Starring: Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn, Christopher Meloni, Ike Barinholtz, Óscar Jaenada, Wanda Sykes, Randall Park

Comedy directed by Jonathan Levine and co-written by Amy Schumer. We follow Emily (Amy Schumer), a spontaneous woman in her 30’s, who after getting dumped by her boyfriend persuades her ultra-cautious mom, Linda (Goldie Hawn), to accompany her on a vacation to South America. At Emily’s insistence, the pair seek out adventure, but suddenly find themselves kidnapped.

When these two very different women are trapped on this wild journey, their bond as mother and daughter is tested and strengthened while they attempt to navigate the jungle and escape.


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Emily Middleton: Here’s to nothing getting in the way of our adventure.
Michael: Emily, I can’t go to South America.
Emily Middleton: Wait, wait. What?
Michael: My band is really blowing up right now, and where I’m going there’s going to be like a ton of pussy.
[at the same time]
Emily Middleton: Inspiration.
[there’s a moment’s pause]
Emily Middleton: Inspiration?
Michael: No, pussy.
Emily Middleton: I keep talking over you, but it’s sounding like you’re saying inspiri…
Michael: Pussy.
Emily Middleton: I hear it that time.


Emily Middleton: I want to focus on you and me, on the beach. Are you with me?
Michael: I can’t go to South America.
Emily Middleton: What are you talking about?
Michael: I can’t go to Ecuador.
Emily Middleton: You know it’s a non-refundable trip?
Michael: Yeah.
Emily Middleton: I mean I don’t want to make it about money, because money comes and goes, but it, I don’t have anymore coming right now.
Michael: Right I see. I’m breaking up with you.
Emily Middleton: When?
Michael: Like right now. This is it, you’re in the middle of it.
Emily Middleton: You don’t want to lose us. You don’t want to lose this.
[she goes to kiss him]
Michael: No, I didn’t… Just, no.
[he pushes her face away]
Michael: Sorry, this is the thing. You don’t have any direction in life.
Emily Middleton: What does that mean?
Michael: It means, you’re not going anywhere, you’re not doing anything.
Emily Middleton: Okay, you know what, I am so sorry, honestly, but I’m sorry, but I want to see other people.
Michael: Excuse me?
Emily Middleton: Yeah. You’re great, but I have lot going on right now.
Michael: Yeah, I’m heartbroken.


Linda Middleton: You poor thing. You look awful.
[she hugs Emily]
Emily Middleton: Thank you.
Linda Middleton: We’ll get through this.
Emily Middleton: That’s a long hug.
Linda Middleton: Alright.
Emily Middleton: Okay.


[as she looks at photo albums of her mom]
Emily Middleton: Mom, look how fun you were.


Emily Middleton: Pack your bags, we’re going to South America.
Linda Middleton: Absolutely not. Everybody knows you need two years to plan a vacation.
Emily Middleton: You don’t do anything fun anymore.
Linda Middleton: That’s not true. I’ve been taking sculpting lessons at the Y. Da-dah!
[she points over to her sculpture, which is a hideously awful sculpture of a cat]
Emily Middleton: I told you I would not acknowledge that. That’s frightening and you made that.
Linda Middleton: Okay.


Emily Middleton: Mom, pack your bags, you’re going with me to Ecuador.
Linda Middleton: Absolutely not.
Emily Middleton: Mom, look, I didn’t want to do this, but my trip is non-refundable.
Linda Middleton: Oh, my God.
Emily Middleton: Yeah.
Linda Middleton: You always book refundable, Emily. Everybody knows that.


Linda Middleton: Here, put this on.
Emily Middleton: What is this? What?
Linda Middleton: That is a rape, a rape whistle. That’s a rape whistle.
Emily Middleton: This is a dog whistle, mom.
Linda Middleton: Oh, well…
Emily Middleton: Are you afraid I’m going to get raped by dogs? Is that your main concern?
Linda Middleton: Could I just see that? Honey, look at the dogs.
Emily Middleton: All these dog, do they look like rapists to you?
Linda Middleton: Whatever. Why don’t you just say, “Thank you, mom.”
Emily Middleton: Thank you. [mockingly] I’m being raped by a dog.
[she blows the whistle and dog jumps up at their car window and starts barking]
Emily Middleton: Oh, my God! It works.


[going up to the hotel check-in counter and shows her passport]
Emily Middleton: This is me
[a waiter comes up to Linda with glass on a tray]
Linda Middleton: Ooh, thank you very much. What’s this?
[she picks up a glass with a milky liquid in it and starts to drink it]
Hotel Employee: Welcome.
[just then she spits out the liquid onto Emily’s face]
Linda Middleton: Whale what?
Emily Middleton: Welcome.
Linda Middleton: Oh. Oh, “welcome”.
Emily Middleton: They’re not serving whale semen.
Linda Middleton: I’m so sorry, baby.
[she tries to help Emily wipe off the liquid off her face]
Emily Middleton: I’ve got it, thank you. Actually…
Linda Middleton: No, I know, but that was not good.


