To say that New Year's
Eve movie quotes are full of schmaltz and cheese is an
understatement! The movie provides the usual predictable clichéd
confection with too many stars and storylines to get you fully engaged.
The dialogue serves its purpose in repeatedly reminding us that second
chances, hope and forgiveness can happen as one year ends and
another one begins. New
Year's Eve may have failed in providing us with anything
new and inspiring but it's definitely passed the test of
providing unashamedly sentimental forgettable holiday
by: Garry Marshall
Katherine Fugate Starring: Jake T. Austin
James Belushi - Building Super
Halle Berry - Nurse Aimee
Jessica Biel - Tess Byrne
Jon Bon Jovi - Jensen
Abigail Breslin - Hailey
Chris "Ludacris" Bridges - Brendan
Robert De Niro - Stan Harris
Josh Duhamel - Sam
Zac Efron - Paul
Héctor Elizondo - Kominsky
Cary Elwes - Stan's Doctor
Carla Gugino - Spiritual Dr. Morriset
Katherine Heigl - Laura
Cherry Jones - Mrs. Rose Ahern
Ashton Kutcher - Randy
Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr - Aimee's Husband
Seth Meyers - Griffin Byrne
Alyssa Milano - Nurse Mindy
Lea Michele - Elise
Sarah Jessica Parker - Kim
Russell Peters - Chef Sunil
Michelle Pfeiffer - Ingrid
Til Schweiger - James Schwab
Ryan Seacrest - Himself
Yeardley Smith - Maude
Hilary Swank - Claire Morgan
Sofía Vergara - Ava
[first lines] Claire Morgan:[voice over]
Some people swear there's no beauty left in the world, no magic. Then
how do you explain the entire world coming together on one night to
celebrate the hope of a new year?
Radio Reporter Arthur:
I'm talking to Claire Morgan, the new Vice President of the Times
Alliance. So, big night? Claire Morgan:
Oh, I'd say that's an understatement. Over a billion people from all
over the world will have their eyes on us tonight as the ball drops, so
I'd say that qualifies as a very big night. [to the reporter] Claire Morgan: Am
I looking at the right spot for the camera? Radio Reporter Arthur: Oh,
um...we're radio. Claire Morgan: Right.
[in the waiting room of
a hospital a very pregnant Tess overhears the conversation of another
couple] Grace Schwab:
We're gonna win the money. Male Nurse:
Of course you are. Tess Byrne:
What money? Grace Schwab: Oh,
the first baby delivered in the New Year at this hospital gets twenty
five grand. James Schwab:
Oh, no, no, honey. I think it's a little much less than that. Grace Schwab: No,
it's twenty five grand. [turning to his wife,
Tess] Griffin Byrne:
Twenty five grand? [to his wife, Grace] James Schwab: Honey,
you're mistaken. It's much less, plus after taxes and all the red tape
you end up with no money. Did I forget to mention the news camera's in
your face right after giving birth? That's horrible! It's not worth it
at all. Grace Schwab: It's
twenty five grand. They could put the camera in my hooha and it'll be
worth it. James Schwab: In
your hooha? [he starts laughing]
[when the other couple
about to give birth leave the waiting room] Tess Byrne: Let's
figure out how to induce. Griffin Byrne: I
will ask the nurse right now. This could pay off my student loan.
[talking on the phone] Paul: What
are we doin' tonight? Randy:
You're working, I'm not, so leave me alone. Paul: Randy,
listen to me. Don't do this right now. Don't go into your black hole.
It's midnight on New Year's eve, we have to do something. It's not an
option. When did you start this anti New Year's kick, bro? Get over
yourself, now! [Randy notices the
apartment is heavily decorated for New Year’sand starts tearing down
the decorations] Randy: You
know what? It's not a kick, it's a core tenant of my being. Like I
said, I got the day off, so I'm gonna hang in our apartment by myself
and do nothing and love it. Paul: It's
my job, as your best friend, to just ignore you right now. Because you
sound crazy! Randy: I'm
not being crazy! Paul: Okay,
I'm gonna find something so epic that you will not be able to say no. Randy: I
got a funny feeling, Paul, that I'm gonna say no. Paul: You
want to put the challenge flag in my face? Okay, I'll call you
back. Randy: Save
your minutes. [Randy hangs up the
phone and looks back at the Happy New Year sign that he's now changed
to Crappy New Year] Randy: Now
[a couple get married in
a tiny, empty church with Sam being the only guest] Groom Rory:
Well, you're the last of us, Sam. Roam the planes of Manhattan, carry
on the legacy of late night bar hopping and casual sex with random
women in good shoes. Bride Trish:
Which Rory will never know again. Sam: For
better or worse, I can see why the man's crazy about you. [Sam watches as the
outta here. Groom Rory: Hey,
you can't stay for breakfast? Sam: Rain
check, pal. The office has been calling all morning. I really do gotta
get back. I got that big speech tonight. Bride Trish: What
about the girl? Sam: What
girl? Bride Trish: The
one you met last New Year's eve? Are you gonna meet her tonight. Sam: That
was a year ago. We've all moved on.
