The Wolf of Wall Street Quotes

(Page 2)

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[Jordan is having dinner with his private investigator, Bo Dietl]
Bo Dietl: Listen to me, his name is Denham, he’s an agent with the New York Office.
Jordan Belfort: What’s his problem?
Bo Dietl: He’s a boy scout! He thinks you’re fucking Gordon Gekko!
Jordan Belfort: What does he want with my wedding video? It’s like invasion of my privacy. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, it’s intrusive, you know?
Bo Dietl: He’s got picture of your whole inner fucking circle. Pictures, names of the people. You know what he’s trying to do? Exactly what he’s doing. Look at yourself, he’s trying to rattle you, he’s trying to rattle your old lady, and she nags you until you become a fucking witness.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, so he wants me to rat on myself? He wants me to give information about my…? What…?
Bo Dietl: Listen, the good fucking news is, you know I know everybody down town. I called the Justice Department, the DEA, nobody even knows you fucking exist, so calm down.
Jordan Belfort: They don’t know I exist?
Bo Dietl: No.
Jordan Belfort: That’s Good.


 

Jordan Belfort: But…you know who is he, right?
Bo Dietl: Yeah.
Jordan Belfort: So if I just wanted to get some more information, like just find out what he knows, I mean, you could…you could go to his house…
[looks around the restaurant and says more quietly]
Jordan Belfort: You could go to his house, right? Tap his phones a little bit, bug him, you could get some information.
Bo Dietl: You don’t fuck with these guys like that. You don’t fuck with him like that. What are you, nuts or something?
Jordan Belfort: That’s what you fucking do! What do I pay you for?
Bo Dietl: I have a fucking P.I. license, you know? I make a living at this, I’m not a cop anymore. They’ll take my fucking license away from me, alright?
Jordan Belfort: Okay. Okay, if I…if I can’t do that, can I just…can I give the guy a call?
[Bo rolls his eyes in frustration]


 

Jordan Belfort: Why? Is that…
Bo Dietl: Jordan. Jordan, do me a favor. The only one who calls this guy is your fucking lawyer.
Jordan Belfort: I can’t call him, right? I’m not…it’s still against the rules.
Bo Dietl: You know what you do? I told you, whatever the fuck you say to him, he’s gonna use against you, don’t you understand?! He’s smart, you’re dumb.
Jordan Belfort: Fucking bullshit. I’m not allowed to call him?
[Jordan takes a pill bottle from his pocket]
Bo Dietl: Are we fucking talking tonight or are you gonna get…
[Jordan pops some pills into his mouth]
Bo Dietl: The last time you took these fucking pills, you put your head in them fucking macaroni, I had to pick it up!
Jordan Belfort: Alright. Okay, I won’t call him.


 

[Denham and his partner, Hughes, walk up towards Jordan’s boat]
Jordan Belfort: Hey, fellas! Come on board. Plank’s right around there. Welcome. Wooh! What a nice day.
[to Denham and Hughes as they step aboard]
Jordan Belfort: Hey, welcome aboard.
[he extends his hand to Denham]
Jordan Belfort: Jordan. Welcome aboard the Naomi, pleasure to meet you.
[Denham shakes his hand]wolf-of-wall-street-1
Agent Patrick Denham: Agent Denham. This is agent Hughes.
Jordan Belfort: Hi, how are you?
[Jordan shakes hands with Hughes]
Jordan Belfort: Let me introduce you.
[he turns to point to two women sat in their swimming costumes]
Jordan Belfort: This is Nicole, Heidi.


 

[to the women]
Jordan Belfort: Come on, don’t be shy. What are you guys all shy for? Don’t be scared.
[Nicole and Heidi walk over to them]
Jordan Belfort: These are, uh…friends of Stratton.
Heidi: It’s a pleasure.
Nicole: Hello.
[Denham laughs uncomfortably]
Agent Patrick Denham: Um…
Jordan Belfort: Go on.
Agent Patrick Denham: Your message said that…that you wanted to speak privately. I…
Jordan Belfort: Right, I do want to speak privately.
[to Nicole and Heidi]
Jordan Belfort: Give us some minute, huh, ladies?
Nicole: Let me know if I can get you anything.
Heidi: We’d be happy to help.
[the two women walk off]


 

Jordan Belfort: You guys hungry? You want somethin’ to eat? We got some, uh…pasta, shrimp, lobster. I got whiskey, any kind of booze you want.
Agent Patrick Denham: You know what, the bureau doesn’t allow us to drink while we’re at sea.
Jordan Belfort: Duh! Of course.
[Jordan and Denham laugh]
Jordan Belfort: Ever been on one of these before?
Agent Patrick Denham: A boat? Learned how to sail when I was six.
Jordan Belfort: No shit? Is that right? Really? I mean, one like this, though. I mean, I had the whole front extended in order to fit the chopper up there.
[looking up at the helicopter on top of the boat]
Jordan Belfort: You see that?
[shows Denham a sheet of paper]
Jordan Belfort: Anyway, this is for you. It’s a complete list of every person that was at my wedding.
Agent Patrick Denham: Oh, yeah?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah, well I understand you wanted the, uh…the whole wedding video. Figured this would help expedite the whole process, right?
Agent Patrick Denham: There you go.


