---

[Mike wakes up in his bunk bed to find he's kissing Sulley's hand, he knocks Sulley's hand away]
Sulley: Were you kissing my hand?
Mike Wazowski: And what about you with all your shedding?
Sulley: I don't shed.
Mike Wazowski: Really?
[he punches the mattress above his bunk bed and all of Sulley's fur comes down]

---

Mike Wazowski: Just wait, hot shot. I am gonna scare circles around you this year.
Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.

---

Sulley: You don't need to study scaring, you just do it.

---

Dean Hardscrabble: If you're not scary, what kind of a monster are you?

---

Art: I'm Art, New Age Philosophy major. Thought you might like to keep a dream journal.
[gives Sulley a notebook with rainbows and unicorn painted on the cover]

---

[to Mike]
Sulley: Just reach deep down and let the scary out.

---

[Mike steps out of his dorm room covered with small shiny paper stuck all over him, making him look like a disco ball]
Mike Wazowski: Alright! Okay! Ha-ha-ha! Very funny, Sullivan!
You look great, Wazowski.
Mike Wazowski: You know, if you're gonna prank someone, the least you could do is think of something clever!
[Sulley turns off the lights and the shiny papers stuck on Mike reflect the light like a disco ball, everyone starts dancing like they are in disco]
Mike Wazowski: What? What? What's happening?
[Mike turns looking around him]
Mike Wazowski: I don't get it.

---

[referring to Mike]
Sulley: I am gonna wipe the floor with that little know-it-all.

---

Dean Hardscrabble: Scariness is the true measure of a monster.

---

Michael Atlas: Ladies and gentlemen.
Henley: For our final trick.
Michael Atlas: We are going to rob a bank.

---

Merritt Osbourne: On the count of three, you will be teleported through space and time to your bank in Paris.

---

Henley: Everyone is this room was a victim of hard times.
Merritt Osbourne: Some of you lost your homes, your cars.
Michael Atlas: And so tonight.
Henley: We're gonna return some of that money back to you.

---

Dylan Hobbs: I don't think I heard you correctly. Did you say magicians robbed a bank?

---

Dylan Hobbs: Can you explain to me, how you went from Las Vegas to Paris in three seconds?
Michael Atlas: What do the kids call it these days? Oh, magic.

---

Michael Atlas: You have, what we like to call in the business 'nothing up your sleeve'. Because if you did, it means that you and the FBI and your friends and Interpol, actually believe in magic.
Dylan Hobbs: I'm gonna nail your ass!
[as Hobbs goes to grab Michael, he finds his hands are cuffed to the table and Michael's hands are no longer cuffed]
Michael Atlas: First rule of magic, always be the smartest guy in the room.

---

Thaddeus Bradley: Your bank was the distraction, while they set up the real trick.
Arthur Tressler: I was a hundred and forty million dollar distraction?

---

[to Bradley]
Arthur Tressler: Expose them now and destroy them.

---

Thaddeus Bradley: Whatever this grand trick is, it was designed a long time ago. And I believe that what's about to follow, is really going to amaze. Look closely, because the closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

---

Thaddeus Bradley: Who doesn't love a good magic trick?

---

Dylan Hobbs: A year ago, these guys were a bunch of street magicians.
Alma Vargas: Now they're pulling off amazing robberies and not keeping a single cent for themselves. We are dealing with something far bigger than us.

---

Thaddeus Bradley: You do realize this is a game, played out on a global scale. Vegas was just the start, this trick was designed a long time ago.

---

Henley: We're all here for the same reason.
Merritt Osbourne: We cannot quit now.

---

Thaddeus Bradley: Whatever is about to follow, whatever this grand trick is, is really going to amaze. Look closely, because the closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.

---

Raleigh Becket: [voice over] Something out there had discovered us. They counted on the humans to hide, to give up, to fail. They never considered our ability to stand, to endure, that we would rise to the challenge.

---

Dr. Newton Geiszler: If you wanna stop them, you have to understand them. They're sole purpose was to aim for the populated areas and take our the vermin, us!
Raleigh Becket: Or we could just blow 'em to pieces.

---

Raleigh Becket: [voice over] The Jaeger Programme was born. Two pilots, mind melding through memories with a body of a machine. We started wining, then it all changed.

---

Dr. Newton Geiszler: Two thousand five hundred tons of awesome.

---

Raleigh Becket: [voice over] They counted on the humans to hide, to fail. They never considered we would rise to the challenge.

---

[to his men]
Stacker Pentecost: Today at the edge of our hope, at the end of our time, we have chosen to believe in each other. Today we face the monsters that our door! Today we are canceling the apocalypse!

---

Stacker Pentecost: Gentlemen, our orders are to protect the city of two million people.
Raleigh Becket: Then let's go fishin'.

