Spy Quotes

(Page 2)

Page   1   2   USER REVIEWS


 

[as she watches Rayna hold her poisoned drink]
Susan Cooper: She killed Fine, Nance. I could really enjoy just watching her die right now. She’s the only one who knows where the bomb is, so Dudaev would never get his hands on it.
Nancy B. Artingstall: Oh, God, Susan. What are you gonna do?
[Susan walks over to Rayan just before she’s about to take a sip of her drink]
Susan Cooper: Excuse me, ma’am. Hi, do you speak English? Because I think somebody just put a roofie in your cocktail.
Rayna Boyanov: Are you sure it wasn’t you?
Susan Cooper: What? No! God, I would never!
Rayna Boyanov: Could you point the man out?
Susan Cooper: Uh, well, he just kind of zipped out that, uh, door. He’s wearing a purple bowtie.
[Rayna gets one of her men to go look for the man]


 

Rayna Boyanov: Thank you, Miss…
Susan Cooper: Oh, Penny. Morgan. Um, but it’s no trouble, really. I mean, I think us ladies have to watch out for each other. This kind of thing happens all the time.
Rayna Boyanov: People often try to roofie you?
Susan Cooper: Once, I asked someone for a Tylenol and they gave me a Tylenol PM. I’m not sure what their intentions were, but…
[Rayna’s man returns to whisper something in her ear]
Rayna Boyanov: It seems they may have found him. Would you come with me to identify him?
Susan Cooper: Yes, of course. I’m happy to help.
[Rayna gets up, a bunch of her guards who were all sat around the room get up to join them]
Susan Cooper: Holy shit.


 

Rayna Boyanov: My friend here said she saw you put something in my drink.
Man in Purple Tie: I don’t know any of you people. Okay? I’m just in Rome on business. I was about to head back to my hotel and go to sleep.
Rayna Boyanov: Perfect. Just in time for a nightcap.spy-3
[she offers him her poisoned drink]
Rayna Boyanov: Apparently, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Man in Purple Tie: I don’t want your drink.
[Rayna whispers something in his ear and gives him her drink]
Man in Purple Tie: Fuck you, Rayna.
[he takes a sip of the drink]
Man in Purple Tie: Mmm, scrumptious. So, joke’s on you.
[suddenly he starts choking, he gives Rayna the finger and mouths the words]
Man in Purple Tie: Fuck you! Fuck you!
[he falls to the ground as the poison takes effect and burns a hole through his throat before dying]


 

[after the man in the purple tie dies Susan faints in horror for a moment]
Susan Cooper: How long was I out?
Rayna Boyanov: You fainted just long enough for us to laugh at you.
Susan Cooper: What happened?
Rayna Boyanov: It was all a dream. I’m just kidding. A man’s throat dissolved.
Susan Cooper: Sorry, I’m not usually, you know…
[Susan goes to get up but two of Rayna’s men come to help her up]
Susan Cooper: Oh, thank you. That’s…surprisingly polite.


 

Susan Cooper: Sorry about that. I just, uh, I mean I’ve seen a lot of things in my day. I just haven’t…I have never seen that, exactly.
Rayna Boyanov: Penny, do you feel the need to tell anybody about what you just saw?
[Penny sees the reflection of Rayna’s men in her necklace, pointing their guns at the back of her head through]
Susan Cooper: I’m not gonna tell anybody. You know, that asshole got what he deserved. I mean, I knew from the second I saw him, I thought, “That guy doesn’t deserve a throat.” So, good on you.
[Rayna indicate for her men to lower their guns]


 

Rayna Boyanov: I would like to take you to dinner to say thank you. And we must discuss this hideous dress, it’s just hysterical.
Susan Cooper: Oh, good, that’s…that’s what I was hoping for.
[to her men]
Rayna Boyanov: Oh, and by the way, Hristo was supposed to be looking after me at the bar and making sure nobody put anything in my drinks.
[to Susan]
Rayna Boyanov: They’ll give him a talking-to.
[they start walking back into the casino]
Susan Cooper: Seems fair. Maybe dock him a day’s wage.
[Susan hears a shot being fired as Hristo is killed]
Susan Cooper: Or shoot him in the head. That always works.


