By Maureen T. (Middlesex, NJ, USA)
This all-star cast is a definite plus, but with the multiple scenes and characters, the movie centers around no one in particular. You have a man (Robert De Niro) wishing to make restitution with his daughter before he dies. He also wishes to see the ball drop one last time – from the roof of a hospital. His daughter (Hilary Swank), the newly appointed Vice President of the Times Square Alliance, encounters problems with the ball that is supposed to drop but can’t because it fails to rise in the first place, due to a problem that only Kominsky, (Hector Elizondo), the unjustly fired and very disgruntled electrician, can fix. Equally disgruntled is Randy (Ashton Kutcher), who against all odds, becomes attracted to the gleeful back-up singer Elise (Lea Michele) while being stuck with her in an elevator.
Jon Bon Jovi is the featured entertainment, but for movie purposes, he is known as Jenson. He arranged to have his ex-fiancé (Katherine Heigl), whom he regrets jilting, hired to prepare the food for the exclusive Ahern Ball where all the stars will be attending. But as you may have guessed, she wants nothing better than to throw food at him – plus slap him in the face – twice (though she claims only once was necessary). Her lovable and star-struck assistant Ava (Sofia Vergara) provides comic relief here, and oddly enough, in a movie that I consider a satire, she brings a touch of reality.
The person most wanting to attend the Ahern Ball is the deliveryman Paul, who is offered four gigantic invitations by the very reserved Ingrid (Michelle Pfeiffer), a top Ahern Record secretary, who, in a completely uncharacteristic decision, quits her job and writes an equally uncharacteristic bucket list for Paul to fulfill, if he really wants those tickets – and he does.
At the same time, two couples are in a fierce competition at a New York City hospital that was giving away $25,000 for the first baby delivered in the New Year. At one point, one couple, who was pro natural child birth all the way, requested a caesarean to be performed at – you guessed it – 12:00 AM New Year’s Day. And then there is the typical 15-year-old Hailey (Abigail Breslin), who is having the typical teen-aged argument with her typical single-parent mother Kim (Sarah Jessica Parker), who has the typical romantic fantasy that is met in the most untypical fashion at the end of the film. The object of her affection is Sam (Josh Duhamel) who is elected to give a speech at the Ahern Ball, where he makes a dedication to his deceased father, who probably owned the company. Sam’s car breaks down on the way, and he accepts a ride from a somewhat redneck family traveling in a camper. He is as infatuated with Kim as she is with him, even though the two only met once and hadn’t spoken in a year – Typical.
Perhaps Ryan Seacrest summed it up best when he said these things don’t happen to Dick Clark. Oh yeah, he was in the movie too. What’s New Year’s Eve these days without Ryan Seacrest?
But as corny as it was, the movie was fun. And in spite of it, there was a touch of bitter reality. How can you not feel for a nurse (Halle Berry) who rushes off her shift to dress up for her husband whom she is greeting via a too brief videoconference, as he is stationed in Afghanistan? And there’s the common theme and sentiment that unites these characters and makes them dear to us – hope. It’s hope for a new beginning, a second chance, and a more meaningful life. Why else do we watch the ball drop?
But in real life, if Sarah Michele thinks she can fill in for Bon Jovi and not have the crowd mind one bit, she is in for a rude awakening. And so is anyone who attempts to take this movie seriously. To appreciate it, you have to let your hair down a bit. After all, it’s New Year’s Eve.
[in the waiting room of a hospital a very pregnant Tess overhears the conversation of another couple]
Grace Schwab: We’re going to win the money.
Male Nurse: Of course you are.
Tess Byrne: What money?
Grace Schwab: Oh, the first baby delivered in the New Year at this hospital gets twenty five grand.
James Schwab: Oh, no, no, honey. I think it’s a little much less than that.
Grace Schwab: No, it’s twenty five grand.
[turning to his wife, Tess]
Griffin Byrne: Twenty five grand?
[to his wife, Grace]
James Schwab: Honey, you’re mistaken. It’s much less, plus after taxes and all the red tape you end up with no money. Did I forget to mention the news camera’s in your face right after giving birth? That’s horrible! It’s not worth it at all.
Grace Schwab: It’s twenty five grand. They could put the camera in my hooha and it’ll be worth it.
James Schwab: In your hooha?
[he starts laughing]
[when the other couple about to give birth leave the waiting room]
Tess Byrne: Let’s figure out how to induce.
Griffin Byrne: I will ask the nurse right now. This could pay off my student loan.
[talking on the phone]
Paul: What are we doing tonight?
Randy: You’re working, I’m not, so leave me alone.
Paul: Randy, listen to me. Don’t do this right now. Don’t go into your black hole. It’s midnight on New Year’s eve, we have to do something. It’s not an option. When did you start this anti New Year’s kick, bro? Get over yourself, now!
[Randy notices the apartment is heavily decorated for New Year’s and starts tearing down the decorations]
Randy: You know what? It’s not a kick, it’s a core tenant of my being. Like I said, I got the day off, so I’m going to hang in our apartment by myself and do nothing and love it.
Paul: It’s my job, as your best friend, to just ignore you right now. Because you sound crazy!
Randy: I’m not being crazy!
Paul: Okay, I’m going to find something so epic that you will not be able to say no.
Randy: I got a funny feeling, Paul, that I’m going to say no.
Paul: You want to put the challenge flag in my face? Okay, I’ll call you back.
Randy: Save your minutes.
[Randy hangs up the phone and looks back at the Happy New Year sign that he’s now changed to Crappy New Year]
Randy: Now we’re talking!
