Tropic Thunder Quotes: Hits the Satire Comedic Mark(Total Quotes: 147)
Directed by: Ben Stiller
Ben Stiller (screenplay & story)
Justin Theroux (screenplay & story)
Etan Cohen (screenplay)
Robert Downey Jr. – Kirk Lazarus
Jack Black – Jeff Portnoy
Jay Baruchel – Kevin Sandusky
Brandon T. Jackson – Alpa Chino
Ben Stiller – Tugg Speedman
Steve Coogan – Damien Cockburn
Danny McBride – Cody
Nick Nolte – Four Leaf Tayback
Matthew McConaughey – Rick Peck
Tom Cruise – Les Grossman
Bill Hader – Rob Slolom-Studio Executive
Brandon Soo Hoo- Tran
OUR REVIEW & RATING ★★★★☆
Tropic Thunder quotes are sharp, crude and very funny! The movie provides plenty of one-liners, it exceeds in both satirical jokes and laugh out loud stupidity.
Verdict: This is far from a perfect movie and the politically incorrect and gross-out humor are no doubt the major complaints.
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] Alpa Chino’s Booty Sweat. Pop an ass open! Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars available at concessions now.
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] In 2013, when the Earth’s rotation came to a halt…the world called on the one man who could make a difference. When it happened again, the world called on him once more. And no one saw it coming three more times! Now, the one man who made a difference five times before, is about to make a difference again. Only this time, it’s different.
[Speedman is on an iceberg with everything behind him frozen. He has a set of twins on him and he’s holding two rifles]
Tugg Speedman: Who left the fridge open?
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] Tugg Speedman. Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown.
Tugg Speedman: [voice over] Here we go again. Again.
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] This summer, America’s favorite obese family is back.
[we see the same actor as different characters all of which start ripping giant farts in a restaurant]
Trailer Announcer: Jeff Portnoy…Jeff Portnoy….Jeff Portnoy. And Jeff Portnoy are The Fatties: Fart Two…
Jeff Portnoy as one of the characters: In some countries….
[in another character Portnoy lets out a giant fart]
Jeff Portnoy as one of the characters: …it’s considered a compliment.
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] …Letting loose this summer.
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] In a time where to be different was to be condemned…
[Lazarus and Toby Maguire looks longingly at each other, both are dressed as monks]
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] …and to be condemned was to die, one man chose to question his God.
[We see Lazarus screaming angrily]
Trailer Announcer: [voice over] From Fox Searchlight, five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. Winner of the Beijing Film Festival’s coveted Crying Monkey Award, “Satan’s Alley”.
[voice over whispers]
Kirk Lazarus as Father O’Mallie: I’ve been a bad, bad boy, Father.
Four Leaf Tayback: [narrating] In the Winter of 1969, an elite force of the US Army was sent on a top secret assignment in Southeast Vietnam. The objective: rescue Sgt. Four Leaf Tayback from a heavily guarded NVA Prison Camp. The mission was considered to be near suicide. Of the ten men sent, four returned. Of those four, three wrote books about what happened. Of those three, two were published. Of those two, just one got a movie deal. This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie.
[soldier that has been shot in the head falls down with an unbelievable amount of blood shooting out the back of his head]
Jeff Portnoy as Fats: Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy!
Kevin Sandusky as Brooklyn: Jesus Christ!
Jeff Portnoy as Fats: Listen, you cherry fuck, you call in that snake and nape and get us some boom-boom now! I’d do it myself but I’m kind of goddamn busy!
[Fats tries to block the flow of blood with his hands, but the blood keep unbelievably shooting everywhere]
[Brooklyn gets bayoneted through the stomach by a Vietnamese soldier falling down with his guts all hanging out]
Kevin Sandusky as Brooklyn: I think I can put it back in!
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Want some? Get some!
Alpa Chino as Motown: Hey, yo, Fats! I ain’t seen Four Leaf!
Jeff Portnoy as Fats: Don’t count him out! That bastard’s got luck tattooed to his ass!
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Motown, get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass in this chicken shit chop-chop! ASAFP!
[whilst trying to get on the chopper Brooklyn spots Four Leaf getting riddled with bullets]
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: I hope y’all like hamburger meat. Cause that’s exactly what I’m gonna be bringing back and serving up in this whirly bird.
[shouting to the soldiers in the chopper]
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
[putting the injured Four Leaf over his shoulder]
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Come on, Leaf, let’s boogie!