---

[as the Sandin family sit in front of the TV monitor to hear the announcement]
Voice of Broadcaster: This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the annual purge. At the siren, all emergency service will be suspended. For twelve hours, your government thanks you for your participation.

---

[to Charlie after letting a stranger calling for help into their house]
James Sandin: Why did you let him into our home? We have no idea who's after him.

---

[after ringing the Sandin's door bell]
Polite Stranger: Our target for this year's purge is hiding in your home. You have one hour to find him and give him to us, or we'll kill all of you.

---

Mary Sandin: They can't get in here, right? They can't get into our home.

---

James Sandin: We're gonna make it through tonight, and everything is gonna be okay.
Zoey Sandin: Nothing is ever going to be okay again.

---

[to Frank]
Secret Agent: At the height of the Cold War, a megaton device was smuggled into Moscow piece by piece and then reassembled. The scientist was Edward Bailey. He's in asylum for the criminally insane.

---

Edward Bailey: Frank Moses, my dear fellow!
[touching Frank's face]
Edward Bailey: Why are you so old?
Frank Moses: You've been locked up here for thirty-two years.
[pulls his hands up in fists]
Edward Bailey: Come on, Frankie! You gotta be kiddin' me! Come on, put 'em up!

---

Victoria: MI6 has just given me a contract to kill you. Apparently you're number one on Interpol's most wanted.
Frank Moses: What did you say?
Victoria: It's important to enjoy life while you still can. They're sending an old friend of yours as well.

---

Han: You're a dead man, Moses.
Frank Moses: I ain't dead yet.

---

The Frog: I've never heard of you. Must be a little bit before my time.
[Victoria hits him in the throat, bangs his head on the table and throws him against the wall]
Victoria: Well, you've heard of me now.

---

[as Marvin holds on tight to Frank's from the back]
Frank Moses: Please tell me that's a stick of dynamite in your pocket.
Marvin Boggs: I'm saving it for emergencies.
[as Han is shooting with a machine gun at them]
Frank Moses: Well, this is kind of an emergency, isn't it?

---

[to Nick]
Proctor: You're job is catching Doe's, the bad souls that escape judgment.

---

Proctor: Meet your new partner.
[Nick goes to shake Roy's hand but Roy pulls his hand away]
Roy Pulsipher: No. You gotta earn that.
[Roy turns and starts walking off]
Come on.

---

[to Nick]
Roy Pulsipher: We are the greatest law men that ever lived and died. Now, some souls hide out among the living.

---

Roy Pulsipher: There's somthin' else. You don't look like you, you sound like you anymore.
Nick Walker: So what do I look like?
[Roy shows him his ID card, which has a photo of an old Chinese man]
Nick Walker: Really? An old Chinese guy? What about you?
[we see Roy is a sexy blond woman]
Nick Walker: Well, I guess you win, Roy.

---

Proctor: If the dead take over, that's it for the living world.

---

Roy Pulsipher: They picked the wrong venue to make a stand. This world's for the livin', and R.I.P.D. is gonna keep it that way.

---

[looking at a soul which has multiple eyes on its face]
Roy Pulsipher: Damn. I don't know what eyes to shoot you between.

---

[referring to James Franco's house]
Seth Rogen: This place is beautiful, man.
James Franco: This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside me.
Seth Rogen: You let us both come inside you! Yeah!
James Franco: Boom!
Jay Baruchel: Thanks, Jame Franco.

---

Mindy Kaling: Oh, my God. If I don't fuck Michael Cera tonight, I'm gonna blow my brains out.
Jay Baruchel: What?!
Mindy Kaling: Fucking pale, a hundred and ten pounds, hairless, probably has a huge cock.
Seth Rogen: He has a weird face.
Mindy Kaling: Ah, so hot!

---

[Michael Cera blows some powder into Christopher Mintz-Plasse's face]
Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Ooh! What did you just fucking blow on me?!
Jonah Hill: Don't worry, it's just heroin.
Christopher Mintz-Plasse: Are you shitting me?!
Jonah Hill: I was kidding, it's cocaine. But that's still very bad.

---

Danny McBride: For all we know The Lakers could have just won and that's the reason why all this is happening.
Jay Baruchel: I think it's the apocalypse. It's all in here.
[he holds up the Bible; reads a passage from the Bible]
Jay Baruchel: And he opened the bottomless pit.
Seth Rogen: It's a sink hole. Every single time I turn on the news, sink hole in South America, bunch of South Americans are getting sucked into the ground.
Jonah Hill: Sinked hole in my house.