[a couple get married in a tiny, empty church with Sam being the only guest]
Groom Rory: Well, you’re the last of us, Sam. Roam the planes of Manhattan, carry on the legacy of late night bar hopping and casual sex with random women in good shoes.
Bride Trish: Which Rory will never know again.
Sam: For better or worse, I can see why the man’s crazy about you.
[Sam watches as the couple kiss]
Sam: I’m out of here.
Groom Rory: Hey, you can’t stay for breakfast?
Sam: Rain check, pal. The office has been calling all morning. I really do got to get back. I got that big speech tonight.
Bride Trish: What about the girl?
Sam: What girl?
Bride Trish: The one you met last New Year’s eve? Are you going to meet her tonight.
Sam: That was a year ago. We’ve all moved on.
Laura: Alright, our first event with linen napkins. Not only are we now considered ecofriendly, but this will be our biggest A-list party to date! I know it’s cold, okay? But we cannot mess this up. So you got to focus. Where is Ava?
Chef Sunil: She thinks she saw a celebrity somewhere.
Laura: There’s got to be more celebrities here than rehab.
Chef Sunil: Mm.
Laura: Okay, Sunil. Make sure we all the booze on this list. Find Ava and then I’ll meet you in the lobby after I scout the kitchen.
[talking on walkie-talkie as Laura, who’s a chef, is preparing to cater for a big A-list party]
Ava: Oh, Laura! You are not going to believe who is here!
Ava: How did you know? Are you psychotic?
Laura: It’s psychic. And do me a favor, if you see him tell him to avoid the blond woman in the kitchen with the really big knife.
Ava: Ay, Laura, do you know him?
[just then Jensen walks into the kitchen]
Jensen: It’s good to see you, Laura.
[he smiles at her and she slaps him in the face, just then Ava’ voice comes through the walkie-talkie]
Ava: Are you still there? Do you think Jensen will sign a banana? I don’t have any paper!
[Paul is bringing a delivery to Ingrid, who’s a secretary at Ahern Records when notices her working on a list]
Paul: Working on those resolutions, huh?
Paul: Okay. I have a delivery here for a Mr. Jonathan Cox.
Ingrid: Do you work here?
Paul: No. I work for a courier service. I’ve been delivering packages to you for about, I don’t know, a year now. But I think this is maybe the first time you’ve ever looked me in the eye. How you doing?
Ingrid: Sorry. It’s actually an old resolution to make more eye contact.
Paul: So those were New Year’s resolutions then, huh? That looks like a long list, you better get on it.
Ingrid: I don’t know. Maybe next year.
[Ingrid opens the package Paul just delivered which is tickets to a Mask Ball]
Paul: Woh! Jeez! Are you serious? That is a hot ticket.
Paul: It’s amazing. They got the best food, the best music. They got so many single girls and it’s a masquerade, so you don’t even have to really worry about their faces. You kind of just, you know, use your imagination. And then if anybody tries to kick you out, or if anyone asks who you are, you just straight up lie. What are they going to do? It’s brilliant. It’s like Facebook, but real.
Ingrid: I remember who you are now.
Paul: Right! Exactly. Anyways, I would give my left…
[she slams the signature pad into his chest]
Paul: Well, maybe next year.
[Claire is trying to organize everything in Times Square when her friend Brendan shows up]
Claire Morgan: They’re testing the confetti for tonight.
[as she watches the confetti being thrown]
Claire Morgan: Don’t just dump them! Float them in the wind! They should be magical.
Jensen: That was quite a slap.
Laura: I’ve been plotting that slap all year. How I would walk up to you out of the blue when you least expect it and slap you across the face for leaving me like that. And you know what? It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be.
[suddenly she slaps him across the face again]
Laura: That was close enough.
[to Ava and Sunil who are watching them with interest]
Jensen: We’re just fooling around.
Ava: I like fooling around too.
Jensen: I tried to call you. You never called me back. I left you tickets, you never showed up. Talk to me dammit! Just talk to me!
Laura: Yes, talk to him!
Laura: What? Cause it’s New Year’s Eve you want another shot at it? You walked out on me, Daniel. I think that says it all. You know, I didn’t even get to make you one dinner in our apartment. You walked out before I unpacked the first bag of groceries.
Ava: Celebrities! They’re just like us.
Ingrid: Mr. Cox, is there a reason you asked me to work today?
Mr. Cox: It’s your job.
Ingrid: Of course. It’s just that it’s New Year’s Eve and I thought maybe you wanted to give me my end of year bonus, seeing that it’s the end of the year?
Mr. Cox: Oh! Right! Almost slipped my mind.
[he takes out his check book and start writing a check]
Ingrid: Glad to remind you, sir.
Mr. Cox: Well, unfortunately it has been a tough year for Ahern Records. I don’t have to tell you. Music piracy, blah-blah-blah!
[he gives Ingrid the check for her bonus, she reads it looking disappointed]
Mr. Cox: Did I get your name right?
Ingrid: Yes. It’s just that I wanted to use my bonus to book a trip.
Mr. Cox: Well, that might get you to Staten Island. Maybe next year.
Ingrid: It’s just that I already booked my two weeks vacation time.
Mr. Cox: Two weeks? Did I sign off?
Ingrid: You don’t need to, sir. It goes through Human Resources.
Mr. Cox: No! It goes through me, and I can’t do without you for two weeks! You can have one week.
Ingrid: Well, then I’ll take two weeks and my stapler. I quit.
