By Just Kim (Memphis, TN)

 

The moral to this story is “women over 65 are sexual and need a man”. While those exact words may or may not be uttered during this movie, it’s said over and over and over in a sparse variety of very predictable ways.

The jokes were corny or yawn-worthy. For instance, hearing Candice Bergen’s character use the “F” word came as no surprise to us nor did it make us laugh, since she has always played tough cookie types.

And seeing Craig T. Nelson, who plays Mary Steenburgen’s husband, get out of his car with a pointy erection (after she put a “blue pill” in his beer), had some in the audience rolling while we just rolled our eyes. One woman in the audience yelled out “after 4 hours call your doctor!”…yes, yes, we’ve all seen those commercials for the last, um, how many years now? 10? 15? Jokes about erectile dysfunction pills are so 1995 that you have to be a lot more clever than this movie is to make the jokes new or relevant.

The romantic partnerships weren’t believable and the moments of kissing/sexuality were cringeworthy, not because of the age of those involved, but because of the lack of chemistry between them and the lack of any effort to establish any intellectual or emotional intimacy beforehand. At the very least, there could have been some foreplay.

The movie borrows in part from the “pretty woman” fantasy in which girl (in this case it’s Diane Keaton) suddenly meets boy who turns out to be the millionaire of her dreams and whisks her off in a fab sports car to his desert paradise then flies her through gorgeous Canyonlands and red arches on his private plane, instantly curing her of her overwhelming fear of flying.

Though Ms. Keaton plays a mother to two adult women, not a prostitute, she does have some cutesy adolescent ways similar to Julia Roberts’ prostitute. But Ms. Keaton mostly retains her overdone and out-of-date neurotic affectations that sprung her to fame in Annie Hall. And somehow, because she nervously pops pills while seated next to him, accidentally grabs his crotch when the plane jerks, and lies to him about the book she’s reading, this millionaire pilot (played by Andy Garcia) who lives in a southwestern desert mansion paradise finds her SO charming that he suddenly wants only her in his life.

It’s stunning that, even when she drives up at night with her U-Haul, unannounced, this handsome millionaire pilot is, once again, home and alone.

Jane Fonda’s character is a sex-crazed jetsetter who runs into an old boyfriend (Don Johnson), who is charmed by her sarcasm and lack of interest in him, inviting her only to coffee and diner meetups…without sex or even kisses. She tells her girlfriends she’s baffled about how different this is because she’s able to sleep in his presence, something she has never done with her many sex partners. Then he tells her he has to leave and wants her to go with him to be his mate. She turns him down, but, of course, ends up with the ever-trite scene of rushing to the airport to stop him, but, when she misses his flight, she returns to her rooftop getaway where -you guessed it- he awaits.

YAWN. And they kiss feverishly. SNORE.

The movie hopes to seem progressive by having female characters who are very financially successful yet Candice Bergen’s character, despite being a federal judge, singlehandedly sets feminism back a few decades by having her start out with sarcastic putdowns about sex, and women who want men. She hasn’t had sex in years, but, when she goes online to a dating site, she suddenly can’t even do her job because she’s so obsessed with the site. After one man (Richard Dreyfuss) shows interest, they meet for dinner. He asks for a kiss goodnight. She grabs him to kiss him and the next thing you know, they’re seen climbing out of the back of her car with disheveled hair, scrambling to put their clothes back on.

And suddenly, bam! Ms. Bergen’s character goes from angry and bitter woman who frightens and intimidates everyone to being a softened person making a surprisingly loving toast to both her engaged son and her ex-husband who is also engaged, to a ditzy, clueless woman about 40 years his junior.

We’d have rolled our eyes again, but by this time, we could barely keep our eyes open.

Rating: 1/5

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