Rango Quotes: Surreal, Zany and Wacky!(Total Quotes: 117)
Directed by: Gore Verbinski
John Logan (written & story)
Gore Verbinski (story)
James Ward Byrkit (story)
Johnny Depp – Rango / Lars (voice)
Isla Fisher – Beans (voice)
Abigail Breslin – Priscilla (voice)
Ned Beatty – Mayor (voice)
Alfred Molina – Roadkill (voice)
Bill Nighy – Rattlesnake Jake (voice)
Stephen Root – Doc / Merrimack / Mr. Snuggles (voice)
Harry Dean Stanton – Balthazar (voice)
Timothy Olyphant – Spirit of the West (voice)
Ray Winstone – Bad Bill (voice)
Ian Abercrombie – Ambrose (voice)
Gil Birmingham – Wounded Bird (voice)
James Ward Byrkit – Waffles / GordyPapa / Rodent Kid (voice)
Claudia Black – Angelique (voice)
Blake Clark – Buford (voice)
John Cothran Jr – Elgin (voice)
Patrika Darbo – Delilah / Maybelle (voice)
George DelHoyo – Senor Flan – Mariachi Accordion (voice)
Ryan Hurst – Jedidiah (voice)
Vincent Kartheiser – Ezekiel / Lasso Rodent (voice)
Alex Manugian – Spoons (voice)
OUR REVIEW & RATING ★★★★☆
Rango quotes are pretty trippy, bizarre and zany but somehow they totally work! The story of this animated movie is basically a funny tribute to the classic spaghetti westerns but with lots of crazy characters. And although the story is predictable enough, it is presented in such a way that makes it a very much welcome change form the the usual cartoon formula.
Verdict: This is more of an animated movie for adults than young children, so be warned!
[first lines; four owls starts playing music and singing one of them starts to narrate]
Senor Flan: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.
[breaths in with his eyes closed]
Rango: Hmmm. Hmmmaoh. Muh. Mmmuh! Mmmmuh! Hmmmuh! Congy-creamy-coky-candle- cupcake.
[shakes his face and opens his eyes]
Rango: Okay, everybody! Let’s take it from the top.
Rango: The stage is set. The night moist with apprehension. Alone in her chamber, the princess prepares to take her own life.
[he reveals a naked top of a plastic doll; Rango speaks as the princess in a woman’s voice]
Rango: It is far better to nourish worms than to live without love!
[changes his voice to his own]
Rango: She reaches for the poison chalice. Meanwhile, the wicked Malvolio plots his ascension to the throne.
[Rango laughs wickedly]
Rango: While her aging father lies gravely ill.
[in a voice of frail old man]
Rango: Yes, I’m gravely ill.
[Rango continues with his stage play]
Rango: Hark, who goes there?
[in the voice of a hero with a sword in his hand]
Rango: It is I! The much anticipated hero returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden. Unhand her you jailers of virtue or taste the bitter sting of my vengeance!
[he thrusts his sword forward again]
Rango: The sting of my…the…
[Rango stops his acting]
Rango: Doctor Marks? Doctor Marks, I’m not getting anything from you!
Rango: People, we’ve talked about this! Acting is reacting.
[he turns and talks to the palm tree behind him]
Rango: Victor, you were wooden! There, I said it.
[he turns and points to the plastic fish in the water puddle]
Rango: Mister Tims, you were good. Perhaps a little too good! What’s that, Victor?
[turns to face the palm tree again]
Rango: My character’s undefined? That’s absurd! I know who I am. I’m theeee…I’m the guy! The protagonist, the hero! Every story needs a hero! I mean, who else is better qualified to bask in the adulation of his numerous companions!
[thinking to himself]
Rango:[voice over] The stage is waiting. The audience thirsts for adventure. Who am I? I could be anyone!
[speaking in a sea captain’s voice]
Rango: I…I could be the sea captain returning from a mighty voyage, to reclaim his mechanical arm!
[he starts hitting himself in the head with his arm that he’s pretending is mechanical]
Rango: Or I could be the rogue anthropologist, battling pythons down in the Congo!
[makes his own tail into a snake and starts strangling himself]
[speaking in a fake Spanish accent]
Rango: And if you desire romance, I will become the greatest lover the world has ever known!
[gets a guitar and starts playing]
[notices the naked top of a plastic doll and walks over to it; starts speaking in his fake Spanish accent]
Rango: I couldn’t help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know the women find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at ease.
[he pushes the dolls arm forward so it touches his knee]
Rango: Oh, stop it!
[pushes the dolls arm away but with his other arm pushes the plastic arm back on his knee]
Rango: No, really!
[he pushes the dolls arm away again]
Rango: Well, if you must!
[he brings the dolls arm back on his knee]
Rango: Ha-ha! What are you doing?