 

Jordan Belfort: Look, my point is that I know you’re investigating Stratton. But for the life of me I…I…I can’t figure it out why. I know we’re a little unorthodox, we’re a little loud in the way we do things, but you gotta understand, we’re the new guys on the block, you know, trying to make a name for ourselves. But…now I want you to understand, we don’t do anything illegal, whatsoever. I mean you could talk to the SEC, they were at my office fifteen times over the last six months, so. I mean, I got…got nothing to hide.
Agent Patrick Denham: Well, you know the SEC is a civil regulatory agency. We pursue criminal activity.
Jordan Belfort: Exactly, you…you go after real criminals. Which makes me wonder what…what the hell you’re investigating me for? I mean, honestly, what…what is it that you think that we did or do? I don’t get it.
Agent Patrick Denham: Well, I…Jordan, I can’t discuss an ongoing investigation.
Jordan Belfort: No, I get that. No, I understand.
Agent Patrick Denham: With that said, this case got dumped on my desk.
Jordan Belfort: Did it?
Agent Patrick Denham: You know, by a higher up who, uh…needs to make a show of looking in into the new company on the block. You know, after that press and everything…
Jordan Belfort: The loud guys, all the bad press.
Agent Patrick Denham: And then I end up being the schmuck who does the looking.
Jordan Belfort: I get it.
Agent Patrick Denham: Exactly.


 

Jordan Belfort: It just, you know, it bothers me. We’re the new guy and we’re the one that’s banging on Wall Street’s door. I mean, you should…you should see what’s going on at the bigger firms. I mean I know all the information, it’s true. Goldman, Lehman Brothers, Merrill. Collateralized debt obligations? This internet stock bullshit? I mean, it’s a fucking travesty. I mean I could take you step by step through what exactly is occurring, you know? All you have to do is ask. I’m…I’m available.
Agent Patrick Denham: That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Agent Patrick Denham: I don’t see why a little sit-down like this…
Jordan Belfort: Mm-hmm.
Agent Patrick Denham: It can’t be profitable for the both us,
Jordan Belfort: It should, right? It should profit the both of us.
Agent Patrick Denham: It should.
Jordan Belfort: Look, I’m gonna give you my personal line. Five days a week, you just call me, feel free.
Agent Patrick Denham: I’ll do that.
Jordan Belfort: Great.
[he looks at Hughes then Denham for a moment]
Jordan Belfort: Are you sure you guys don’t want something to drink? I mean, you’re not hungry? Nothing? Nothing?
Agent Patrick Denham: Oh, no.
Jordan Belfort: No?


 

Jordan Belfort: Let me ask you…and if you don’t want to get too personal, just tell me to shut up at anytime.
Agent Patrick Denham: Oh.
Jordan Belfort: Did you try to get your broker’s license at one time? Did I hear that right? Were you trying to take a stab at Wall Street? No?
Agent Patrick Denham: Who’ve you been talking to?
[Jordan laughs]
Agent Patrick Denham: Who the fuck have you been talking to?
Jordan Belfort: Well, you investigate me, I…I hear things. You know what I mean?
[they both laugh]


 

Jordan Belfort: You ever think about what would have happened if you would have, you know, stayed the course?
Agent Patrick Denham: You know what? When I ridin’ home on the subway, and my balls are fucking sweating and I’m wearing the same suit three days in a row, yeah, you…you bet I do. I’ve thought about it before. Who wouldn’t, right?
Jordan Belfort: Right, who fucking wouldn’t? I mean, what do you guy…another personal question, no need to answer if you don’t…
Agent Patrick Denham: No, that’s alright, Jordan.
Jordan Belfort: What are you pullin’? Fifty-sixty K, somethin’ like that? A year? Ball part?
Agent Patrick Denham: Well…let’s put it this way. You get a free hand gun when you sign up for the bureau. What do you do?
[they both laugh]
Jordan Belfort: No, but it fucking pisses me off. You know what I mean? When you think about the people that build this country, hard working people like you. You know, fire fighters, teachers, FBI Agents. End of the day, you guys get fucking skinned alive financially. It fucking makes me angry.


