New Year's Eve Movie Quotes
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Paul: Seriously, you called the right guy. I'm in, let me see number two. What is it?
[he takes Ingrid's list of resolutions from her and reads them]
Paul: Go to Bali. Breakfast at Tiffany's. You wanna save a life.
[to Ingrid]
Paul: Are you kidding me? That's physically impossible. I don't understand what you're talking about. I don't understand what you want me to do here.
Ingrid: Use your imagination.
Paul: We're gonna need a big boat.

Jensen: Listen, Ava. I was hoping maybe you could help me out.
Ava: Oh, what is it? Is it writers' block? Because if it is, I've been jotting down these lyrics. Jensen: They're in Spanish now, but I'm going to translate them.
Come...Come here.
[thinking he wants to kiss her she comes closer to him]
Jensen: No. Not like that. I need you to help me convince Laura that I made a mistake.
Ava: When?
Jensen: It was last New Year's eve.
Ava: What did you do to her?
Jensen: Nothing. I asked her to marry me.
Ava: That's beautiful.
Jensen: Yeah, but then I got cold feet because I wasn't ready for it.
Ava: That's horrible! You were the one who proposed! In my country when a man gets down on one knee, it's because he either wants to get married or he's been shot. Sometimes it's been because of both.
Jensen: No. No. It just, it all came at me too fast and I wasn't ready for it and I had to go back on the road, and I just didn't wanna deal with it.
Ava: You should have talked to her. That's what women like, we like to talk.
Jensen: I tried. I just can't get a worked in edgewise between slaps.

[as Ava is talking to Jensen Laura comes up behind them and overhears their conversation]
Ava: Do you want to know what I think?
Laura: Well I sure would.
Ava: Ha! Hi, Laura. This is not what it looks like. No.
Laura: No?
Ava: No.
Laura: It's not my ex-boyfriend telling our whole sad saga to my new sous chef?
Ava: Yeah, pretty much that's what it is. Be strong. Hold your ground. But don't look into his eyes because they're beautiful.
[Ava walks off and Laura looks at Jensen]
Laura: Truce?
Jensen: Truce.

Jensen: Did you hear the new record?
Laura: No.
[he looks disappointed and she smiles at him]
Laura: Yeah.
Jensen: What d'you think?
Laura: You know I wanted to hate it, I really did. But I loved it. I thought it was great, except for the picture you chose for the cover.
[she imitates him smiling from ear to ear]
Laura: It was a little too much bronzer!

Laura: I'm a little overwhelmed and frazzled by this job tonight, so I apologize for slapping you...the second time.
Jensen: I'm sorry I ran, Laura.
Laura: No, Daniel. You sprinted. I mean...
[in the background one of her chef's breaks something and calls out for her]
Laura: I gotta get back to work. Focus on tonight, so.
Jensen: What about tomorrow? We're going back on tour and I'd really love it if you'd come with me. We could fix this.
Laura: Yeah, sure. I'll just...I'll go pack a bag. Meet you at the bus? Come on! I can't go back on tour with you. I did your life, I have my life too. You really don't get it, do you?
Jensen: What's there to get? I'm ready to commit. I'm ready.
Laura: Yeah. Yeah. Me too. I'm ready to commit to what I really love. My work. I can't do this again with you, Daniel.
[she turns and leaves]

[back in the elevator Elise and Randy are still trapped]
Elise: So how come you have no where to be?
Randy: Isn't it obvious? I mean, New Year's is the worst night of all to go out. It's total amateur night. People who don't drink or go nuts all year suddenly go all Kanye on you. It's like a war zone out there.
Elise: That's because they have something to be excited about. I have something to be excited about.
Randy: Oh! Oh! Oh! Who are you gonna kiss at midnight? Oh, and then it's one big giant let down. See that's the problem with New Year's. Everybody builds up such high expectations that they're inevitably utterly disappointed.

[Elise notices the hatch on the elevator ceiling]
Elise: Hey, can you get through that ceiling hatch?
Randy: I am not Spider-Man.
Elise: Clearly. Clearly.

Ingrid: What is this neighborhood? Is it safe?
Paul: Give it a chance. That should be on your resolution list; give Paul a chance.

