole Scherzinger - Boris' Girlfriend
Michael Chernus - Jeffrey Price
Alice Eve - Young Agent O
David Rasche - Agent X
Keone Young - Mr. Wu
Bill Hader - Andy Warhol
Cayen Martin - Colonel's Son
[first lines; a girl in an S&M-type costume with the
name 'Boris' tattooed on her back, enters a
maximum-security facility carrying a cake] Prison Guard #1: Well, well, Boris The
Animal has a visitor. I guess one every four years is okay. [the other guard scans the cake] Boris' Girlfriend: It's a cake. Prison Guard #2: I decide what it is.
[the scan reads that it's ceramic cookware and organic matter Prison Guard #2: Looks like some kind of
cake. She's clean. Well, not clean, but you know! [both guards laugh]
Prison Guard #3: Boris The Animal, you've
got a visitor. Boris The Animal: It's just Boris. [to the girl entering the cell] Boris The Animal: Your letters have been a
soul nourishing tonic. Boris' Girlfriend: And you are much more
unconventionally handsome than your photo's. [he kisses her with his extremely long tongue and the guards
look grossed out] Prison Guard #4: This aint' a conjugal
visit, so quit your conjugating. Boris The Animal: When was the last time
you conjugated anything? [to the girl] Boris The Animal: I see you've brought me
a treat, darling. [to the guards] Boris The Animal: Would you mind cutting
this up for us? It's a special day. I'm a romantic like that. [the girl holds out the cake towards the guard, one of them
steps forward and sticks his finger out to place in the cake] Boris The Animal: Oh, I wouldn't do that. Prison Guard #4: Why is that? Boris The Animal: It'll ruin your figure. [the guard shoves his hand in the cake, suddenly a small
spider-like alien leaps out of the cake, shoots spikes into the guards'
foreheads, killing them, it unlocks Boris' chains, then crawls inside a
hole in his palm] Boris The Animal: You complete me.
[as Boris and the girl break into the arms room and steal a
giant gun, they pass an adjacent cell, one of the prisoners yells] Obadiah Price: Boris, you promised to take
me with you! We had a deal! [Boris opens the prisoners cell] Boris The Animal: Obadiah Price. Yes, I
did make you a promise. [Boris holds up his hand and shoots him in the head with a
[as Boris breaks out through to another cell he is greeted
with dozens more guards all pointing their weapons at him] Lunar Guard: You can't win, Boris. Boris The Animal: Mm, let's agree to
disagree. Lunar Guard: There's too many of us. Boris The Animal: Rather hot in here, mind
if I open a window? [Boris shoots a hole in the ceiling, the guards get sucked
outer space, Boris uses the claws on his feet to hold on to the floor,
the girl tries to holds onto Boris' arm so as to not get sucked out] Boris The Animal: Sorry, darling. We did
love the cake. [he callously lets her go and she gets sucked out into outer
[as Boris breaks out of the prison, he lands on the surface
of the moon, he looks straight ahead and says] Boris The Animal: Let's rewrite history,
shall we K?
[addressing crowd of people who have witnessed a flying
saucer crash] Agent K: Good afternoon. Please give your
my associate, Agent J. He's going to demonstrate an
call it the Neuralizer. [to J] Agent K: Better keep it simple. [J turns to the crowd] Agent J: Thank you, Agent K. Uh...ladies
and gentlemen, if you will, look right here. [he holds up the Neuralizer
and flashes the crowd] Agent J: Okay. You know how you're on an
the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell phone off, and you're
like; I ain't turnin' my cell phone off, that's doin' no harm to the
damn airplane? [pointing to the saucer crash behind him] Agent J: Well, this is what we get. That's
happens, it gets up there, bounces around on the satellite, and bam!
Just turn your damn cell phone off. Now you're gonna drop off a cliff
cause your GPS don't work.
