50/50 Quotes: Hilarious and Poignant

(Total Quotes: 81)

Directed by: Jonathan Levine
Written by: Will Reiser
Joseph Gordon-Levitt – Adam
Seth Rogen – Kyle
Anna Kendrick – Katherine
Bryce Dallas Howard – Rachael
Anjelica Huston – Diane
Serge Houde – Richard
Andrew Airlie – Dr. Ross
Matt Frewer – Mitch
Philip Baker Hall – Alan
Donna Yamamoto – Dr. Walderson
Sugar Lyn Beard – Susan
Yee Jee Tso – Dr. Lee
Sarah Smyth – Jenny
Peter Kelamis – Phil
Jessica Parker Kennedy – Jackie
Daniel Bacon – Dr. Phillips


Movies about cancer aren’t generally thought of as being funny, but 50/50 movie quotes has managed to draw out a generous dose of realistic humor. The story is based on the writer, Will Reiser’s own experiences of fighting cancer at a young age and it’s his passion and understanding of the story, and the brilliant dialogue and bromance between Joseph Gordon- Levitt and Seth Rogen’s characters, that makes this movie strong and compelling. The sharp and intelligent script maintains a fine balance between comedy, compassion and sincerity with none of these emotions feeling inappropriate or out of place.

Verdict: It maybe at times tough to watch but it’s smart, hilarious and poignant which makes it a must see.

50/50 Quotes Page  1   2    USER REVIEWS  


[first lines; as they get ready in the morning]
Adam: So are you staying over tonight?
Rachael: Uh…I’m not sure. There are a couple of gallery openings I wanna go to. I’m like so nervous about my show. I mean, I still have two more painting that I have to do and everything I come up with is completely derivative of everything at the…at…
[she look around the room]
Rachael: Where’s my stuff?
Adam: It’s in your drawer.
Rachael: I have a drawer?
Adam: Yeah. I just figured, you know, put some of your things in. There wasn’t anything in the drawer before. Well, there was a couple of things, but I just moved ’em into a different one, cause it made more sense that way.
Rachael: Oh, honey! We’re getting so domestic.


[Adam gets into Kyle’s car]
Kyle: What’s that smell? What is that?
Adam: What? What?
Kyle: Did you sit in jam or something?
[Kyle comes closer to sniff Adam]
Adam: What are you doing?
Kyle: You smell…you smell fruity.
Adam: Oh! Uh…yeah. I ran out of shampoo and I had to use Rachel’s
[Kyle comes closer to Adam again and takes a couple more sniffs of him]
Adam: That’s great.
Kyle: You smelled like you fucked the cast of the view.


Adam: Are we gonna go?
Kyle: Why, you don’t wanna be late?
Adam: Well, I’m two minutes late already.
Kyle: I know, you’re already two minutes late.
Adam: I know!
Kyle: But if you uh…really care about that, you should probably learn to drive. That’s what I think.
Adam: I deserve that.
Kyle: You know what’s really gonna make us late?
Adam: What?
Kyle: When I stop for cappuccino’s.
Adam: No, no, no! They have coffee there.


[as they wait in line in the coffee shop, Adam doubles over with pain]
Kyle: Your back still hurts?
Adam: Yeah, I’m going back to the doctor today.
Kyle: It’s not right, man.
Adam: I know.
Kyle: Have you been fucking in weird position?
Adam: Of course that’s where you would go with this.
Kyle: No! Sometimes when I fuck in weird positions…I tried froggy style for a while once, back when I was dating. It fucked up my back.
Adam: I don’t even wanna ask what that is.
Kyle: It’s kind of a doggy style but…
Adam: No, actually, no.
Kyle: …you’re kind of go way higher up on the…50-50-1
Adam: We…we…Rachael…we haven’t…we haven’t done it in like three weeks, dude.
Kyle: You haven’t had sex in three weeks?
Adam: Well, she had…she had a yeast infection and then she had her period right afterwards, which…that things gotta be done by now.
Kyle: You can’t fuck with a yeast infection? You can fuck with a yeast infection.
Adam: No, it hurts.
Kyle: It does?
Adam: Well, that’s what she says.
Kyle: I think that’s bullshit.
Adam: No, but I’ve heard that before from other…


Kyle: Has she been sucking on your dick, been giving you blow jobs?
Adam: No. She doesn’t like to.
Kyle: She does…No fucking shit she doesn’t like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? You do it cause that’s why they call it blow jobs! It’s a job!
Adam: Don’t get hysterical.
Kyle: I’m not hysterical! I think it is…you know…you…she stays at your house all the time. She leaves your fucking shit everywhere, you clean it up, you’re a nice person. The least she could do is fellate you.