[Osiris finds Four Leaf heavily injured after Four Leaf intercepts a hand grenade by pushing it away with his hands]
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Look at you, man. Playing with grenades.
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: Hold my hands, cause I got something to sa…I got something to say.
[Osiris looks down at Four Leaf’s hands]
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: Oh, boy.
[he takes hold of Four Leaf’s stringy stumps]
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: You holding ’em?
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: I got ’em tight.
[Osiris is weeping like a baby out loud]
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: I ain’t never been worth a nothing in this life, but I want you to know something.
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: What, man?
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: You are my…you are my brother.
[screws up his face trying desperately to cry]
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: You are my brother. You are my… you are my…
Kirk Lazarus as Osiris: I am your brother.
[he weeps even louder]
Tugg Speedman as Four Leaf: I’m sorry. Could we cut?
[camera now pans back to reveal that this is actually a film location shooting a war scene with the director, Damien Cockburn, looking over the scene]
Damien Cockburn: What’s he saying?
[in the special effects pyro control tower; to his Asian Assistant]
Cody: That’s C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! He’s making a fucking sweater back here. I’m trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle’s nuts.
[after another failed attempt at trying to cry for the scene]
Tugg Speedman: You know what it is, Damien? I’m sorry. Not to get into his thing, but if I’m crying, should Osiris be crying, too?
Damien Cockburn: No, it’s everyone cry…
Kirk Lazarus: We cutting or we crying?
Damien Cockburn: No, no, no, we’re crying!
Kirk Lazarus: Just call it, man!
Damien Cockburn: Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
Kirk Lazarus: Oh, thanks!
Damien Cockburn: Everybody cry…
Kirk Lazarus: You know what? You see how agitated he is now?
Tugg Speedman: I know.
Kirk Lazarus: Let’s make lemonade. Let’s go to work.
Damien Cockburn: Okay. Still rolling!
[after another failed attempt of Speedman not being able to cry]
Kirk Lazarus: Action Jackson can’t cry. That’s what’s going down.
Tugg Speedman: You know what, Kirk? I’m ready to do the scene!
Kirk Lazarus: What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? Now it’s time to flip the script!
Damien Cockburn: Kirk…
Kirk Lazarus: Be here till Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry.
[Damien tries to stop Kirk from walking off the set]
Damien Cockburn: Kirk, no!
Kirk Lazarus: Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag! I’m goin’ potty. You wanna hold my dick?
[after Kirk goes off set, Damien starts having a fit throwing his headphones off and throwing up his hands]
Damien Cockburn: Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. Tropic tits!
[in the special effects tower Cody sees Damien throw up his hands]
Cody: That’s the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
Damien Cockburn: Goddamn shit-picking cock!
[after setting off the detonators and exploding the set]
Cody: Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit!
[Access Hollywood reporting on the Tropic Thunder disaster and how the Director can’t control his cast, we see a drunk looking Jeff Portnoy getting interviewed about his last movie]
Jeff Portnoy: Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. They say that the movie’s just about farts. It’s about family, and F…
[swear word gets bleeped]
Jeff Portnoy: …you! You can’t do what I do.
Access Hollywood Reporter: But the real heavyweight on the set is five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus. The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off-screen is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays.
[snippets of Lazarus in different outrageous antics are shown and then a snippet of Lazarus speaking at an interview before turning himself into Osiris]
Kirk Lazarus: Well, being an actor is no different than being a rugby player or a construction worker, save for the fact that my tools are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion.
Access Hollywood Reporter: Lazarus underwent a controversial pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play the platoon’s African-American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
Access Hollywood Reporter: Trying to hold his own on screen with Kirk is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman. Once the highest grossing star in the world, lately his Scorcher films have lost their heat. Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
[small segment of the interview with Tyra Banks is shown]
Tyra: You have no real family. You’re on the wrong side of forty. You’re childless and alone. Somebody close to you said, “One more flop and it’s over.”
Tugg Speedman: Somebody said they were close to me?
Access Hollywood Reporter It’s been a tough year for Tugg. The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlin’ & the Dude was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious dramatic territory. Simple Jack, the story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals, was a box office disaster that many critics called, “One of the worst movies of all time.”
[snippets of Speedman’s playing Simple Jack are shown]
Simple Jack: I ain’t got a go-go-good brain.
Rebecca: I think you’ve got a fine brain, Jack.
Simple Jack: You mu-mu-mu-muhhh-mu-mu-muhh make me ha-aaaapy!