[referring to the donar kebab meat that's being roasted on a
vertical spit] Agent J: Seriously, I'm not even sure
that's meat! I think I just saw a tooth in that thing, or a claw, a
hoof. [K takes buys a kebab from the kebab vendor and walks off] Agent J: That does not belong in a pita,
it belongs in a casket. Agent K: You know, it feels good to eat in
silence. Agent J: But see, here's the problem. You
can't smell it, because your nose already smells like that, where my
nose doesn't. Agent K: Silence feels good with a lot of
things. Did you ever try it, or is talking the way you breath? Agent J: If you hate me, you should just
say you hate me. Don't take it out on the car. Agent K: You know, I'm enjoying this. Agent J: Wow! Enjoyment. So, that's what
enjoyment looks like on that face. I like that emotion. Agent K: Let's keep emotion out of it. Agent J: Out of what, K? Life?
Agent J: Sure you don't wanna run it be
me, let me know what you're gonna say tonight? Agent K:
Don't worry. Agent J: Oh, no. I'm worried. Very
worried. It's the
man's eulogy, you're gonna have to show some feeling. You know that
thing that human people do, when they change the expression on their
face? Agent K: I worked with Z for forty years,
he was a
hell of an agent and I have written a hell of a speech for him. People
will be moved. [J doesn't look convinced] Agent J: Mmhmm.
[at the MIB headquarters, K delivers a eulogy for the recently departed
Agent K: I worked with Z for over forty
year, and in
all that time he never invited me to dinner. He never asked me to his
house, or watch a game. He never shared a single detail of his personal
life. [he pauses for a moment] Agent K: Thank you. [K walks off
and comes to stand next to J, who looks amazed at K's short eulogy] Mannix: And now we will hear from our new
chief, Agent O. Agent O: Thank you, Agent K. That was very
moving. [J turns to K as he stands next to him] Agent J: That was your eulogy? Agent K: He was a good man.
[giving her eulogy for Agent Z] Agent O: Ladies, gentlemen, other life
forms. When I
told the Fenution Zyglot about Z's passing, she said something that I'm
going to repeat, and I'm paraphrasing. [suddenly O starts screeching out loud, speaking in Zyglot's
language, J looks around him very confused] Agent O: That's just so Z. Thank you.
[after Z's eulogy J and K are driving around in the city] Agent J: Can you promise me, if I go
first, you'll do
better than that at my funeral? You know, something like uh...'J was a
friend, now there's a big part of me that's gone. Oh, J, all the things
that I should have said, except I was too old and craggy and surly, and
just tight. Cause I was too tight. Now I'm gonna just miss your
caramel, brown skin.' Agent K: I'll wing something.
Agent J: Man, how did you get to be like
you? Seriously, something happened, K. What happened? Agent K: You know how I lived such a happy
life. Agent J: How you lived such a happy life? Agent K: I don't ask questions I don't
wanna know the answer to. Agent J: Mmhmm. That's deep.
[Boris heads to an electronics store run by Jeffrey Price, the son of
Obediah Price] Jeffrey Price: Do I know you? Boris The Animal: You're services are
legendary, so says your father, Obadiah. Jeffrey Price: You were in Lunar Max. Boris The Animal: There is no prison that
can hold me. Jeffrey Price: Cool for you. What do you
need from me, man? Boris The Animal: The device. I'm going
back in time to kill a man, before he takes my arm.
[as K and J check out the intestinal worms being served to
humans at a Chinese restaurant] Agent J: Ooh, man! These look like they
come from the planet damn.
[K and J are sat at a table the Chinese restaurant with the
intestinal worm problem] Agent J: That was just mean, what you did
to Hula back there. That's just disrespectful. Agent K: I used to play a game with my
dad, what would you have for your last meal. We could do worse than
this. Agent J:
Oh. Okay. Um...I used to play a game with my dad called catch. Except I
would throw the ball and it would just hit the wall, cause he wasn't
there. Agent K: Don't bad mouth your old man. Agent J: I'm not bad mouthin' him, I'm
just uh...didn't really know him. Agent K: That's not right. Agent J: You damn right, it's not right. A
little boy needs a father. Agent K: Table one hasn't ordered a thing.
