quotes are pretty
trippy, bizarre and zany but somehow they totally work! The story of
this animated movie is basically a funny tribute to the classic
spaghetti westerns but with lots of crazy characters. And although the
story is predictable enough, it is presented in such a way that makes
it a very much welcome change form the the usual cartoon formula.
However, I would definitely say that Rango is
more of an animated movie for adults than young children, so be warned!
Take a look at these wonderfully surreal and zany Rango quotes.
by: Gore Verbinski
John Logan (written & story)
Gore Verbinski (story)
James Ward Byrkit (story) Starring: Johnny Depp
- Rango / Lars (voice)
Isla Fisher - Beans (voice)
Abigail Breslin - Priscilla (voice)
Ned Beatty - Mayor (voice)
Alfred Molina - Roadkill (voice)
Bill Nighy - Rattlesnake Jake (voice)
Stephen Root - Doc / Merrimack / Mr. Snuggles (voice) Harry Dean Stanton
- Balthazar (voice) Timothy Olyphant
- Spirit of the West (voice) Ray Winstone
- Bad Bill (voice) Ian Abercrombie
- Ambrose (voice) Gil Birmingham
- Wounded Bird (voice) James Ward Byrkit
- Waffles / GordyPapa / Rodent Kid (voice) Claudia Black
- Angelique (voice) Blake Clark
- Buford (voice) John Cothran Jr -
Elgin (voice) Patrika Darbo
- Delilah / Maybelle (voice) George DelHoyo -
Senor Flan -
Mariachi Accordion (voice) Ryan Hurst -
Jedidiah (voice) Vincent Kartheiser -
Ezekiel / Lasso Rodent (voice) Alex Manugian -
Spoons (voice) Joe Nunez -
Rock-Eye (voice) Lew Temple
- Furgus / Hitch (voice) Alanna Ubach -
Boo Cletus / FrescaMiss / Daisy (voice) Gore Verbinski
- Sergeant Turley / Crevice / Slim / Lupe - Mariachi
lines; four owls
starts playing music and singing one of them starts to narrate] Senor Flan:
gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death
of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie
popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and
bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
[breaths in with his
closed] Rango: Hmmm.
Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh! Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh! Congy-creamy-coky-candle- cupcake. [shakes his face and
opens his eyes] Rango: Okay,
everybody! Let's take it from the top.
stage is set. The night moist with apprehension. Alone in her chamber,
the princess prepares to take her own life. [he reveals a naked top
of a plastic doll; Rango speaks as the princess in a womans voice] Rango: It
is far better to nourish worms than to live without love! [changes his voice to
his own] Rango: She
reaches for the poison chalice. Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots
his ascension to the throne. [Rango laughs wickedly] Rango: While
her aging father lies gravely ill. [in a voice of frail old
man] Rango: Yes,
I'm gravely ill.
[Rango continues with
his stage play] Rango: Hark,
who goes there? [in the voice of a hero
with a sword in his hand] Rango: It
is I! The much anticipated hero returning to rescue his emotionally
unstable maiden. Unhand her you jailers of virtue or taste the bitter
sting of my vengeance! [he thrusts his sword
forward again] Rango: The
sting of my...the.... [Rango stops his acting] Rango: Doctor
Marks? Doctor Marks, I'm not getting anything from you! [he sighs] Rango: People,
we've talked about this! Acting is reacting. [he turns and talks to
the palm tree behind him] Rango: Victor,
you were wooden! There, I said it. [he turns and points to
the plastic fish in the water puddle] Rango: Mister
Tims, you were good. Perhaps a little too good! What's that, Victor? [turns to face the palm
tree again] Rango: My
character's undefined? That's absurd! I know who I am. I'm
theeee....I'm the guy! The protagonist, the hero! Every story needs a
hero! I mean, who else is better qualified to bask in the adulation of
his numerous companions!