Alright, our first event with linen napkins. Not only are we now
considered eco friendly, but this will be our biggest A-list party to
date! I know it's cold, okay? But we cannot mess this up. So you gotta
focus. Where is Ava? Chef Sunil:
She thinks she saw a celebrity somewhere. Laura: There's
gotta be more celebrities here than rehab. Chef Sunil: Mm. Laura: Okay,
Sunil. Make sure we all the booze on this list. Find Ava and then I'll
meet you in the lobby after I scout the kitchen.
walkie-talkie as Laura, who's a chef, is preparing to cater for a big
Laura! You are not going to believe who is here! Laura: Jensen. Ava: How
did you know? Are you psychotic? Laura: It's
psychic. And do me a favor, if you see him tell him to avoid the blond
woman in the kitchen with the really big knife. Ava: Ay,
Laura, do you know him?
just then Jensen walks into the kitchen Jensen: It's
good to see you, Laura. [he smiles at her and
she slaps him in the face, just then Ava' voice comes through the
walkie-talkie] Ava: Are
you still there? Do you think Jensen will sign a banana? I don't have
[Paul is bringing a
delivery to Ingrid, who's a secretary at Ahern Records when notices her
working on a list] Paul: Working
on those resolutions, huh? Ingrid: No! Paul: Okay.
I have a delivery here for a Mr. Jonathan Cox. Ingrid: Do
you work here? Paul: No. I
work for a courier service. I've been delivering packages to you for
about, I don't know, a year now. But I think this is maybe the first
time you've ever looked me in the eye. How you doin'? Ingrid: Sorry.
It's actually an old resolution to make more eye contact. Paul: So
those were New Year's resolutions then, huh? That looks like a long
list, you better get on it. Ingrid: I
don't know. Maybe next year.
[Ingrid opens the
package Paul just delivered which is tickets to a Mask Ball] Paul: Woh!
Jeez! Are you serious? That is a hot ticket. Ingrid: Really? Paul: It's
amazing. They got the best food, the best music. They got so many
single girls and it's a masquerade, so you don't even have to really
worry about their faces. You kind of just, you know, use your
imagination. And then if anybody tries to kick you out, or if anyone
asks who you are, you just straight up lie. What are they gonna do?
It's brilliant. It's like Facebook, but real. Ingrid: I
remember who you are now. Paul: Right!
Exactly. Anyways, I would give my left... [she slams the signature
into his chest] Paul: Well,
maybe next year.
[Claire is trying to
organize everything in Times Square when her friend Brendan shows up] Claire Morgan: They're
testing the confetti for tonight. [as she watches the
confetti being thrown] Claire Morgan: Don't
just dump them! Float them in the wind! They should be magical.
was quite a slap. Laura: I've
been plotting that slap all year. How I would walk up to you out of the
blue when you least expect it and slap you across the face for leaving
me like that. And you know what? It wasn't nearly as satisfying as I
thought it would be. [suddenly she slaps him
across the face again] Laura: That
was close enough. [to Ava and Sunil who
are watching them with interest] Jensen: We're
just fooling around. Ava: I like
fooling around too.
tried to call you. You never called me back. I left you tickets, you
never showed up. Talk to me dammit! Just talk to me! [to Laura] Laura: Yes,
talk to him! [to Jensen] Laura: What?
Cause it's New Year's Eve you want another shot at it? You walked out
on me, Daniel. I think that says it all. You know, I didn't even get to
make you one dinner in our apartment. You walked out before I unpacked
the first bag of groceries. [to Sunil] Ava: Celebrities!
They're just like us.
Cox, is there a reason you asked me to work today? Mr. Cox:
It's your job. Ingrid: Of
course. It's just that it's New Year's Eve and I thought maybe you
wanted to give me my end of year bonus, seeing that it's the end of the
year? Mr. Cox: Oh!
Right! Almost slipped my mind. [he takes out his check
book and start writing a check] Ingrid: Glad
to remind you, sir. Mr. Cox: Well,
unfortunately it has been a tough year for Ahern Records. I don't have
to tell you. Music piracy, blah-blah-blah!
[he gives Ingrid the
check for her bonus, she reads it looking disappointed] Mr. Cox: Did
I get your name right? Ingrid: Yes.