Table three, over there, just drank his fourth cup of Doug's boss. [K gets a call from O] Agent O: Hey, the crashed ship from this
morning, was stolen from... Agent K: Lunar Max Prison. Boris The
Animal. Agent O: How did you know? Agent K: He always had a taste for Spikey
Bulba. Give us a minute, will you, Chief. [he hangs up on O] Agent J: We're in a situation. [an alien walks into the restaurant and turns the open sign
to closed] Agent K:
Yeah. I'll take the Choloropod, you take the Taranovi and the Hydronian
over there. I'll take whoever's in the kitchen and meet you on the
street. Agent J: This is a very confusing time in
my life. [suddenly
one of the aliens gets his alien gun out and the women behind the
counters screams, J shoots the alien and K starts shooting at the other
aliens in the restaurant]
[as J is
battling with a giant alien fish, K runs back to the kitchen, he sees
that the restaurant proprietor has been shot with one of Boris' hand
spikes and races up to the roof to confront Boris] Boris The Animal: Hello, K. Agent K: Boris The Animal. Boris The Animal: It's just Boris! Agent K: You haven't changed very much. I
see the arm I shot off is still shot off. Boris The Animal: Yes, my arm. We've
thought about that moment, every day for the last forty years. Agent K: Well, that's just not living a
full life. Boris The Animal: I can promise you it
will be longer than yours. Agent K: Lonelier too, since you're the
last Bogladyte standing. Boris The Animal: We'll see about that.
But first, I wanted the pleasure of killing you. [just at the moment that Boris holds his palm up to release
his palm spike, J opens door to the roof and interjects the spike] Agent J: Yoh, K... [J and K use the door to shield themselves from Boris' hand
spikes Agent K: Where the hell have you been? as
Boris is shooting his spikes, J and K jump off the roof, using the door
to break their fall, Boris looks down on them from the edge of the roof] Boris The Animal: You don't know it, K.
But you're already dead.
[after the fight with the aliens and Boris, J joins K at the
bar in Chinese restaurant] Agent J: Man, I am getting too old for
this. I can only imagine how you feel. Agent K: Boris The Animal. Putt him away a
long time ago, it was the worst mistake I ever made. Agent J: Why? Was he innocent? Agent K: Should have killed him. Agent J: Let's go get him. Agent K: No. Agent J: No? Agent K: Lunar belongs above your pay
grade. Agent J: We're partners, we have the same
pay grade. Agent K: It has nothing to do with you,
mind your own business. Agent J:
Okay, first of all, let's get a little bit of that base out of your
voice. And secondly, as long as spiky boy's runnin' around town, this
is my whole business. Agent K: You will forget about Boris, or
my report will reflect that your conduct is unbecoming. Agent J: Well maybe my report is gonna
reflect some shit too, K. Agent K: You are suspended for two weeks. Agent J: Bullshit! Agent K: Four weeks. [K gets up from the bar and starts walking out of the
restaurant] Agent J: How about I quit? [as K opens the door to leave] Agent K: There are things out there you do
not need to know! Agent J: That's not the lie you told me
when you recruited me!
J heads back to MIB headquarters, he finds out that Boris was
responsible for some alien murders in 1969, K stopped the Bogladytes
and set up the Ark Net defense system and the Bogladytes starved on
their way to the next planet] Agent O: So, why the sudden interest in
your partner's old exploits, hmm? Agent J: What happened between Boris and K? Agent O: That's easy, K imprisoned Boris,
he put up the Ark Net, he protected the earth from the Bogladyte. He
did his job. Agent J: You know that's not what I'm
asking you. Cape Canaveral, what happened? Agent O: Something that changed him. Leave
it at that. Agent J: So you two go way back, huh? Agent O: That's classified. A word of
advice, Agent J. Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer
to. Agent J: That's funny, that is exactly
what K said. Agent O: He's a very wise man. Take the
rest of the night off.