[thinking to himself] Rango:[voice over] The
stage is waiting. The audience thirsts for adventure. Who am I? I could
[speaking in a sea
captain's voice] Rango: I...I
could be the sea captain returning from a mighty voyage, to reclaim his
mechanical arm! [he starts hitting
himself in the head with his arm that he's pretending is mechanical]
Rango: Or I
could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo! [makes his own tail into
a snake and starts strangling himself]
[speaking in a fake
Spanish accent] Rango: And
if you desire romance, I will become the greatest lover the world has
ever known! [gets a guitar and
starts playing] Rango: Hola!
[notices the naked top
of a plastic doll and walks over to it; starts speaking in his fake
Spanish accent] Rango: I
couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know the
womens find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at
ease. [he pushes
the dolls arm forward so it touches his knee] Rango: Oh,
stop it! [pushes the dolls arm
away but with his other arm pushes the plastic arm back on his
knee] Rango: No,
really! [he pushes the dolls arm
away again] Rango: Well,
if you must!
[he brings the dolls arm back on his knee] Rango: Ha
ha! What are you doing? [keeps pushing the dolls
arm backward and then forward to his knee] Rango: Oh!
That tickles! Are those real? [he slaps himself with
the dolls arm]
[after he's slapped
himself with the doll's arm] Rango: Huh!
That's it! Conflict! Victor, you were right! I have been undefined! [addressing all his
pretend friends] Rango: People,
I've had an epiphany! The hero cannot exist in a vacuum! What our
needs is an ironic, unexpected event, that will propel the hero into
conflict. [just then we see that
Rango is a pet kept in a glass aquarium traveling in the back of a car
which swerves, the aquarium falls off the car into the middle of the
[Rango spots an
armadillo lying in the middle of the road] Roadkill: I
need a little help here. [the armadillo as a
large gap in his body where the car wheel has passed through him] Rango: Uh...are
you okay? Roadkill: I
must get to the other side. Rango: The
other side? You mean that...just now that was you crossing the road?
That's why the... [he starts reenacting
the car swerving off the road and him falling out of the car Rango: Why'd
you do that? Roadkill: This
is my quest. He waits for me. Rango: Wha...who? Roadkill: The
Spirit of the West, amigo. The one! They say he rides an alabaster
carriage with golden guardians to protect him. Rango: What
are...what are you talkin' about? Roadkill: Enlightenment.
We are nothing without it. Rango: Nothing?!
Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex
social network going! Highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!
I don't see no friends. Rango: Well, uh...the... Roadkill: You
are a very lonely lizard.
uh...help me up. And I will help you find what you seek. Rango: Uh,
you...you will? Roadkill: Quickly
now, I must get back to my quest. Rango: You
mean, you've done this before? Roadkill: Oh,
yes! Many times. [Rango walks up on to
Roadkills body] Roadkill: That's
it. Pull my finger Rango: Uhhh... Roadkill: The
Spirit is waiting for me. Rango: Okay.
Okay. [Rango grabs
hold of Roadkills finger and starts pulling, but he fails to move
Roadkill] Rango: Okay!
That's not gonna work.
[after Rango has failed
to move Roadkill] Roadkill: I
must get to the other side. Rango: Why
don't you just wait until there are no cars coming? Roadkill: It's
not so easy as it looks. Rango: The
what? Roadkill: It's
a metaphor. [just then a massive
truck heads towards them]
[lying in the middle of
the road after being run over by the truck] Roadkill: You
need a little help, amigo? Rango: I
think the metaphor broke my spleen! Roadkill: The
path of loneliness is fraught with consequence. Rango: Yeah,
I'm just looking for the path to water. Roadkill: If
you want to find water, you must first find dirt. Rango: Uh...dirt. [Roadkill laughs] Roadkill: Destiny,
she is kind to you. Tomorrow is Wednesday, the water comes. At noon the
towns people gather for a mysterious ritual... Rango: Wow!
What uhhh...a town? You mean like with real people and everything?
Where? Roadkill: A
days journey. Follow your shadow. Rango: You
want me to just walk out into the desert? Roadkill: Uhumm.