It's just that I wanted to use my bonus to book a trip. Mr. Cox: Well,
that might get you to Staten Island. Maybe next year. Ingrid: It's
just that I already booked my two weeks vacation time. Mr. Cox: Two
weeks? Did I...did I sign off? Ingrid: You
don't need to, sir. It goes through Human Resources. Mr. Cox: No!
It goes through me and...and I can't do without you for two weeks! You
can have one week. Ingrid: Well,
then I'll take two weeks and my stapler. I quit. Mr. Cox: You
can't quit! It's Grammy season! Ingrid: I...I
almost died today, sir. Mr. Cox: No.
No. You look fine. Can you get me a coffee? Don't forget the sugar! [Ingrid turns, goes to
her desk and starts packing her stuff]
[as Laura's throwing
eggs at a poster of Jensen on the kitchen wall] Laura: I've
hated him for leaving me like that! Ava: No.
No. You didn't. Laura: And
then he just shows up on the biggest night of my career! What kind of
Karma is that, huh? Ava: What?
Did you mean making love with Jensen or that you're catering the
biggest party in the city? Cause all I'm hearing is good! [Laura throws another
egg at Jensen's poster] Ava: Can do
I one? Laura: Yeah. Ava: Are
they expensive eggs? Laura: They
feel good. [Ava throws an egg
aiming for the poster but it splatters on the floor instead] Laura: Oh,
that was so sissy. Ava: I'm a
[at a hospital, Stan
Harris is lying in bed very ill with a doctor checking up on him]
Hey, doc? Stan's Doctor:
Yes, Mr. Harris? Stan Harris:
I haven't asked you for anything have I? Stan's Doctor: No.
No, you haven't. No chemo, no radiation, even though they could give
you an extra couple of months. Stan Harris: So
then you owe me one. Stan's Doctor: Sure,
Mr. Harris. What do you need? Stan Harris: Did
I tell you why I picked this hospital? Stan's Doctor: Cause
of the quality of the doctors? Stan Harris: The
roof has a great view of the New Year's Eve ball drop in Times Square.
I heard you say I was living on borrowed time. Stan's Doctor: I
don't recall telling you that. Stan Harris: I
heard you tell the nurses. I'm dying, I'm not deaf. Stan's Doctor: Well,
you certainly surprise us, Mr. Harris. But be honest, there really
isn't anyone we can notify? No one at all? Stan Harris: You
know, the people that ever cared about me I pissed off long ago.
There's no one.
Stan Harris: Doc,
come on. Call it a dying man's last wish. Please, come on? I've been
hanging on this all year so I can see the ball drop one more time. Stan's Doctor: You
know it's cold out there. Stan Harris: I'll
live. Stan's Doctor: You
can see much better on TV, you know? Stan Harris: I
don't wanna see it on TV, doc. Please? Stan's Doctor: As
much as I'd like to help you, it's against hospital policy to allow
anyone on the roof. Stan Harris: Forget
it. Forget I asked. Stan's Doctor: Okay. Is there anything else you need? Stan Harris: No.
Nothing. Stan's Doctor: Just
have the nurses page me, okay?
[leaving a voice message
for Paul] Randy: Another
thing that chafes my ass about the holiday season is all the fake
messages. Like today, I received fifty text messages with a generic
'Happy New Year', from people who had sent it to their entire address
book. Most of them I haven't heard from since last year! Call me back.
[Randy takes the
elevator to throw away the bag of decorations he tore down and Elise
from another apartment is in the same elevator, halfway down the
elevator stops and Elise tries the service phone] Elise: This
thing is dead! Randy: It
doesn't work. Elise: Well,
the super! Randy: He
don't work either. [looking at his cell
phone] Randy: No
reception. So you're the new girl from five B. Elise: Why
aren't you panicked right now? Randy: Ah,
I don't know. I don't really have anywhere to be. [Elise starts to panic
and calls out for help]
[at the hospital the
doctor is checking Tess] Spiritual Dr. Morriset:
Labor could be any day now. Tess Byrne: Any
day? Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Don't
worry. I know you wanna have a very natural child birth. No epidural,
no pitocin. We're gonna use the hypno birthing techniques. Tess Byrne: You
know what? We were actually just kind of wondering if we could schedule
a C-section. Just you know, kind of get this show on the road. [to Griffin] Tess Byrne: Am
I right? Griffin Byrne: Yeah. Tess Byrne: Uh...we
were thinking um...maybe tonight-ish? Midnight-ish? [to Griffin] Tess Byrne: Uh...right? Griffin Byrne: Yeah.
I think we're both thinking that maybe tonight could work better. If we
could do tonight, that would be great. Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Tonight.
