By Matt Turner (Birmingham)
SPECTRE: What it Should Have Been
Oh, Adele… Firstly she made my cinematic (and Putlocker) experience of Skyfall a success from the start. The minute her voice comes in as Bond floating in the water, I couldn’t wait to hear this song again on the big screen after hitting it loads of times on YouTube. I mention this because before the release of Spectre I listened to “The Writing’s On the Wall”, maybe twice… Alarm bells for any Bond movie rang for me when the theme tune of one of the earth’s biggest franchises is a DUD.
It reminded you of Quantum of Solace, that theme song was something? But anyway the film itself was utter crap and a Bond movie that no one asks for really, the Casino Royale story pretty much rounded it off for me as a starter story that maybe Skyfall should have been the following Bond movie. But, hey, ho, now Spectre has come gone and presumably will become an Asda bargain buy for £5 in weeks to come. (On a side note Bond movies have had great theme songs and shit movies. Check out a View to a Kill for that one)
Spectre had all the promise of another blockbusting Bond movie , Skyfall represented a huge jump in to believability , whereas Spectre took a huge dump on it and took six steps back, try taking them six steps after a couple of martinis shaken not stirred. Firstly the opening sequence is good if not a bit wobbly and it kind of promises a solid movie full of twists and turns. A lot has been said about Spectre that maybe I can’t offer up anything fresh except a reimagining. The henchman Mr. Hinx although a towering hefty presence is boring and predictable. The worst secret in history that Christopher Waltz was Blofeld gave this movie a comical outcome for me. I love Donald Pleasence as Blofeld and Telly Savalas was passable but whenever I hear Blofeld now, since a certain Mike Myers created Austin Powers, I imagine Dr. Evil and I smile. I was half expecting Dr. Evil to walk in on the shambles that is Spectre, holding is finger to his mouth and demanding “one million dollars”!
The board meetings did its job and bored me! I don’t want to see a Blofeld of the 21st century sitting on his arse growling, whispering, looking like a smug fuck, and the limb story of Bond’s past doesn’t and shouldn’t have been told, he is truly a man of mystery. I’m no Nolan or Mendes but my vision of the latest Bond before its release was and is different. Skyfall felt like a meaty British movie and Spectre should have been the same. Let’s see a street Blofeld as Heath Ledger’s Joker version of Blofeld let’s say. A maniacal terrorist who’s hitting the streets putting London on lockdown ransom and Bond is the man to save the day but with real grittiness, which it did great at in Skyfall but fell as flat as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition.
Craig has been a great Bond but wasn’t given the quality material he deserved in at least two of his instalments. It’s sad to see him go and you could tell in Spectre he was in “I can’t be arsed,” or dare I say (slit his wrists mode), a comment I believe he should never have said as although his tenure is over we believed and paid to see him deliver.
For me Ewan McGregor would create the right balance for the next Bond. He is older and wiser now and would deliver grit but also the right amount of charm, and as for Blofeld, Tom Hardy, who has been courted for Bond, would make a great up to date and terrifying character if need be. I think Bond will pass him by, and rightly so, he is a great actor and he won’t want to commit to Bond as a whole in my opinion, but the big bad would be right up our street and who knows he might get his sharks with freaking laser.