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[after they figure out that all of Boris’s victims hang out at a place called The Factory]
Agent J: Alright, look. If Boris turns out to be in here, I’m gonna kill him. I need my gun.
Young Agent K: No deal.
Agent J: I’ve been an agent for fourteen years, which means that I am the senior agent on this case. Now, I hate to pull rank, but as senior agent I am instructing my junior agent, that’s you, to give me my gun right now. That’s an order.
[young K hands J a hand gun]
Agent J: No, no, no. Space gun.
Young Agent K: You’re welcome.
[young K walks off]
Agent J: I didn’t say thank you.
[referring to the models they pass as they enter The Factory, which is where all super models hang out
Young Agent K: Such an ungainly species, they really thrive here on earth.
Agent J: Yeah, I was an agent for three years before I realized all models were aliens. I found out the hard way.
[referring to everyone at the party in The Factory]
Agent J: Is there anybody here who is not an alien?
[as they look around them J notices a man that looks like Andy Warhol taking photos]
Agent J: Is that Andy Warhol?
Young Agent K: Yep.
[as J and young K drag Warhol from the party]
Andy Warhol: Dammit, K! You trying to blow my cover?
[Warhol takes off his wig and glasses]
Young Agent K: Agent W, your cover is safe.
Agent J: Woh! Andy Warhol’s one of us?
Andy Warhol: Safe! You out of your mind? I’m starting to have ideas on painting soup cans and bananas, for Christ sakes!
Agent J: Actually, Mr. Warhol, I gotta tell you, I really love your work.
Andy Warhol: Oh. Oh. Thank you.
[to young K]
Andy Warhol: Who’s the dumbass?
Agent J: Woh! Hey! How about a little professional courtesy here?
Andy Warhol: What’s that, dumbass?
Agent J: Say it again.
Andy Warhol: You want me to?
Agent J: I dare you.
Andy Warhol: Dumbass.
Young Agent K: Agents!
Agent J: You know, I don’t have no problem pimp-slappin’ the shiznit out of Andy Warhol.
Andy Warhol: What?
[young K turns to give J a cold look]
Agent J: Why you lookin’ at me? Oh, alright. You know what? Agent K, why don’t you see what information you can get from Agent W, and I’ll go case the perimeter. Does that work for everybody?
Andy Warhol: Go do that.
Agent J: Alright? How about that? Okay?
[J throws Warhol’s wig to the other side of the room and walks off]
Andy Warhol: Cute! Very nice. Did someone forget his nap? Huh?
[referring to J]
Andy Warhol: Who’s that guy? Okay, don’t tell me he’s your new partner.
Young Agent K: Actually, he’s my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet…
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know.
Andy Warhol: So what are you doin’ on my turf, K?
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Bogladyte. We have reason to believe he’s gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He’s gotta be after the Arkanian.
Young Agent K: No, Arkanian’s are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they’re not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuits all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name’s Griffin. Griffin The Arkanian.
[while young K is talking to Warhol, J encounters Griffin at the party not knowing who he is]
Agent J: How’s is it going?
Griffin: Going? How’s it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it’s good, things are good. Unless, of course, we’re in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushroom, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I gotta move my plate like right now.
[J watches as everything Griffin says happens]
Griffin: Or, if it’s the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I’m eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So I’ll be good, I’ll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I’d have to say, not good. I’m not good.
[J gives Griffin a confused look]
Griffin: But that depends.
Agent J: K!
Young Agent K: Well, how are we gonna find this guy?
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he’s here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He’s a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time space probability simultaneously
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Woh! Woh! K! K! K! You gotta fake my death, okay? I can’t listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can’t tell the women from the men!
Griffin: May I see your watch?
Agent J: Oh, it is…
[J looks at his watch]
Agent J: Seven-eighteen.
Griffin: No! No! No! Your other watch. The one your father gave you?
Agent J: How do you know about my father’s watch?
[J takes out his father’s watch which is broken]
Griffin: Oh, dear. This is the one where Roman is dead and the gentlemen at the bowling alley. So much death. Such an infinitesimally small chance for success.
Agent J: [shouts] K!
[as Griffin is talking to J at Warhol’s party, young K appears beside Griffin]
Young Agent K: Griffin, right?
[Griffin nods his head]
Young Agent K: Okay, we’re here…
Griffin: Because of Boris The Animal.