[keeps pushing the dolls arm backward and then forward to his knee]
Rango: Oh! That tickles! Are those real?
[he slaps himself with the dolls arm]
[after he’s slapped himself with the doll’s arm]
Rango: Huh! That’s it! Conflict! Victor, you were right! I have been undefined!
[addressing all his pretend friends]
Rango: People, I’ve had an epiphany! The hero cannot exist in a vacuum! What our storyepiphany needs is an ironic, unexpected event, that will propel the hero into conflict.
[just then we see that Rango is a pet kept in a glass aquarium traveling in the back of a car which swerves, the aquarium falls off the car into the middle of the road breaking]
[Rango spots an armadillo lying in the middle of the road]
Roadkill: I need a little help here.
[the armadillo as a large gap in his body where the car wheel has passed through him]
Rango: Uh…are you okay?
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: The other side? You mean that…just now that was you crossing the road? That’s why the…
[he starts reenacting the car swerving off the road and him falling out of the car]
Rango: Why’d you do that?
Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me.
Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one! They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.
Rango: What are…what are you talkin’ about?
Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.
Rango: Nothing?! Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going! Highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!
Roadkill: Friends? I don’t see no friends.
Rango: Well, uh…the…
Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard.
Roadkill: Now, uh…help me up. And I will help you find what you seek.
Rango: Uh, you…you will?
Roadkill: Quickly now, I must get back to my quest.
Rango: You mean, you’ve done this before?
Roadkill: Oh, yes! Many times.
[Rango walks up on to Roadkill’s body]
Roadkill: That’s it. Pull my finger
Roadkill: The Spirit is waiting for me.
Rango: Okay. Okay.
[Rango grabs hold of Roadkill’s finger and starts pulling, but he fails to move Roadkill]
Rango: Okay! That’s not gonna work.
[after Rango has failed to move Roadkill]
Roadkill: I must get to the other side.
Rango: Why don’t you just wait until there are no cars coming?
Roadkill: It’s not so easy as it looks.
Rango: The what?
Roadkill: It’s a metaphor.
[just then a massive truck heads towards them]
[lying in the middle of the road after being run over by the truck]
Roadkill: You need a little help, amigo?
Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen!
Roadkill: The path to knowledge is fraught with consequences.
Rango: Yeah, I’m just looking for the path to water.
Roadkill: If you want to find water, you must first find dirt.
Roadkill: Destiny, she is kind to you. Tomorrow is Wednesday, the water comes. At noon the towns people gather for a mysterious ritual…
Rango: Wow! What uhhh…a town? You mean like with real people and everything? Where?
Roadkill: A days journey. Follow your shadow.
Rango: You want me to just walk out into the desert?
Roadkill: Uh-hum. That’s the way.
Rango: Okay. So you’re saying there’s a town, a real town? Not a metaphor town?
Roadkill: Go on. It’s okay.
Rango: Okay. Well, then I’m going. I am leaving the road now!
[he turns to go]
Rango: I am walking into the desert! Alone!
[he starts walking slowly towards the desert; Roadkill calls out to him]
Roadkill: We all have our journeys to make.
[he turns his face away and says quietly]
Roadkill: I will see you on the other side.
[the four owls starts singing as Rango walks through the desert]
Senor Flan: Here in the Mojave desert, animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the lizard, he is going to die.
Rock-Eye: Don’t move.
[Rango looks round to see who’s talking but all he sees is a desert bush]
Rock-Eye: Don’t move!
Rango: I’m not moving!
Rango: [whispering] Not moving!
Rock-Eye: Try to blend in.
Rango: What? Blend in? Wha…whaaa…what do you mean?
[he looks round and walks towards a large looking rock lying on the desert ground]
Rock-Eye: Blend in!
[an open eye suddenly appears on the rock]
Rango: Huh? Wh…wha…wha…what are you saying?
[suddenly he hears a hawk fly above them]
Rock-Eye: Too late!
Rango: No! No! It’s not too late! I…I…I…I’m blending!
[panicking he starts to throw dirt on himself]
Rango: I’m a blender! Ah!
[he panics and starts running around]
Rock-Eye: Calm down! What are you doing?
Rock-Eye: Try not to look conspicuous.
[Rango stands very still and puts his hands up so as to resemble a desert cactus]
[as the hawk flies above them Rango quickly curls into a ball and lies next to Rock-Eye]
Rock-Eye: Pssst? What are you doing?
Rango: I’m blending.
Rock-Eye: Well, blend somewhere else.
Rango: Don’t distract me.
Rock-Eye: No room at the inn!
Rango: It’s an art not a science!
[as they hear the hawk above them]
Rock-Eye: Oh! Here she comes! You better run, mojita!
Rango: You what? I thought you said don’t move?
Rock-Eye: That was before! Now, you run!