Front Desk Clerk: Okay. I have you down for a king.
[the hotel clerk goes to give her the room key]
Emily Middleton: Oh, no. That’s not right. I was supposed to be a king, but one thing led to another and changed it, so it’s two queens now.
Linda Middleton: Are you sure you changed it?
Emily Middleton: Yeah, I called ahead, right?
Front Desk Clerk: Yes, I do see that note here.
Emily Middleton: Okay, well can you look at that note and make that note happen?
Front Desk Clerk: You can sleep head to toe.
Emily Middleton: Like we’re 69ing.  Great.
[she reluctantly takes the room key]
Linda Middleton: I know what that means, you know, 69ing.


Emily Middleton: Why do you dress like a beekeeper?
Linda Middleton: The sun is very dangerous.
[Linda starts to put sun cream onto Emily]
Emily Middleton: Mom, you put so much on.
Linda Middleton: I don’t want you to get melanoma in front of my eyes.
Emily Middleton: Mom, you put so much on.


Emily Middleton: Why do you dress like Powder?
Linda Middleton: The sun is dangerous.
[Linda starts to put sun cream onto Emily]
Emily Middleton: Mom, it feels like you’re putting on a lot.
Linda Middleton: No, no, just here. You need it here.
[she dabs some onto Emily’s nose]


Emily Middleton: Let’s go out tonight. Hair, makeup, boob, we’re going out.
Linda Middleton: Emily, I am not going out at night.
Emily Middleton: Everything shouldn’t be so scary.
American Tourist: Oh, it damn well should. One in four tourists are kidnapped.
Emily Middleton: Not true.
American Tourist: One, two, three… Somebody’s missing.


Emily Middleton: We’re going out tonight.
Linda Middleton: I’m definitely not.


Emily Middleton: We’re going out tonight.
Linda Middleton: What? No, I can’t.
Emily Middleton: Come on. You’re going to miss this whole trip. Everything shouldn’t be so scary.


[whilst sitting at the bar]
James: Hey, do you mind if I join you?
[to the girl at bar next to her]
Emily Middleton: Hey, that dude is talking to you.
James: Oh, mind if I join you.
[he points to her]
Emily Middleton: Oh, not you. It was me. Can you kind of beat it, because you’re a distraction.
[James comes over to sit next to Emily]
Emily Middleton: Hi.


[whilst sitting at the bar]
James: Hey, do you mind if I join you?
[to the girl at bar next to her]
Emily Middleton: Hey, that dude is talking to you.
James: Oh, no, no. Sorry, you.
[he points to her]
Emily Middleton: Oh, not you. It was me. Can you kind of beat it, because you’re a distraction.
[James comes over to sit next to Emily]
Emily Middleton: Hi.


[Emily meets a guy at the bar]
James: Hi, I’m James.


James: What brings you down here? Are you on vacation here with your boyfriend?
Emily Middleton: Uh, no, I’m just here with, um, my mom.


James: I’ve hiked up mountains in Iran, I’ve run with bulls in Spain, I’ve eaten poisonous blowfish in Japan. To me those are the moments that make life worth living.
Emily Middleton: I love everything you’re saying.
Ruth: Is everything okay over here, Emily?
Emily Middleton: I met him at the pool.
James: We’re members.
Ruth: Never have more drinks than you have tits. Two tits, two drinks.
Emily Middleton: I know how many tits I have. Please, go away.
Ruth: Did you just give me danger eyes?
Emily Middleton: I don’t even know what danger eyes is.
Ruth: It’s like this.
[she crosses her eyes to show Emily]
Ruth: That’s kind, kind of danger…
Emily Middleton: I didn’t make that face.
Ruth: I think you… That’s danger eyes.
Emily Middleton: Go. Go away.
Ruth: Ra-da-da.
[Ruth gives James the evil eye before leaving, then Barb does the same]
Emily Middleton: Barb, you’re wilding out right now.  Thank you, Barb, okay.


[after accidentally seeing Emily wiping between her crotch in the ladies bathroom]
James: Hey.
Emily Middleton: Hey. That was not what it looks like. I was just washing my vagina in case we hooked up.
James: That is what it looked like.
Emily Middleton: Oh, okay.


Emily Middleton: I met a man.
Linda Middleton: Well drinking with a man in foreign country is a smart, responsible thing to do.


Emily Middleton: What I need is an amazing adventure.