Young Agent K: Correct. We believe that he may be coming to…
Griffin: Kill me. Yes, he’ll be here in two minutes. Unless, of course, we’re in the possible future where he made all the lights and got here early and is just about to discharge a weapon from the doorway. In which case, we’re all dead in two seconds.
[they all look at the door, waiting for Boris to appear but nothing happens]
Griffin: Ah, good! That was a close one. They consume any planet in their path! Mine, Roman’s! The Parlaxions are trying to stop them, but if we can stop them here, if we can deny them earth, we can stop them forever! They’ll starve before they reach the next planet. It’s…sixty three seconds.
Young Agent K: How do we do that, stop him?
Griffin: What? Oh, sorry! I have something for you, a gift. It can protect you. I had to hide it from Boris, but if you find me again, I’ll give it to you.
Griffin: What a game? Amazing! It’s a real miracle!
[Griffin turns to leave them]
Agent J: Woh! Woh! What do you mean? What…what miracle?
Griffin: It’s what, thirty seconds? I have to go.
Agent J: Wait! No, no, no! We got you.
Griffin: Negative possibilities are multiplying as we speak. Twenty seconds!
Agent J: Alright. Just…we got you. Okay.
Griffin: If you’re watch is broken and I have gastric distress…
[he notices butterflies have been released at the party and are flying around]
Griffin: Oh, dear. This is the one where Boris is coming through that door in twelve, eleven, ten…
[turns to J]
Griffin: Wait! Did you have chocolate milk this morning?
Agent J: Yes.
[Griffin notices a woman walking towards them]
[suddenly Boris appears by window and kills Cindy with his palm spike, Griffin runs off and Boris jumps out the window and J goes after him]
[after J tries to shoot Boris but loses his footing on the car he was standing on and falls and K helps him up]
Agent J: What you got?
Young Agent K: Nothing.
Agent J: Dammit! We had him!
Young Agent K: Relax, Cochise! We’ll find him.
Agent J: First of all, my name is J. Okay? It’s not son, it’s not slick and it damn sure ain’t no Cochise. I’m not gonna relax, cause we’re runnin’ out of time, we’re runnin’ out of clues and there’s an invasion coming! You’re not really recognizing my vocal intensity.
[after they realize they’ve lost Griffin too]
Young Agent K: We need pie.
Agent J: What?
Young Agent K: My granddaddy always said, if you got a problem that you can’t solve, helps to get out of your head. Pie, it’s good.
Agent J: Pie?
Young Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: You’re granddaddy, heavy set man?
Young Agent K: A little bit.
Agent J: Yeah, you know what? We’ve been doing smart stuff, we’ve been following clues, doing real police work. It might me time we do somethin’ stupid. Somethin’ that ain’t got nothin’ to do with nothin’. Ah, you know what? Now I want some pie, K. I want some pie. Let’s go get some dumbass pie!
[J walks off]
Young Agent K: Sounds good.
[at the diner, after ordering pie]
Agent J: World class serial killer out there, and we’re having pie.
Young Agent K: What do you do in your spare time, slick?
Agent J: Aah!
Young Agent K: You see, I sense you’re not embracing the concept here. Alright? The pie don’t work, unless you let it.
Agent J: I’m…I’m…I’m gonna let it.
Young Agent K: You said that we don’t talk, right? Go ahead, ask me any question, anything you want. As long it doesn’t have to do with case. You just let it rip.
Agent J: What’s up with you and O?
[young K smiles]
Young Agent K: Me and O?
Agent J: Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K: Alright. Alright. Alright, this is it. A while back I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger. He’s in this British band, Rolling Stones?
Agent J: Rings a bell.
Young Agent K: Alright. We believed he was on the planet to breed with earth women. And so I was in London, that’s when I met O. Just smart, funny, with a great smile. And we find ourselves in this pub, which is a bar. Alright? Warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts, until the sun came up. Neither of us wanted to leave.
Agent J: What the hell happened you, man?
Young Agent K: I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet. Well, what about you, slick? In the future, you got yourself a girl?
Agent J: I got you.
[after J realizes that Griffin is at the arena to watch the Mets game]
Young Agent K: If Griffin’s here for a game, he’s either here too early or too late.
Agent J: He’s here. We’ve just gotta find him before Boris does.
[K opens up the car trunk and takes out J’s gun, neuralizer and the time travel device]
Young Agent K: I think it’s time to give you your things back, partner.
Agent J: Well I see you pie in you, you get all mushy.
Young Agent K: I’m just tired of carrying your stuff.
