Rango
Quotes: Surreal, Zany and Wacky!
(Total Quotes: 111)
Rango quotes are pretty trippy, bizarre and zany but somehow they totally work! The story of this animated movie is basically a funny tribute to the classic spaghetti westerns but with lots of crazy characters. And although the story is predictable enough, it is presented in such a way that makes it a very much welcome change form the the usual cartoon formula. However, I would definitely say that Rango is more of an animated movie for adults than young children, so be warned! Take a look at these wonderfully surreal and zany Rango quotes.
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
Written by:
John Logan (written & story)
Gore Verbinski (story)
James Ward Byrkit (story)
Starring:
Johnny Depp - Rango / Lars (voice)
Isla Fisher - Beans (voice)
Abigail Breslin - Priscilla (voice)
Ned Beatty - Mayor (voice)
Alfred Molina - Roadkill (voice)
Bill Nighy - Rattlesnake Jake (voice)
Stephen Root - Doc / Merrimack / Mr. Snuggles (voice)
Harry Dean Stanton - Balthazar (voice)
Timothy Olyphant - Spirit of the West (voice)
Ray Winstone - Bad Bill (voice)
Ian Abercrombie - Ambrose (voice)
Gil Birmingham - Wounded Bird (voice)
James Ward Byrkit - Waffles / GordyPapa / Rodent Kid (voice)
Claudia Black - Angelique (voice)
Blake Clark - Buford (voice)
John Cothran Jr - Elgin (voice)
Patrika Darbo - Delilah / Maybelle (voice)
George DelHoyo - Senor Flan - Mariachi Accordion (voice)
Ryan Hurst - Jedidiah (voice)
Vincent Kartheiser - Ezekiel / Lasso Rodent (voice)
Alex Manugian - Spoons (voice)
Joe Nunez - Rock-Eye (voice)
Lew Temple - Furgus / Hitch (voice)
Alanna Ubach - Boo Cletus / FrescaMiss / Daisy (voice)
Gore Verbinski - Sergeant Turley / Crevice / Slim / Lupe - Mariachi Violin (voice)
Rango Quotes
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[first
lines; four owls
starts playing music and singing one of them starts to narrate]Senor Flan: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
[breaths in with his eyes closed]
Rango: Hmmm. Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh! Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh! Congy-creamy-coky-candle- cupcake.
[shakes his face and opens his eyes]
Rango: Okay, everybody! Let's take it from the top.
Rango: The stage is set. The night moist with apprehension. Alone in her chamber, the princess prepares to take her own life.
[he reveals a naked top of a plastic doll; Rango speaks as the princess in a womans voice]
Rango: It is far better to nourish worms than to live without love!
[changes his voice to his own]
Rango: She reaches for the poison chalice. Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his ascension to the throne.
[Rango laughs wickedly]
Rango: While her aging father lies gravely ill.
[in a voice of frail old man]
Rango: Yes, I'm gravely ill.
[Rango continues with his stage play]
Rango: Hark, who goes there?
[in the voice of a hero with a sword in his hand]
Rango: It is I! The much anticipated hero returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden. Unhand her you jailers of virtue or taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!
[he thrusts his sword forward again]
Rango: The sting of my...the....
[Rango stops his acting]
Rango: Doctor Marks? Doctor Marks, I'm not getting anything from you!
[he sighs]
Rango: People, we've talked about this! Acting is reacting.
[he turns and talks to the palm tree behind him]
Rango: Victor, you were wooden! There, I said it.
[he turns and points to the plastic fish in the water puddle]
Rango: Mister Tims, you were good. Perhaps a little too good! What's that, Victor?
[turns to face the palm tree again]
Rango: My character's undefined? That's absurd! I know who I am. I'm theeee....I'm the guy! The protagonist, the hero! Every story needs a hero! I mean, who else is better qualified to bask in the adulation of his numerous companions!
[thinking to himself]
Rango:[voice over] The stage is waiting. The audience thirsts for adventure. Who am I? I could be anyone!
[speaking in a sea captain's voice]
Rango: I...I could be the sea captain returning from a mighty voyage, to reclaim his mechanical arm!
[he starts hitting himself in the head with his arm that he's pretending is mechanical]
Rango: Or I could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo!
[makes his own tail into a snake and starts strangling himself]
[speaking in a fake Spanish accent]
Rango: And if you desire romance, I will become the greatest lover the world has ever known!
[gets a guitar and starts playing]
Rango: Hola!
[notices the naked top of a plastic doll and walks over to it; starts speaking in his fake Spanish accent]
Rango: I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know the womens find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at ease.
[he pushes the dolls arm forward so it touches his knee]
Rango: Oh, stop it!
[pushes the dolls arm away but with his other arm pushes the plastic arm back on his knee]
Rango: No, really!