Linda Middleton: Where the hell are we?
James: The scenic route. Oh, we’re just coming up on a really beautiful view.
[she looks over and sees the guy in the truck next to them put a hood over his head just before they crash into their car]


[after being kidnapped and placed in a cell]
Emily Middleton: Oh, my God! This is Liam Neeson’s Taken!


[locked up in a cell after being kidnapped; referring to their credit card]
Thug: What’s your pin number?
Linda Middleton: Do what he says.
Emily Middleton: I already am before you told me to.
Linda Middleton: Okay, okay.
Emily Middleton: One, two, do you want to get a pen?
[the thugs look at her]
Emily Middleton: Three… Four.
Linda Middleton: Oh, God.
Emily Middleton: I was going to change it.


[after being kidnapped]
Thug: Why did you come to South America?
Linda Middleton: I never wanted to come.
Emily Middleton: For the cultural experience. I don’t speak any Spanish. I know what they call me at the restaurant, puta, which means princess or pretty or…
Thug: No, it means whore.
Emily Middleton: That checks out.


Emily Middleton: I am going to get us out of this.


Emily Middleton: [to Linda] I’m sorry that this happened, but I will get us out of this!


Emily Middleton: I will get us out of here. I need you to believe in me.


[referring to Emily hitting one of their kidnappers with a shovel]
Emily Middleton: Do you think maybe that guy is okay?
Linda Middleton: I saw his brains.
Emily Middleton: Why can’t you just make me feel better?


[approaching the bartender]
Emily Middleton: Hi. Ola.
Linda Middleton: Hi. When does the, uh, next bus leave?
[Emily tries to say bus in Portuguese]
Bartender: The bus doesn’t leave for about thirty-six hours.
Emily Middleton: Oh, my God.
Bartender: But I know a man who can take care of you.
Emily Middleton: Really?
Linda Middleton: Oh, yeah. I’m sure he could. Mm-hmm, yeah. This how sex slavery starts.
Emily Middleton: Okay, mom. I’m sorry.
Bartender: Listen, no, you don’t have to worry about that. Those kind of people want young, beautiful females. You’re safe.
Linda Middleton: Oh, well, yeah. That’s good.
Emily Middleton: Okay, how dare you? Like, that is so rude. That’s crazy.
Linda Middleton: Well, honey…
Emily Middleton: No, like how dare you? That’s my mother.
Linda Middleton: Honey, have a pineapple. Because…
Emily Middleton: But if you think if it would be safer for me to kind of like go hide and she meets your friend who knows how to get us to the…
Linda Middleton: No, I don’t want you to do that.
Bartender: No, you’re both safe.
Emily Middleton: How do you mean?
Bartender: Your poofy face will protect you.


Bartender: I know a man, he can take care of you.
Linda Middleton: Mm-hmm, yeah. This is how sex slavery starts.
Emily Middleton: Okay, mom.
Bartender: Listen, no, you don’t have to worry about that. Those kind of people want young, beautiful females. You are both safe.
Emily Middleton: You would be so lucky to fuck us, kid.
Bartender: Oh, no, I would be very unlucky. You’re like melted candles.


Roger Simmons: Can I help you, ma’ams?
Emily Middleton: He’s American.
[Emily and Linda rush over to his table]
Emily Middleton: Oh, my God. You’re American. Hi, I’m Emily, this is Linda. You don’t even understand the ordeal we have just been through. Yeah, we really need to get to the US Consulate in Bogota…
Linda Middleton: Right.
Emily Middleton: As soon as possible kind of. So if you know the easiest way?
Roger Simmons: The easy way.
[some men sat behind them at the bar start laughing, Simmons laughs along with them thinking they are listening to him, but they ignore him]
Roger Simmons: They were laughing at something else.


[calling her brother]
Emily Middleton: Listen, I need your help. Mom and I got kidnapped.


Cop: State Department.
Emily’s Brother: My mom and sister they’ve been taken. I imagine you have a commando squad for underground criminals who were tried for a crime they didn’t commit.
Cop: That sounds like the A-Team,
Emily’s Brother: It is the A-Team. Do you have an A-Team?
[the cop hangs up]


Linda Middleton: Why did I ever let you talk me into this?
Emily Middleton: I should have just listened to you.
[they embrace and Emily begins to cry]
Emily Middleton: I love you.
Linda Middleton: This is great, but we’ve really got to get out of here, you know.
Emily Middleton: Yeah, we need to get out of here. Okay.


[pointing a gun at one of her kidnappers]
Emily Middleton: You fucked with the wrong bitches.
Linda Middleton: Yeah. okay, go!
Emily Middleton: Here I go.
Linda Middleton: Go!
Emily Middleton: I’m going to countdown and I’m going to do it.
Thug: Please. Please.
Emily Middleton: One hundred, ninety-nine…


Snatched is set to open in the US May 12, 2017 and UK May 19, 2017.



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