Mr. Cox: You can’t quit! It’s Grammy season!
Ingrid: I almost died today, sir.
Mr. Cox: No. No. You look fine. Can you get me a coffee? Don’t forget the sugar!
[Ingrid turns, goes to her desk and starts packing her stuff]
[as Laura’s throwing eggs at a poster of Jensen on the kitchen wall]
Laura: I’ve hated him for leaving me like that!
Ava: No. No. You didn’t.
Laura: And then he just shows up on the biggest night of my career! What kind of Karma is that, huh?
Ava: What? Did you mean making love with Jensen or that you’re catering the biggest party in the city? Cause all I’m hearing is good!
[Laura throws another egg at Jensen’s poster]
Ava: Can do I one?
Ava: Are they expensive eggs?
Laura: They feel good.
[Ava throws an egg aiming for the poster but it splatters on the floor instead]
Laura: Oh, that was so sissy.
Ava: I’m a delicate girl.
[at a hospital, Stan Harris is lying in bed very ill with a doctor checking up on him]
Stan’s Doctor: Yes, Mr. Harris?
Stan Harris: I haven’t asked you for anything have I?
Stan’s Doctor: No. No, you haven’t. No chemo, no radiation, even though they could give you an extra couple of months.
Stan Harris: So then you owe me one.
Stan’s Doctor: Sure, Mr. Harris. What do you need?
Stan Harris: Did I tell you why I picked this hospital?
Stan’s Doctor: Cause of the quality of the doctors?
Stan Harris: The roof has a great view of the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Times Square. I heard you say I was living on borrowed time.
Stan’s Doctor: I don’t recall telling you that.
Stan Harris: I heard you tell the nurses. I’m dying, I’m not deaf.
Stan’s Doctor: Well, you certainly surprise us, Mr. Harris. But be honest, there really isn’t anyone we can notify? No one at all?
Stan Harris: You know, the people that ever cared about me I pissed off long ago. There’s no one.
Stan Harris: Doc, come on. Call it a dying man’s last wish. Please, come on? I’ve been hanging on this all year so I can see the ball drop one more time.
Stan’s Doctor: You know it’s cold out there.
Stan Harris: I’ll live.
Stan’s Doctor: You can see much better on TV, you know?
Stan Harris: I don’t want to see it on TV, doc. Please?
Stan’s Doctor: As much as I’d like to help you, it’s against hospital policy to allow anyone on the roof.
Stan Harris: Forget it. Forget I asked.
Stan’s Doctor: Okay. Is there anything else you need?
Stan Harris: No. Nothing.
Stan’s Doctor: Just have the nurses page me, okay?
[leaving a voice message for Paul]
Randy: Another thing that chafes my ass about the holiday season is all the fake messages. Like today, I received fifty text messages with a generic ‘Happy New Year’, from people who had sent it to their entire address book. Most of them I haven’t heard from since last year! Call me back.
[Randy takes the elevator to throw away the bag of decorations he tore down and Elise from another apartment is in the same elevator, halfway down the elevator stops and Elise tries the service phone]
Elise: This thing is dead!
Randy: It doesn’t work.
Elise: Well, call the super!
Randy: He don’t work either.
[looking at his cell phone]
Randy: No reception. So you’re the new girl from five B.
Elise: Why aren’t you panicked right now?
Randy: Ah, I don’t know. I don’t really have anywhere to be.
[Elise starts to panic and calls out for help]
[at the hospital the doctor is checking Tess]
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Labor could be any day now.
Tess Byrne: Any day?
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Don’t worry. I know you want to have a very natural child birth. No epidural, no Pitocin. We’re going to use the hypno birthing techniques.
Tess Byrne: You know what? We were actually just kind of wondering if we could schedule a C-section. Just you know, kind of get this show on the road.
Tess Byrne: Am I right?
Griffin Byrne: Yeah.
Tess Byrne: Uh, we were thinking, um, maybe tonight-ish? Midnight-ish?
Tess Byrne: Uh, right?
Griffin Byrne: Yeah. I think we’re both thinking that maybe tonight could work better. If we could do tonight, that would be great.
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Tonight. Hmm. You want me to come in, on New Year’s Eve at midnight, and perform a C-section?
[looking fake shocked]
Tess Byrne: Is it New Year’s?
Griffin Byrne: It is. Yeah.
Tess Byrne: Oh, boy. Weird! I completely just forgot!
Griffin Byrne: I did too.
Griffin Byrne: See, we were never really New Year’s people. You know, we’re kind of more Memorial Day people.
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Let me be clear. I will not schedule a C-section just so you can win some money. The couple who was in here before, they offered to split the winnings with me, and of course I said no. Frankly, I’m surprised that you even suggest this.
Griffin Byrne: What if we went sixty-forty?
[the doctor gives them a look]
Griffin Byrne: Seventy-thirty?
Tess Byrne: Yeah.
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: You’re dangerously close to a rectal exam.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, that’s not good.
[as they are taking the subway to get home]
Hailey: Mom, I want to go to Times Square tonight to watch the ball drop.
Kim: Well, I plan to avoid this entire section of the city tonight.
Hailey: Okay, well I don’t want you to stay. I want you to go home.
Hailey: There’s this guy in my history class. His name is Seth and I, I’ve been hoping, you know, I have this sick dream that, you know, we get to hang out at midnight. And then of course, you know, I’ll come right home.
Kim: Honey, I’m sorry. I’m just, I’m not comfortable allowing you to stay in Times Square at night alone. Period.
