quotes are sharp, crude and very funny! The movie
of one-liners, it exceeds in both satirical jokes and laugh out loud
far from a
perfect movie and the
politically incorrect and gross-out humor are no doubt the major
complaints. Below are
the some of the Tropic
Thunder quotes and mixed in
them are also some quotes from Tropic
Thunder Director's Cut.
Enjoy them for
what they are, which is pure silly comedy entertainment.
by: Ben Stiller
Ben Stiller (screenplay & story)
Justin Theroux (screenplay & story)
Etan Cohen (screenplay) Starring: Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk
Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy
Jay Baruchel - Kevin Sandusky
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino
Ben Stiller - Tugg Speedman
Steve Coogan - Damien Cockburn
Danny McBride - Cody
Nick Nolte - Four Leaf Tayback
Matthew McConaughey - Rick Peck
Tom Cruise - Les Grossman Bill Hader
Rob Slolom-Studio Executive Brandon Soo Hoo-
1] Trailer Announcer:[voice over]
Alpa Chino's Booty
Sweat. Pop an ass open! Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars available at
2] Trailer Announcer: [voice over]
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation came to a halt...the world
the one man who could make
a difference. When it happened again, the
called on him once more.
And no one saw it coming three more
times! Now, the one man who made a
difference five times before, is
about to make a difference again. Only this time, it's different.
is on an iceberg with everything behind him frozen. He has a
set of twins on him and he's holding two rifles] Tugg
Speedman: Who left
the fridge open? Trailer
over] Tugg Speedman.
Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown. Tugg
Here we go again.
3] Trailer Announcer: [voice over] This
favorite obese family is back. [we see the same actor
characters all of which start ripping
giant farts in a restaurant] Trailer Announcer: Jeff
Portnoy...Jeff Portnoy....Jeff Portnoy. And Jeff Portnoy are The
Fatties: Fart Two... Jeff Portnoy as one of
In some countries.... [in
character Portnoy lets out a giant fart] Jeff Portnoy as one of
the characters: ...it's considered
compliment. Trailer Announcer: [voice
over] ...Letting loose this summer.
4] Trailer Announcer: [voice over] In a
time where to be
was to be condemned... [Lazarus
and Toby Maguire looks longingly at each other, both are dressed as
monks] Trailer Announcer: [voice over]...and
to be condemned was to
man chose to question his God. [We see Lazarus
screaming angrily] Trailer Announcer: [voice over] From
Fox Searchlight, five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus and MTV
Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. Winner of the Beijing Film
Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award, "Satan's Alley". [voice
over whispers] Kirk Lazarus as Father
bad, bad boy, Father.
lines] Four Leaf Tayback:[narrating]
In the Winter of 1969,
an elite force of the US Army
was sent on a top secret assignment in Southeast Vietnam. The
objective: rescue Sgt. Four Leaf Tayback from a heavily guarded NVA
Prison Camp. The mission was considered to be near suicide. Of the ten
men sent, four returned. Of those four, three wrote books about what
happened. Of those three, two were published. Of those two, just
one got a movie deal. This is the story of the men who attempted to
make that movie.
that has been shot in the head falls down with
an unbelievable amount
of blood shooting out the back of his head] Jeff Portnoy as Fats:
that horn and get some firepower, boy! Kevin Sandusky as
Christ! Jeff Portnoy as Fats:
you cherry fuck, you call in that snake and nape and get us some
boom-boom now! I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy! [Fats tries to block the
blood with his hands, but the blood keep unbelievably shooting
gets bayoneted through the stomach by a Vietnamese soldier falling down
with his guts all hanging out] Kevin Sandusky as
think I can put it back in!
Lazarus as Osiris: Want some? Get some!
Chino as Motown: Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf! Jeff Portnoy as Fats:
count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! Kirk Lazarus as Osiris:
get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass in this chicken shit chop-chop!
trying to get on the chopper Brooklyn spots Four Leaf getting riddled
as Osiris: I
y'all like hamburger meat. 'Cause that's exactly what I'm gonna be
bringing back and serving up in this whirly bird. [shouting to the
soldiers in the
chopper] Kirk Lazarus as Osiris:
Cover me, you limp
the injured Four Leaf over his shoulder] Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Come
on, Leaf, let's boogie!
finds Four Leaf heavily injured after Four Leaf intercepts a hand
grenade by pushing it away with his hands]
as Osiris: Look
at you, man. Playing with
Speedman as Four Leaf: Hold my hands,
'cause I got something to sa...I
something to say. [Osiris looks down at
hands] Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Oh,
boy. [he takes hold of Four
Speedman as Four Leaf: You
holding 'em? Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: I
got 'em tight.
is weeping like a baby out loud] Tugg Speedman as Four
ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life, but I want you to know something. Kirk Lazarus as Osiris:
man? Tugg Speedman as Four
are my brother. [screws
up his face trying desperately to cry] Tugg Speedman as Four
Leaf: You are my brother.
are my... you are my... Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: I
your brother. [he weeps even louder] Tugg Speedman as Four
sorry. Could we cut? [camera now pans back to
this is actually a film location shooting a war scene with the
director, Damien Cockburn, looking over the scene] Damien Cockburn:
the special effects pyro control tower; to his Asian Assistant] Cody: That's
C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. I need some
dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! He's making a fucking
sweater back here. I'm trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts.