[Paul opens the door of a dirty building to reveal an indoor paradise, the Bali Garden Spa]
Paul: Ingrid Whithers, welcome to Bali.
Ingrid: It's Bali!
Paul: It's Brooklyn. It's a spa.

[back at the hospital Tess tries to eat anchovies to induce labor]
Nurse Risa: I'm sorry, we really can't take you this early yet. Dr. Morriset says that you're not ready. So you'll have to come back in a few hours.
Griffin Byrne: We may not have been ready, but now she's eating anchovies which the internet claims induce labor.
Tess Byrne: If only you can keep it down.
Nurse Risa: Yeah, but it really doesn't go that fast.
[Tess puts the anchovy in her mouth but immediately spits it out]
Tess Byrne: No! I can't do it. I can't do it.
Nurse Risa: Excuse me.
[Nurse Risa leaves them]
Griffin Byrne: I'm sorry.
[he kisses Tess on the forehead]
Tess Byrne: I tried. I can't do it anymore.
Griffin Byrne: You need a breath mint.

[Tess and Griffin notice that Grace and James Schwab are being checked into the hospital]
Griffin Byrne: Hey, good to see you again.
James Schwab: You must be joking, cause inside I'm laughing really really hard. You really think you can come into this at the last minute and steal our money?
Griffin Byrne: I'm sorry, are you being serious?
James Schwab: You're even bigger numbnuts than you look.
[he picks up the can of anchovies]
James Schwab: This little fish won't save you. You probably don't even know that yams can kick start labor.
Griffin Byrne: Well, yeah. Actually we do.
Tess Byrne: Yeah!
Griffin Byrne: In fact, at this moment my wife is full of yams. But thank you.
Tess Byrne: Crammed with yams.
James Schwab: Snap! It doesn't! It stops pre-term labor.

[to Tess; referring to James just snapping his finger at him]
Griffin Byrne: Did he just snap me in the maternity ward?
[to James]
Griffin Byrne: Hey, you're really a hostile guy. Where do you work? The DMV?
James Schwab: No. I run a charm school.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, yeah? Where's your charm school? Guantanamo?
James Schwab: It's on forty eighth in Madison and you should come by, cause you could really use some charm.
[he hands Griffin his business card]
Griffin Byrne: He actually works in a charm school.
Tess Byrne: No way!
[he gives Tess the card which has written on it 'Prince of Charming Charms School']
Tess Byrne: Oh! Prince of Charming!

[after Nurse Rosa has just told Grace and James they can't check in yet either]
Grace Schwab: I'm sorry, James.
James Schwab: It's not your fault.
Griffin Byrne: I'm sorry too.New Year's Eve Movie Quotes
James Schwab: Right.
Griffin Byrne: Also, it's on now, Prince Charming.
James Schwab: You bet!
[Tess stands and points her pregnant belly towards Grace's pregnant belly]
Griffin Byrne: What are you doing, honey?
Tess Byrne: Oh, it's on.
Grace Schwab: I'm sorry?
Griffin Byrne: Oh, no.
Grace Schwab: What's on?
Tess Byrne: Oh, yeah. This? It's on.
Griffin Byrne: Come on. Let's go, honey. Nobody wants to watch the pregnant women fight. Come on.
[Grace still not understanding what Tess is referring to]
Grace Schwab: Something's on!
[both couples turn and leave]

Hailey: I knew you gave up your own plans tonight just to be with me. I can't become your everything, mom. Please don't become a Piper's mom!
Kim: A what? A Piper's mom? What? You mean like Joanna?
Hailey: Yes. Piper' mom, she...she hides in the bushes everyday just to make sure that Piper actually goes to school. It''s nuts.
Kim: Okay. Well, come on! I'm not that bad.
Hailey: Mom, you've stopped trying. Okay? And you're being all clingy and mean. And it's because you don't have a man in your life. You really gotta find somebody. Look, mom, you're a hot woman. If you just, you know, lose the clogs maybe.
Kim: I'm sorry, but I am trying and I would like you to try just have our New Year's party.
[Kim starts singing Happy New Year's tune]
Hailey: Okay, mom, no more. I'm over it. I'm over it and I'm over you.
[Hailey goes into her room and slams the door shut]