 

[Susan and Rayna are sat having dinner]
Susan Cooper: You know, Rome is quite amaz…
Rayna Boyanov: Rome is the worst.
Susan Cooper: Yes.
Rayna Boyanov: So boring and tacky.
Susan Cooper: I’m so glad one of us finally said it.
[Susan laughs and we see she her lipstick is all over her teeth]
Rayna Boyanov: You have lipstick on your teeth.
Susan Cooper: Really?
Rayna Boyanov: Looks like you ate a box of crayons.
Susan Cooper: Damn it.
[Susan quickly tries to wipe it with her napkin]


 

[the waiter places a dish containing two scallops on the table, thinking it’s a hand towel Susan takes it]
Susan Cooper: You know, I once saw someone eat one of these before.
[as she tries to unfold it, it starts tearing]
Susan Cooper: This is…strange.
Rayna Boyanov: Do you always tear your food up into little pieces? You look like a squirrel.
Susan Cooper: I was just checking for the consistency.
[she puts a small piece into her mouth]
Susan Cooper: Mmm.
Rayna Boyanov: You eat like a baby.
Susan Cooper: Thank you.


 

Casino Waiter: So, do you like to have a look at the wine list?
Rayna Boyanov: Yes. Penny, you can order.
[the waiter hands her a booklet menu]
Susan Cooper: Okay. Oh. Has some heft. Okay.
[she opens the menu booklet]
Susan Cooper: I’m feeling…I’m feeling a red. Kind of a red. I like a lot of noise. I like a little bit of, um, kind of a barky finish. I tend to like a white with the grit of a hummus, that’s, of course, been thinned out. Just kind of jump up in the front of your palate and then rip back and sizzle. Almost a mineral kind of dirt finish if we’re having meat.


 

[as she awkwardly looks through the wine menu booklet]
Susan Cooper: Okay, here, this is looking promising. Something with…this one has nice hints of toast and dogwood, I assume? Hmm? Uh…I will have the Sapori e Delizie.
Casino Waiter: Right. Uh, that is the name of this restaurant.
Susan Cooper: Yes, I’m aware of that. So, why don’t you surprise us with something that we don’t know? Like a delicious bottle of wine.
Casino Waiter: Yes. Right. Um, sorry, I will be back in five minutes, okay?
Susan Cooper: So hard to get good help these days. Don’t you find that? I find that.


 

[after the waiter leaves Rayna looks at Susan with suspicion and Susan has flashback to when Rayna shot Bradley]
Susan Cooper: Okay, I’m sensing, uh… Can I do a little do over? I, uh, I really don’t know how to order wine. I just…I’m from a small town in Iowa and I saved up my money to come on this Rome trip. I had a little jar on my desk at work and everybody said, “You’re never gonna make enough money.” But I did, and I’m here. And then I meet you, and I’m in a place I can’t afford to eat at a place like this, and I’m just trying to impress you, and I’m doing a really poor job of it.
Rayna Boyanov: I thought as much. Your cheap prom dress doesn’t exactly scream sophistication.
Susan Cooper: Oh. Well, you know, I didn’t go to prom, so maybe it is.


 

Rayna Boyanov: When I was a little girl growing up in Bulgaria which is the worst, by the way. Poor people everywhere and cabbages constantly cooking. There was this woman who was kicked out of her house and she lost all her money. She couldn’t even sell her body. So she became a clown on the streets. She would perform all her tricks standing in mud, and just cry and cry. You remind me of this woman.
Susan Cooper: Oh, thank you.
Rayna Boyanov: I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you. The fainting, the way you talk, your terrible sense of style.
Susan Cooper: I did get this at quite a lovely…
Rayna Boyanov: It makes me sad to think of you here spending all your savings on Rome. Come on, we’re going to Budapest.
Susan Cooper: Uh, Budapest?
Rayna Boyanov: I have some business to finish there and you can take my private jet when we’re done anywhere you want to get home. My way of repaying you for saving my life.


