Our list of the best quotes from Netflix spy action adventure television show created by Nick Santora. FUBAR centers on father and daughter, Luke and Emma (Arnold Schwarzenegger and Monica Barbaro), who have both been working as CIA Operatives for years, but have kept it hidden from each other. However, upon learning of each other’s involvement in the CIA, the pair are forced to work together as partners and learn who each other really are.
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1. Take Your Daughter to Work Day
Barry: Is the pig in the poke?
Luke Brunner: Cat’s in the cradle.
Barry: Geweldig! That’s Dutch for “awesome.”
Luke Brunner: I know.
Barry: Took a competency test. I’m at a sixth-grade level.
Barry: [to Luke] Either you got on the truck, or you’re the fastest sixty-five year-old white guy on the planet.
Luke Brunner: It smells like donkey a** down here.
Barry: So weird. I specifically requested the good smelling sewer.
Barry: Will there be ice cream cake?
Luke Brunner: Affirmative.
Barry: With chocolate crunchies inside?
Luke Brunner: Of course there will be crunches inside. What do you think, I’m an a**hole?
Barry: Sword of Omens, do my bidding.
Luke Brunner: What?
Barry: That’s from ThunderCats.
Luke Brunner: Oh, for Christ’s sake. You’re thirty-eight years-old.
2. Stole Train
Barry: You and your dad working together increases our chance of finding Boro when he raises his head again. And truthfully, I think this would be good for both of you.
Emma Brunner: Judas. Can’t believe I took your name at my confirmation.
Barry: Emma Bartholomina Brunner, you take that back.
Luke Brunner: [referring to Emma] I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.
Barry: What better way to learn than by saving the world together?
'Being lied to by somebody I love, it's a weird combo meal of sucky and surprising.' - Carter (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Emma Brunner: I can’t trust you at all anymore, and now I have to work with you.
Luke Brunner: Well, I can’t trust you. I mean, who are you? Did you even like the Sunday Funday bake-offs?
Emma Brunner: Sometimes. Sometimes I hated them.
Luke Brunner: Pickle is in the pantry?
Barry: Jelly is almost in the jar. But I got to say, I wish it wasn’t.
Luke Brunner: Why?
Barry: Because jelly is sticky, and sticky is messy, and messy is a problem when you’re committing a crime. I would not do well in prison.
Luke Brunner: You would make a lot of friends in prison. Trust me.
Barry: That’s not funny.
'Every time, every single time, you always look like you stepped out of James Bond's closet, while I get the Hillary Clinton Walmart collection.' - Roo (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Barry: Tally also has a temper. She find out we spying on her boyfriend, I’m selling your Austrian butt downriver.
Aldon: We’re undercover CIA.
Train Depot Operator: Then show me your identification.
Aldon: Do I really have to explain “undercover” to you?
Emma Brunner: I have an idea, but it’s dangerous.
Luke Brunner: More dangerous than an out-of-control nuclear bullet train?
Emma Brunner: Good point.
Emma Brunner: Dad, I did what Dr. Pepper said. I asked you for help. Now it is your turn. You have to listen to me. Please, just let me go!
Luke Brunner: Appreciate you covering for me.
Emma Brunner: I appreciate you listening to me on the train.
Luke Brunner: It wasn’t easy letting you go like that. Never has been.
Luke Brunner: Hey, Barry, shut down Operation Don Juan. And I googled “cuckolding”. I owe you an apology.
4. Armed & Dane-gerous
Emma Brunner: What are you doing here?
Luke Brunner: Saving you.
Emma Brunner: What about the guard?
Luke Brunner: He feels a little run-down.
Roo: So you are competent at hiding your true self, Phony Stark. Tina has no idea you’re a nerd boy. You know, unless she looks at you for too long.
Barry: Yeah. But I might’ve looked at her too long. Her eyes are like the tractor beam from Star Wars, just pulls me in.
'Impulsivity never works for anyone.' - Emma Brunner (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Luke Brunner: And never feel bad about doing your job. Plus, you didn’t cheat on Carter. All the times I did whatever it took to get the job done, but I never was unfaithful to your mother.
Emma Brunner: You said you never had an affair.
Luke Brunner: I didn’t. An affair is a connection of the heart. Your mother owned my heart from the time we met. When I needed to, I did my job. And today, you did yours.
Carter: Hey, what does somebody do if you get stranded out here?
Luke Brunner: Die.
5. Here Today, Gone To-Marrow
Roo: There’s no chance we’re finding that toe-blasting b****rd by sunrise. Just call in the NIS already.