[as J is sat in his room at home playing a video game he gets
a call from K] Agent K: Guess I owe you some answers,
hoss? Agent J: What, you feelin' all chatty all
of a sudden? Sorry, I can't talk right now, I got some secret cases of
my own I'm workin' on. Agent K: I hate to tare you away from your
video game. Agent J: Alright, I'm hangin' up. [as he's about to hang up he hears K] Agent K: Do you know the most destructive
force in the universe? Agent J: Sugar? Agent K: Regret. Agent J: You don't have to wait, just talk. Agent K: I promised you the secrets of the
universe, nothing more. Agent J: So what, there's some secrets out
there that the universe don't know about? [K doesn't answer, J gets fed up and hangs up, K then gets an
gun, sits in his chair and is then suddenly sucked into a space-time
[after K is killed, J arrives to pick up K the next morning
but finds K's apartment is occupied by a random lady with kids, he goes
to MIB headquarters, gets into the elevator and is joined by another
agent who seems to thinks J is his partner] Agent AA: J, everything you told me
yesterday, you were right as rain. Thank God for that ten hour stakeout. Agent J: Uh...who are you? Agent AA: Exactly. I feel like a whole new
like this great weight has been lifted. I mean, I've got these anger
issues my entire life, but now I can see I was just mad at myself, and
my step mom. Agent J: Sir, I'm gonna need you to stop
talking. Agent AA: It's like I've closed this
But yesterday I threw a brick right through that window, and I just
wanna thank you for handing me that brick, J. Agent J: Okay, who ever you are, I need
you to give me five feet, or I'm gonna pluck you in your throat. Agent AA: Okay, well I'm gonna go to the
little mens in black room and then we'll go find those morons from
Poxlythera. Lunch is on me. [as he walks off he slaps J playfully on his ass, J stops
another agent walking past him] Agent J: Who was that? MIB Agent: Double A, your partner.
[as no one seems to remember K at MIB headquarters, J thinks
everybody is playing a trick on him] Agent J: K? Alright. You got me. I'll give
it to you, it's funny, very elaborate. Oh, and all of you... [pointing to all the other agents]
Agent J: Fantastic performances. Okay, I
waited fourteen years to develop a sense of humor, but this was a good
one. But, K, I need you to come out here now, cause I'm really startin'
to get a little bit pissed off. Agent O: Agent J, would you mind keeping
your voice down, and telling me who it is you are looking for? Agent J: I'm looking for K! Agent O: Who is K? [J gets frustrated] Agent J: You too? You too? Agent O: I mean, who is he to you? Agent J: My partner! Older gentleman.
Hundred and ten,
maybe a hundred and eleven years old, sort of surly, Elvis thing
happenin' with him. He smiles, like this... [J scowls his face trying to imitate K's face] Agent O: I'll take you to K. Agent J: Thank you.
[O shows J a bunch of statue heads, honoring dead agents, of
which one is of K's head] Agent J: What is that supposed to be? Agent O: That's K. He's been dead for over
forty years. Agent J: No. Okay, see, the pre-requisite
for a joke, is that it be funny. Agent O: It's never been funny.
[after O shows J on the computer how K was killed by Boris
The Animal in 1969] Agent J: That's not what happened, I just
looked at this report. K put Boris away... Agent O: Agent K is dead! Agent J: Well, I just talked to him last
night! Agent O: You are imagining things. Agent J: I'm not imagining anything. [O turns to another agent] Agent O: I need a psyche team up here
right now. [O starts walking off] Agent J: Aqua Velva after shave! I didn't
Where every stakeout, endless hours of cowboy music.
Where every morning with his coffee, and he'd say, 'I'll tell you
something, slick. This coffee tastes like dirt.' And I was supposed to
say, 'What do you expect? It was just ground this morning.' [O repeats the same line and turns to J] Agent O: How do you know that?
[the agent that had gone to get J some chocolate milk comes
up to J with the milk]
Chocolate milk, sir. Agent J: Where you been, man? It was like
an hour ago. [J starts chugging the chocolate milk] Agent O: Wait. How long have you been
craving chocolate iced dairy products? Agent J: Just today. Agent O: Are you experiencing headaches,
dizziness, loss of balance? Agent J: Mmhmm. Agent O: Agitation, depression? Agent J: Hell, yeah! Agent O: There are only two possibilities.
you've been bitten by the Horbathion brain tick, you could die in
horrible agony at any moment. [suddenly O slaps J hard in the face] Agent J: Aah! Agent O: Dammit. It's not the tick. Agent J: Dammit it's not the tick? There's
something worse than the tick? Agent O: Mm.