[J and young K find Griffin watching the future version of the Mets game, he touches young K and J so they can see the game]
Agent J: So this is how you see things. This is amazing.
Griffin: It’s a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has its moments.
Agent J: Wait, this game doesn’t happen until October.
Griffin: Oh, it’s always October and November and March. So many futures and they’re all real, just don’t know which one will coalesce. Until then, they’re all happening, like this one. It’s my favorite moment in human history. All the things that had to converge for the Mets to win The World Series. They were in last place every single season until they won it all.
Young Agent K: You said you had a gift for us.
Griffin: That baseball for instance, thrown for the last hour of the game, manufactured in 1962 by the Spalding Factory at Chicopee Massachusetts, was aerodynamically flawed. Due to the horsehide being improperly tanned because Sheila, the tanner’s wife, left him for a Puerto Rican Golf pro that Sunday…
[J tries to stop him by doing the timeout sign with his hands]
Agent J: Um…the gift?
Griffin: Oh, oh, yes. Of course. In the box.
[young K opens the cracker box and takes out the gift]
Uh…it’s the surprise. To protect the earth, it’s a shield.
[to young K]
Agent J: Shield. Arkanian, Ark Net. That’s what you did. You put up the Ark Net.
Young Agent K: How did I do that?
Griffin: When that ball is pitched to David Johnson, who only became a baseball player because his father couldn’t find a football to give him for his eighth Birthday. It hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones, who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn’t have an extra glass wine that night before going to bed. A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway.
[Griffin takes the Shield from young K]
Griffin: I lost my planet. I don’t want you to lose yours. It’ll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you’ll be my new favorite moment in human history.
[he pauses for a moment]
Griffin: Oh, dear! I forgot to see this one coming.
[suddenly Boris zooms in on a motorcycle from behind them and snatches Griffin]
[after young K and J use the MIB space cycles to chase after Boris]
Young Agent K: You alright there, chief?
Agent J: Hell, yeah! I’d be better with four wheels, two is like my minimum.
[as they are chasing after Boris]
Young Agent K: What happens if Boris gets the Ark Net.
Agent J: Bogladytes invasion, total destruction of earth!
Young Agent K: Hey, slick. In the future, do we ever do the “Texas Two-Step”?
Agent J: Yes, sir!
[they use the “Texas Two-Step” to snatch Griffin and crash Young Boris’ motorcycle]
Young Agent K: Did you get him?
Agent J: Give me a sec.
[J gets off the MIB bike to get closer to where Boris crashed]
Agent J: Negative. He got away.
Young Agent K: Well, I got Griffin. Let’s get out of here.
[after old Boris arrives into the past and finds younger Boris as he’s just found out that he hasn’t got the Ark Net from Griffin]
Boris The Animal: You pathetic waste of Bogladyte flesh. I’d kill you right now, if I didn’t value my own life.
Young Boris The Animal: Who are you?
Boris The Animal: Look at you. Every mistake I’ve ever made just waiting to happen.
Young Boris The Animal: What happened to my arm?
Boris The Animal: You lose it, shot off by a human.
Young Boris The Animal: No human could defeat me.
Boris The Animal: You spend the next forty years in prison, chained up like an animal.
Young Boris The Animal: No prison can hold me!
Boris The Animal: They build one especially for us, on the moon.
Young Boris The Animal: No human has been to the moon, so they cannot have built it there already.
Boris The Animal: Stop arguing! You can avoid all of that, if you just listen to me!
Young Boris The Animal: You were defeated! You let it get shot off! That wasn’t me! That was you!
Boris The Animal: What’s your plan?
Young Boris The Animal: Prevent the Ark Net from being deployed. Kill anyone who tries.
Boris The Animal: Good plan, didn’t work. With my help, we’ll get the Ark Net, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we’ll get to keep both of our ar… aah!
[Boris gets angry as his younger self keeps staring at his missing arm]
Young Boris The Animal: Stop staring at it! Listen.
Agent J: You still have the Ark Net?
Griffin: When you’re being hunted by Boris The Animal, you get good at hiding things.
[Griffin takes off his hat, revealing that the top of his head is hollow with a blue light whirling in it]
Agent J: Woh!
[the small blue light whirling in Griffin’s head is transferred to the Ark Net held in the palm of his hand]
Griffin: This will save your world. Once it’s outside the atmosphere, it gets a whole lot bigger. All you have to do is deploy it.
[young K takes the Ark Net]
Young Agent K: You mean in space?