[the tow truck driver finds Sam a ride into New York, the pastor from Sam's friends wedding]
Harley: So, my cousin here tells me you need a lift?
Sam: Cousin?
Pastor Edwin: Yep. I'm taking my wife and kids in to see the Radio City Rockettes, we do it every New Year's Day.
Harley: Ever seen the Rockettes?
[he winks at Sam]
Pastor Edwin: I'd be happy to give you a lift. You wanna pitch in for gas?
Sam: Hell, yeah! I'll pay for all the gas.
Harley: Don't say hell to him! He's a Pastor!
[to the Pastor; referring to the bible in his hand]
Harley: Show him the book.
[to Sam]
Harley: And give me my pen back! I can never understand people with hair.

[back at the hospital Aimee looks in on Stan]
Nurse Aimee: You've been here for weeks. First no radiation and now no chemo. Why?
Stan Harris: What's the difference? You know, why delay the inevitable outcome? When I was a photographer in Vietnam, I'd see death all the time. But this, nothing prepared me for this.
Nurse Aimee: I promise I'm gonna make you as comfortable as I can, okay?
Stan Harris: Just get me to midnight, then we're even.
Nurse Aimee: Okay. I'll be back.

[referring to the puppy Ingrid has adopted at the Adopt A Pet Center]
Paul: What are we gonna name him? Something manly, like Kong.
Ingrid: How about Mr. Snugglepuss?
Paul: Snugglepuss? You can decide on the name later. Anyways, look what you just did? You saved a life! Check.

[in Times Square and Ryan Seacrest is feeling the pressure of the crowd when the giant ball gets stuck on its way up he turns to one his production crew]
Ryan Seacrest: Cause I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure. I don't like to feel pressure. Pressure's not a very good feel and it messes with my hair. I need my hair to be up, like the ball!
[as Claire and her crew try to fix the problem with the giant ball]
Ryan Seacrest: This would never have happened to Dick Clark.

[as Sam is getting a ride with the Pastor and his family in the giant RV]
Maude: So what's the speech about, Sam?
Sam: Like I said, I haven't even written it yet. I guess I'm...I'm still looking for the inspiration.
[he laughs]
Maude: What inspires you, Sam?
Sam: Pizza.
Duncan: Excellent. Sweet!

New Year's Eve Quotes
[Paul takes Ingrid to the art museum where they have a miniature reproduction of the New York boroughs]
Paul: And now the very best part; walk all five boroughs in one day. I'm crossing that off the list.

[after leaving a message for Randy telling him about Ingrid and referring to her as pathetic, he then turns to read from Ingrid's list of resolutions]
Paul: Right. Next up, is to be amazed.
[to himself]
Paul: Which is very vague. I will be amazed if I can come up with something. But I will.
[Ingrid walks up to Paul and is upset after overhearing Paul referring to her as pathetic]
Ingrid: I don't want to do this anymore.
Paul: Why? What are you talking about?
Ingrid: I'm pathetic. Dude!
[she slams the tickets to the ball into his hands and turns to walk away]
Paul: Hey. Wait! Where are you going?
Ingrid: Staten Island.

Engineer Douglas: Miss Morgan, we're not really sure what's wrong.
Claire Morgan: How long is it gonna take to be sure?
Engineer Douglas: I don't know. It could be a couple of minutes, it could be a couple of hours, maybe more.
Claire Morgan: Well, we don't have a couple of hours or maybe more. We only have...midnight. I have one job tonight, to make sure, even if I have to do it with my own two hands, that ball descends at midnight. Can't move midnight!
[the Engineer looks down]
Claire Morgan: Why are you looking at your shoes? I hate it when you look at your shoes. When you look at your shoes it means you're not telling me something. What are you not telling me?
Engineer Douglas: We need Kominsky.
Claire Morgan: The Kominsky?
[the Engineer nods his head]

[Griffin comes home and finds Tess standing on her head]
Griffin Byrne: What are you doing?
Tess Byrne: Yoga. It's supposed to help.
Griffin Byrne: I'm no expert, but it seems like that would just the baby in the wrong direction.