Agent O: Your obsession with chocolate
milk indicates that you might be involved in some sort of temporal
fracture. Agent J: I don't know what you're talking
about. Agent O: Chocolate milk relieves temporal
fracture headaches. Agent J: What's a temporal fracture? Agent O: A break in the time line. Agent J: I don't know what you're talking
about. Agent O: Time travel! Time travel. Agent J: There is not such thing as time
travel. Agent O: Well, there is. Agent J: No, there's not. Because if there
class one senior agent, such as myself, would have been made aware of
it, wouldn't he have? Agent O: Were it not classified and way
above his pay grade. Agent J: You know what? I need a raise. Agent O: There was one man, scum-bag,
He figured it out, we busted him, we made time travel illegal
throughout the universe, and he is serving life on Lunar Max. Agent J: No, that's where Boris was locked
up. Agent O: If Boris could work out how to
time jump, he...he could seriously change the course of history. [just then alarms go off as a massive Bogladyte fleet is on
its way to Earth]
[after the alarm goes off warning about the Bogladytes
attacking earth] Agent J: Bogladyte, Boris is a Bogladyte.
But they're extinct. Agent O: Apparently not. [the computer alarm confirms that catastrophic earth attack is imminent] Agent J: Put up the Ark Net! Agent O: The what? Agent J: The Ark Net, the defense system.
K got it specifically for the Bogladytes. Agent O: There is no K. He's been dead for
over forty years. [J thinks for a moment and figures out what Boris has done] Agent J: No K. The defense system. Boris
jumped back and killed him. Agent O:
If you want to save the world, you're gonna have to stop that from
happening. You have to find Jeffrey Price, he's Obadiah's son. Let's
hope the little squirt hasn't skipped town. [J leaves the MIB headquarters to fine Jeffrey Price]
[J finds Jeffrey Price working in his electronic store, as J
enters the store] Jeffrey Price: Hi, how can I help you?
We're having an amazing sale on batteries. [suddenly J takes his gun and holds it towards Jeffrey's face] Jeffrey Price: Woh! Okay! We got other
stuff, like headphones, adapters...! Agent J: You helped Boris The Animal Time
Jump. Jeffrey Price: Woh! Woh! Okay, I had to!
That dude's a freak! Agent J: He killed my partner. I wanna
know when and where you sent him. Jeffrey Price: What? You think I keep like
a log book? [he looks down at the notebook in front of him on the
counter, J opens the books and reads the entry] Agent J: 'Target vector, July 16, 1969.' [J holds his gun in Jeffrey's face again] Jeffrey Price:
Alright! Alright! That's a real bummer about your buddy. I'm sure that
he was like a really great guy, but terms of the whole space-time
continuum, your friend was like a little bleep on the historical radar. [J turns Jeffrey round to show him the TV monitors showing
the news of the attack on earth by Bogladytes] Jeffrey Price: Oh, that's a big bleep.
Jeffrey Price: Okay, what's the plan? Agent J: You're gonna send me back to July
15, 1969. Jeffrey Price: No, that's a stupid plan,
because I sent Boris to July 16. Agent J: I'm not worried about that one.
I'm gonna go back and kill the younger Boris, before the older one even
shows up. Jeffrey Price: That'll mean neither of
them will even exist! That's why you get to wear the black suit. [Jeffrey holds his hand out for out for a fist pump, J just
looks at him coldly] Jeffrey Price:
No. You're gonna leave me hangin'? Okay. Oh, I just thought of
something. You know, even way back then, New York was like a big...ish
city, so I mean, how...how are you gonna really find him? Agent J: On July 15, Boris killed an alien
, Roman The Fabulist, at Coney Island... Jeffrey Price: And you're gonna get there
first and be waiting for him? Dude, they should give you like, two
black suits! Agent J: My man, for real? Jeffrey Price: Oh, right. Sorry. Uh...this
is the real deal time jump gear. [Jeffrey shows J the device] Jeffrey Price: Very rare, very old. But
first, we gotta get high. Agent J: Hey, no! Jeffrey Price: No. No, I mean really high.
