Friends with Benefits Movie Quotes

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[as she’s on top of him]
Dylan: You like this position?
Jamie: Yeah, it’s alright.
Dylan: I gotta be honest, I feel a little emasculated.
Jamie: A naked girl is lying on top of you. And you feel emasculated?
Dylan: A little bit.
Jamie: You do know what that word means, right?
Dylan: Yes! I know what it means, and I feel it.
Jamie: Okay. Alright. You big baby!


[as they’ve changed position and he’s on top of her now]
Jamie: Do you feel manly now?
Dylan: I do.
Jamie: Okay. Put it in.
[he gives her a look and she starts laughing]
Dylan: That’s not funny.


[waiting for Dylan to come back from the bathroom]
Jamie: What’s going on in there?
Dylan: Do you know how hard it is to pee with a hard on?
Jamie: No, actually.
Dylan: It’s like two lines of traffic merging into one. It takes time.


[as he finishes peeing in the bathroom and comes back into the bedroom]
Jamie: Woh!
Dylan: What? Did I leak?
Jamie: Did you wash your hands? Oh! Come on, dude! I know we’re just friends, but I’m still a lady! Now, get back in there, wash your hands. And then bring that fine ass back here.
Dylan: You keep talking to me like that, I’m not gonna come back!
[he turns and quickly runs into the bathroom to wash his hands]


Jamie: At least I have food in the house. All you have at home is drinkable yogurt.
Dylan: I like to drink my yogurt! It’s a time saver.
Jamie: Oh! Well, you think you could use that time to shave your shovel? You’re whiskers are like knives.
Dylan: Now, see. If you were my girlfriend, I couldn’t tell you to shut up right now.
Jamie: And because you’re just my buddy, I can tell you that if you don’t start shaving up here.
[points to his chin]
Jamie: I’m gonna stop shaving, down there.


[after she’s caught Jamie and Dylan having sex]
Lorna: You never told me you had a hot boyfriend!friends-with-benefits-6
Jamie: He’s not my boyfriend, mom.
Lorna: Oh!
Dylan: That’s right. We’re just friends.
Lorna: Why, I love it! Ooh, it’s like the seventies in here. Woo! That was a better time. Just sex. A little grass, a little glue.
[turning to Jamie]
Lorna: Not during pregnancy.
[whispering towards Dylan]
Lorna: Well, not during the final trimester. But no complications. It’s great!


Lorna: So, my daughter is just your slampiece?
Dylan: No! No! Um…a slampiece?
Lorna: I was just kiddin’! Slam away! Have fun. I think this is great. The only thing is, it takes you off the market. But, what the hell! The whole reason you go to the market is to buy the produce, which you already got.
[she stares at Dylan’s crotch]


Dylan: It’s just sex.
Tommy: That never works, bro! She’s a girl, sex always means more to them. Even if they don’t admit it.
Dylan: Jamie’s different.
Tommy: Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina?
Dylan: No penis.
Tommy: Then she’s not different.
Dylan: What do you know about women, anyway?
Tommy: Dude, I’ve turned down more tail that you’ll ever have.
Dylan: Yeah, bro. You’re gay!
Tommy: But the offers still keep rolling in, naturally! Look at me? And, hey, I love women. They’re beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic. Far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But, me likes cock. So I’m strictly dickly.


Dylan: So, it’s always just about sex then?
Tommy: No. I’ve been in love. I went down that rabbit hole. You know what I discovered? It’s not who you wanna spend Friday night with. It’s who you wanna spend all day Saturday with. Do you know what that feels like?
Dylan: Yeah. But then it’s every Saturday for the rest of your life.
Tommy: That’s okay. You don’t get it. It’s no big deal. But you will. One day, you’ll meet someone and it’ll literally take you breath away. Like, you can’t breathe. Like, no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish…
Dylan: Yeah. I…I get it, Tommy.
Tommy: Yeah. You don’t.


[as he sees Tommy jump into his boat]
Dylan: You have a boat!
Tommy: I live in Jersey! And I ain’t takin’ no fairy! Unless it’s out to dinner and a show. Bam!


Lorna: I always thought you were a true love kind of girl.
Jamie: Ah…whatever, mom! It’s not like it’s stopping me from anything.
Lorna: That’s what I thought back in seventy eight. And every year since. I’m just…I’m flattered actually. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It’s just surprising.


Jamie: Dylan, I think I want to start dating again. I think we should stop this.
Dylan: Hmm.
Jamie: Yeah.
Dylan: I kind of think you’re right.
Jamie: Am I?
[sings a line form Third Eye Blind]
Dylan: ‘Every new beginning comes from some other beginning.’ That actually makes sense, right here. Who’d have thought that Third Eye Blind could be so prophetic.
Jamie: Not Third Eye Blind.
Dylan: I’m pretty sure that’s Third Eye Blind.


Jamie: So, this is the end of this!
Dylan: I guess so. But it’s good.
Jamie: Yeah. We did it!
Dylan: With no bullshit.


Jamie: Okay. So, what is your type anyway?
Dylan: [sarcastically] Oh, no. I don’t have a type. It’s more about what’s inside.
Jamie: Oh, please! Okay. What about her?
[points to a woman standing on some steps reading]
Dylan: Yeah! I could get to know her inside. And she’s reading a book.
Jamie: It’s probably Nicholas Sparks.
Dylan: I’m gonna go talk to her.
Jamie: What?
Dylan: What do you mean ‘what’? You said we need to learn to date again. I’m gonna go talk to her.
Jamie: Now? Here? In front of all these people?
Dylan: I didn’t say I was gonna rape her. I’m just gonna talk to her.