 

[after Rayna spots Ford in the casino she sends her men to kill him, but Susan manages to  send out a morse code message to Nancy cut the power, while the power is out, she creates a diversion to let Ford go by knocking Rayna and some of her men down]
Rayna Boyanov: What the fuck just happened?
Susan Cooper: Oh, my God! Rayna. Thank God your hair broke your fall.
[she helps Rayna stand]
Susan Cooper: I don’t know what happened. The lights were going out, and I don’t know if it’s a robbery. Two of your guys slammed into me and took you down. I think one of them touched my bottom. I don’t know which one, but I definitely felt a hand. Are they gonna be okay?
Rayna Boyanov: I wouldn’t worry about them. Their fate has just been sealed.


 

[inside Rayna’s private jet]
Susan Cooper: Wow. This is a really jazzy plane. Is this yours?
Rayna Boyanov: It was my father’s. You’ve never been on a private jet before?
Susan Cooper: Oh, no. I did get upgraded to, uh, premium economy once which was pretty plush.
Rayna Boyanov: Premium economy. Sounds like a pen for dirty animals.
Susan Cooper: Yeah, probably. Uh, but it was not quite like this.


 

[Rayna hands Susan a drink]
Susan Cooper: Thank you. Why are you being so nice to me? It can’t just be because I remind you of some sad Bulgarian clown.
Rayna Boyanov: You remind me of my mother.
Susan Cooper: Oh. Really? You know that, I mean you and I are…you and I are pretty close in age.
Rayna Boyanov: You’re funny. It’s the Bulgarian clown in you.
Susan Cooper: Okay.
Rayna Boyanov: She was marvelous. But she was different. Eccentric, like you are.
Susan Cooper: Oh.
Rayna Boyanov: The moment I saw you standing there in that abortion of a dress…
Susan Cooper: [to herself] Ah, come on.
Rayna Boyanov: It was as if to say, “This is what I’ve got, world. It’s hideous, but it’s mine.”


 

[Rayna shows Susan a photo of her mother, Susan gasps as she sees how awful she looks]
Rayna Boyanov: This was her.
Susan Cooper: Oh, wow. Hey, how’d you get that picture of me? I look amazing. Hello, doppelgänger.
Rayna Boyanov: She was the only person I could ever trust.spy-15
Susan Cooper: Well, here’s to your mom.
[holds up her glass for a toast]
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here’s to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl, but you’ll always be a hoot to me.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You’re delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.


 

[Susan wakes from being poisoned by Rayna with her drink, she is still holding onto the “stool softener” bottle that was going to take a pill from to stop the poison from taking effect]
Susan Cooper: What happened?
Rayna Boyanov: I’ve never seen somebody dive for stool softener before. That’s one thing that happened.
Susan Cooper: What did you do? Did you drug me?
Rayna Boyanov: Of course I did. I told you, I can’t trust anybody. I had to look through your things. Anyway, tell me, are your hemorrhoids particularly large, or just tenacious?
Susan Cooper: Stop texting!
Rayna Boyanov: I’m not texting. If you must know I’m playing Candy Crush and I just made level 95.
Susan Cooper: God, that is so rude!


 

[after the stewardess of her private jet tries to shoot her]
Rayna Boyanov: Jesus, Colin, what the fuck are you doing?
Frederick: I’m sorry, Rayna, but there’s been a change of plans.
Rayna Boyanov: Who paid you off, Colin?
Frederick: Colin hasn’t worked here for, like, eight months. I’m Fredrick.
Rayna Boyanov: Is that why you’re doing this? Because I don’t remember your fucking name?
Frederick: Let’s just say there’s some people who really want what you’re selling.
Rayna Boyanov: You don’t have to do this. I can give you a very comfortable life, Col…um…
Frederick: You forgot my name again, didn’t you?
Rayna Boyanov: No. No, I didn’t.
Frederick: Yeah?
Rayna Boyanov: It’s…mm…
Frederick: Don’t say fucking Colin.
Rayna Boyanov: Fuck! I don’t give a shit what your name is. You’re the fucking help!