Hailey: End of discussion. Got it.
Hailey: You know, I’m fifteen!
Kim: I know, Hailey.
[she pulls up her sweater to reveal her bra]
Hailey: This is not a training bra!
Kim: And this is not ‘Girls Gone Wild’! My Gosh!
Hailey: Mom, you know I’m an honors student, okay? I don’t drink or do drugs or anything! I’m trying really hard to be the perfect daughter, but it’s like you don’t trust me!
Kim: Well, it’s not, it’s not you I don’t trust.
Hailey: Well then who do you not trust, mom? The world? You don’t trust the world? Or is it just New York? Because it’s a big scary city.
[just then a male passenger walks past them]
Newark Commuter: Have you ever been to Newark?
Hailey: Look, mom! The world doesn’t scare me, okay? It’s just getting good. I want to start living in it. You used to.
[as Claire is trying to climb the stairs to the giant ball]
Brendan: Hey, you okay?
Claire Morgan: Fine.
Reporter Murphy: You’re not afraid of heights, are you?
Claire Morgan: A little.
Reporter Murphy: Let me be accurate. You’re afraid of heights and you run the ball drop in Times Square?
Brendan: Well, I think it’s what makes Claire the best for this job.
Brendan: Let’s do that thing we worked out.
Claire Morgan: Yeah, let’s do that.
[Brendan gets one of his officers to carry Claire up the stairs]
[on the way to New York Sam smashes his car and has to get it towed]
Sam: Can you fix it?
Harley: No. And don’t you want to know why? Because the complicated machine behind me isn’t called ‘a fix truck’, it’s called ‘a tow truck’. That means I put the big hook under the broken car and take it anywhere you want, which is where?
Sam: New York city.
Harley: No. Again. Not today and not me, I’ve got big plans with my lady friend tonight. Sign there.
Sam: Can you at least tow it to a mechanic nearby, please?
Harley: The nearest mechanic is ten minutes away.
Sam: Alright, that’s prefect.
Harley: Let me finish! He’s ten minutes away but he’s closed today. In fact everyone’s closed today. Which I’m guessing you know, since you’re dressed like Penn and Teller. And as far as the car goes, I’m afraid you’re S.O.L. Which means ‘something out of luck’, but I don’t curse.
Sam: I can’t be S.O.L, I’ve got to big speech at the company party tonight, Okay? This is very important!
Harley: Hey, I’ve got something important tonight too, pal!
Sam: Like what?
Harley: Me and my girl are going to crush a twelve pack and watch porn.
Paul: Miss Whithers, did you call a delivery or something?
Ingrid: And actually, I’m your next job. I bought you for the day.
Paul: You bought me for the day, huh? Well, Miss Whithers, I think I should be offended but I’m just too intrigued.
Ingrid: My New Year’s resolutions.
[she shows him her list]
Ingrid: I just took care of the first one.
[he reads the first entry on her list]
Paul: You quit your job?
[Ingrid nods her head]
Ingrid: If you can make the rest of these come true by midnight, you get these.
[she shows the tickets to the Masked Ball that he had delivered to her earlier]
Paul: Me! Holy sh…! Woh! Okay, put those down! Put those down! Don’t flash those around! Everybody could see them!
Paul: Seriously, you called the right guy. I’m in, let me see number two. What is it?
[he takes Ingrid’s list of resolutions from her and reads them]
Paul: Go to Bali. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. You want to save a life.
Paul: Are you kidding me? That’s physically impossible. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. I don’t understand what you want me to do here.
Ingrid: Use your imagination.
Paul: We’re going to need a big boat.
Jensen: Listen, Ava. I was hoping maybe you could help me out.
Ava: Oh, what is it? Is it writers’ block? Because if it is, I’ve been jotting down these lyrics.
Jensen: They’re in Spanish now, but I’m going to translate them. Come here.
[thinking he wants to kiss her she comes closer to him]
Jensen: No. Not like that. I need you to help me convince Laura that I made a mistake.
Jensen: It was last New Year’s eve.
Ava: What did you do to her?
Jensen: Nothing. I asked her to marry me.
Ava: That’s beautiful.
Jensen: Yeah, but then I got cold feet because I wasn’t ready for it.
Ava: That’s horrible! You were the one who proposed! In my country when a man gets down on one knee, it’s because he either wants to get married or he’s been shot. Sometimes it’s been because of both.
Jensen: No. No. It just, it all came at me too fast and I wasn’t ready for it and I had to go back on the road, and I just didn’t want to deal with it.
Ava: You should have talked to her. That’s what women like, we like to talk.
Jensen: I tried. I just can’t get a worked in edgewise between slaps.
[as Ava is talking to Jensen Laura comes up behind them and overhears their conversation]
Ava: Do you want to know what I think?
Laura: Well I sure would.
Ava: Ha! Hi, Laura. This is not what it looks like. No.
Laura: It’s not my ex-boyfriend telling our whole sad saga to my new sous chef?
Ava: Yeah, pretty much that’s what it is. Be strong. Hold your ground. But don’t look into his eyes because they’re beautiful.
[Ava walks off and Laura looks at Jensen]
Jensen: Did you hear the new record?
[he looks disappointed and she smiles at him]
Jensen: What d’you think?
Laura: You know I wanted to hate it, I really did. But I loved it. I thought it was great, except for the picture you chose for the cover.
[she imitates him smiling from ear to ear]
Laura: It was a little too much bronzer!
Laura: I’m a little overwhelmed and frazzled by this job tonight, so I apologize for slapping you the second time.