[Speedman talking on the phone to his agent Rick Peck]
Rick Peck: Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it’s the Pecker. You got time for your agent?
Tugg Speedman: Rick?
Rick Peck: Hey, buddy, guess who I’m staring at right now.
Tugg Speedman: What?
Rick Peck: I’m looking at your ugly mug on the back cover of Vanity Fair magazine, holding a cute, cuddly panda from Cutesville. It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
Tugg Speedman: Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece?
Rick Peck: Yeah, I did. It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. I mean, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, Tugg. You are a huge star, all right? But right now, you’re like that kid on the playground, you know, the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with?
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Rick Peck: I mean we gotta shave your head and get you back on the monkey bars, right?
Rick Peck: How did the crying scene go?
Tugg Speedman: Horrible. Lazarus started crying. Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn’t even in the script…
Rick Peck: Woh, woh…stop right there! You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat. Who cares how much more talented he may be than you? If he cries, you cry harder, man. Didn’t your dog have, like, leukemia or something when you were a kid? I mean, think of that. Boom! End of story.
Rick Peck: Hey, how’s the adoption thing coming, buddy?
Tugg Speedman: Not too great. I feel like all the good ones are gone.
Rick Peck: Well, at least you get to choose yours.
[looks at a picture of him with his kid]
Rick Peck: I’m stuck with mine.
Rick Peck: The Pecker’s on a TiVo mission for the Y-O-U. Work on those tears, my man.
Tugg Speedman: All right. Yeah.
Rick Peck: Say it for me one time. You mu-mu-mu-make me happy.
[saying it at the same time]
Tugg Speedman: mu-mu-mu-make me happy.
[Studio Executive, Rob Slolom, taking Cockburn to have a meeting with Les Grossman via Satellite]
Damien Cockburn: Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? I mean, are we in a crisis?
Rob Slolom: He’s the head of the studio. He’s reaching out. We’re 10,000 miles away. He just wants a little face-time.
Damien Cockburn: Yeah, I know, it’s just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So…
Rob Slolom: It’s Les Grossman. He throws these words around. “Crisis,” “explosion,” “not rolling,” “fired.” These are just words.
[looking into the camera via Satellite]
Les Grossman: I see you. I see you. I see you. Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn?
Damien Cockburn: Ah, that’s me, sir. It’s good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time.
Les Grossman: And who here is the key grip?
[the key grip raises his hand]
Les Grossman: You? You. Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard.
Key Grip guy: Sorry, man.
[hits him really hard in the face]
Les Grossman: Mmmmm…this is your fault, you limey fuck! You shit the money-bed, my friend.
Damien Cockburn: Hey, Les, I understand if you’re angry, but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can’t cry! He can’t cry!
Les Grossman: You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything, you pull down their pants and you spank their ass.
Rob Slolom: You spank that ass, Les.
Les Grossman: Who is this guy?
Rob Slolom: Eh…Les, that’s Four Leaf.
Four Leaf Tayback: Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book.
Les Grossman: You’re a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. Now, shut the fuck up and let me do my job!
Les Grossman: Cockburn, from now on my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it’s gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down.
[shouting to his assistants]
Les Grossman: Diet coke!
[at a party where the crew and cast are partying their asses off; to Cockburn]
Kirk Lazarus: One week down, two weeks behind, GI Joe can’t cry, don’t matter cause you ain’t got the camera turned on anyway. Let’s party! Man, you better get your shit straight, or I’ll be on the next NetJet out of here, baby. You feel me?
[at the crew party Cockburn tries to get his actors together to have a cast meeting]
Damien Cockburn: You actually care, don’t you?
Kevin Sandusky: Yeah, it’s a huge deal for me, are you kidding? I’ve spent the past two years of my life living off residuals from an anti-herpes medication commercial.
Damien Cockburn: I know, you’re the only one who auditioned, the only one who did the two-week boot camp.
[Speedman speaking into the microphone on stage at the crew party]
Tugg Speedman: When we put aside our differences, we see we’re kind of the same. When we put aside our differences, we see we’re kind of the same. Let’s be friends. I know we can do great things together. That’s a quotation from a children’s book I co-wrote, “The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of”. I think it pertains to the journey…
[Jeff shouts from the crowd]
Jeff Portnoy: Simple Jack sucked ass!
Tugg Speedman: All right, who said that? It’s not funny. Whoever it is, it’s not funny, okay?
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