[after he’s been chatting to the woman on the steps]
Dylan: We talked. We laughed.
Jamie: Yeah.
Dylan: She’s Belgian.
Jamie: Oh, explains the reading.
Dylan: I showed her where the balcony was, because that’s where she is meeting up with her husband.
Jamie: [laughs] Ooh!
[as they watch the woman meet her husband and kiss him]
Dylan: Anniversary trip to New York. Three kids.


Jamie: I’ll go next. See if I still have game.
Dylan: Okay.friends-with-benefits-5
[as he spots a guy]
Dylan: Ooh! Okay.
Jamie: Yes.
Dylan: Right here. Eleven o’clock. Iced coffee.
[referring to man standing ahead of them drinking iced coffee]
Jamie: Handsome, but doesn’t know it. Staring at a tree, which means he’s actually in the park for nature and not to watch women sun bathe.
Dylan: Or he’s retarded.
Jamie: Don’t care. I’m goin’ in.


[as Jamie comes back from talking to the guy Dylan found for her in the park]
Jamie: Okay. His name is Parker.
Dylan: Bam-bam-bam!
Jamie: He’s a children’s oncologist.
Dylan: Bam-bum-bam-bumm!
Jamie: And I have a date this Saturday!


[referring to the guy Jamie asked out on a date in the park]
Dylan: Why did you uh…why did you wave to me?
Jamie: Oh, I told him your my gay best friend. So he wants to set you up with his brother.


[on their first date]
Jamie: I can’t believe you actually cure cancer.
Parker: Well, me and God.
Jamie: What?
Parker: I’m kidding! Can you imagine someone would actually say that?
Jamie: Yeah, I could. I’ve been out with a lot of them.
Parker: Cancer doctors?
Jamie: No! Assholes! Yeah.
Parker: Well, I figure I’ve done with that. Although, I gotta warn you, a lot of cancer doctors…big assholes.


Jamie: Alright, I think I should probably tell you something.
Parker: Please don’t tell me you’re a dude! Because that’ll be like the third time since I moved here and I don’t think I can handle it.
Jamie: I have a five date rule. You know like five dates before we…
Parker: Yeah.
Jamie: I saw it in a movie. Thought I’d give it a try.
Parker: You’re worth waiting for. I’m sure that was the line in the movie, so.


Jamie: How is a guy like you single?
Parker: I’ve just been waiting for someone to come up to me in the park, compliment me for looking at the trees and not the sunbathers.
Jamie: Well, I meant it. It was impressive.
Parker: Actually, if I’m going to be completely honest with you.
Jamie: Yeah.
Parker: I was sleeping standing up. I work thirty six hours straight. I don’t even know how I got to the park.


Parker: How is a girl like you single?
Jamie: Oh, I have issues. One might even call me damaged. Actually, one did call me damaged.
Parker: Get out of here! Damaged how?
Jamie: I kind of believe in true love. There might be a Prince Charming out there for me.


Dylan: How’s your boy Parker? Still staring at trees?
Jamie: Uh…yeah. He’s still looking up at trees. But um…this time it’s actually in my apartment.
Dylan: Is it fifth date already?
Jamie: Maybe.
Dylan: Did you guys uh…fifth date?
Jamie: How dare you! A lady never tells.
Dylan: I know. That’s why I’m asking you.


[after sleeping together, the next day Jamie sees Parker sneaking out of her apartment]
Parker: I got get goin’.
Jamie: Oh! What? I thought you weren’t on call today?
Parker: I’m not but I got that thing. I got uh…stuff. This ..they just called me.
Jamie: Really?
Parker: Yeah.
Jamie: The sneak out. How incredibly cliché of you!
Parker: I just…I don’t think I can be your Prince Charming.
Jamie: God! You totally didn’t get anything that I was saying, did you?
Parker: No! No! No! I think you’re great.
Jamie: Yeah, you too. You know what? You and I should stay friends.
Parker: Really?
Jamie: No! Go fuck yourself!


[after breaking up with Parker]
Jamie: Maybe I suck in bed?
Dylan: Trust me. You don’t suck in bed.
Jamie: Thank you.
Dylan: So needy. Hey, maybe the guy’s married or something?
Jamie: No. Did a background check at work. Single. No criminal history. Credit report, seven twenty.
Dylan: Background check? Did you do one on me?
Jamie: How could you possibly max out an old lady card?
Dylan: After college I was really into cargo pants!


Jamie: I gotta stop thinking it’s not me. I mean, it’s gotta be me!
Dylan: It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you. He’s a guy. You gave him a five date challenge, he got you and cut out. Forget the douche! He’s a dick. He’s a dick douche.


[referring to her mum taking off before they’d had their trip together]
Jamie: Why did I think that this time would be any different?
Dylan: Come with me to L.A.
Jamie: What?
Dylan: Come on! What else you gonna do? It’s fourth of July, everybody’s left this city.
Jamie: You’re very sweet for asking, but it’s fine. You know what? I’ll just stay here. I’ll be fine alone.
Dylan: I know you’ll be fine alone. You’re not a baby in a hot car! I’m actually asking you to come because it would help me. You’d be a great distraction for my family. They’d forget all about drilling me for being single.
Jamie: Won’t they think that we’re together?
Dylan: Not if I tell them we’re not.
Jamie: And they’ll believe you?
Dylan: Yeah! We’re one of these crazy families that doesn’t lie to each other. PBS is doing a documentary on us.


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Total Quotes: 106



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