Aldon: You really want to flag the Greek government that we smuggled a nuclear reactor onto their soil?
Roo: You’re just scared of your ex.
Aldon: She sang me the entire Mamma Mia! soundtrack on my voicemail. I’ll play it for you. It’s fifty-seven minutes.
Roo: I love crazy women. Can you give her my number?
Roo: My empathy for you died with my toe. Now come on, you’re going back to Turkey, turkey.
The Great Dane: I read this thing about a doctor that regrew a guy’s p**is on the guy’s arm. So maybe you could grow your…
Roo: I’m going to kill him.
'Who is braver? The guy that does something that he's not scared of, or the guy that is scared of something and does it anyway?' - Luke Brunner (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Roo: Hurry up, because if anything happens to Barry, I will get you transferred to an even worse Turkish prison. The one with no windows that only gets Showtime.
Aldon: No. Oh God. D**k on my face.
'Quality time is a lie peddled by busy parents to alleviate guilt. It's quantity time that counts.' - Luke Brunner (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
The Great Dane: It’s not like anyone’s going to miss Old Cavity-Search Constantine. Hurry up and get that body up here quick and I’ll hide it behind the vent near Cyrus the Cannibal’s cell. We are going to have to take a couple bites out of him just to sell it.
6. Royally Flushed
Luke Brunner: You really want to do this?
Carter: You’re the one who said I had to fight for her.
Luke Brunner: I was speaking figuratively. Aldon will kick your a**.
Carter: That’s why I’m asking you to train me. I know something’s up, and everything points to him.
Carter: If I listen to my gut, my gut tells me I got to confront that guy, even if I have to fight him. Even if it means I get my a** kicked. For Emma. Emma is worth fighting for. I love her.
'You grab an apple. You pay for the apple. You don't need a revolution for that.' - Luke Brunner (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Emma Brunner: The kiss was a mistake.
Aldon: Oh, man. I’m so glad that you said that first.
Emma Brunner: Good. Okay. Okay, so friends then?
Aldon: Yes, ma’am. Friends. Absolutely.
[they start kissing]
Emma Brunner: I can’t do this to Carter. My heart is telling me, “No, stop. This is wrong.”
Aldon: Okay. But what is your groin saying? Because mine’s saying we should definitely go to a motel, right?
7. Urine Luck
Aldon: [to Emma] Look, as “Pooh Bear”, I’ve had hundreds if not thousands of meaningless kisses in my life, and our smooch, it wasn’t one of them. You lied to me in that bunker, and you lied to yourself. You have very strong romantic feelings for me. And you just can’t admit it.
Aldon: Well, then you have a decision to make. You can go for the sweet little baby boy that you’ve been dating that has an antiquing hobby, and a cute little backside that kind of looks like a Cornish game hen’s. Or you can go for all this.
Emma Brunner: Okay. Don’t do that. You know Carter is more than that. And you are more than that.
'You think somebody loves you. You give them your heart. But they grind it into protein powder, guzzle it down with whey and kale, and fart it into the couch while they watch SportsCenter.' - Tally Brunner (FUBAR) Click To Tweet
Aldon: [to Emma] I’m willing to wait. You’re more than worth waiting for.
Barry: I’ve only been with one woman.
Luke Brunner: Seriously?
Barry: It was my cousin’s cousin, and it wasn’t all that. She was kind of bossy.
Luke Brunner: You had sex with your cousin?
Barry: No. No way. My cousin had her own cousin.
8. That’s It And That’s All
Aldon: I feel dizzy.
Roo: Well, you normally feel really horny, so this is a new experience for you.
Roo: Oh, man. I picked the wrong day to get high. It’s like my nephew’s bris all over again.
Dot: Luke, I’m giving you twelve, then your orders are to abort.
Luke Brunner: Dot, I respect you. But you must be out of your f***ing mind if you think that I’ll leave here without my kid.
Boro Polonia: [referring to Luke] It’s funny. He looks at me like a dish he can’t stand the taste of, and he was the one that threw the ingredients in the bowl.
Dr. Pfeffer: Roo, you have to drain the fluid from his lungs.
Roo: Well, you didn’t tell me I had to cut him open.
Dr. Pfeffer: What did you think the hose was for?
Roo: I thought he’d just blow on it maybe, and stuff would just get shot out of his chest.
Dr. Pfeffer: And the urine-filled jar?
Roo: I don’t know. You’re a weird guy. I just went with it.