[cut to scene where J gets to the top of the Chrysler
[at the top of the Chrysler Building] Jeffrey Price: You know the rules of the
time jumps, right? Agent J: Give me the short version. Jeffrey Price: Okay. You wanna save your
partner? Word of advice; stay away from him. Agent J: Yeah, I got it. Stay away from K,
just kill Boris. Jeffrey Price: Now, take these cause it
gets pretty windy on the way down. [he hands J a pair of goggles] Agent J: The way down? Jeffrey Price: And with your eyes tearing
hard to read the time dial. Plus it helps you look like a real time
traveler, which is cool. Agent J: I'm not jumpin' off of this
building! Jeffrey Price: Time jump! [he takes the time travel device] Jeffrey Price: Okay. Now, I gotta set this
thing to fifteen... [he sets the date and year to 1969] Jeffrey Price: That seems right...ish.
Now, all you gotta do is jump.
[Jeffrey pushes J forward to the edge of the Chrysler
building] Agent J: Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! [J starts moving slowly towards the edge of the building] Jeffrey Price: Now, as soon as you're
enough, that circle is gonna fill up with some sort of green time
travel liquid, or some such, and it's gonna glow really bright. As soon
as that happens, you need to break that blue laser line with your thumb
to complete the circuit. At this height, that should be uh...let's see,
mass of earth of thirty something feet per minute, uh...
Agent J: It's thirty two feet, per second,
per second! Jeffrey Price: That sounds right...ish. So
that would be, I guess uh...about two feet off the ground. Agent J: Then I break the laser line? Jeffrey Price: No! Don't break it! Agent J: No, I mean, when I'm fast enough! Jeffrey Price: Sounds good! Agent J: Boy, do I break the laser line,
or do I not break the laser line? Jeffrey Price: Do not lose that time
device, or you will be stuck in 1969! It wasn't the best time for your
people. [J turns to face Jeffrey] Jeffrey Price: I'm just saying. It's like
a lot cooler now. Agent J: How will I know if it works? Jeffrey Price: You'll either know, or you
[J puts on the goggles, getting ready to jump off the
Chrysler building] Jeffrey Price: You must really love this
guy to do this.
Oh, wait! How come I remember K, but nobody else does? Jeffrey Price: Woh! That means you were
I was where? Jeffrey Price: If you survive, you gotta
come back and tell me everything! Okay?
Where was I? [Jeffrey notices the Bogladyte ships are getting close to the
city] Jeffrey Price: You gotta go! Just go! Go!
Go! [as J jumps off the building, he falls through time, past
dinosaurs, the stock crash of the 1920s, World War II, until finally
landing back on top of the Chrysler building in July 15, 1969]
[J feeling disorientated from his time jump, takes the lift
the Chrysler building, he enters the elevator, standing next to the man
already in it] Agent J: My, man, what's the day? 1969 Man in Elevator: Tuesday. Agent J: The date? 1969 Man in Elevator: The fifteenth. Agent J: Of? 1969 Man in Elevator: July! Agent J: Duh! The year? 1969 Man in Elevator: 1969! Agent J: Thank you! Lookin' at me like I'm
[in Coney Island, the younger Boris turns up on his bike
for Roman The Fabulist, he stops his bike in front of two young hippies] Coney Island Hippie: Far out, man! [the man goes to touch Boris' bike] Boris The Animal: If you want to keep
that, I wouldn't. Coney Island Flower Child: Make love, not
war. Boris The Animal: I prefer to do both. [the two young hippies laugh, Boris watches then for a moment
and then imitates their laughter and rides off on his bike]
[after J steals a car from a rich white guy and makes his way
to Coney Island, he gets pulled over by two white cops] Agent J: How are you officers? What can I
do you for? [the cops ignore J] 1969 NYPD Cop #1: Well, look at this.
Power windows, powers seats. I'll bet you the thing costs six grand. Agent J: Uh...yes, and it has a roof, but
it's hidden. 1969 NYPD Cop #2: Hey, what kind of work
do you do? An individual of your particular ethnic persuasion? Agent J: Mm. 1969 NYPD Cop #1: Maybe he's a noted
athlete. Agent J: Mm. Yes, uh...starting forward
for the Detroit Darkies. 1969 NYPD Cop #1: Where did you get the
car? 1969 NYPD Cop #2: And the suit? Agent J: I stole them, both. Uh...car from
your wife, the suit from your grandmother.
[as the cops have J bent over the car as they give him a
shake down] Agent J: Hey! [one of the cops finds J's gun] 1969 NYPD Cop #1: What do we have here?
