By Maria Katafigioti (Athens, Greece)


The movie Noah deals with the biblical story about the divinely-ordained destruction of humanity by flood.

Russell Crowe, as the lead Noah, carries the movie with his characteristic rugged charisma, but, until the very end, he is not The Bible’s Noah who would become the new father of humanity in charge with being fruitful and multiplying. Noah is a misanthrope who is ready to kill his own twin granddaughters who were born on the ark, to his eldest son, Shem, and his mate, Ila, to ensure that his wicked species ends with the first generation of his children after they successfully save “The Innocents”, which is the sole purpose of the ark.

Ila was thought to be sterile due to a childhood injury (before Anthony Hopkin’s Methuselah, Noah’s grandfather, “cures” her miraculously but unknown to Noah), and Noah’s two other sons, Ham and Japheth, don’t have mates to procreate with (and they squirm and have issues about it), so the end of humanity seemed assured, as planned, until Ila’s unplanned pregnancy. Luckily for us, Noah has an epiphany of love and spares the baby twin’s lives and they all live happily ever after in the new world.

As the movie ends, we see Ham eyeing his little nieces, as if he couldn’t wait for them to grow up so he can mate with one of them, and Japheth with the other, and make more babies, which we know he’s going to do, sooner or later, and is in fact why he stares at his little nieces..

~The End~

And no less awkward is the acting of Jennifer Connelly as Noah’s wife, Naameh, and Emma Watson as Shem’s woman, Ila. I truly did not expect that from Emma Watson. She never disappointed me in the past. Their pleading, gasping, and choking histrionics over Noah’s determination to eliminate the infants at birth were so overacted, it was embarrassing to watch (and a scene from the movie Airplane! came to mind).

And Aronofsky had to figure out a way to make a warehouse full of wild animals resemble an airplane with every passenger quietly stationary and buckled in their assigned seats, so he came up with the brilliant idea of a plant that exhumed fumes when burnt that put every single species of animal, except humans, into a deep sleep that would last the entire voyage.

There. Problem solved. The vast menagerie of animals can be ignored now.

The movie is a biblical epic featuring Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly together again after A Beautiful Mind, and starring Anthony Hopkins as a reformed and vegetarian Hannibal Lecter.

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