Kyle: You put up a lot of shit when you’re dating a hot girl, truthfully. That’s why, if you recall, in high school I didn’t date any hot girls.
Adam: That’s why?
Kyle: Yes, that’s why.
Adam: Well, we’re not in high school anymore. The relationship that I have with Rachel is…is about more than sex.
Kyle: What is it about, Adam?
Adam: It’s about each other, you know?
Kyle: Yeah.
Adam: We care about each other. Talk to each other, it’s great.
Kyle: Yeah. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could do that and then bang the hell out of each other?
Adam: Ideally, yes. But it’s not a perfect world, okay?


[Adam is sat in the doctor’s office when the doctor walks, completely ignores Adam and instead, looks over Adam’s chart and starts talking into his dictaphone]
Dr. Ross: Patient has been complaining of back pain and night sweats. Blood tests and urine analysis are normal. MRI suggests some a massive intraduaral extradural malignant Schwannoma neurofibrosarcomas extending into psoas muscle with nerve root compression syndrome and bone erosion.
[Adam looks confused so he slowly raises his arm as if to ask a question]
Dr. Ross: Growth extends from the L2 to L5. Will send patient for biopsy to confirm.
[the doctor notices Adam’s raised arm and stops talking into his dictaphone]
Dr. Ross: Yes, question?
Adam: Sorry. I just, I…I…I didn’t follow that. Is there…is there something wrong with me?
Dr. Ross: Yes. Uh…well if you look here on your MRI, you see this cephalopod-like object that’s spreading down your spinal column? That is a massive schwannoma neurofibrosarcomas.
Adam: Okay. Uh…so sorry, I…I just don’t know what…
Dr. Ross: It’s a malignant tumor.
Adam: A tumor?
Dr. Ross: Yes.
Adam: Me?
Dr. Ross: Yes.
Adam: Hey, that…that…that doesn’t make any sense, so. I mean, I…I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I…you know? I recycle.
Dr. Ross: Actually, your case is really quite fascinating, because your cancer is as a result of an incredibly rare gene mutation in chromosome 17p in the p53 gene that causes the growth of malignant cells in tissue around the nerves. In your case it’s grown along your lower spine.


Dr. Ross: I think that given the placement and size of your particular tumor, the wisest course of action is to see if we can possibly reduce this thing down to a more manageable size before we consider surgery. Now chemotherapy can often result in fertility issues.
[Adam unable to cope with the news, gets up and walks over to the office window and looks out]
Adam: But I’m gonna be okay?
Dr. Ross: If you need someone to talk to uh…we have an excellent staff here at the hospital of social workers and psychologists. They specialize in these matters and they would be able to help you.
[Adam stares out the window as the doctor carries on talking]


[after Adam has told Rachael about him having cancer]
Rachael: Oh, Adam!
Adam: Listen, I’m not expecting you to take this on. You know, it’s not like we’re married or anything, so. You know, if you have to bail, then you should and no hard feelings. Not that I want you to. I…I…I hope that you um…that you don’t.
Rachael: I’m not gonna bail on you, Adam! I’m here for you. Okay?
Adam: Thank you.
Rachael: It’s gonna be okay. It’ll be okay. Right?


[after Adam’s told Kyle about his cancer]
Kyle: I’m gonna throw up.
Adam: Don’t throw up. You’re gonna be fine.
Kyle: I actually think I’m gonna throw up.
Adam: No, you’re not gonna throw up.
Kyle: I’m gonna throw up.
Adam: No, just open your eyes. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
Kyle: Okay.
Adam: Right?
Kyle: What kind of cancer is it?
Adam: It’s cancer.
Kyle: What’s the name of the cancer.
Adam: It’s some rare kind of cancer.
Kyle: What…what…what it’s called?
Adam: Schwannoma…I knew this.
Kyle: It’s called schwannoma?
Adam: Schwannoma…
Kyle: It’s schwannoma? What’s schwannoma?
Adam: That means tumor, basically.


[referring to Adam’s tumor]
Kyle: Do you have a picture of it at least? Can I see it?
Adam: Why would I have a picture of it?
Kyle: It’s common practice to…fucking get pictures of shit now! I don’t know!
Adam: It doesn’t look like anything. It’s just a lump! That’s what it…it doesn’t…it’s not a picture of anything.
Kyle: Well, are you gonna be okay?
Adam: I think so.