[Griffin nods his head]
Young Agent K: Well, how do you suppose we do that?
Griffin: Ah, it’s just one small step.
[Griffin looks at the moon]
Young Agent K: The moon launch.
Agent J: Cape Canaveral, July 16th 1969.
Young Agent K: We got six hours to get to Florida. Better get a move on, slick.
Agent J: Uh…wait! Uh…hold up! Not…not us. Uh…I’m gonna do this one alone.
Griffin: No, he has to be the one…
Agent J: Sh…sh…shh!
Young Agent K: What do you mean, alone?
Agent J: Means, I’m gonna go to Florida, you’re gonna stay here and I need you trust me on this one.
Young Agent K: Trust you? I don’t think so. Somethin’ you’re not tellin’ me, slick?
Agent J: I’m tellin’ you, you’re not goin’ to Florida.
Young Agent K: Well it ain’t gonna happen, partner.
Agent J: Look, K, please. I will not allow you to go to Florida.
Young Agent K: Stop me.
[young K turns and walks off]
Agent J: You die there! Cape Canaveral, Apollo launch. Boris kills you there. That’s what I’m here for. It’s what I came back to stop.
Griffin: Oh, dear! We’re in this one.
Agent J: K, I saw the file, I looked at your report. Now, I know I said I told you everything, but you got…
[suddenly young K punches J in the face]
Young Agent K: That’s for lying to me.
Agent J: Look I’m sorry, man!
[young K punches J in the face again]
Agent J: Aah!
Young Agent K: And that’s for telling me the truth.
Agent J: Just trying to protect you! Man! Aah!
[J holds his nose in pain]
Griffin: The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lies.
Agent J: Ssh! Ssh!
Griffin: He has to go to Cape Canaveral. He must deploy the Ark Net, as he did before. There’s no other way. K is the only hope in saving earth.
Agent J: Can I save him? Is there any future where I save his life?
Griffin: Yes. But where there is death, there will always be death.
Young Agent K: According to you, we’ve done this before, so we know it’s possible. If you’re half the age that you say you are, you’ll make sure I don’t get killed doin’ it.
[J nods his head]
Young Agent K: So are we partners? You tell me.
Agent J: Let’s go.
[after J and young K head back to MIB headquarters to get ready to go to Cape Canaveral]
Young Agent K: Look, I gotta ask you. If we pull this off, fix things the way were, O and I, are we…?
Agent J: Wise man once told me, don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know the answer to.
Young Agent K: I said that, didn’t I?
Agent J: Yes, sir.
Young Agent O: Here they are.
Agent J: What are they?
Young Agent O: Jet packs.
Agent J: Jet packs?
[Griffin laughs and run towards the jet packs]
Agent J: We’re…no, no, no! We’re….we’re not doing jet packs. There’s a reason we don’t have these things in the future. K, we gotta drive.
Young Agent K: Can’t drive to Florida from Manhattan in five hours, chief.
Agent J: Yeah! Yeah, we can! The…the red button’s standard issue in every MIB car. You press the red button, it goes into hyperdrive.
Young Agent K: No red buttons yet, slick.
Agent J: Come on, man!
[as they get into the jet packs]
Agent J: Do you even know how to work this stupid thing?
Young Agent K: It’s like with anything. Just have to strap yourself in, hope for the best.
[he looks at O tenderly as she helps him strap himself to the jet pack]
Young Agent K: Isn’t that right, Miss O?
Young Agent O: Unfortunately, it is.
Young Agent K: You ready, slick?
Agent J: Let’s get it.
Griffin: This is gonna be interesting!
[they all set off on their jet packs and fly to Cape Canaveral]
[as they land their jet packs near the rocket launch in Cape Canaveral]
Griffin: So glad this isn’t one of the times we explode.
Agent J: One of the times?
[as they walk towards the launch, young K spots group of soldiers driving towards them]
Young Agent K: Oh, we got company.
[young K puts on his sunglasses and takes out an old looking neuralizer connected to a battery pack]
Agent J: What the hell? Is that a battery belt?
[as K’s neuralizer takes ages to load up, J takes out his neuralizer]
Agent J: Alright, I got it.
Griffin: No, uh…any reality that gets the shield deployed is the one where you tell the truth.
Young Agent K: The truth?
Griffin: The truth is the only path.
[as the group of soldiers reach them]
Air Force MP #1: This is a restricted area.