Jensen: I’m sorry I ran, Laura.
Laura: No, Daniel. You sprinted. I mean…
[in the background one of her chef’s breaks something and calls out for her]
Laura: I got to get back to work. Focus on tonight, so.
Jensen: What about tomorrow? We’re going back on tour and I’d really love it if you’d come with me. We could fix this.
Laura: Yeah, sure. I’ll just, I’ll go pack a bag. Meet you at the bus? Come on! I can’t go back on tour with you. I did your life, I have my life too. You really don’t get it, do you?
Jensen: What’s there to get? I’m ready to commit. I’m ready.
Laura: Yeah. Yeah. Me too. I’m ready to commit to what I really love. My work. I can’t do this again with you, Daniel.
[she turns and leaves]
[back in the elevator Elise and Randy are still trapped]
Elise: So how come you have nowhere to be?
Randy: Isn’t it obvious? I mean, New Year’s is the worst night of all to go out. It’s total amateur night. People who don’t drink or go nuts all year suddenly go all Kanye on you. It’s like a war zone out there.
Elise: That’s because they have something to be excited about. I have something to be excited about.
Randy: Oh! Oh! Oh! Who are you going to kiss at midnight? Oh, and then it’s one big giant let down. See that’s the problem with New Year’s. Everybody builds up such high expectations that they’re inevitably utterly disappointed.
[Elise notices the hatch on the elevator ceiling]
Elise: Hey, can you get through that ceiling hatch?
Randy: I am not Spider-Man.
Elise: Clearly. Clearly.
Ingrid: What is this neighborhood? Is it safe?
Paul: Give it a chance. That should be on your resolution list; give Paul a chance.
[Paul opens the door of a dirty building to reveal an indoor paradise, the Bali Garden Spa]
Paul: Ingrid Whithers, welcome to Bali.
Ingrid: It’s Bali!
Paul: It’s Brooklyn. It’s a spa.
[back at the hospital Tess tries to eat anchovies to induce labor]
Nurse Risa: I’m sorry, we really can’t take you this early yet. Dr. Morriset says that you’re not ready. So you’ll have to come back in a few hours.
Griffin Byrne: We may not have been ready, but now she’s eating anchovies which the internet claims induce labor.
Tess Byrne: If only you can keep it down.
Nurse Risa: Yeah, but it really doesn’t go that fast.
[Tess puts the anchovy in her mouth but immediately spits it out]
Tess Byrne: No! I can’t do it. I can’t do it.
Nurse Risa: Excuse me.
[Nurse Risa leaves them]
Griffin Byrne: I’m sorry.
[he kisses Tess on the forehead]
Tess Byrne: I tried. I can’t do it anymore.
Griffin Byrne: You need a breath mint.
[Tess and Griffin notice that Grace and James Schwab are being checked into the hospital]
Griffin Byrne: Hey, good to see you again.
James Schwab: You must be joking, cause inside I’m laughing really really hard. You really think you can come into this at the last minute and steal our money?
Griffin Byrne: I’m sorry, are you being serious?
James Schwab: You’re even bigger numbnuts than you look.
[he picks up the can of anchovies]
James Schwab: This little fish won’t save you. You probably don’t even know that yams can kick start labor.
Griffin Byrne: Well, yeah. Actually we do.
Tess Byrne: Yeah!
Griffin Byrne: In fact, at this moment my wife is full of yams. But thank you.
Tess Byrne: Crammed with yams.
James Schwab: Snap! It doesn’t! It stops pre-term labor.
[to Tess; referring to James just snapping his finger at him]
Griffin Byrne: Did he just snap me in the maternity ward?
Griffin Byrne: Hey, you’re really a hostile guy. Where do you work? The DMV?
James Schwab: No. I run a charm school.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, yeah? Where’s your charm school? Guantanamo?
James Schwab: It’s on forty eighth in Madison and you should come by, cause you could really use some charm.
[he hands Griffin his business card]
Griffin Byrne: He actually works in a charm school.
Tess Byrne: No way!
[he gives Tess the card which has written on it ‘Prince of Charming Charms School’]
Tess Byrne: Oh! Prince of Charming!
[after Nurse Rosa has just told Grace and James they can’t check in yet either]
Grace Schwab: I’m sorry, James.
James Schwab: It’s not your fault.
Griffin Byrne: I’m sorry too.
James Schwab: Right.
Griffin Byrne: Also, it’s on now, Prince Charming.
James Schwab: You bet!
[Tess stands and points her pregnant belly towards Grace’s pregnant belly]
Griffin Byrne: What are you doing, honey?
Tess Byrne: Oh, it’s on.
Grace Schwab: I’m sorry?
Griffin Byrne: Oh, no.
Grace Schwab: What’s on?
Tess Byrne: Oh, yeah. This? It’s on.
Griffin Byrne: Come on. Let’s go, honey. Nobody wants to watch the pregnant women fight. Come on.
[Grace still not understanding what Tess is referring to]
Grace Schwab: Something’s on!
[both couples turn and leave]
Hailey: I knew you gave up your own plans tonight just to be with me. I can’t become your everything, mom. Please don’t become a Piper’s mom!
Kim: A what? A Piper’s mom? What? You mean like Joanna?
Hailey: Yes. Piper’ mom,she hides in the bushes everyday just to make sure that Piper actually goes to school. It’s nuts.
Kim: Okay. Well, come on! I’m not that bad.
