Starring: Robert Pattinson, Mia Wasikowska, Robert Forster, David Zellner, Nathan Zellner, Joseph Billingier
Western comedy co-written and co-directed by David Zellner and Nathan Zellner. The story follows Samuel Alabaster (Robert Pattinson), an affluent pioneer, ventures across the American Frontier to marry the love of his life, Penelope (Mia Wasikowska). As Samuel traverses the Wild West with a drunkard named Parson Henry (David Zellner) and a miniature horse named Butterscotch, their once-simple journey grows treacherous, and soon the lines between heroes, damsels and villains are blurred.
Samuel Alabaster: My name is Samuel Alabaster. Do you know who I am?
Parson Henry: What’s that?
Samuel Alabaster: It’s a miniature horse, its name’s Butterscotch. She’s very rare, possible even unique. Regular horses don’t have names, they’re just, you know, regular.
Parson Henry: What’s your fiancé’s name?
Samuel Alabaster: Penelope.
Parson Henry: Wow. You’re a lucky man.
Samuel Alabaster: She’s the most precious thing in the whole world.
Samuel Alabaster: This is a big commitment. It’s lifelong. A lifelong commitment, and there’s no turning back now.
Parson Henry: Oh, no, it’s never too late to turn back.
Samuel Alabaster: [to Henry] Here’s the plan. On bended knee, I’ll ask her to be my wife. And then you, you do your, uh, your ceremony.
Parson Henry: There is a big jump. It’s hard. And things don’t always go the way you want them to.
Samuel Alabaster: I guess that’s what it boils down to.
Penelope: Are you really a preacher?
Parson Henry: Not in the conventional sense, but my heart’s in the right place.
Samuel Alabaster: You gave me mixes signals.
Penelope: I gave you no signals!
Penelope: [to Samuel] If you’re going to go on questioning the validity of my feelings, then you can go to hell!
Rufus Cornell: [to Penelope] You’re a regular black widow, ain’t you?
Old Preacher: Things are going to be lousy in new and fascinating ways.
Samuel Alabaster: Y’all said the miniature horse was the cutest the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen.
Penelope: I never said that!
Bartender: All we’ve got is whiskey.
[Samuel takes a small sip of the whiskey and winces in disgust]
Samuel Alabaster: Well, thank you.
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