[he pushes the dolls arm away again]
Rango: Well, if you must!
[he brings the dolls arm back on his knee]
Rango: Ha ha! What are you doing?
[keeps pushing the dolls arm backward and then forward to his knee]
Rango: Oh! That tickles! Are those real?
[he slaps himself with the dolls arm]
[after he's slapped himself with the doll's arm]
Rango: Huh! That's it! Conflict! Victor, you were right! I have been undefined!
[addressing all his pretend friends]
Rango: People, I've had an epiphany! The hero cannot exist in a vacuum! What our storyepiphany needs is an ironic, unexpected event, that will propel the hero into conflict.
[just then we see that Rango is a pet kept in a glass aquarium traveling in the back of a car which swerves, the aquarium falls off the car into the middle of the road breaking]
[Rango spots an armadillo lying in the middle of the road]
Roadkill: I need a little help here.
[the armadillo as a large gap in his body where the car wheel has passed through him]
Rango: Uh...are you okay?
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: The other side? You mean that...just now that was you crossing the road? That's why the...
[he starts reenacting the car swerving off the road and him falling out of the car
Rango: Why'd you do that?
Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me.
Rango: Wha...who?
Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one! They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.
Rango: What are...what are you talkin' about?
Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.
Rango: Nothing?! Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going! Highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!
Roadkill: Friends? I don't see no friends.
Rango: Well, uh...the...
Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard.
Roadkill: Now, uh...help me up. And I will help you find what you seek.
Rango: Uh, you...you will?
Roadkill: Quickly now, I must get back to my quest.
Rango: You mean, you've done this before?
Roadkill: Oh, yes! Many times.
[Rango walks up on to Roadkills body]
Roadkill: That's it. Pull my finger
Rango: Uhhh...
Roadkill: The Spirit is waiting for me.
Rango: Okay. Okay.
[Rango grabs hold of Roadkills finger and starts pulling, but he fails to move Roadkill]
Rango: Okay! That's not gonna work.
[after Rango has failed to move Roadkill]
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: Why don't you just wait until there are no cars coming?
Roadkill: It's not so easy as it looks.
Rango: The what?
Roadkill: It's a metaphor.
[just then a massive truck heads towards them]
[lying in the middle of the road after being run over by the truck]
Roadkill: You need a little help, amigo?
Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen!
Roadkill: The path of loneliness is fraught with consequence.
Rango: Yeah, I'm just looking for the path to water.
Roadkill: If you want to find water, you must first find dirt.
Rango: Uh...dirt.
[Roadkill laughs]
Roadkill: Destiny, she is kind to you. Tomorrow is Wednesday, the water comes. At noon the towns people gather for a mysterious ritual...
Rango: Wow! What uhhh...a town? You mean like with r
eal people and everything?
Where?Roadkill: A days journey. Follow your shadow.
Rango: You want me to just walk out into the desert?
Roadkill: Uhumm. That's the way.
Rango: Okay. So you're saying there's a town, a real town? Not a metaphor town?
Roadkill: Go on. It's okay.
Rango: Okay. Well, then I'm going. I am leaving the road now!
[he turns to go]
Rango: I am walking into the desert! Alone!
[he starts walking slowly towards the desert; Roadkill calls out to him]
Roadkill: We all have our journeys to make.
[he turns his face away and says quietly]
Roadkill: I will see you on the other side.
[the four owls starts singing as Rango walks through the desert]
Senor Flan: Here in the Mojave desert, animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the lizard, he is going to die.
Rock-Eye: Don't move.
[Rango looks round to see who's talking but all he sees is a desert bush]
Rango: What?
Rock-Eye: Don't move!
Rango: I'm not moving!
Rock-Eye: Shhh!
Rango: [whispering] Not moving!
Rock-Eye: Try to blend in.
Rango: What? Blend in? Wha...whaaa...what do you mean?
[he looks round and walks towards a large looking rock lying on the desert ground]
Rock-Eye: Blend in!
[an open eye suddenly appears on the rock]
Rango: Huh? Wh..wha...wha...what are you saying?
[suddenly he hears a hawk fly above them]
Rock-Eye: Too late!
Rango: No! No! It's not too late! I...I...I..I'm blending!
[panicking he starts to throw dirt on himself]
Rango: I'm a blender! Ah!
[he panics and starts running around]
Rock-Eye: Calm down! What are you doing?
[to Rango]
Rock-Eye: Try not to look conspicuous.
[Rango stands very still and puts his hands up so as to resemble a desert cactus]
[as the hawk flies above them Rango quickly curls into a ball and lies next to Rock-Eye]
Rock-Eye: Pssst? What are you doing?
Rango: I'm blending.
Rock-Eye: Well, blend somewhere else.