Tess Byrne: You're gonna make such a good veterinarian some day, Griff.
Griffin Byrne: Thanks. And if you were a horse, I'd know better what to do. Of course, if you were a horse, we'd never get invited to dinner parties and I'd be married to a horse.

[taking a sniff from the small bottle]
Griffin Byrne: This smells awful. Drink it.
[Tess shakes her head]
Tess Byrne: Mmumm.
Griffin Byrne: What? It's castor oil. Mary Poppins swore by this.
Tess Byrne: Mary Poppins also danced with cartoon penguins. You first.
Griffin Byrne: You're a coward.
[he takes a swig from the bottle but nearly spits it out as it's so disgusting]
Tess Byrne: I'm sensing a thumps down.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, Mary Poppins sucks!
Tess Byrne: Well you forgot about the spoon full of sugar.

[after feeling a twinge]
Tess Byrne: What was that?
Griffin Byrne: What was what?
Tess Byrne: Oh, my gosh! My water broke!
Griffin Byrne: All of it?
Tess Byrne: Oh...well what do you think?
Griffin Byrne: Well, that's too early! Can you turn it off?
Tess Byrne: And how do you suggest I do that?
Griffin Byrne: I don't know! Yoga! Why don't you get back upside down? You can't do a downward dog or an upward dog. Do one of the dogs!

[back at the hospital Aimee is sitting with Stan while he's dosing]
Stan Harris: Haven't you been here all day? When do you go home?
Nurse Aimee: Just before midnight.
Stan Harris: Oh.
Nurse Aimee: You know what? I don't care about all that hoopla and stuff anyway.
Stan Harris: So no big plans or party?
Nurse Aimee: No.
Stan Harris: No hot date? A pretty girl like you.
Nurse Aimee: Well, maybe. But right now you're my hot date.
Stan Harris: Why?
Nurse Aimee: Pardon me?
Stan Harris: Why are you being nice to me? I'm an ass. I've spent my entire life being an ass. I don't know how to stop.
Nurse Aimee: Well, you know what, Stan? Maybe being an ass is the reason you've gotten every single thing you ever wanted in life.
Stan Harris: Not everything.

[Randy and Elise are still stuck in the elevator]
Randy: I'm sorry I called you a groupie. We're stuck in an elevator together, you really, you're not gonna talk to me at all?
Elise: Fine. We can talk. But as long as we're making assumptions about each other, why don't I give it a shot? You grew up in suburben, fill in the blank. You went to la-di-da liberal art school. You didn't have enough drive to get a real job and then you grew half a beard and moved to Manhattan on your grandmother's inheritence. And...and now you think that, you know, just because you moved somewhere that you're cool. But the truth is that, it just, it doesn't! Okay? Because you're just some wanna be hipster who judges everything because you're too scared to take a chance on anything. And...and you know my guess is that this whole hatred for New Year's comes from just some boring as hell prom queen who broke you heart on New Year's Eve in high school. So, am I close?
Randy: Suberban Maryland. Tufts University. And I am comic book artist.
Elise: You draw.
Randy: I illustrate. And it was in college, when she broke it. And this beard took me like a year to grow.
[they both smile]
Randy: Cold coffee?
[he holds out the flask to her]

[back on the giant RV Sam is making small talk with the Pastor's family]
Sam: Last year there were so many speaches that I had to get outside and get some fresh air, so I actually went out and got a pizza.
Maude: Did anything else happen?
[Sam looks down]
Maude: Oh, my! Something else did happen, didn't it?
Sam: Yes.
Grandpa Jed: Is it R-rated?
Maude: Dad!
Sam: I met a woman and she was extraordinary.
[to her son]
Maude: It's gonna have a goose bump ending!
Pastor Edwin: Well take your time telling it, because here comes the traffic.
[Granpa Jed comes up behind Sam]
Grandpa Jed: Extraordinary build?
Sam: I have to get to this party.

[Ahern Records Masquerade Ball]
Penny Marshall: You're an actress, right?
Ahern Waitress: Yeah! I've played a nurse, a cop, a teacher.
Penny Marshall: How about playing a waitress and get me another drink?

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Total Quotes: 94

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