[Rango gets up, suddenly the eagle flies straight towards him and he starts running]
Rock-Eye: Adios, amigo!
[as the hawk grabs the bottle Rango has placed himself in and flies high]
Rango: Please! Please don’t! Please don’t! Please don’t! I…I…I have vertigo! And my glands are swollen!
[as the bottle that Rango’s in hits Rock-Eye in the back as it lands on him]
Rock-Eye: You! I’ll kill you! You stupid little! Get out of there! I’m gonna strangle your…
Rango: No! Don’t!
[Rango points to the hawk who’s now flying towards them, Rango starts to roll his bottle forward]
Rock-Eye: No! Please! Hey, I was just kidding! Come on! We’re friends, huh?
Rango: I don’t know you!
Rock-Eye: We’re practically related!
Rock-Eye: Come on, move over! I’ll let you kiss my sister!
[Rango sees the barrel of shotgun being pointed straight at his face]
Beans: Get your slimy, webbed phalanges off my boots!
Rango: Oh! Uh…sorry!
[Rango takes his hands off her boots]
Beans: I got a beat on you, stranger. You get up real slow. Unless you wanna spend a big part of your afternoon pickin’ your face back together!
Rango: Nnnno…no Ma’am, I don’t.
Beans: Who are you?
Rango: Whhhoo…am I?
Beans: I’m askin’ the questions here!
[she points her gun into his face]
Beans: Our town is dried up. We’re in the middle of a drought, now someone’s dumpin’ water in the desert. Now I suppose it’s indeterminable somethin’ to mention, but I intend to find out what role you play in all this.
Beans: What are you involved in?
Rango: Oh! Well, I…I…I’m glad you asked. I’ve got two one acts, a mystery and a musical I’ve been gestating. I’ve got the words. I’m just kinda workin’ on the melody right now. It’s like a…
[he starts humming the tune]
Rango: I think it’s gonna be a western.
[he starts singing]
Beans: You ain’t from round here, are you?
Rango: I…I’m…I’m still workin’ on it.
[she walks away from him towards her carriage]
Rango: Uh…so, what’s your name?
Rango: That’s a funny kinda name.
Beans: What can I say, my daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well, you’re lucky he didn’t plum love asparagus.
Beans: What…what are you sayin’?
Rango: I mean, I…I…I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I’m not sure that the child uh…would appreciate the moniker.
Beans: My daddy was a great man. Even if he did exhibit a proclivity for lagoons and he…
[she notices that Rango is eating from one of the jars she had on her carriage]
Rango: Mmmmm. Spicy.
Beans: You are eatin’ his ashes!
[he spits out the remains of what he was eating]
Rango: You carry his remains?
Beans: No! His ashes. He loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh! Well, I’m sure he had his reasons.
Beans: What are you implyin’?
Rango: Nothing. I…
Beans: My daddy was never near that mine shaft. He had been sober for over a month. And for you to insinuate that he would abandon his parental responsibilities at a delicate time in my personal development is an upfront to my…
[she suddenly freezes]
[as Beans unfreezes she finds Rango standing close beside her with his hand on her shoulder]
Rango: What are you doing?
Beans: What…what are you doin’?
Rango: What am I doin?
Beans: You’re cuddlin’ me.
Rango: You were frozen.
Beans: No, I wasn’t.
Rango: Yes, you were. You stopped talking.
Beans: Well, uh…it’s…it’s a defense mechanism. Actually, lots of lizards have it.
Rango: You’re making that up!
Beans: So, you’re gonna die out here or you wanna a ride into town?
Rango: No! No! No! Uh…yeah! No! Yes, please. Thank you.
[he gets on her carriage and sits beside her]
Beans: Today’s Wednesday. Wednesday’s when we all get to it. So who are you really?
Rango: Well, I’m a man of many epithets. There’s my stage name, my pen name, my avatar. Had a pseudonym once, but had to leave Ushane.
[as Rango and Bean ride off the four owls appear and start playing music]
Senor Flan: And so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.
[when Rango arrives in the desert town some rodent kids throw a stone, hitting his head]
Rango: Ahh! What was that for?
Priscilla: You’re funny lookin’.
Rango: Well, you’re funny lookin’ too!
Priscilla: That’s a funny lookin’ shirt.
Rango: That’s funny lookin’ dress!
Priscilla: You got funny lookin’ eyes.
Rango: You got a funny lookin’ face!
Priscilla: You’re a stranger. Strangers don’t last long here.
[she walks away from him]
[in the town saloon Rango walks up to the bar with everyone looking at him; Rango clears his throat]
Rango: I’d like a glass of water.
[everyone in the saloon laughs]
Jedidiah: He wants a glass of water!
Doc: Make it a double!
Rodent at bar: Make it two!
Buford: Cactus juice. That’s what we got.
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