Agent J: Yes, sir. It is. Good day, gentlemen. Great day for America, isn’t it? My name is Agent J, this is Agent K, that’s Griff. We’re from a secret government organization that polices and monitors alien activity, on and off planet earth.
[the soldiers look at him coldly]
Agent J: Alright, now here’s the thing. See, we have this special little metal thingy, that Griff gave us, that we have to get on top of that rocket. To prevent an alien invasion.
[next shot shows the soldiers pushing J, young K and J to the ground and held at gunpoint]
Young Agent K: That worked.
Griffin: Like a charm.
[after taking young K, J and Griffin, the soldiers summon their commander]
Colonel: What breed of damn fool do you have to be to penetrate my launch site on the day of the most massive feat ever attempted by mankind? Watched by God, the population of the entire planet and my own first born.
Air Force MP #2: Colonel. Colonel, they had these.
[the solider hands him J and young K’s weapons and the shield]
Air Force MP #2: They said they needed to put something on the rocket for an invasion.
[to the soldier]
Agent J: Thanks.
Colonel: I got ten minutes to launch, if you pose a threat to that rocket, you tell me now and do not lie to me.
[young K and Griffin look at J to answer, but he remains silent]
Agent J: I told the truth last time.
Young Agent K: Sir, this man came here from the future to protect me, so I can attach a shield to the top of that rocket and save the world. I need your help to do that.
[the Colonel looks at K like he’s crazy and orders his soldier]
Colonel: Take him to the Brig.
Agent J: You slippin’, Griff.
Griffin: Sir, if I may.
[Griffin touches Colonel’s arm and shows him just a little glimpse of the future]
Colonel: Corporal, your men are no longer needed. I’ll take the prisoners.
[he gives young K and J their weapons and the shield and takes them to the rocket]
[as they follow the Colonel to the rocket]
Agent J: Hey, you did the future thing on him. What did you show him?
Griffin: Only what he needed to see. I…I have to go now.
Agent J: What? No, no, no. Come on.
Griffin: You don’t need me anymore.
Agent J: Hey, Griff, don’t start flippin’ on me. I need you
Griffin: When Boris’ arm is taken, the past will be as it was. K will survive. He will not know you were ever here.
Agent J: Alright. Uh…arm gone, got it. Like a reset?
Griffin: When that happens, go home. Leave.
Young Agent K: Hey, slick, you comin’?
Agent J: Yoh! Yeah! Alright!
[J turns back to Griffin]
Agent J: Thanks, man. Hey, will I ever see you again?
Griffin: Anything’s possible.
[as J turns to leave]
Agent J: Oh, Griff.
[J leaves Griffin on the beach]
Griffin: I can never bare to watch this part.
[as the Colonel takes them to the scaffolding that can take them to the top of the rocket]
Colonel: This elevator will take you to the top. To get the Ark Net outside the atmosphere, you need to strap it to the escape rocket above the capsule. You do not wanna be anywhere near this rocket when it takes off. Questions?
Young Agent K: No. Thank you for this, Colonel.
Colonel: Some job you got there.
Agent J: Thanks. Thanks a lot, bro. What did Griff show you back there?
Colonel: He showed me how important you are, you and your partner.
[as they ride the scaffolding elevator to the top of the rocket]
Agent J: Hey, look. If everything goes right, the way we hope it does, I’m gonna probably end up having to get out of here pretty quick. So, I’m not gonna have a chance to say a proper goodbye.
Young Agent K: If things go wrong, I’m not gonna have a chance to either.
Agent J: So I guess, win or lose, this is it.
Young Agent K: I can see why I recruited you. You’re a good man.
[he shakes J’s hand]
Young Agent K: You’re a good man.
Agent J: Man, what the hell happened to you?
Young Agent K: I told you, it still hasn’t happened yet.
[suddenly they are attacked by the older Boris, who throws J off the elevator]
Agent J: I’ll take this one!
[young K continues riding up the elevator to the top of the rocket]
Boris The Animal: Naughty.
[as J goes to grab his fallen gun, Boris stamps his foot on it, which has many toes with long nails]
Agent J: You might wanna take a pedicure, if you get a second.
[Boris grabs J and throws him off the edge of the scaffolding]
Boris The Animal: And lift off.
[after J uses his time travel device to take himself and Boris back five minutes in the past, they land back on the scaffolding again as they were before, Boris starts shooting his palm spikes at J, but this time J dodges the spikes as he knows exactly where Boris will shoot]
Boris The Animal: That’s not possible.
