By Connor Frankenberger (British Columbia, Canada)
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Transformers: Age of Extinction, starring some actors standing as a cliffnote to the Michael Bay extravaganza, was one of the highest grossing movies of 2014. It’s facts like this that is the reason I occasionally lose faith in the human race.

I do have a small confession to make before continuing, I actually did enjoy the first Transformers movie. Hell, even the third one has its moments where Michael Bay seems to calm down and try to film some coherent action with reasonably interesting plot developments. In this fourth instalment, that’s all gone. This one is essentially a 3-hour promotion for over 20 international corporations (I lost count after that), filled with fireworks, flying scrap metal, awkward attempts at comedy and a touch of racism. At one point, there’s a 40 second portion dedicated entirely to Bumblebee’s transformation into the latest Chevy Camaro. We now have commercials built into movies, it could only be you Michael Bay.

Let’s talk about the main characters of this movie. No, I don’t mean Mark Wahlberg’s character, who just so happens to be completely wasted in this. I actually mean the products of Bay’s special effects team. Despite this being the latest entry in the franchise, the special effects are arguably the worst they’ve been, with action scenes so disorienting and mindless they resemble fights I created when I was 6 with my action figures by smashing them together in mid-air. All of it is utterly pointless and contributes nothing, with the only mercy being the pauses in between as the actors try desperately to sap some comedy out of their pathetic script material. The lesser of the two evils I suppose.

I could almost forgive some of these problems if this trainwreck wasn’t almost 3 HOURS LONG. A large fight at the hour and a half point of the film seemed to signify some sort of conclusion, until I realized in horror we were only halfway done before turning to an entirely new location and introducing a new plot thread. At this point, I was already checked out and waiting in misery for the end.

I can’t think of a single reason in favour of watching this movie. It’s way too long, it fails in all of its ‘comedic moments’, it has no plot, and its action scenes are seizure inducing nonsense. My advice, go find a copy of The Rock and enjoy a movie from a time when Michael Bay was a competent filmmaker.

FINAL VERDICT: Transformers: Age of Extinction is a desperate attempt at an action movie that is unbearably long and mind- numbingly dumb.

SCORE: 0.5/10 (and that’s me being generous)

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