 

Jordan Belfort: That’s the one thing about Wall Street and this market is, for me, I feel it’s good to give back, you know? There’s…there’s situations where I can make those situations better for people, you know? You know what I mean.
Agent Patrick Denham: Opportunity is everything.
Jordan Belfort: Exactly. Take for example, I got this one kid, right? Uh…went to school for environmental science, something like that, we was bogged down by his student loans. Turns out his mother needed triple bypass surgery
Agent Patrick Denham: Jesus.
Jordan Belfort: Right, a horrible situation for the kid.
Agent Patrick Denham: Sure.
Jordan Belfort: But we got in him in the market at the right time. We chose the right stock, we gave him the right guidance. Boom, overnight, change his entire life. You know, he got to put his mother into the best hospital in New York City. It didn’t work out for her, granted, she passed away unfortunately, but we gave him that opportunity. You know what I’m saying? It’s just about sending up the right team and then…
[he snaps his finger]
Jordan Belfort: Overnight your life can change. You know.
[Denham looks at him for a moment]
Agent Patrick Denham: What does…what does an intern, uh…? What does an intern make in a deal like that?
Jordan Belfort: Well, in that situation, I mean, that particular trade, it was one trade… North of half a million dollars. And I do that for anybody, you know, anybody that needs the proper guidance.


 

Agent Patrick Denham: Can you say that again? Just the way you said it. Just the same way.
Jordan Belfort: Uh…I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Agent Patrick Denham: No! Come on, you know what I’m talking about.
Jordan Belfort: No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Agent Patrick Denham: Just say the same.
[to Hughes]
Agent Patrick Denham: I think what Jordan just did is he…
[to Jordan]
Agent Patrick Denham: If I’m not mistaken.
Jordan Belfort: No.
Agent Patrick Denham: You just tried to bribe a federal officer.
Jordan Belfort: No, technically I didn’t bribe anybody. Technically that’s not true.
Agent Patrick Denham: No, no, that’s not the conversation I heard, Jordan.


 

Jordan Belfort: According to U.S. criminal code, there needs to be an exact dollar figure for the exchange of services. That would not hold up on the court of law..
Agent Patrick Denham: No, that’s not how I heard it.
Jordan Belfort: No, no, no, no. That’s the truth. But I wanna tell you this.
Agent Patrick Denham: Yeah.
Jordan Belfort: The same gentlemen that told me that you tried to get your brokers license also told me that you were a straight arrow.
[to Hughes]
Agent Patrick Denham: He ran a security check on me.
Jordan Belfort: Well, when you sail on a boat fit for a Bond villain, sometimes you need to play the part, right?


 

Jordan Belfort: I think it’s time you both get the fuck off my boat, what do you say? Hm?
[Denham laughs]
Agent Patrick Denham: You know, Jordan, I’ll tell you something. Most of the Wall Street jackasses that I bust…
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Agent Patrick Denham: They’re, uh…they’re to the manner born.
Jordan Belfort: Is that right?
Agent Patrick Denham: Yeah. Their fathers are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you, you, Jordan, you got this way all on your own.
Jordan Belfort: Did I?
Agent Patrick Denham: Good for you, little man.
Jordan Belfort: Little man?
[Jordan laughs]
Agent Patrick Denham: Good for you.
Jordan Belfort: Me, a little man?


 

Agent Patrick Denham: Let me tell you something.
[Jordan laughs harder]
Agent Patrick Denham: No, let me tell you something else. Honestly, I’m not bullshitting here, this is one of the nicest boats that I’ve ever been on. I gotta…I gotta tell you this.
Jordan Belfort: I bet it is.
Agent Patrick Denham: And you know what I was just thinking too? The fucking hero that I’m gonna be back at the office when the bureau seizes this fucking boat, because I’m getting fuckety, fuck, fuck, Jordan. Look at this face!
[they both laugh]
Agent Patrick Denham: It’s beautiful! And you got the beautiful girls there. It’s wonderful.
Jordan Belfort: Alright, get the fuck off my boat.
[Denham and Hughes start to leave]
Agent Patrick Denham: I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other real soon.
Jordan Belfort: I’m sure. Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fucking wives. I’m gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off my balls in the meantime. Hey, you guys wanna take some lobsters for your ride home.


 

[he picks up some lobsters and throws it down the stair as Denham and Hughes are walking away]
Jordan Belfort: Fucking miserable pricks, I know you can’t afford them! Fucking cheap fucks. Fucking miserable pricks.
[he walks over to the side of the boat and whistles at Denham and Hughes]wolf-of-wall-street-13
Jordan Belfort: Hey, fellas! Look what I found in my pocket! Look!
[he pulls out a big wad of cash]
Jordan Belfort: A year’s salary, right here! You know what I call them? Fun coupons.
[he starts throwing the money at Denham and Hughes as they walk away]
Jordan Belfort: See that? They’re fun coupons!