Agent J: Let’s agree to disagree.
[J punches Boris and he falls off the scaffolding]
Boris The Animal: That’s not possible!
[as young Boris is still fighting with young K, he gets hold of the shield and holds it up]
Young Boris The Animal: I win. I’m better than me!
[suddenly young K shoots his gun which takes off young Boris’ arm and he falls]
Agent J: That’s my partner! That’s my partner!
[young K grabs the shield and attaches it to the top of the rocket before it launches]
[as young K manages to get himself back on the beach]
Colonel: Where’s your partner?
Young Agent K: He’s fine. He went home.
Colonel: How does that work?
Young Agent K: You got me.
Colonel: Come on!
[as the rocket launches the old Boris, who had landed near it, is obliterated by the rocket fire]
[as they watch the rocket launch, J hangs around in the bushes watching them]
Young Agent K: Bingo!
Colonel: Man, that is some next level stuff.
Young Agent K: You ever wanna see more, I know a top secret organization that can use a man like you.
Colonel: I wish I could.
Young Agent K: Thank you.
[as they shake hands, J watches them from the bushes before he turns to leave]
Agent J: I’ll see you around, K.
[suddenly young Boris appears and just as he’s about to shoot his palm spike the Colonel pushes young K aside]
Colonel: Look out!
[the palm spike hits the Colonel and kills him, young K points his gun at Boris]
Young Boris The Animal: Go ahead, arrest me!
Young Agent K: Not this time.
[young K shoots his gun and kills Boris]
[after J sees the Colonel die]
Agent J: Where’s there’s death, there will always be death.
[just then J sees as a little boy runs over to K calling out for his father, the Colonel]
Young Agent K: Hey, my name’s K. What’s your name?
Young Agent K: James. That’s a nice name.
James: Where’s my daddy?
Young Agent K: What you got there? What is that?
James: My dad gave it to me. It’s a watch.
[J suddenly takes out his watch and realizes that the young boy is himself]
[J watches from the bushes as young K talks to the young J]
James: Where is my daddy?
Young Agent K: He uh…he went to do something very special. And he wanted me to stay here and take care of his best pal.
James: When’s he gonna be back?
Young Agent K: He uh…
[young K doesn’t know how to answer him so he takes out his neuralizer]
Young Agent K: James, if you look right here, I’ll tell you the only thing you’ll ever need to know.
[he neuralizes the young J]
Young Agent K: Your daddy was a hero.
James: My daddy is a hero?
[young K nods his head]
Young Agent K: You wanna take a walk with me?
[J watches as young K takes young J’s hand and walk off]
[as J returns to the present he finds old K alive and well, sitting at a diner singing the song playing on the radio, waiting for J]
Agent K: You’re late.
Agent J: Uh…sorry. Lost track of time. How do you know that song?
Agent K: Drink your coffee, we got work to do.
Agent J: What do you know and what do you don’t know?
Agent K: How the hell do I know what I don’t know!
Agent J: That’s a really good question. Did we go to Wu’s last night?
Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: Bogladytes?
Agent K: Been extinct for forty years.
Agent J: Perfect. Did we talk on the phone last night?
Agent K: You hung up on me.
Agent J: Yeah, I did. But that was because of all of those secrets the universe doesn’t know about.
[he takes his father’s watch out and places it on the counter]
Agent J: But I’ve realized that last night was a long, long time ago.
[K realizes that J knows that he’s been watching J and protecting him ever since his father was killed at Cape Canaveral]
Agent J: But really I just wanna say, thank you.
Agent K: It’s been my privilege.
Agent J: You know, there’s a really high possibility now that, I might know some things you don’t know.
Agent K: I doubt it.
[K turns to leave]
Agent J: Hey, I bet I know what went down with you and O.
Agent K: She’s a very fine lady, but you know the rules. There’s no fraternizing amongst agents.
Agent J: Yeah, I think I might have fraternizes a time or two.
[last lines; as J and K leave the diner, we see Griffin is sitting at the counter watching them]
Griffin: This is my new favorite moment in human history. Unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip.
[he looks over at where K and J were sitting and sees no tip, then he looks up and we see a huge asteroid hurtling towards earth, just then, K returns and drops a tip on the counter and looks over at Griffin]
Agent K: I almost forgot.
[we then see the asteroid crashes into a satellite and explodes before it can make it to earth, Griffin then turns to the camera and smiles]
Griffin: That was a close one.
Total Quotes: 95
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