 

[after Frederick shoots the pilot and Rayna’s guard, Susan manages to kill him and take over the plane’s control before they crash, in the back Rayna and the two dead bodies are floating and one of the dead men’s head goes up Rayna’s skirt]
Rayna Boyanov: Oh, for fuck’s sake!
Susan Cooper: I got it. I know what to do.
[Susan makes the plane take a sharp turn up making the dead bodies land on top of Rayna as the crash to the floor]
Susan Cooper: Oh, are you okay?
Rayna Boyanov: No! I’ve got a dead man’s head up my ass!


 

Susan Cooper: [to herself] This one’s for Fine. Downdraft!
[Susan makes the plane take sharp turn down again]
Rayna Boyanov: Not again! Do you have any idea what you’re fucking doing?
[Susan brings the plane back up again making the dead bodies land on top of Rayna as they crash back onto the plane’s floor]
Susan Cooper: Ooh, the controls are so sensitive.
[one of the dead bodies on top of Rayna defecates himself]
Susan Cooper: Oh, God. One of these dead fuckers just shit his pants.


 

[after leveling out the plane]
Susan Cooper: Good thing I learned to use that flight simulator app, huh?
[from behind, Rayna points her gun at Susan]
Rayna Boyanov: Congratulations, Penny Morgan. You just blew your cover. Now put the plane on autopilot and get up. Any bullshit and I’ll blow your CIA brains all over that control panel.
[Susan puts the plane on autopilot and turns to face Rayna]
Susan Cooper: I know what you’re thinking. And you’re wrong. My real name is…
[Susan has flashback to when Nancy and her had the conversation about coming up with a spy name and remembers Nancy’s spy name]
Susan Cooper: Amber Valentine.
Rayna Boyanov: What are you, a porn star?
Susan Cooper: You’re fucking hilarious, huh?


 

Susan Cooper: I’m a private bodyguard, and your father hired me to protect you.
Rayna Boyanov: Bodyguard? You? Please.
Susan Cooper: That’s funny, cause the way I see it, without me you would currently be crashed in the Alps right now. Or you’d be lying in a morgue with a hole burned in your throat. You little spoiled piece of shit.
Rayna Boyanov: Why would my father hire somebody like you?
Susan Cooper: Because he trusted me. And for whatever fucking reason, he loved you. Didn’t even want you to know I was watching you. So he was the one that made me come up with this whole loser Penny Morgan bullshit. Yeah, “Oh, you look just like my dead mama.” And fuck you for saying I look anything like that fucking beast. No wonder your father never had the son he wanted. You fuck that monster once and you just drop the fucking mic and walk out.


 

Rayna Boyanov: Fuck you. Everything you’ve said is a lie.
Susan Cooper: Oh. What happened? Did I hit a little sore spot? Yeah, he always wanted a son, and you knew it. Look, he wanted you to take over the business. He was just afraid you were gonna get yourself killed. So if you wanna live, and you wanna unload that bomb you stick with me. And if you got a problem with that, you know what you can do, Rayna? You and your bullshit accent can land this fucking plane by yourselves.
[Rayna seems to believe her and lowers her gun]
Rayna Boyanov: Okay, bodyguard. But if I find out you’re lying to me about any of this, I’ll show you ways to die you never even dreamed of. Now, let’s go to Budapest. I need a fucking drink.
Susan Cooper: Yeah, I bet you fucking do.
[Rayna gives her the finger as she turns to get herself a drink and Susan breathes a sigh of relief]
Susan Cooper: Oh, my God.