Rango: Don't distract me.
Rock-Eye: No room at the inn!
Rango: It's an art not a science!
[as they hear the hawk above them]
Rock-Eye: Oh! Here she comes! You better run, mojita!
Rango: You what? I thought you said don't move?
Rock-Eye: That was before! Now, you run!
[Rango gets up, suddenly the eagle flies straight towards him and he starts running]
Rock-Eye: Adios, amigo!
[as the hawk grabs the bottle Rango has placed himself in and flies high]
Rango: Please! Please don't! Please don't! Please don't! I...I...I have vertigo! And my glands are swollen!
[as the bottle that Rango's in hits Rock-Eye in the back as it lands on him]
Rock-Eye: You! I'll kill you! You stupid little! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your...
Rango: No! Don't!
[Rango points to the hawk who's now flying towards them, Rango starts to roll his bottle forward]
Rock-Eye: No! Please! Hey, I was just kidding! Come on! We're friends, huh?
Rango: I don't know you!
Rock-Eye: We're practically related!
Rango: No!
Rock-Eye: Come on, move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
[Rango sees the barrel of shotgun being pointed straight at his face]
Beans: Get your slimy, webbed phalanges off my boots!
Rango: Oh! Uh...sorry!
[Rango takes his hands off her boots]
Beans: I got a beat on you, stranger. You get up real slow. Unless you wanna spend a big part of your afternoon pickin' your face back together!
Rango: Nnnno...no Ma'am, I don't.
Beans: Who are you?
Rango: Whhhoo...am I?
Beans: I'm askin' the questions here!
[she points her gun into his face]
Beans: Our town is dried up. We're in the middle of a drought, now someone's dumpin' water in the desert. Now I suppose it's indeterminable somethin' to mention, but I intend to find out what role you play in all this.
Rango: Role?
Beans: What are you involved in?
Rango: Oh! Well, I...I...I'm glad you asked. I've got two one acts, a mystery and a musical I've been gestating. I've got the words. I'm just kinda workin' on the melody right now. It's like a...
[he starts humming the tune]
Rango: I think it's gonna be a western.
[he starts singing]
Beans: You ain't from round here, are you?
Rango: I..I'm...I'm still workin' on it.
[she walks away from him towards her carriage]
Rango: Uh...so, what's your name?
Beans: Beans.
Rango: That's a funny kinda name.
Beans: What can I say, my daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well, you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.
Beans: What...what are you sayin'?
Rango: I mean, I...I...I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that the child uh...would appreciate the moniker.
Beans: My daddy was a great man. Even if he did exhibit a proclivity for lagoons and he...
[she notices that Rango is eating from one of the jars she had on her carriage]
Rango: Mmmmm. Spicy.
Beans: You are eatin' his ashes!
Rango: Uh!
[he spits out the remains of what he was eating]
Rango: You carry his remains?
Beans: No! His ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh! Well, I'm sure he had his reasons.
Beans: What are you implyin'?
Rango: Nothing. I...
Beans: My daddy was never near that mine shaft. He had been sober for over a month. And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental responsibilities at a delicate time in my personal development is an up front to my...
[she suddenly freezes]
[as Beans unfreezes she finds Rango standing close beside her with his hand on her shoulder]
Beans: What?
Rango: What are you doing?
Beans: What...what are you doin'?
Rango: What am I doin?
Beans: You're...
Rango: What...do
Beans: You're cuddlin' me.
Rango: You were frozen.
Beans: No, I wasn't.
Rango: Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
Beans: Well, uh...it's...it's a defense mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it.
Rango: You're making that up!
Beans: So, you're gonna die out here or you wanna a ride into town?
Rango: No! No! No! Uh...yeah! No! Yes, please. Thank you.
[he gets on her carriage and sits beside her]
Rango: Sorry.
Beans: Today's Wednesday. Wednesday's when we all get to it. So who are you really?
Rango:Well, I'm a man of many epithets. There's my stage name, my pen name, my avatar. Had a pseudonym once, but had to leave Ushane.
[as Rango and Bean ride off the four owls appear and start playing music]
Senor Flan: And so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.
[when Rango arrives in the desert town some rodent kids throw a stone, hitting his head]
Rango: Ahh! What was that for?
Priscilla: You're funny lookin'.
Rango: Well, you're funny lookin' too!
Priscilla: That's a funny lookin' shirt.
Rango: That's funny lookin' dress!
Priscilla: You got funny lookin' eyes.
Rango: You got a funny lookin' face!
Priscilla: You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
[she walks away from him]
[in the town saloon Rango walks up to the bar with everyone looking at him; Rango clears his throat]
Rango: I'd like a glass of water.
[everyone in the saloon laughs]
Jedidiah: He wants a glass of water!
Doc: Make it a double!
