Tropic
Thunder
Quotes (Page 3)
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[following after Tayback]Cody: Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay?
Four Leaf Tayback: I don't wanna hear it.
Cody: Let me just be real with you, all right? I
almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtison Freaky Friday, okay? This shit will fucking ruin me!
Four Leaf Tayback: Just get off me! You're pathetic.
Cody: No, I'm not.
Four Leaf Tayback: Get off me!
Cody: You are not going back!
[they get into a wrestling match, Cody holds on to Tayback's hooks and accidentally pulls them off, revealing two perfect hands]
Cody: What the fuck?
Four Leaf Tayback: Now wait a minute.
Kirk Lazarus: How's it going with that map, chief? Ha? Can I have a look at it?
Tugg Speedman: I got it. Yeah, Damien gave it to me, remember?
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
Tugg Speedman: Aha. Yeah.
Kirk Lazarus: Okay.
Tugg Speedman: I got it.
Kirk Lazarus: You got it upside down.
Tugg Speedman: Thank you.
Kirk Lazarus: Letters go one way and the numbers another. Dude, I'm trying to...I got your back, man.
Tugg Speedman: Well, I...I'm cool. All right.
Kirk Lazarus: You are?
Tugg Speedman: I'm cool
Kirk Lazarus: Is your character dyslexic?
Tugg Speedman: No, my character's not dyslexic.
Kirk Lazarus: So you a cartographer.
Jeff Portnoy: I'm tired, I want to go home.
Alpa Chino: Why, so you can get back and make Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?
Jeff Portnoy: It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no... Hey, you wish you had a Fatties franchise.
Alpa Chino: What?
Jeff Portnoy: It's Fatties: Fart Two. Yeah, you do.
Alpa Chino: I don't want no Fatties franchise, I got a diamond toilet.
Jeff Portnoy: Your stupid-ass commercials.
[referring to the map in Speedman's hand]
Kirk Lazarus: You still got that shit upside down. The numbers help, man, the numbers...the letters go across the top and then the numbers.
Tugg Speedman: You want the map? You want the map, huh?
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah, I want the fucking map.
Tugg Speedman: Well, you can't have it, 'cause Damien gave it me.
[to Alpa Chino]
Jeff Portnoy: You wish you had my farts, my farts are fucking music.
[after Speedman's told everyone to break for lunch]
Kirk Lazarus: All right, that's lunch. Comin' back to the same scene afterwards, "Lost in the goddamn jungle." Captain Simple Jack.
Jeff Portnoy: I fucking hate movies. This is bullshit. I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
[he takes his bag of cocaine in jellybeans packet out, a bat flies in grabs hold of it and flies away with it]
Jeff Portnoy: No! That's my jellybeans! No, no..no!
[to Alpa Chino]
Jeff Portnoy: Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
Alpa Chino: Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
[Sandusky is peeing and turns to see Lazarus standing uncomfortably close to him]
Kirk Lazarus: Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down-low. I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man.
Kirk Lazarus: I know Speedman got everyone convinced we out here making Planet of the Apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it. You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die? You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker?
[Sandusky looks at him]
Kirk Lazarus: Keep looking ahead, man.
Kevin Sandusky: No, of course not.
Kirk Lazarus: Got a big job coming up next year.
Kevin Sandusky: Oh, yeah?
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah. It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth when they were both young.
Kevin Sandusky: Oh, wow!
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah.
Kevin Sandusky: That's a classy picture.
Kirk Lazarus: Dude, you kind of look like Abe. Slap a beard on you. What's your fuckin' name?
Kevin Sandusky: It's Kevin. Kevin Sandusky.
[Lazarus makes a show of pretending he's done peeing, then slaps Sandusky on the ass and turns to look at Speedman]
Kirk Lazarus: Huh...that smelled just like bologna for some reason.
[Sandusky is getting comfortable continuing to pee again when he turns to see Speedman right next to him]
Tugg Speedman: I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
[he takes out a can of Booty Sweat and sticks the tip of his Bowie knife into it, making it shoot out everywhere]
Tugg Speedman: Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. He's way out on a limb with this character, and I think he's getting cold feet. And the men respect you, 'cause you went to boot camp and rehearsal. Can I count on you, Kyle.
Kevin Sandusky: Ahh...It's Kevin.
[the bat that took Portnoys cocaine bag falls. Portnoy catches it trying to rip the bat open with his teeth]
Jeff Portnoy: Yeah, now you're dead! You O.D'd!
Jeff Portnoy: Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts!
Tugg Speedman: Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies!
Kirk Lazarus: No, no, no man. Let me take a look at that map right quick.
Tugg Speedman: Why is everybody all obsessed with the map?
Kirk Lazarus: 'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys! Acting like you some one-man GPS! God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man!
Tugg Speedman: I don't believe you people.
Kirk Lazarus: Huh? What do you mean "you people"?
Alpa Chino: What do you mean, "you people"?
Kirk Lazarus: Huh?
Kevin Sandusky: I..I think what eh...Tugg means is...
Kirk Lazarus: No, look at his eyes, man.
Kevin Sandusky: ...you people, you actors. You people...
Kirk Lazarus: Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
[Speedman shoots his rifle into the air to stop them all arguing]
Tugg Speedman: Chill! All right? Just chill it. Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
Alpa Chino: "Viet Cong"!
Tugg Speedman: What?
Alpa Chino: It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S." It's already plural. You wouldn't say "Chineses."
Kirk Lazarus: All right, that's enough of this insubordination! If the machine breaks down, we break down. Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah.