Concealed weapon? Agent J: Hey, it's his grandmother's suit! [the other cop takes J's neuralizer] 1969 NYPD Cop #2: Hey, what's this? 1969 NYPD Cop #1: Probably drugs. Agent J: Listen, I have rights and I
demand to see my lawyer before you press that small button on the side
firmly. 1969 NYPD Cop #1: Press it. [the cop holding the neuralizer presses the button and they
are both neuralized] Agent J: That gentlemen is a standard
issue Neuralizer, but you're not gonna remember that. And just because
you see a black man driving in a nice car, does not mean he stole it. [J pauses for a moment before admitting] Agent J: I stole that one. But not cause
I'm black! [J gets back in the car and as he drives off he promises to
give the car back to the owner]
[after J fails to stop Boris from killing Roman The Fabulist
at the at the Coney Island fair, J tries to shoot Boris but he's
intercepted by the younger K who electrocutes J and and takes him MIB
headquarters] Agent J: You need to turn the electricity
down on that damn thing. Can't touch my friggin' tongue, K. Young Agent K: How do you know my name? Agent J: What, cause I called you K? I
call everybody K. It's kind of my thing. [J turns to one of the agents walking past him] Agent J: What up, K? [to another agent walking past him] Agent J: K! What's up? [J turns to K] Agent J: It's uh...it's kind of my thing.
I just...some people like it. Most people. Young Agent K: Now I know what you look
like when you're lying.
[K places J's gun, neuralizer and the time travel device on
the desk] Young Agent K: Why don't you show me what
you look like when you're telling the truth? Agent J: I won those at Coney Island on
the ring toss. Young Agent K: I won a stuffed bear once,
but never one of these. You must be good, slick. Agent J: Alright, sir. I was minding my
own business, I was out there
waiting for my girl, who by the way is
probably worried sick looking for me right now. So, I just...I need
to...I need my things and I need to get back to her. Young Agent K: What's your gal's name? Agent J: Huh? Young Agent K: Your gal, what's her name? Agent J: Sh...tern. Young Agent K: Shtern? [J nods his head] Young Agent K: I bet Shtern likes that
suit of yours, hm? Agent J: What, it's a crime to wear a
black suit? Alright, listen. I haven't done anything wrong, and I need
to get out of here so I cannot be here with you.
[young O interrupts young K's interrogation of J] Young Agent O: Terribly sorry. [turns to young K] Young Agent O: X is frightfully upset
about the whole Coney Island incident. Young Agent K: Thanks for the heads up. [young K takes a sip of his coffee] Young Agent K: Oh, man. This coffee tastes
like dirt. Young Agent O: What do you expect? It was
just ground this morning. [J repeats the last line with young O] Agent J: O? [young K looks at J suspiciously] Agent J: Now, I call ladies O. To me, O is
feminine, K is masculine. I see a couple, I'm like, OK!
Young Agent K: Okay, slick. Agent J: I was waitin' for my girl. Young Agent K: Shtern. Agent J: Yes, she's Greek. Young Agent K: Okay, just one last thing.
An eye exam.
[J is now strapped and being carried towards a giant old
fashioned neuralizer] Agent J: That's not an eye exam, K! That's
a big-assed neuralizer! Young Agent K: You sure know a lot of
information for a fellow who doesn't know anything. Agent J: I...I see what you're saying. [as the MIB Techs turn J to enter him into the giant
neuralizer] Agent J: Woh! Hey, you know what, K? We
need to hold up a second. K? MIB Tech #1: Let's just get this bite
guard in here. Agent J: Hey, back up! Back up! [to young K] Agent J: K, listen. I think we got off on
the wrong foot, alright? So, let's just stop for a second and talk.
Don't put me in here, K! Young Agent K: Too late, hoss. [J gets entered into the neuralizer]
[after J has been entered into the giant neuralizer] Agent J: K! Listen to me! If you erase me,
you erase the whole world! [the neuralizer starts counting down from 15 seconds
to neuralization] Agent J: When you see Boris tomorrow, K,
kill him. Do not arrest him, kill
him! [suddenly young K stops the neuralizer] Agent J: Is this thing off? Hey, I don't
think it's all the way off, K. It's whirlin' and buzzin'. I don't know
if I don't know nothin'. [as J is ejected out of the neuralizer] Young Agent K: I knew Roman. His wife
cooked me dinner once, and while it was not pleasant, he was my friend.