another failed attempt at trying to cry for the scene] Tugg Speedman:
You know what
it is, Damien? I'm sorry. Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying,
should Osiris be crying, too? Damien Cockburn: No,
everyone cry... Kirk Lazarus: We
cutting or we
crying? Damien Cockburn: No,
we're crying! Kirk Lazarus: Just
man! Damien Cockburn: Kirk,
cry. Tugg, you can cry. Kirk Lazarus: Oh,
thanks! Damien Cockburn: Everybody
cry... Kirk Lazarus: You
You see how agitated he is now? Tugg Speedman: I
know. Kirk Lazarus: Let's
lemonade. Let's go to work. Damien Cockburn: Okay.
another failed attempt of Speedman not being able to cry] Kirk Lazarus: Action
can't cry. That's what's going down. Tugg Speedman: You
Kirk? I'm ready to do the scene! Kirk Lazarus: What
scene is about emotionality. Where is it? Now it's time to flip the
script! Damien Cockburn: Kirk... Kirk Lazarus: Be
Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry.
tries to stop Kirk from walking off the set] Damien Cockburn: Kirk,
no! Kirk Lazarus: Stop
me, you pasty tea bag! I'm goin' potty. You wanna hold my dick?
Kirk goes off set, Damien starts having a fit throwing his headphones
off and throwing up his hands] Damien Cockburn: Shit,
shit, cocksucker, bollocks. Tropic
tits! [in the special effects
sees Damien throw up his hands] Cody: That's
the signal! Go,
go, go, go, go! Damien Cockburn: Goddamn
setting off the detonators and exploding the set] Cody: Mother
nature just pissed
Hollywood reporting on the Tropic Thunder
disaster and how the Director can't control his cast, we see a
drunk looking Jeff Portnoy getting interviewed about his last movie] Jeff
Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. They
say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family, and F... [swear word
can't do what I do.
But the real heavyweight on the set is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus. The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics
off-screen is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays.
antics are shown and then a snipet of Lazarus
speaking at an
before turning himself into
Osiris] Kirk Lazarus: Well,
actor is no different than being a rugby player or a
worker, save for the fact
that my tools are the mechanisms that trigger
human emotion. Access Hollywood
underwent a controversial pigmentation alteration procedure in order to
play the platoon's African-American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
Hollywood Reporter: Trying
to hold his own on screen with Kirk is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
Once the highest grossing star in the world, lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat. Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra. [small segment of the
Tyra Banks is shown] Tyra: You
have no real family.
You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone. Somebody
close to you said, "One more flop and it's over." Tugg Speedman: Somebody
they were close to me?
Hollywood Reporter It's
been a tough year for Tugg. The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlin'
& the Dude was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious
dramatic territory. Simple Jack, the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals, was a box office disaster that many
called, "One of the worst movies of all time."
[snippets of Speedman's
Simple Jack are shown]
Speedman as Simple Jack:
I ain't got a go-go-good brain. Rebecca: I
think you've got a
fine brain, Jack. Tugg Speedman as Simple
Jack: You mu-mu-mu- muhhh-mu-mu-muhh make me ha-aaaapy!
talking on the phone to his agent Rick Peck] Rick Peck:
it's the Pecker. You got time for your agent? Tugg Speedman:
Peck: Hey, buddy, guess
who I'm staring at right now. Tugg Speedman: What? Rick Peck: I'm
looking at your
ugly mug on the back cover of Vanity Fair magazine, holding a cute,
cuddly panda from Cutesville. It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
Speedman: Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece? Rick Peck: Yeah,
I did. It was
like pistol-whipping a blind kid. I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right? But right now, you're like that
kid on the playground, you know, the one who has lice that none of the
other kids want to play with? Tugg Speedman: What
mean? Rick Peck: I
mean we gotta
shave your head and get you back on the monkey bars, right?
Peck: How did the crying scene go? Tugg Speedman: Horrible.
Lazarus started crying. Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it
wasn't even in the script... Rick Peck: Woh...woh..stop
right there! You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat. Who cares how much more
talented he may be than you? If he cries, you cry harder, man. Didn't
your dog have, like, leukemia or something when you were a kid? I mean,
think of that. Boom! End of story.
Peck: Hey, how's the adoption thing coming, buddy? Tugg Speedman: Not
I feel like all the good ones are gone. Rick Peck: Well,
at least you
get to choose yours. [looks
picture of him with his kid] Rick Peck:
I'm stuck with mine.
Peck: The Pecker's on a TiVo mission for the Y-O-U. Work
those tears, my man. Tugg Speedman: All
right. Yeah. Rick Peck: Say
it for me one
time. You mu..mu..mu...make me happy. [saying it at the same
time] Tugg Speedman:
mu..mu..mu...make me happy.
Executive, Rob Slolom, taking Cockburn to have a meeting with Les
Grossman via Satellite] Damien Cockburn:
meeting? What does that mean, exactly? I mean, are we in a crisis? Rob Slolom: He's
the head of
the studio. He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. He just wants a
little face-time. Damien Cockburn: YeahI
know, it's just
you said that he
called it a crisis meeting. So... Rob Slolom: It's
He throws these words around. "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling,"
"fired." These are just words.
into the camera via Satellite] Les Grossman:
I see you. I see
you. I see you. Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn? Damien Cockburn: Ah..that's
me, sir. It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time.
Les Grossman: And who here is the key grip? [the key grip raises his
hand] Les Grossman: You?
You. Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard. Key Grip guy:
man. [hits him really hard in
the face] Les Grossman: Mmmmm...this
your fault, you limey FUCK! You shit the money-bed, my friend.