 

[Budapest, Hungary – as they arrive at the hotel]
Susan Cooper: So, what’s the plan? Who are we meeting?
Rayna Boyanov: You’re my bodyguard not my business partner, so just focus on guarding my body.
Susan Cooper: So not knowing who we’re meeting tonight is gonna make me extra effective. That’s okay, I get it. I got shit to do. You’ll probably be fine. Why don’t I go get you a nice dress to be buried in? Dumbass.
Rayna Boyanov: I’m meeting a potential bidder, if you must know. If they don’t top the current offer, the sale will happen tomorrow.
Susan Cooper: Where?
Rayna Boyanov: I don’t know yet.


 

[Susan spots a man walking suspiciously up to Rayna, mistakenly believing him to be an assassin, she throws her phone at his head and he falls down]
Rayna Boyanov: Anton!
Anton: Ouch!
Rayna Boyanov: Anton is part of my security team, psycho!
Susan Cooper: Yeah, well, guess what? I don’t like his face. I don’t like the looks of your face!
Anton: And who the fuck are you?
Susan Cooper: I’m the person that’s gonna cut your dick off and glue it to your forehead so you look like a limp-dick unicorn! That’s who the fuck I am!


 

Susan Cooper: Your name should be Mr. Bag o’ Dicks, not Anton.
Rayna Boyanov: Okay. Jesus. Let’s just calm down, okay?
Susan Cooper: Does he not look like a bag o’ dicks?
Rayna Boyanov: Enough. I can see why my father liked you now.
[to Anton]
Rayna Boyanov: Amber is my hired bodyguard. Be more like her.
Susan Cooper: And your head better not have broken my fucking phone.


 

[as they walk towards Rayna’s hotel room]
Rayna Boyanov: We’ve got a big night ahead of us. Don’t be afraid to clean yourself up, Amber. Take a shower is what I’m saying.
Susan Cooper: Yeah? Don’t be afraid to hit water yourself. You smell like a dead hooker that washed up on the beach then roasted in the sun for a week before anybody found her body.
Rayna Boyanov: Okay, you need to take it way down.
Susan Cooper: I’m sorry, that’s too much. Okay, that was too much.
Rayna Boyanov: Jeez!
Susan Cooper: Too much.
[Rayna goes into her room]


 

[after Rayna goes into her room Anton stands by her door looking at Susan]
Susan Cooper: What are you staring at? Huh? I will destroy you. And then after I’m done destroying you, I’ll take a picture of what’s left of your body and I’m gonna text it to your mother. With a little note that says his last words were, “My mother was terrible. You did this to me.”
Anton: That’s so fucking mean.
Susan Cooper: Yeah, I’m so fucking mean. You just figured that out? And now give me your coat.
Anton: This is a man’s coat.
Susan Cooper: Yeah, but I don’t see a man, do I? I see a reject from The Sound of Music.
Anton: It was my mother’s coat, but she’s very masculine, so.
Susan Cooper: Yeah? You look like ABBA took a shit and put a trench coat on it.
Anton: Well, I won’t give it to you.


 

Susan Cooper: I’ve been in this dress for twelve fucking hours. Give me your coat.
Anton: No.
Susan Cooper: Yeah.
Anton: No, I won’t give you… This is my coat.
Susan Cooper: I’m gonna reach through your fucking body and rip out your back like a fucking werewolf, without tearing the jacket. Just so I can wear your jacket, and give you a final “Fuck you.”
Anton: Oh, no, you won’t.
Susan Cooper: I’m gonna take that fucking coat.
[we hear Susan hit Anton and walk off with his coat]
Susan Cooper: I warned you, you Swedish gummy fish motherfucker!
Anton: Ouch!