That's the way. Rango: Okay.
So you're saying there's a town, a real town? Not a metaphor town? Roadkill: Go
on. It's okay. Rango: Okay.
Well, then I'm going. I am leaving the road now! [he turns to go] Rango: I am
walking into the desert! Alone! [he starts walking
slowly towards the desert; Roadkill calls out to him] Roadkill: We
all have our journeys to make. [he turns his face away
and says quietly] Roadkill: I
will see you on the other side.
[the four owls starts
singing as Rango walks through the desert] Senor Flan: Here
in the Mojave desert, animals have had millions of years to adapt to
the harsh environment. But the lizard, he is going to die.
Don't move. [Rango looks round to
see who's talking but all he sees is a desert bush] Rango: What? Rock-Eye: Don't
move! Rango: I'm
moving! Rock-Eye: Shhh! Rango: [whispering] Not
moving! Rock-Eye: Try
to blend in. Rango: What?
Blend in? Wha...whaaa...what do you mean? [he looks round and
walks towards a large looking rock lying on the desert ground] Rock-Eye: Blend
in! [an open eye suddenly
appears on the rock] Rango: Huh?
Wh..wha...wha...what are you saying? [suddenly he hears a
hawk fly above them] Rock-Eye: Too
late! Rango: No!
No! It's not too late! I...I...I..I'm blending! [panicking he starts to
throw dirt on himself] Rango: I'm
a blender! Ah! [he panics and starts
running around] Rock-Eye: Calm
down! What are you doing?
[to Rango] Rock-Eye: Try
not to look conspicuous. [Rango stands very still
and puts his hands up so as to resemble a desert cactus]
[as the hawk flies
above them Rango quickly curls into a ball and lies next to Rock-Eye] Rock-Eye: Pssst?
What are you doing? Rango: I'm
blending. Rock-Eye: Well,
blend somewhere else. Rango: Don't
distract me. Rock-Eye: No
room at the inn! Rango: It's
an art not a science!
[as they hear the hawk
above them] Rock-Eye: Oh!
Here she comes! You better run, mojita! Rango: You
what? I thought you said don't move? Rock-Eye: That
was before! Now, you run! [Rango gets up, suddenly
the eagle flies straight towards him and he starts running] Rock-Eye: Adios,
[as the hawk grabs the
bottle Rango has placed himself in and flies high] Rango: Please!
Please don't! Please don't! Please don't! I...I...I have vertigo! And
my glands are swollen!
[as the bottle that
Rango's in hits Rock-Eye in the back as it lands on him] Rock-Eye: You!
I'll kill you! You stupid little! Get out of there! I'm gonna
strangle your... Rango: No!
Don't! [Rango points to the
hawk who's now flying towards them, Rango starts to roll his bottle
forward] Rock-Eye: No!
Please! Hey, I was just kidding! Come on! We're friends, huh? Rango: I
don't know you! Rock-Eye: We're
practically related! Rango: No! Rock-Eye: Come
on, move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
[Rango sees the barrel
of shotgun being pointed straight at his face] Beans: Get
your slimy, webbed phalanges off my boots! Rango: Oh!
Uh...sorry! [Rango takes his hands
off her boots] Beans: I
got a beat on you, stranger. You get up real slow. Unless you wanna
spend a big part of your afternoon pickin' your face back together! Rango: Nnnno...no
Ma'am, I don't. Beans: Who
are you? Rango: Whhhoo...am
I? Beans: I'm
askin' the questions here! [she points her gun into
his face] Beans: Our
town is dried up. We're in the middle of a drought, now someone's
dumpin' water in the desert. Now I suppose it's indeterminable
somethin' to mention, but I intend to find out what role you play in
all this. Rango: Role?
are you involved in? Rango: Oh!