Last chance. Who are you and what do you know? Agent J: I'm an agent in Men in Black, but
I'm from the future. We're partners. Twenty five years from now, you're
gonna recruit me, fourteen years after that, the guy you didn't let me
kill today at Coney Island, he escapes from prison and jumps back in
the past and unleashes a full scale invasion of earth. We got about
nineteen hours to catch him and kill him, so really, we need to go
right now. [J takes a breath, young K gives him a blank look for a
moment before replying] Young Agent K: Alright.
Agent J: So that's the story you believe? Young Agent K: That one was the truth. It
wasn't the whole truth, but I guess it'll do for now? Agent J: What the hell are you talking
about? Of course it's the whole truth. I told you everything. Problem
with a lie is, once you start lying, you put yourself... [young K gives J a cold look]
[as they get into young K's car after leaving MIB
headquarters] Young Agent K: Okay, future man, where to? Agent J: I don't know. Young Agent K: What do you mean, you don't
know? Agent J: I don't know. Uh...go wherever
you went last time. Young Agent K: I haven't been here last
time. I didn't tell you where I went? Agent J: No, I mean, we don't really talk. Young Agent K: What kind of partners sit
in a car all day everyday for fourteen years and don't talk? Agent J: Exactly! And this is the type of
problem it causes, it's dysfunctional. Young Agent K: Alright, sport. You better
get useful real quick or you're goin' back in room forty three. Agent J: Man... Uh...uh, there was
something in the file about a factory. Something happened at a factory. [young K looks at J coldly] Agent J: Hey, look man, you can put your
Jedi knight on me all you want. That's all I got. [young K turns and starts the car] Agent J: Did I spark somethin'? Young Agent K: Roman had this on his
person when he was murdered. [he hands J a matchbook from a place called Cosmic Bowling
Lanes] Young Agent K: It's a matchbook. Agent J: No, it's a clue. He didn't smoke.
[as young K drives J keeps looking and him] Young Agent K: You lose somethin' over
here, Honda? Agent J: No, uh... Hey man, how old are
you? Young Agent K: Twenty-nine. Agent J: Ooph! You got some city miles on
you. Young Agent K: I'm startin' to understand
why we don't talk.
[as young K and J head to Cosmic Bowling Lane, K leaves J
handcuffed in the car while he checks the place out alone] Young Agent K: Need to see the boss. Four-Armed Alien: He's busy. Young Agent K: Mm. Alright, well, I might
just take a look around. [suddenly the alien draws his four arms, all holding a gun
pointed at young K while K draws his gun and points it at the alien at
the same time] Young Agent K: Looks like we have
ourselves a standoff. Four-Armed Alien: Looks that way. [suddenly J hits the four armed alien over the head from
behind knocking him out] Agent J: Still keep the key under the
ashtray. Young Agent K: Lucky guess. [young K turns to the other alien] Young Agent K: Now where were we? Bowling Ball Head: I was just about to
tell you to screw off. [to J] Young Agent K: Hey, slick, you bowl in the
future? Agent J: Absolutely. I might be league
champ three years running. Young Agent K: Well, let's see it. [young K rips off the head of the alien which is shaped like
a bowling ball] Bowling Ball Head: You did not just walk
into my establishment and rip my head off! [J holds the head of the alien between his hands] Agent J: My man, look. We don't have a lot
of time for this, we really need you tell him something. Bowling Ball Head: Tell him this! [where his body is standing he sticks arm out, J gets
frustrated and starts playing bowling with the alien's head until he
tells them that where his boss is]
[after young K and J fined the alien that runs the Bowling
Lane has been killed by Boris] Young Agent K: Well, we're on the right
track. Agent J: Just the wrong train. Young Agent K: If he had any secrets, I
guess he spilled them. Agent J: Smart man would figure out what
your victims have in common. Young Agent K: Smart man would. [young K takes out a giant old looking cellphone from his
jacket] Agent J: That's a big-assed phone. [as K makes a call on the phone] Agent J: Don't put that up to your head!