 

[in their bedroom Naomi helps Jordan pack a suitcase]
Naomi Lapaglia: Switzerland? What the fuck is in Switzerland?
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] Swiss fucking banks, that’s what. It was ass covering time, I had to hide my money. Enter Rugrat.
[we see Jordan talking with Nicky and Donnie in a conference room at work]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] He knew this Swiss Banker from law school, but he was in Geneva, and there was no way I was gonna make that flight sober. So I knew if I took my drugs right I could sleep through the entire flight. But I had to take them just right.
[he opens up a bottle of pills empties the pills into his hands, starts taking some and offers the rest to Nicky and Donnie]


 

Jordan Belfort: [voice over] At four p.m. I popped a few more ludes, which start kicking in by the time I finished my sales meeting. My tingle phase. By dinner, I popped a few more, on top of some cocktails and a Valium or two. My slur phase. By eight thirty, I took a few more ludes, I pretty much lost all my motor skill. This was the drool phase. And by ten, I didn’t know who or what the fuck I was. The amnesia phase. I boarded the plane just before midnight.
[as he boards the plane, looking like he’s completely out of it, he starts flirting with the stewardess]
Jordan Belfort: Wow, look at you! You’re beautiful.
[he takes the stewardess in his arms and tries to kiss her, she tries to push him away]
Stewardess #1: Excuse me.
[Nicky tries to pull Jordan off the Stewardess]
Nicky Koskoff: Woh. Thee sleeping pills just kicked in. It’s alright. He’s alright.
Stewardess #1: May I see your boarding passes, sir?
Jordan Belfort: We have the boarding passes.
[Nicky shows her the passes as he guides Jordan to their seats]
Jordan Belfort: Jesus Christ, I wanna fuck her.


 

[Nicky places Jordan into his seat]
Jordan Belfort: Ow! Fucking relax!
Nicky Koskoff: Alright. I know, I’m sorry.
Jordan Belfort: Oh my, God. You got your hand on my fucking cock!
[to Donnie, also looking completely high, as he comes to sit next to him]
Jordan Belfort: He’s hot his hand in my dick again.
Nicky Koskoff: I’m just trying to buckle you up.
Donnie Azoff: You got your hand on his dick?
Jordan Belfort: You gotta stop doing that in public space.
[Donnie then grabs Nicky’s wig and tries to pull it off]
Jordan Belfort: Oh, my God! Take it off!
[Nicky tries push their hands away from his wig]
Jordan Belfort: Take it off!
Donnie Azoff: I heard there’s a treasure map under here…
[Donnie and Jordan start laughing]
Nicky Koskoff: Stop.


 

[then one of the stewardesses comes over to them]
Stewardess #2: Excuse me, sir.
Nicky Koskoff: I know, miss.
Stewardess #2: Please sit down.
[to Jordan and Donnie]
Nicky Koskoff: Watch it.
Stewardess #2: Go back to your seat, please.
[as Nicky goes to move to his seat Jordan grabs his hand]
Jordan Belfort: What are you upset about?
Stewardess #2: Okay, go back to your seat, please.
Nicky Koskoff: I-I’m not. I’m fine.
Stewardess #2: Please go back to your seat, sir.


 

[Donnie goes for Nicky’s wig again and tries to pull it off]
Stewardess #2: I will have to call the captain. Please, sir.
[the stewardess tries to pull Nicky away from Jordan and Donnie]
Stewardess #2: Please, sit down.
[as she tries to pull Nicky away, Jordan and Donnie continue to try and pull his wig off]
Nicky Koskoff: Okay, okay, I am going!
Jordan Belfort: Okay, sorry.
Nicky Koskoff: Stop!
Jordan Belfort: Okay. Okay. We apologize. We’re gonna go to sleep ma’am.


 

Donnie Azoff: Question. I wanna ask you a question.
[Jordan starts kissing Donnie’s cheek]
Stewardess #2: Fasten your seatbelt, sir.
Donnie Azoff: I…okay.
Stewardess #2: We cannot take off if you haven’t fastened your seatbelt.
[Donnie gets up to look for his seatbelt]
Donnie Azoff: Alright, alright, alright.
Jordan Belfort: I’m really horny too.
Stewardess #2: Sit down, fasten it.
Donnie Azoff: Okay, I’ll sit down.
Stewardess #2: I will do it for you.
Donnie Azoff: What?
Stewardess #2: I will do it for you.
Donnie Azoff: Okay.
Jordan Belfort: You gotta speak English.
[Donnie sits back in his seat]


 

Donnie Azoff: Come do it for me.
Jordan Belfort: We don’t understand this language you speak.
Donnie Azoff: Come here. Come here.
Stewardess #2: I will help him with his seatbelt.
[she goes over to help Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: He’s a fucking idiot. You gotta put it on right.
Donnie Azoff: You’re gonna help me with my…
[she pushes Donnie back into his seat]
Stewardess #2: Sit back. Sit back, sir.
Jordan Belfort: There you go. Yeah, there you go!
[Jordan laughs as he pushes the stewardess into Donnie]
Stewardess #2: Please! Hilfe!
[Donnie and Jordan start making fun of her]
Donnie Azoff: Hilfe!
Jordan Belfort: Hilfe!
Donnie Azoff: Hilfe!
Jordan Belfort: Hilfe!
Donnie Azoff: Hilfe!