Hailey: Mom, you’ve stopped trying. Okay? And you’re being all clingy and mean. And it’s because you don’t have a man in your life. You really got to find somebody. Look, mom, you’re a hot woman. If you just, you know, lose the clogs maybe.
Kim: I’m sorry, but I am trying and I would like you to try just have our New Year’s party.
[Kim starts singing Happy New Year’s tune]
Hailey: Okay, mom, no more. I’m over it. I’m over it and I’m over you.
[Hailey goes into her room and slams the door shut]
[the tow truck driver finds Sam a ride into New York, the pastor from Sam’s friend’s wedding]
Harley: So, my cousin here tells me you need a lift?
Pastor Edwin: Yep. I’m taking my wife and kids in to see the Radio City Rockettes, we do it every New Year’s Day.
Harley: Ever seen the Rockettes?
[he winks at Sam]
Pastor Edwin: I’d be happy to give you a lift. You want to pitch in for gas?
Sam: Hell, yeah! I’ll pay for all the gas.
Harley: Don’t say hell to him! He’s a Pastor!
[to the Pastor; referring to the bible in his hand]
Harley: Show him the book.
Harley: And give me my pen back! I can never understand people with hair.
[back at the hospital Aimee looks in on Stan]
Nurse Aimee: You’ve been here for weeks. First no radiation and now no chemo. Why?
Stan Harris: What’s the difference? You know, why delay the inevitable outcome? When I was a photographer in Vietnam, I’d see death all the time. But this, nothing prepared me for this.
Nurse Aimee: I promise I’m going to make you as comfortable as I can, okay?
Stan Harris: Just get me to midnight, then we’re even.
Nurse Aimee: Okay. I’ll be back.
[referring to the puppy Ingrid has adopted at the Adopt A Pet Center]
Paul: What are we going to name him? Something manly, like Kong.
Ingrid: How about Mr. Snugglepuss?
Paul: Snugglepuss? You can decide on the name later. Anyways, look what you just did? You saved a life! Check.
[in Times Square and Ryan Seacrest is feeling the pressure of the crowd when the giant ball gets stuck on its way up he turns to one his production crew]
Ryan Seacrest: Cause I’m starting to feel a bit of pressure. I don’t like to feel pressure. Pressure’s not a very good feel and it messes with my hair. I need my hair to be up, like the ball!
[as Claire and her crew try to fix the problem with the giant ball]
Ryan Seacrest: This would never have happened to Dick Clark.
[as Sam is getting a ride with the Pastor and his family in the giant RV]
Maude: So what’s the speech about, Sam?
Sam: Like I said, I haven’t even written it yet. I guess I’m still looking for the inspiration.
Maude: What inspires you, Sam?
Duncan: Excellent. Sweet!
[Paul takes Ingrid to the art museum where they have a miniature reproduction of the New York boroughs]
Paul: And now the very best part; walk all five boroughs in one day. I’m crossing that off the list.
[after leaving a message for Randy telling him about Ingrid and referring to her as pathetic, he then turns to read from Ingrid’s list of resolutions]
Paul: Right. Next up, is to be amazed.
Paul: Which is very vague. I will be amazed if I can come up with something. But I will.
[Ingrid walks up to Paul and is upset after overhearing Paul referring to her as pathetic]
Ingrid: I don’t want to do this anymore.
Paul: Why? What are you talking about?
Ingrid: I’m pathetic. Dude!
[she slams the tickets to the ball into his hands and turns to walk away]
Paul: Hey. Wait! Where are you going?
Ingrid: Staten Island.
Engineer Douglas: Miss Morgan, we’re not really sure what’s wrong.
Claire Morgan: How long is it going to take to be sure?
Engineer Douglas: I don’t know. It could be a couple of minutes, it could be a couple of hours, maybe more.
Claire Morgan: Well, we don’t have a couple of hours or maybe more. We only have midnight. I have one job tonight, to make sure, even if I have to do it with my own two hands, that ball descends at midnight. Can’t move midnight!
[the Engineer looks down]
Claire Morgan: Why are you looking at your shoes? I hate it when you look at your shoes. When you look at your shoes it means you’re not telling me something. What are you not telling me?
Engineer Douglas: We need Kominsky.
Claire Morgan: The Kominsky?
[the Engineer nods his head]
[Griffin comes home and finds Tess standing on her head]
Griffin Byrne: What are you doing?
Tess Byrne: Yoga. It’s supposed to help.
Griffin Byrne: I’m no expert, but it seems like that would just the baby in the wrong direction.
Tess Byrne: You’re going to make such a good veterinarian someday, Griff.
Griffin Byrne: Thanks. And if you were a horse, I’d know better what to do. Of course, if you were a horse, we’d never get invited to dinner parties and I’d be married to a horse.
[taking a sniff from the small bottle]
Griffin Byrne: This smells awful. Drink it.
[Tess shakes her head]
Tess Byrne: Mm-mm.
Griffin Byrne: What? It’s castor oil. Mary Poppins swore by this.
Tess Byrne: Mary Poppins also danced with cartoon penguins. You first.
Griffin Byrne: You’re a coward.
[he takes a swig from the bottle but nearly spits it out as it’s so disgusting]
Tess Byrne: I’m sensing a thumps down.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, Mary Poppins sucks!
Tess Byrne: Well you forgot about the spoon full of sugar.
[after feeling a twinge]
Tess Byrne: What was that?
Griffin Byrne: What was what?
Tess Byrne: Oh, my gosh! My water broke!
Griffin Byrne: All of it?
Tess Byrne: Oh, well what do you think?