Well, I...I...I'm glad you asked. I've got two one acts, a mystery and
a musical I've been gestating. I've got the words. I'm just
kinda workin' on the melody right now. It's like a... [he starts humming the
tune] Rango: I
think it's gonna be a western. [he starts singing]
ain't from round here, are you? Rango: I..I'm...I'm
still workin' on it. [she walks away from him
towards her carriage] Rango: Uh...so,
what's your name? Beans: Beans. Rango: That's
a funny kinda name. Beans: What
can I say, my daddy plum loved baked beans. Rango: Well,
you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus. Beans: What...what
are you sayin'? Rango: I
mean, I...I...I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not
sure that the child uh...would appreciate the moniker.
daddy was a great man. Even if he did exhibit a proclivity for lagoons
and he... [she notices that Rango
is eating from one of the jars she had on her carriage] Rango: Mmmmm.
Spicy. Beans: You
are eatin' his ashes! Rango: Uh! [he spits out the
remains of what he was eating] Rango: You
carry his remains? Beans: No!
His ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body. Rango: Oh!
Well, I'm sure he had his reasons. Beans: What
are you implyin'? Rango: Nothing.
I... Beans: My
daddy was never near that mine shaft. He had been sober for over a
month. And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental
responsibilities at a delicate time in my personal development is an up
front to my... [she suddenly freezes]
[as Beans unfreezes she
finds Rango standing close beside her with his hand on her shoulder] Beans: What? Rango: What
are you doing? Beans: What...what
are you doin'? Rango: What
am I doin? Beans: You're... Rango: What...do Beans: You're
cuddlin' me. Rango: You
were frozen. Beans: No,
I wasn't. Rango: Yes,
you were. You stopped talking. Beans: Well,
uh...it's...it's a defense mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it. Rango: You're
making that up!
you're gonna die out here or you wanna a ride into town? Rango: No!
No! No! Uh...yeah! No! Yes, please. Thank you. [he gets on her carriage
and sits beside her] Rango: Sorry. Beans: Today's
Wednesday. Wednesday's when we all get to it. So who are you really? Rango:Well,
I'm a man of many epithets. There's my stage name, my pen name, my
avatar. Had a pseudonym once, but had to leave Ushane.
[as Rango and Bean ride
off the four owls appear and start playing music] Senor Flan: And
so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the
sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.
[when Rango arrives in
the desert town some rodent kids throw a stone, hitting his head] Rango: Ahh!
What was that for? Priscilla:
You're funny lookin'. Rango:
Well, you're funny lookin' too! Priscilla: That's
a funny lookin' shirt. Rango:
That's funny lookin' dress! Priscilla: You
got funny lookin' eyes. Rango: You
got a funny lookin' face! Priscilla: You're
a stranger. Strangers don't last long here. [she walks away from him]
[in the town saloon
Rango walks up to the bar with everyone looking at him; Rango clears
his throat] Rango: I'd
like a glass of water. [everyone in the saloon
laughs] Jedidiah: He
wants a glass of water! Doc: Make it
a double! Rodent at bar:
Make it two! Buford:
Cactus juice. That's what we got.
[after he's drunk some
cactus juice at the town saloon] Spoons: Hey
there, fruit cup? You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly
are you? [he looks at himself in
the saloon mirror and starts thinking to himself] Rango: [voice over] Who am
I? Could be anyone. [he looks at the cactus
juice bottle he's holding and the name with the first letter missing
spells 'Rango'] Spoons: What's
the matter? You missing your mommy's mango's? Rango: As a
matter of fact, I am. [Rango suddenly drops
the cactus juice bottle and turn around] Rango: Not
as much as your daddy's cookin'!
where did you say you were from? Rango: Me?