 

[couple of hours later Jordan wakes and sees that he’s been tied to his chair with his seatbelt]
Jordan Belfort: Jesus Christ. Fuck! Donnie. Donnie, this isn’t…this isn’t funny. You gotta untie me, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: I can’t untie you. The captain tied you up, he almost fucking tasered you.
Jordan Belfort: Why?
Donnie Azoff: Why?


 

[we see flashback to all of Jordon’s lewd, grabbing the stewardesses]
Donnie Azoff: You were like screaming at people.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, fuck.
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, you were on the floor, like rolling around and shit.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: You called the captain the N word.
Jordan Belfort: I called the captain the N word?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah, he was very upset.
Jordan Belfort: Really?
Donnie Azoff: Lucky we were in first class.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus.
Donnie Azoff: Jesus Christ, I think you have a fucking drug problem!
Jordan Belfort: Where are the ludes? Where are the ludes?
Donnie Azoff: They’re up my ass, don’t worry about it. I got it.
Jordan Belfort: Thank God. Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do when we get to Switzerland, buddy? This is bad.


 

[referring to the seatbelt]
Jordan Belfort: These things are against my chest, I can’t breathe. Come on, do something to calm me down, please?
Donnie Azoff: Okay, shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up.
[Jordan starts whining]
Jordan Belfort: Oh, please!
Donnie Azoff: Okay! Ssh. Ssh.
[Donnie starts stroking Jordan’s face to calm him down]
Jordan Belfort: That’s good.
Donnie Azoff: Go to sleep.
Jordan Belfort: Rub it a bit harder, buddy.
Donnie Azoff: You’re alright. We all love…
Jordan Belfort: You…
Donnie Azoff: Shut the fuck up!


 

[in the customs office Jordan sits facing a customs officer who’s looking through his paperwork when another officer says something to him]
Swiss Customs Officer #1: Mr. Belfort, you’re free to go.
[he hands Jordan his passport]
Jordan Belfort: Really?
[the customs officer extends his hand to Jordan to shake and Jordan hits it playfully]
Jordan Belfort: Wooh!
[as they are being drive to the bank]
Nicky Koskoff: Hey, Donnie?
Donnie Azoff: Yeah?
Nicky Koskoff: When we get up there, try not to act like yourself, okay? Let’s make Geneva an asshole free Donnie zone, alright?
Donnie Azoff: What are you fucking coming to me for?
Nicky Koskoff: Hey, listen. The only reason you’re sitting in this limo and not a Swiss jail is because of my friend. Okay?
Jordan Belfort: Hilfe!
[Jordan and Donnie start laughing and just then they arrive at the Swiss bank]
Nicky Koskoff: We’re here, here. We’re here. We’re here. I’m gonna calm down.


 

[in the lobby of the bank they are met by Jean Jacques Saurel]
Jean Jacques Saurel: Jordan Belfort, at last. Nicholas has told me so much about you.
Nicky Koskoff: Jordan, Jean Jacques Saurel.
Jordan Belfort: Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
[they shake hands]
Jean Jacques Saurel: Nice to meet you.


 

[later they are all sat in Saurel’s office drinking coffee]
Jean Jacques Saurel: It’s a joke. It’s a joke.
Donnie Azoff: You understand, when you’re in the fucking seat.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Ah, okay.
Donnie Azoff: You need a bigger couch for a desk
Jean Jacques Saurel: I don’t understand, I’m sorry.
Jordan Belfort: I’m curious about your bank secrecy laws here.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Uh…wait, yes. Excusez-moi, Jordan, Swiss custom requires minutes of, uh…blah, blah, blah…
Nicky Koskoff: Chit chat.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yeah, chit chat, thank you, before business can be discussed.
[Jordan stares at him]
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yeah.
[there’s an awkward moment of silence before Saurel realizes Jordan isn’t going comply]
Jean Jacques Saurel: Of course, let’s get down to it. What would you like to know?


 

Jordan Belfort: Under what circumstances would you be obligated to cooperate with an FBI or a U.S. Justice Department investigation, for example?
Jean Jacques Saurel: Ca depend.
Jordan Belfort: Ca depend?
Jean Jacques Saurel: Oui.
Jordan Belfort: Ca depend on…on what exactly?
Jean Jacques Saurel: Whether America plans to invade Switzerland in the coming months.
[they all laugh]


 

Nicky Koskoff: So check if tanks are rolling down the Rue de la Croix, huh?
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yes, Rue de La Croix
Nicky Koskoff: Croix! Croix!
Jean Jacques Saurel: La Croix.
Nicky Koskoff: Croix.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Not Croi, it’s not Rue de La Cry. La Croix.
Nicky Koskoff: This is what he used to do back in law school, check me. Champagne, Champagna.
[Nicky laughs]
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yeah.
Nicky Koskoff: Yeah, yeah. French fries, pommes frites.
[does an awkward laugh]
Nicky Koskoff: And that kind of…that kind of stuff.