Kyle: What are your chances? What are your odds?
Adam: I don’t know. I mean I looked it up and it said, fifty fifty. But that’s like the internet, so.
Kyle: That’s not that bad! That’s better than I thought. You’re gonna be fine, man. You’re young. Young people beat cancer all the time. Every celebrity beats cancer. Fucking Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.
Adam: Yeah.
Kyle: He’s fine.
Adam: Yeah.
Kyle: The guy from Dexter. He’s okay.
Adam: Right.
Kyle: Patrick Swayze, he’s fine.
Adam: Patrick Swayze?
Kyle: And he’s older.
Adam: Yeah. But dude, that guy is dead.
Kyle: Really?
Adam: Yeah.
Kyle: That’s really fucked up. I didn’t know that.


Kyle: Don’t even think about it, okay? Don’t worry about that. You gotta look at the bright side here.
Adam: Bright side of what?
Kyle: You’re gonna be fine. That’s all you have…What did you’re parents say? Did they freak out? Your mother, she wouldn’t deal with this well.
Adam: Oh, I’m not gonna tell her.
Kyle: You’re not gonna tell? You gotta tell her! She’ll probably deal with it better than most people. You’re dad has Alzheimer’s, you know? She’s used to dealing with tragedy.
Adam: Yeah, but you know her, man. She’ll lose her fucking…
Kyle: You obviously have to tell her!
Adam: I’m gonna tell her.


Kyle: You’re gonna be fine.
Adam: Yeah.
Kyle: You’re gonna be fine. Fifty fifty! If you were a casino game, you’d have the best odds.
Adam: Yeah. Thanks.


[as Adam invites his parents over to his house to tell them about his cancer]
Diane: So what’s the big news? Is Rachael pregnant?
Adam: No. Mom, no. I’ll tell you, okay?
Diane: Okay! Okay! I know you use protection.


[as they are eating dinner]
Diane: So, what’s the special occasion?
Adam: I, um…I wanted to tell you something, but…I just need you to promise me you’re gonna stay calm.
Diane: Oh, Adam. Don’t be so over dramatic.
Adam: Mom, just promise. Okay?
Diane: Okay, I promise. You always make me out to be some sort of a irrational loon.
Adam: Okay.
[he takes a deep breath]
Adam: Have you ever seen Terms of Endearment?
Diane: Mmhmm.
Rachael: Jesus! Adam, just tell her.50-50-2
Adam: I…
Diane: Tell me what?
Adam: I have cancer.
Diane: What do you mean you have cancer?
Adam: I have cancer. I…what do you want me to say?
Diane: When did this happen?
Adam: Uh…a couple day ago.
Diane: A couple of days ago? You waited a couple of days to tell me?
Adam: I’m sorry.


Diane: I’m moving in.
Adam: What? No! No! Mom, no! I’m sorry.
Diane: I’m your mother, Adam.
Adam: No! Exactly! That’s why. And…and look you already have enough on your plate with him. And…and…
[looking at his father]
Diane: Well, who’s gonna take you to your appointments. You didn’t even drive a car! Who’s gonna look after you?
[Adam looks at Rachael]
Rachael: Me. I’m going to take care of him.
[Diane in tears leaves the table]


Diane: I’m gonna make you some green tea.
Adam: Can you just…can you come back. Come sit down.
Diane: I heard on the Today show that it reduces your risk of cancer by fifteen percent.
Adam: Well, I already have cancer. So can you just, please, come sit.
[Diane turns and hugs Adam]


[Adam begin his psychiatric sessions]
Katherine: You’re Adam?
Adam: Yeah. And aren’t you supposed to, you know, be wearing an earth tone sweater and be like sixty five or something?
Katherine: Oh, did someone say I looked like that?
Adam: No! No! No! I’m…I’m just… Sorry, if you don’t mind, uh…how old are you?
Katherine: Um…twenty four.
Adam: You’re twenty four? Wow! So, what are you like Doogie Howser or something?
Katherine: Who?
Adam: Doogie Howser. Teenage doctor.
Katherine: Doe he work here?
Adam: No. No. I just meant you seem a little young to be a doctor.
Katherine: Uh…technically I’m not…I’m not a doctor yet. Um…I’m actually working on my doctorate.
Adam: Oh! Okay!
Katherine: Yeah, this is a training hospital.
Adam: I see. So have you had very many patients or…?
Katherine: My patient history is not…like, you know…
Adam: I’m your first patient, aren’t I?
[Katherine laughs]
Katherine: No!
Adam: I’m not?
Katherine: No. Not at all!
Adam: Second?
Katherine: No!
Adam: Third?
[Katherine doesn’t reply]
Adam: Wow! Okay, third. How are the first two doing?
Katherine: Can’t talk about that.


Adam: So this is uh…this is…this is training for you?
Katherine: It…it…will be part of my dissertation. But…
Adam: Oh, so you write…you write about all this?
Katherine: Don’t worry. I don’t…I don’t use your real name.
[Adam laughs]
Adam: Okay. That’s fine.


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Total Quotes: 81



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