---

Seth Rogen: It's already going crazy out there, guys! I'm not leaving, okay? I'm a victim! When I was a kid I had man tities, the bullies held me down, they titty fucked me!
Craig Robinson: We are actors! We pretend to be hard, man! We solve this baby shit!
[they hear a helicopter outside]
James Franco: Helicopter! It's gonna be fine!
[they watch as the helicopter falls and crashes, exploding, Craig Robinson screams in pain as the crash causes him to get injured]
James Franco: Are you okay?
Craig Robinson: No, I'm not okay! Fuck your house, Franco!
[Robinson holds up his finger which has a small cut that's bleeding]

---

Danny McBride: We should just stay in here, fortify this kitchen, take inventory of all the food and shit that we have.
[counting their supplies]
Seth Rogen: We got twelve bottles of water, fifty-six beers, half ounce sour diesel, one ounce of shrooms, CT Crunch, a Milky Way...
Jonah Hill: Can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco: No, you can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it.
Danny McBride: I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't at least get a bite of the Milky Way.

---

[talking into his camera]
James Franco: Emma Watson showed up.
[we see Emma threatening them with an ax]
Emma Watson: Give me everything you have to drink!
Seth Rogen: There are six of us! You cannot rob us!
Emma Watson: I'm not fucking around!
[Emma hits Seth Rogen in the face with then end of her ax]
Seth Rogen: Aah!
[pointing to their supplies]
Craig Robinson: Giver her the drinks!
[talking into the camera]
Danny McBride: Hermione just stole all of our shit!

---

[a man breaks through the wall with his head]
Man: Please, you gotta let me in! Things have got crazy out here!
James Franco: I'm sorry. We just don't know you, man. You could be like a looter, or a rapist, or a titty fucker.
[Seth Rogen grabs his chest]
Man: I'm not a rapist!
Seth Rogen: You wanna titty fuck us?
Man: If you want me to titty fuck you, I will, so good, all of you'll love it!
[suddenly there's a strange noise from the outside]
Man: There's something out here!
[something grabs the man and Craig Robinson screams]

---

John Cale: Hey, can I show you something?
Emily Cale: These are White House passes!
John Cale: You're dad here has a job interview with the Secret Service.
Emily Cale: No way! This is really cool.

---

Carol Finnerty: John Cale, why do you wanna be in the Secret Service?
John Cale: I can't think of a more important job than protecting the President.
Carol Finnerty: In college you barely maintained a C average.
[Agent Todd chuckles, Cale looks over his shoulder at him]
Carol Finnerty: You're not to look at Agent Todd.
John Cale: Special Agent Todd keeps makin' those sounds, I'm gonna start lookin' at him.

---

[Cale listens to the terrorists over the intercom]
Terrorist #1: Alpha One, do you have the target?
Terrorist #2: Roger that. We're holding the President in the library.
[to himself as he walks past the library]
John Cale: That's the library. Don't go in there. Just... Oh, this is so stupid!

---

[after Cale rescues the President they hide on top of an elevator in the elevator shaft]
John Cale: Let's just call SEAL Team 6 and they come in here and get us.
President James Sawyer: We have a scramble SAT phone in the residents.
John Cale: Great. Where's that?
[Sawyer points up]
John Cale: Of course it is. By the way, John Cale.
[holds out his hand]
President James Sawyer: James Sawyer.
[they shake hands]

---

Carol Finnerty: Help is not coming! You just need to get out of there.
John Cale: My little girl is counting on me right now, and I'm not gonna disappear on her.

---

[as they drive away in a van]
John Cale: I know you're into peace and all that, but you gotta stick that thing out there and go to work!
[Sawyer picks up the rocket launcher and stick his head out the van window]
President James Sawyer: Damn right!

---

President James Sawyer: I lost the rocket launcher.
John Cale: You lost...! How do you lose a rocket launcher?!

---

Navy Captain Mullenaro: We've lost the East Coast, Moscow is still dark. Life as we know it will come to an end in ninety days. It's on us to change that.

---

Navy Captain Mullenaro: I need you to help 'em
Gerry Lane: You're asking me to leave my family.
Navy Captain Mullenaro: I'm not gonna force you. Don't pretend you're not well suited for the job.

---

Gerry Lane: I can't leave my family.
Navy Captain Mullenaro: Don't pretend your family is exempt when we talk about the end of humanity.

---

Gerry Lane: I don't wanna leave you, but I have to go.
Karen Lane: I'll keep our kids safe.

---

Gerry Lane: If I could get into Russia, where would I start?
Vityok: Russia's black hole.
Gerry Lane: I need answers.

---

Gerry Lane: I think these things have a weakness.
Vityok: Every human you save, is one less to fight.

---

Prisoner: Guns are half measure.
Gerry Lane: You're with the CIA?
Prisoner: Well, they're not with me.

---

U.N. Representative: If we knew where this thing started, maybe we could kill it.

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Total New Movies Quotes: 20