 

[Jordan stares at Saurel]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] What I’m asking, you Swiss dick, is are you going to fuck me over?
[Saurel stares back at Jordan]
Jean Jacques Saurel: [voice over] I understand perfectly, you American shit.
[then he says out loud]
Jean Jacques Saurel: The only way the Banque Real de Geneve would cooperate with a foreign legal body is if the crime being pursued is also a crime in Switzerland. But there are very few Swiss laws which apply to your, um…practices.
Jordan Belfort: Mm.
Jean Jacques Saurel: From a financial standpoint, you are now in heaven.
Nicky Koskoff: See, I told you he was fantastic, right?


 

Jean Jacques Saurel: If the U.S. Justice Department sent us as subpoena, it would become, um…papier-toillette. We would wipe our ass with it.
[the others laugh]wolf-of-wall-street-14
Jordan Belfort: Unless of course it was an investigation into stock fraud, which is a crime here in Switzerland, if I’m correct. Then there would have to be co-operation on your part, if I’m not mistaken.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yes. Yes, we would. Mm-hmm. Assuming the account is under your name. If it were another name, a friends, camarade.
Nicky Koskoff: Cousin.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Cousin, absolument.
[Saurel smiles at Jordan]
Jordan Belfort: Relative.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Yeah.
Jordan Belfort: Hm.


 

[staring at each other]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] Was that yodeling I just heard or did you just say what I thought you said?
Jean Jacques Saurel: [voice over] Yes. Yes.
[the meeting ends with everyone shaking hands]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] He’s telling me to use a fucking rathole. But a U.S. rathole would never get into Switzerland with all that money. What I needed was a rathole with a European passport.


 

[Jordan travels to England and visits Naomi’s aunt in London, she opens her apartment door and greets him]
Aunt Emma: Jordan.
Jordan Belfort: Hey. How’s my favorite aunt, huh?
Aunt Emma: Welcome. Was the traffic terrible?
Jordan Belfort: Oh, no, not at all.
[they kiss each other’s cheeks]
Aunt Emma: Come in.
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] Thank God Aunt Emma didn’t need too much convincing. Turned out the British weren’t too different from the Swiss. Money talks and bullshit takes the bus. How do you say rathole in British?


 

[Jordan and Aunt Emma walk in the as he explains to her what her wants from her]
Jordan Belfort: If you get in to any trouble whatsoever, I’ll come forth immediately, I’ll say that I duped you. That I promise.
Aunt Emma: Risk is what keeps us young, isn’t it, darling?
[they sit on a park bench]
Aunt Emma: Sometimes I wonder if you let money get the best of you, my love. Among other substances.
Jordan Belfort: Oh.
[Jordan chuckles]
Jordan Belfort: It’s that obvious, huh?
[she touches his forehead]
Aunt Emma: It’s chilly darling and you’re sweating bullets.
Jordan Belfort: What can I say, I’m…I’m a drug addict. I really am, I mean, cocaine, pills, whatever it is I’ll fuckin’ do it. That’s the truth. I’m…I’m a sex addict too.
Aunt Emma: Well there are worse things to be addicted to than sex.
[she laughs]


 

Jordan Belfort: Jesus, why am I telling you all this? Why am I…? I’m sorry.
[they both laugh]
Aunt Emma: Because I’m very easy to talk to
Jordan Belfort: You are. You are easy to talk to.
Aunt Emma: Mm.


 

Jordan Belfort: I suppose it’s…it’s just my job, you know? It’s, uh…you know, all these people dependent on me, tens of millions of dollars at stake. You know, it’s…sometimes I feel like I’ve…I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, you know?
Aunt Emma: You’re a man with large appetites.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
[as he stares at her]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] Is she fuckin’ hittin’ on me?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah. Yeah, I am. I suppose I put that on myself though, right? My decision. It’s just hard to…hard to learn to…to control the anxiety, sometimes, you know? You know, to…learn to relax and let go and…
Aunt Emma: To release the tension?


 

[they stare at each other for a moment]wolf-of-wall-street-16
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] She is hittin’ on me. Holy shit.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah. Yeah, to release the tension.
[he leans in closer to her]
Jordan Belfort: I suppose we, uh…we all just need to learn to…learn to do what comes naturally in life, you know?
Aunt Emma: [voice over] Is he fucking hitting on me?
[suddenly he kisses her but she stops him]
Aunt Emma: Stability, dear. Family.
[he pulls back and nods his head]
Aunt Emma: You take care of my niece, my love. I’ll take care of everything over here.
Jordan Belfort: Deal.