Hmm. You want me to come in, on New Year's Eve at midnight, and perform
a C-section? [looking fake shocked] Tess Byrne: Is
it New Year's? Griffin Byrne: It
is. Yeah. Tess Byrne: Oh,
boy. Weird! I completely just forgot! Griffin Byrne: I
Griffin Byrne: See,
we were never really New Year's people. You know, we're kind of more
Memorial Day people. Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Let
me be clear. I will not schedule a C-section just so you can win some
money. The couple who was in here before, they offered to split the
winnings with me, and of course I said no. Frankly, I'm surprised that
you even suggest this. Griffin Byrne: What
if we went sixty-forty? [the doctor gives them a
look] Griffin Byrne: Seventy-thirty? Tess Byrne: Yeah. Spiritual Dr. Morriset: You're
dangerously close to a rectal exam. Griffin Byrne: Oh,
that's not good.
[as they are taking the
subway to get home] Hailey: Mom,
wanna go to Times Square tonight to watch the ball drop. Kim: Well,
I plan to avoid this entire section of the city tonight. Hailey: Okay,
well I don't want you to stay. I want you to go home. Kim: Ouch! Hailey: There's
this guy in my history class. His name is Seth and I, I've...I've been
hoping, you know, I have this sick dream that, you know, we get to hang
out at midnight. And then of course, you know, I'll come right home. Kim: Honey,
I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm not comfortable allowing you to stay in Times
Square at night alone. Period. Hailey: End
of discussion. Got it. Kim: Sorry.
know, I'm fifteen! Kim: I
know, Hailey. [she pulls up her
sweater to reveal her bra] Hailey:
This is not a training bra! Kim: And
this is not 'Girls Gone Wild'! My Gosh!
you know I'm an honors student, okay? I don't drink or do drugs or
anything! I'm trying really hard to be the perfect daughter, but it's
like you don't trust me! Kim: Well,
it's not...it's not you I don't trust. Hailey: Well
then who do you not trust, mom? The world? You don't trust the world?
Or is it just New York? Because it's a big scary city. [just then a male
passenger walks past them] Newark Commuter:
Have you ever been to Newark?
mom! The world doesn't scare me, okay? It's just getting good. I wanna
start living in it. You used to.
[as Claire is trying to
climb the stairs to the giant ball] Brendan:
Hey, you okay? Claire Morgan: Fine. Reporter Murphy:
You're not afraid of heights, are you? Claire Morgan: A
little. Reporter Murphy: Let
me be accurate. You're afraid of heights and you run the ball drop in
Times Square? Brendan: Well,
I think it's what makes Claire the best for this job. [to Claire] Brendan: Let's
do that thing we worked out. Claire Morgan: Yeah,
let's do that. [Brendan gets one of his
officers to carry Claire up the stairs]
[on the way to New York
Sam smashes his car and has to get it towed] Sam: Can
you fix it? Harley:
No. And don't you want to know why? Because the complicated machine
behind me isn't called 'a fix truck', it's called 'a tow truck'. That
means I put the big hook under the broken car and take it anywhere you
want, which is where? Sam: New
York city. Harley: No.
Again. Not today and not me, I've got big plans with my lady friend
tonight. Sign there. Sam: Can
you at least tow it to a mechanic nearby, please? Harley: The
nearest mechanic is ten minutes away. Sam: Alright,
that's prefect. Harley: Let
me finish! He's ten minutes away but he's closed today. In fact
everyone's closed today. Which I'm guessing you know, since you're
dressed like Penn and Teller. And as far as the car goes, I'm afraid
you're S.O.L. Which means 'something out of luck', but I don't curse. Sam: I
can't be S.O.L, I've gotta big speech at the company party tonight,
Okay? This is very important! Harley: Hey,
I've got something important tonight too, pal! Sam: Like
what? Harley: Me
and my girl are gonna crush a twelve pack and watch porn.
Whithers, did you call a delivery or something? Ingrid: Ingrid. Paul: Ingrid. Ingrid: And
actually, I'm your next job. I bought you for the day. Paul: You
bought me for the day, huh? Well, Miss Whithers, I think I should be
offended but I'm just too intrigued. Ingrid: My
New Year's resolutions. Paul: Mhmm. [she shows him her list] Ingrid: I
just took care of the first one. [he reads the first
entry on her list] Paul: You
quit your job? [Ingrid nods her head] Paul: Alright! Ingrid: If
you can make the rest of these come true by midnight, you get these. [she shows the tickets
to the Masked Ball that he had delivered to her earlier] Paul: Me!
Holy sh...! Woh! Okay, put those down! Put those down! Don't flash
those around! Everybody could see 'em!