I'm from the West. Out there, beyond the horizon, past the sunset. The
far West. [everyone in the saloon
gasps] Rango: Yeah,
that's right, hombres. The place I come from, we kill a man before
breakfast, just to work up an appetite. [his tongue flips
out quickly to catch an insect] Rango: Then
we salt him and we pepper him, then we braise him clarified
butter and then we eat him. Jedidiah: You
eat him? Rango: That's
what I said! Hell, I've seen things make a grown man lose control of
his glandular function. You spend three days in a horse carcass, livin'
off you own juices. It'll change a man!
no, my hair shootin' rodent little friend, I am not from around these
parts. [he walks up to the bar] Rango: You
might say I'm from everywhere there's trouble brewin' and hell waiting
to be raised. You might say I'm what hell's already raised up! [he takes a swig of the
cactus juice] Rango: Name's...Rango!
don't have any other choice, Beans. Times being so hard, we...we just
can't give no more credit. Beans: But
this here is a bank! This is where you keep the water. Merrimack: Keep
the wate... [he starts laughing] Merrimack: Beans,
you've been like a niece to me. Ever since your daddy... [he stops his next words
as Beans gives him a hard look] Merrimack: ...did
not fall drunk down a mine shaft. And uh...I've...I've tried to protect
you and others from certain realities. Oh...the weight of them
realities... Beans: Mr
Merrimack? Merrimack: ...are
bearing down. Beans: Mr
Merrimack? Merrimack: Mmmm. Beans: Are
you all right? Merrimack: Please,
I need to sho...show you something.
[Merrimack opens the
bank vault that holds the town's water] Beans: That's
all that's left?! Merrimack: And
this here is the reserve! Now, I don't know as if
you've noticed, but folks just ain't makin' deposits
on a Wednesday no more.
Merrimack, if I don't get some water I'm gonna lose my ranch, and
you're tellin' me that's all that's left in the whole tank! Now, that
just don't make no sense. Now, listen. Someone is dumpin' water in the
desert. I've seen it with my own eyes! [Merrimack laughs in her
face] Merrimack: Water
in the desert! Was this durin' one of your... [he freezes himself for
a moment to imitate what happens to her] Merrimack: ...special
times? Beans: No! Merrimack: Well,
we can all dream. But this is the reality. Why do you think so many
people are sellin' out? They just can't make it. Beans: Well...I...what
am I supposed to do? Merrimack: Well,
I suppose we could talk to the Mayor. I hear he's been helpin' people
out in this time of crisis. Beans: The
Mayor? Merrimack: He
maybe our only hope.
[Bad Bill enters the
saloon with two of his thugs shooting his gun and holding a frightened
rooster] Bad Bill: You
got coal in your ears, mate? You don't pay the mortgage, you don't own
the land! Bad Bill's thug #1: That's
basic real estate law, my friend. Bad Bill's thug #2:Your
broke law! Bad Bill: If
I see you're face in this town again I'm gonna slice it off. [he holds
his knife to the roosters face] Bad Bill: And
use it to wipe my unmentionables. Bad Bill's thug #1: Mind
[Bad Bill sees Rango
standing at the bar] Bad Bill: What
is this? Spoons: You
know who that is, Bill? That there is Rango. Waffles:
yeah! He ain't afraid of you. He ain't afraid of any of you. Rodent in saloon #1:
Killed them Jenkins brothers. Delilah: Done
it with one bullet, Bill. Rodent in saloon #2: All
seven of them! [looking at Rango
suspiciously] Bad Bill: Is
[as Bad Bill and Rango
are facing each other for a duel] Rango: All
right, listen. I wanna give you fellas one last chance to reconsider. [his gun belt drops down
his waste, Rango looks embarrassed as he goes to pick it up] Rango: And
if you don't wanna reconsider, I'm a considerably, considerin' it
myself! [as a shadow of a hawk
flies above them everyone in the town suddenly goes into hiding and
Rango watches as Bad Bill runs away] Rango: Now,
that's what I'm talkin' about.
[not realizing that
there is a giant hawk is behind him] Rango: Yeah.
right now, listen up! Things are gonna be different around here now
that Rango's in town. Got some new rules; I want my shoe shined every
mornin', my coffee hot, danish on the side. Whatever you do, don't look
me in the eye! Stay out of my peripheral vision!