 

[back at home, Jordan has sex with Naomi on their bed which is covered in cash]
Jordan Belfort: Hold on! There you go! Oh! Wooh!
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] We had, literally, a fuck load of money. Aunt Emma could never carry all this by herself. So I thought to myself, who else has European passport?
[we see Brad taping stacks of cash onto his wife]
Chantalle: Okay Brad, you’re making this too fucking tight.
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] Now, Brad, as a successful drug dealer, spent his winters in the South of France, which is where he met his wife, Chantalle, a striper of Slovenian origin, born in, of all places, Switzerland.


 

[Jordan, Naomi, Donnie and Brad stare at Chantalle after Brad has finished taping the money to her body]
Jordan Belfort: Well, this is fucked.
Chantalle: Oh, no shit.
Naomi Lapaglia: Like this will take her, like, fifty trips.
Jordan Belfort: I know.
Brad: Let me ask you somethin’, what…what about her family? Right? I mean, they all got Swiss passports, right? I mean, she’s got parents, she’s got a brother. Right? Brother’s got a wife, that’s five fucking people. Six, seven trips, boom, right? They’re all fuckin’ Swiss nitwits like her, they’ll do it.
Jordan Belfort: We could do that.
Chantalle: At least I have a family, you crooked nose fuck!


 

Donnie Azoff: Hey, hey, uh…don’t forget about my money.
Brad: I’m sorry, what’s that?wolf-of-wall-street-15
Jordan Belfort: Yeah, yeah. I forgot to tell you, he’s got some…he’s got some…
Donnie Azoff: My money. I got a couple of mil comin’ in like a week.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah.
Donnie Azoff: And when it gets here I’ll give you a call, you can come pick it up.
Brad: You’ll give me a call?
Donnie Azoff: When it gets here, I’ll give you a call and you’ll come pick it up.
Chantalle: Well, we don’t fucking work for you, man!
Brad: Shh-shh-shh…
Donnie Azoff: Sweetheart, you have my money taped to your tits. Okay? Technically you do work for me.
Brad: Hey, Jordan, we’re gonna need to talk.


 

[Brad talks to Jordan on the balcony]
Brad: If I fuckin’ do this, I’m tellin’ you right now, I ain’t goin’ to him.
Jordan Belfort: Okay, I got it.
Brad: Okay? I’m not a fuckin’ Schwartz, I don’t do fuckin’ pick-ups, alright?
Jordan Belfort: Yeah, yeah. I got it, I got it.
Brad: Now, listen to me.
Jordan Belfort: I’m gonna take care of everything.
Brad: We meet some place that I fucking say, and you tell that fuckin’ piece of shit, he comes correct.
Jordan Belfort: I will.
Brad: If he comes in all fuckin’ loopy and fucked up, I swear to God, I’m gonna a mash that douchebag’s teeth.
[just them Donnie storms through onto the balcony]
Donnie Azoff: You’re gonna mash who’s fucking teeth in?! Who’s fucking teeth are you gonna mash in?!
[as he comes stomping towards Brad Jordan tries to stop him]
Jordan Belfort: Relax.
Donnie Azoff: I put the money on that fucking table, not you!


 

[Brad takes out his gun and Jordan quickly takes it from him]
Jordan Belfort: Stop that!
Donnie Azoff: I’m the reason we have this whole fucking deal!
Jordan Belfort: He’s got a gun, you fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: Fuck his gun!
Jordan Belfort: I already took care of it…
Donnie Azoff: You know what? You’re a fucking pill deal! I got five more just like you, bro!
Brad: Go on, keep talking, you fucking piece of shit!
Donnie Azoff: And you know what else? You dress like shit! So, fuck you!
Brad: You fucking motherfucker!
[suddenly Brad punches Donnie in the face knocking him out]
Jordan Belfort: Oh, Jesus!
Brad: How about that, faggot? Who’s the faggot? Chantalle, get your shit!
[Jordan tries to wake Donnie]
Jordan Belfort: You okay? Hey, pal?


 

[we see Aunt Emma walking through the airport]
Jordan Belfort: [voice over] The next day, Aunt Emma flew to Geneva. Two million in cash in her carry on, which in the big picture was a drop in the Swiss bucket. Cause the following month, over the course of six roundtrips, Chantalle’s family and friends smuggled in over twenty million in cash without even a hiccup.
[we see Chantalle handing over a suitcase full of cash to Saurel, he laughs at seeing the money]
Chantalle: And I have some more.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Really?
[Chantalle takes some cash out of the lining of her jacket]
Chantalle: Here.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Oh, thank you.
Chantalle: And here.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Welcome.
[they both laugh]


 

Chantalle: Welcome.
[Chantalle hands him more cash from where she’s hidden them in her jacket]
Chantalle: And yeah, like four bags of it.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Ooph. Are you, uh Swiss-Slovakian or Swiss-Slovenian?
Chantalle: Slovenian.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Slovenian.
Chantalle: Yeah.
Jean Jacques Saurel: Okay.