Griffin Byrne: Well, that’s too early! Can you turn it off?
Tess Byrne: And how do you suggest I do that?
Griffin Byrne: I don’t know! Yoga! Why don’t you get back upside down? You can’t do a downward dog or an upward dog. Do one of the dogs!
[back at the hospital Aimee is sitting with Stan while he’s dosing]
Stan Harris: Haven’t you been here all day? When do you go home?
Nurse Aimee: Just before midnight.
Stan Harris: Oh.
Nurse Aimee: You know what? I don’t care about all that hoopla and stuff anyway.
Stan Harris: So no big plans or party?
Nurse Aimee: No.
Stan Harris: No hot date? A pretty girl like you.
Nurse Aimee: Well, maybe. But right now you’re my hot date.
Stan Harris: Why?
Nurse Aimee: Pardon me?
Stan Harris: Why are you being nice to me? I’m an ass. I’ve spent my entire life being an ass. I don’t know how to stop.
Nurse Aimee: Well, you know what, Stan? Maybe being an ass is the reason you’ve gotten every single thing you ever wanted in life.
Stan Harris: Not everything.
[Randy and Elise are still stuck in the elevator]
Randy: I’m sorry I called you a groupie. We’re stuck in an elevator together, you really, you’re not going to talk to me at all?
Elise: Fine. We can talk. But as long as we’re making assumptions about each other, why don’t I give it a shot? You grew up in suburban, fill in the blank. You went to la-di-da liberal art school. You didn’t have enough drive to get a real job and then you grew half a beard and moved to Manhattan on your grandmother’s inheritance. And now you think that, you know, just because you moved somewhere that you’re cool. But the truth is that, it just, it doesn’t! Okay? Because you’re just some want to be hipster who judges everything because you’re too scared to take a chance on anything. And you know my guess is that this whole hatred for New Year’s comes from just some boring as hell prom queen who broke you heart on New Year’s Eve in high school. So, am I close?
Randy: Suburban Maryland. Tufts University. And I am comic book artist.
Elise: You draw.
Randy: I illustrate. And it was in college, when she broke it. And this beard took me like a year to grow.
[they both smile]
Randy: Cold coffee?
[he holds out the flask to her]
[back on the giant RV Sam is making small talk with the Pastor’s family]
Sam: Last year there were so many speeches that I had to get outside and get some fresh air, so I actually went out and got a pizza.
Maude: Did anything else happen?
[Sam looks down]
Maude: Oh, my! Something else did happen, didn’t it?
Grandpa Jed: Is it R-rated?
Sam: I met a woman and she was extraordinary.
[to her son]
Maude: It’s going to have a goose bump ending!
Pastor Edwin: Well take your time telling it, because here comes the traffic.
[Grandpa Jed comes up behind Sam]
Grandpa Jed: Extraordinary build?
Sam: I have to get to this party.
[Ahern Records Masquerade Ball]
Penny Marshall: You’re an actress, right?
Ahern Waitress: Yeah! I’ve played a nurse, a cop, a teacher.
Penny Marshall: How about playing a waitress and get me another drink?
[back in the elevator]
Elise: I went to Juilliard and I’m a backup singer, not a back of the tour bus groupie.
Randy: Randy. A.K.A, Mr. Moron. How long have you been a backup singer?
Elise: Too long. Oh, I just got hired for tonight, but I was hoping that he would ask me to go on tour with him. But, uh…
Randy: Can you sing something for me?
Elise: Oh, no! The only time that I do performances for audiences of one is when I’m in the shower, so.
Randy: Well, we…
Elise: Don’t say anything.
[over in Times Square, the ball is still stuck and Kominsky has been called out to fix it]
Claire Morgan: Thank you so much for coming.
Kominsky: You fire me.
Claire Morgan: No. No. No. That was someone else. No. So what do you think it is?
Claire Morgan: What’s short?
Brendan: There’s a short in the ball.
Kominsky: You got it.
Brendan: It sounds pretty straight forward. Easy to fix.
Kominsky: Then you fix.
[he turns to leave but Claire stops him]
Claire Morgan: No!
Kominsky: Not so easy. This ball has thirty five hundred lighting clues.
Brendan: Cues. He means cues.
Claire Morgan: Wait. You have to find the one light that went out in over three thousand?
Claire Morgan: Well how do we not progress passed the string of Christmas lights that all go out because of one bad one?
Kominsky: My question also, and then I get fired!
[he turns to leave again but Claire stops him]
Claire Morgan: We need you! I need you.
Kominsky: Okay. Then I go visit my ball on the roof.
[while Kominsky is fixing the ball, Claire gives a speech to the reporters and the waiting crowd]
Claire Morgan: As you all can see the ball has stopped half way to its porch. It’s suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or close our self down for fear of getting hurt. Cause that’s what New Year’s is all about, getting another chance. The chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. So when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let’s remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight, but all year long. Thank you.
[on the giant RV bus, Sam is telling the pastor’s family how he and his mystery girl last New Year’s]
Maude: I want to hear the rest of your story.
Sam: We talked for, it felt like hours.
Grandpa Jed: Did you bang her?
Pastor Edwin: Dad, you’re talking to a man in a tuxedo.
Sam: Jed, I can’t talk like that in front of a lady.
Maude: He’s a gentlemen.
Sam: We talked, alright? I went on about the business and how our stock had just gone public and she stops me and she puts her hand over mind and she says, ‘That’s all great, but how’s your heart?’ How’s your heart? Who say that? I mean, who…?
Grandpa Jed: Please! Please!