Rodent at bar: Make it two!
Buford: Cactus juice. That's what we got.
[after he's drunk some cactus juice at the town saloon]
Spoons: Hey there, fruit cup? You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly are you?
[he looks at himself in the saloon mirror and starts thinking to himself]
Rango: [voice over] Who am I? Could be anyone.
[he looks at the cactus juice bottle he's holding and the name with the first letter missing spells 'Rango']
Spoons: What's the matter? You missing your mommy's mango's?
Rango: As a matter of fact, I am.
[Rango suddenly drops the cactus juice bottle and turn around]
Rango: Not as much as your daddy's cookin'!
Spoons: Uh...exactly where did you say you were from?
Rango: Me? I'm from the West. Out there, beyond the horizon, past the sunset. The far West.
[everyone in the saloon gasps]
Rango: Yeah, that's right, hombres. The place I come from, we kill a man before breakfast, just to work up an appetite.
[his tongue flips out quickly to catch an insect]
Rango: Then we salt him and we pepper him, then we braise him clarified butter and then we eat him.
Jedidiah: You eat him?
Rango: That's what I said! Hell, I've seen things make a grown man lose control of his glandular function. You spend three days in a horse carcass, livin' off you own juices. It'll change a man!
Rango: So no, my hair shootin' rodent little friend, I am not from around these parts.
[he walks up to the bar]
Rango: You might say I'm from everywhere there's trouble brewin' and hell waiting to be raised. You might say I'm what hell's already raised up!
[he takes a swig of the cactus juice]
Rango: Name's...Rango!
Merrimack: I don't have any other choice, Beans. Times being so hard, we...we just can't give no more credit.
Beans: But this here is a bank! This is where you keep the water.
Merrimack: Keep the wate...
[he starts laughing]
Merrimack: Beans, you've been like a niece to me. Ever since your daddy...
[he stops his next words as Beans gives him a hard look]
Merrimack: ...did not fall drunk down a mine shaft. And uh...I've...I've tried to protect you and others from certain realities. Oh...the weight of them realities...
Beans: Mr Merrimack?
Merrimack: ...are bearing down.
Beans: Mr Merrimack?
Merrimack: Mmmm.
Beans: Are you all right?
Merrimack: Please, I need to sho...show you something.
[Merrimack opens the bank vault that holds the town's water]
Beans: That's all that's left?!
Merrimack: And this here is the reserve! Now, I don't know as if you've noticed, but folks just ain't makin' deposits on a Wednesday no more.
[Merrimack laughs in her face]
Merrimack: Water in the desert! Was this durin' one of your...
[he freezes himself for a moment to imitate what happens to her]
Merrimack: ...special times?
Beans: No!
Merrimack: Well, we can all dream. But this is the reality. Why do you think so many people are sellin' out? They just can't make it.
Beans: Well...I...what am I supposed to do?
Merrimack: Well, I suppose we could talk to the Mayor. I hear he's been helpin' people out in this time of crisis.
Beans: The Mayor?
Merrimack: He maybe our only hope.
[Bad Bill enters the saloon with two of his thugs shooting his gun and holding a frightened rooster]
Bad Bill: You got coal in your ears, mate? You don't pay the mortgage, you don't own the land!
Bad Bill's thug #1: That's basic real estate law, my friend.
Bad Bill's thug #2:Your broke law!
Bad Bill: If I see you're face in this town again I'm gonna slice it off.
[he holds his knife to the roosters face]
Bad Bill: And use it to wipe my unmentionables.
Bad Bill's thug #1: Mind the beak.
[Bad Bill sees Rango standing at the bar]
Bad Bill: What is this?
Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there is Rango.
Waffles: Yeah, yeah! He ain't afraid of you. He ain't afraid of any of you.
Rodent in saloon #1: Killed them Jenkins brothers.
Delilah: Done it with one bullet, Bill.
Rodent in saloon #2: All seven of them!
[looking at Rango suspiciously]
Bad Bill: Is that right?
[as Bad Bill and Rango are facing each other for a duel]
Rango: All right, listen. I wanna give you fellas one last chance to reconsider.
[his gun belt drops down his waste, Rango looks embarrassed as he goes to pick it up]
Rango: And if you don't wanna reconsider, I'm a considerably, considerin' it myself!
[as a shadow of a hawk flies above them everyone in the town suddenly goes into hiding and Rango watches as Bad Bill runs away]
Rango: Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
[not realizing that there is a giant hawk is behind him]
Rango: Yeah. All right now, listen up! Things are gonna be different around here now that Rango's in town. Got some new rules; I want my shoe shined every mornin', my coffee hot, danish on the side. Whatever you do, don't look me in the eye! Stay out of my peripheral vision!
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Total
Quotes: 111