 

[Brad waits in his for Donnie to arrive, Donnie arrives in his car, clearly high as the car swerve to a stop and he forgets to put the brakes on as he goes to get out]
Donnie Azoff: Oh, shit.
Brad: Just put the fucking car in parked, you dumb fucking idiot!
Donnie Azoff: Yeah. Yeah, close the briefcase.
[Donnie struggles to get out of the car and walk over to Brad]
Brad: One fucking day, one fucking day you couldn’t keep it together?
Donnie Azoff: I was fucked up, Brad.
Brad: You gotta be fucking kidding me!
Donnie Azoff: I fucked up.
[suddenly Donnie stands tall looking totally sober]
Donnie Azoff: It’s a joke!
Brad: It’s a joke?
Donnie Azoff: I’m sober.
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ.
Donnie Azoff: It’s a fucking joke.


 

Brad: Are you fucking stupid?
Donnie Azoff: I’m not stupid. You know what?
Brad: You fucking drive here like a fucking maniac. Do you know the attention that fucking draws?
Donnie Azoff: You know what? I’m not stupid. I’m smart.
Brad: You’re smart?
Donnie Azoff: I make million dollar deals.
Brad: Is that right?
Donnie Azoff: With smart important people, unlike you.
Brad: Unlike me.
Donnie Azoff: People who don’t sucker punch people when they’re scared, okay?
Brad: I’m scared now.
Donnie Azoff: And by the way, I haven’t got an apology yet for that.
Brad: Oh, an apology? Okay.


 

Donnie Azoff: I check my fuckin’ messages everyday when I come home from work.
Brad: Did you? You didn’t got one, huh?
Donnie Azoff: My answering machine, zero! I got a blinking light because I don’t have shit from you.
Brad: Is that right? You know what? You got a big fucking mouth.
Donnie Azoff: I got my wife, I got my wife checking the messages every forty-five minutes calling the office saying, “Has Brad apologized yet? Is there an apology message on the machine?”
Brad: A fucking apology. You know what?
Donnie Azoff: I don’t have Jack shit. You know what? That’s not how you treat people
Brad: Yeah, I understand. You got a big fucking mouth, you know? I’m not gonna give you a fucking pass, just give me the case so I can get out of here.
Donnie Azoff: Oh, you’re gonna give me a pass?
Brad: Look, it’s a figure of fucking speech. Just give me the fucking…
Donnie Azoff: Oh, my God, the Emperor of Fucksville came down from Fucksville to give me a pass!
Brad: Oh, Fucksville, huh?
Donnie Azoff: Hey, what are the citizens of Fucksville doing today when their Emperor’s gone?
Brad: Listen, I’m begging you.
Donnie Azoff: Is it…is it mayhem? Are people looting and raping? What are all the little fuckheads doing while you’re here?
[just then a police patrol car drives up and notices them arguing in the street]


 

Brad: Go fuck yourself! Give me the fucking bag.
[Brad takes a step towards Donnie but Donnie pulls back]
Donnie Azoff: Hey, you back the fuck up!
Brad: Alright, alright.
Donnie Azoff: Or I’ll fucking cause a scene than I’ve ever caused in my life if you come at me again.
Brad: Just fucking keep it down.
Donnie Azoff: You know what? I got it. I don’t wanna be out of line or anything, but I think you like like me. Like you…like when you come at me, cause you look at me
Brad: What the fuck is the matter with you? What the fuck…?
Donnie Azoff: I swear, I’ve just noticed you have like a fucking like…
Brad: Just give me the fucking…
[Brad goes to grab the case but Donnie pulls back]
Donnie Azoff: Like a twinkle. You have like a twinkle. Are you trying to kiss me, bro?
Brad: Jesus fucking Christ.
Donnie Azoff: Bro, are you trying…?


 

Brad: What’s with you?
Donnie Azoff: I have like a…I don’t know, I just… Listen, it’s not a homophobic thing.
Brad: Alright.
Donnie Azoff: You’re just not the one for me, pal.
Brad: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Donnie Azoff: You know what I mean? It’s not, it’s not about that for me. You know? You understand?
Brad: I’ve heard enough, please. I’m begging, give me the fucking case. Okay?
Donnie Azoff: I gonna give you the case.
Brad: Give me the case.
Donnie Azoff: You gotta do me one favor.
Brad: What’s that?
Donnie Azoff: You gotta take this case, you gotta drive straight home, you know. And I need you to open up the briefcase, I need you to take out every single dollar, don’t leave one dollar inside the briefcase. I want you to have it all neatly organized outside the briefcase, and you to take it, and you just shove it right up your wife’s Slatvian cunt, you understand?
[Donnie gives him the finger and Brad goes to attack Donnie]

 


Page   <<      1   2
Total Quotes: 293

 

 

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