[Lazarus walks up to stand in front of Speedman]
Kirk Lazarus: That's kind of how you look right now.
Kirk Lazarus: Not Rambo I but II.
Tugg Speedman: Really?
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah, when he was cut up.
Tugg Speedman: Well, I'm not that...I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know...
Kirk Lazarus: Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man.
Tugg Speedman: Thanks.
Kirk Lazarus: What's the secret, dude?
Tugg Speedman: It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
Kirk Lazarus: Really? 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... it's tough.
Tugg Speedman: You look good.
Kirk Lazarus: Any tips?
Tugg Speedman: What?
Kirk Lazarus: Any tips, you got?
Tugg Speedman: There's, like, the pineapple...
[Lazarus quickly snatches the map from Speedman's hand]
Kirk Lazarus: Give me that goddamn map!
Tugg Speedman: Hey!
Kirk Lazarus: Fuck you!
[to Lazarus]
Tugg Speedman: That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move.
Tugg Speedman: This is insane! Are you really going to abandon this movie? We're supposed to be a unit!
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit!
Kevin Sandusky: Tugg, you have no idea where you're going!
Tugg Speedman: Yes, I do!
[reads from the scene list]
Tugg Speedman: I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk. "Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle." Suck on that unit, Kirk!
[Lazarus is leading the actors through the jungle and Sandusky is following behind him]
Kevin Sandusky: Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo where Hollywood was split into schisms, some studios backing Blu-ray Disc, others backing HD DVD. People thought it would come down to pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same. What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn. Now, whichever format porno backs is usually the one that becomes the eh...the most successful. Eh...but, you know, Sony, every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it...
Kirk Lazarus: You talkin' to me this whole time?
Kevin Sandusky: I...I was talking to whoever was listening to me.
Jeff Portnoy: Oh, God! It's cold! Brrrr...it's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
Alpa Chino: You want my flak jacket?
Jeff Portnoy: What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here!
Kirk Lazarus: Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams.
Jeff Portnoy: I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
Kirk Lazarus: Y'all might be in for a treat. You know, back before the war broked out, I was a saucier in San
Antone. I bet I
could collar up some of them
greens. Yeah, noodle some crawfish out the paddy,
yo. Ha! And maybe
some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell yeah, hah![mocking Lazarus]
Alpa Chino: Hell, yeah! Hah! That's how we all talk? We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh, hah! Yeah, mmm-hmm get some crawfish and some ribs, hah! Ye-aah! You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.
[Alpa hops away like a kangaroo]
Kirk Lazarus:I get excited about my foods, man.
[Cody and Tayback are tied to a post in the Flaming Dragon compound]
Cody: Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we?
Four Leaf Tayback: I have no idea. I've never been outside the States.
Cody: Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? Dude, were you even in the fucking service?
Four Leaf Tayback: Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
Cody: Coast Guard!
Four Leaf Tayback: Sanitation Department.
Cody: Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man! Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A.
Four Leaf Tayback: I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot!
Cody: Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay?
Cody: I don't wanna be next to you.
Four Leaf Tayback: Writers lie all the time.
[to the guard that's just bursts in]
Cody: Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
[on the phone]
Tugg Speedman: I killed one, Rick. The thing I love most in the world.
Rick Peck: Vivica, get off the line now!
[to Speedman]
Rick Peck: A hooker? All right, you killed a hooker. Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do. Get your hands on some bleach, some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime.
Tugg Speedman: No, a panda. I killed a panda.
Rick Peck: Amanda? Come on, dude. I mean, that's probably not even her real name.
Tugg Speedman: No, a panda!
Rick Peck: A panda?
Tugg Speedman: A sweet, cuddly, vicious little panda.
Rick Peck: Jesus Christ, Tugg! Man, don't scare me like that!
Rick Peck: All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
Tugg Speedman: Screw TiVo. I'm way beyond TiVo. Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though.
Tugg Speedman: It doesn't matter anymore. I've moved on.
Rick Peck: Where have you moved on to? Another agency? Who's with you? It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? That little fucker. You are still my client, Tugg Speedman! I am getting the TiVo! Jacket's on, I'm out the door! Tugg? Please don't fire me.
[referring to Portnoy]
Kevin Sandusky: He doesn't look too good.
Jeff Portnoy: Must drink, so I can throw something up!
[Portnoy crawls to the edge of the river and starts drinking water from the river]
Kevin Sandusky: No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish! No, don't! Uh...Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
Kirk Lazarus: [mockingly] Yeah, get him chuggin' on some of Alpa's ass water. That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
Alpa Chino: And why am I in this movie? Maybe I just knew I had to represent, because they had one good part in it for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
Kirk Lazarus: Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure.
Alpa Chino: I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie.
Kirk Lazarus: That shit ain't funny.
Alpa Chino: I'm just fuckin' with you, Kangaroo Jack! I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
Kirk Lazarus: You
Kevin Sandusky: Guys, relax and stuff.
Alpa Chino: You know what? Fuck that, man! I'm sick of this koala-huggin' nigga
tellin' me...
[Lazarus slaps Alpa and he goes to punch back but Lazarus blocks the punch and pulls Alpa into an embrace]
Kirk Lazarus: For 400 years, that word has kept us down.
Alpa Chino: What the fuck?
Kirk Lazarus: It took a whole lot of tryin' just to get up that hill. Now we up in the big leagues, getting our turn at bat. Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
[pulling away]
Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for The Jeffersons. You really need help!
Kirk Lazarus: Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true.
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Total
Quotes: 145