 

[back in her room Susan puts in her earpiece and gets in touch with Nancy]
Susan Cooper: Nance?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Oh, my God, Susan! Hello. Hello? Just say something to me, please. Susan? Anything. I cannot handle this, Susan! There is nothing in real life that someone could do to a spy that is filthier or more upsetting than what my brain will cook up right now. So save me from myself, Susan! Because you know what’s going to happen. I’m gonna get chattier, aren’t I? Did you know that you can’t ever change having big pores?
[Susan notices the camera in her room and decides to leave the hotel, as she leaves she puts her phone to her ear pretending she’s talking to Nancy]
Susan Cooper: Oh, my God, Nancy, you are driving me nuts! I couldn’t talk because I was in an elevator filled with people.
Nancy B. Artingstall: You’re alright. Oh, thank God.


 

Nancy B. Artingstall: You disappeared for twelve hours, we didn’t know what happened!
Susan Cooper: Well I had to take out my earpiece and my camera. Rayna’s on to our agents and she was gonna spot my equipment from a mile away.
Nancy B. Artingstall: You’re with Rayna? You’re not supposed to be within a mile away of her.
Susan Cooper: Nancy, I know, but I’m in deep and I’m getting such good intel. Please, I just need to remain on radio silence just a little bit longer.
Nancy B. Artingstall: Okay, well, don’t worry, because I’ll be able to keep a better eye on you now.
Susan Cooper: What are you talking about? How?
[as Susan is taking a corner she suddenly bumps into Nancy]


 

Susan Cooper: What are you doing here?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Elaine wanted to know exactly what you were up to so I tracked your earpiece. They sent me here to find you.
Susan Cooper: They sent you?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Well, I’m as unknown as you are, so they thought my cover was safe.
Susan Cooper: Did they give you an identity?
Nancy B. Artingstall: It’s so cool. I said I wanted to be Amber Valentine…
Susan Cooper: What?
Nancy B. Artingstall: And they let me use it.
Susan Cooper: Hey, I don’t know why you got to pick your identity. I had to go as a freaking cat lady.


 

Rayna Boyanov: Amber!
[Rayna and Anton interrupt Susan and Nancy, they both turn to reply]
Susan and Nancy: Yes?
Rayna Boyanov: Who is this?
Susan Cooper: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know the police were here. This is my colleague, detective. The one I fucking told you about.
Rayna Boyanov: No, you didn’t.
Susan Cooper: Yes, I did, Helen Keller!
Anton: So you’re both named Amber?
Susan Cooper: What did I tell you about talking to me?
Anton: Nothing. You just said nothing about talking.
Susan Cooper: You know what? You want me to have Cagney and fucking Lacey explain it to you?
[she puts up her fists]
Susan Cooper: Cagney’s coming down your fucking throat. Lacey, she’s gonna come up your ass. I’m gonna meet them in the fucking middle and play your heart like a fucking accordion. I’m gonna pump that shit until it pops, you Swedish bitch.
Anton: You wouldn’t dare.


 

Susan Cooper: You gonna cry, you little Swiss fucking pussy?
Anton: I’m not gonna cry.
Susan Cooper: You’re crying now!
Anton: I’m not! It’s so fucking hot!
[he wipes a tear from his face]
Rayna Boyanov: Okay, you know, just, let’s leave Anton alone for now. Please.


 

Rayna Boyanov: What’s your name?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Susan Cooper.
Susan and Nancy: What?
Nancy B. Artingstall: Oh, sorry, it came out.
Susan Cooper: What did I…? She’s not supposed to fucking say her real name. She’s one of my best. She’s highly fucking skilled.
Nancy B. Artingstall: Very skilled.
Rayna Boyanov: At what? Getting things out of a high cupboard?
[Nancy laughs]
Susan Cooper: Don’t do that.
Nancy B. Artingstall: That’s very good! Because I’m tall. Weirdly, I’m not very good at reaching high things. A doctor once said to me I have the muscle capacity of an infant. My arms are like two noodles.
[suddenly car drives by, starts shooting a machine gun at Rayna and kill Anton in the process before driving off]

 


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Total Quotes: 209

 

 

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