[referring to Sam’s mystery New Year’s Eve girl]
Maude: Did you at least kiss her?
Sam: Yes, at midnight.
Grandpa Jed: And that’s it?
Sam: Well I went to the restaurant a bit later when I came back, she was gone. She left something on the table.
Grandpa Jed: Naked picture?
Maude: Let me see.
[Sam gets his wallet out and takes out a napkin note and puts it in front of Maude]
Grandpa Jed: Read it out loud, Maude.
Maude: Things are complicated. If you’re still thinking about me in a year, meet me back here at LA Gambina Trattoria at midnight, next New Year’s eve.
[Sam says the last lines out loud at the same time that Maude is reading it out loud]
Grandpa Jed: You memorized it.
Maude: You’re going to meet her, aren’t you?
Sam: Yeah. I don’t think so. I don’t even know her name!
Maude: You’re afraid!
Sam: She’s not going to be there. It was one night, it wasn’t even real.
Grandpa Jed: But this napkin is and you’ve been carrying it around for a year. I mean, you went out for a slice of pizza and you may have run into ‘the one’. Do you know what that is?
Pastor Edwin: Not insanity. Serendipity. Mm? And you don’t mess with serendipity.
Pastor Edwin: I mean what’s the worst that can happen? She doesn’t show up and you go back to your party.
[Maude looks at Sam as he goes all quiet]
Maude: Oh, that’s not it at all. Is it, Sam? You’re afraid that she will show up.
Grandpa Jed: I’ll tell you what?
[he takes the napkin note from Sam]
Grandpa Jed: I’ll take care of this for you. I can tap this.
Sam: What? You can tap this!
Grandpa Jed: I’m going to and tap this for you.
Sam: You’re going to tap that?
Grandpa Jed: Look, I’m a widower. Right?
Maude: Forgive him.
[Paul receives a call from his sister Kim asking if he’s seen Hailey as Kim looks for her in a bar]
Paul: I’m confused, I thought you had plans tonight?
Kim: I sort of did, but I chose to be with Hailey and now she’s gone!
Paul: You know what? I’m not really worried about Hailey, I’m actually more worried about you. If you’re not working, you need to go out and have some fun. You got to let your hair down, you got to leave the clogs at home.
Kim: What? Great. More clog commentary!
[suddenly a drunken man from the bar drops on Kim’s lap and she moves him aside]
Kim: Listen, Paul. Right now, all I really need to do is just find Hailey.
Paul: Alright. Look, she’s a good kid. Okay? If she did happen to call her cool uncle to say where she’d be, she may in fact have said the fifty fourth street pen. But please don’t rat out the cool uncle.
Kim: Oh, my God! Paul, thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much! Thank You!
[as Kim is about to hang up the phone]
Paul: Wait! Wait! Wait! Sis! Sis, hold on! I got a huge favor to ask.
Kim: Anything. What? What? What?
[Paul finds Ingrid having a coffee in the museum cafe]
Paul: Be amazed! I got it. Ingrid, please don’t let this whole thing be ruined because I’m a big mouth idiot. I’m sick and tired of being that guy. Please, Ingrid. Please! Come with me.
Paul: Come on! Let’s go!
Ingrid: On one condition.
[cut to Ingrid driving Paul’s scooter while Paul hangs on to her at the back]
Brendan: That was a nice speech.
Claire Morgan: I was just trying to save my job.
Brendan: No, I don’t think so. I think you were talking about you.
Claire Morgan: Okay, maybe I was. But all I can do is reflect and try and do better next year.
Brendan: Or sooner.
Claire Morgan: Why did I tell you about him?
Brendan: I’m a New York cop, people they tell me things.
Claire Morgan: I’m sure he’s forgotten it by now.
Brendan: You should go.
Claire Morgan: I don’t move until the ball moves.
[at the hospital, Tess and Griffin are ready to have the baby, but Grace and James Schwab show up at the same time to have their baby]
Male Nurse: Contractions?
Griffin Byrne: Contractions, six and a half minutes apart.
James Schwab: Six? We have five minutes apart.
Male Nurse: Cervix?
Griffin Byrne: She has one.
Male Nurse: Huh?
Griffin Byrne: Uh, four centimeters dilated.
James Schwab: Four? We have five, six, seven! Maybe eight!
[Grace moans with pain and James rushes over to her and sticks his head between her legs, talking to the baby]
James Schwab: Don’t you show your head to me young lady! Not yet! Papa will tell you when it’s time, okay?
[to Griffin as they watch the other couple]
Tess Byrne: Oh, please don’t yell at my vagina.
Griffin Byrne: Oh, I never will.
Grace Schwab: It’s amazing, she really listens to James! She just crawled right back up in there!
Male Nurse: Well the nurses will take you to your room. Gentlemen, to your corner. And ladies, may the best v-jay jay win.
[back at the hospital Stan talks to Aimee thinking she’s someone he once knew]
Stan Harris: You’re so good. You always were.
Nurse Aimee: Well, I’m not really that good.
Stan Harris: Yes, you are. I’ve been thinking about the ball drop and how that always used to be our thing. Remember when I took you to New York for the first time? We watched the ball drop together, remember? It was our night. I promised you we’d be, we’d go back there. Well, it’s a promise I didn’t live up to. I’m sorry. Why did I leave you?
Nurse Aimee: Stan, I’m Aimee. Remember? Nurse Aimee. Huh?
Stan Harris: Uh-huh. Right. Right. Aimee.
[back in the elevator]
Elise: We’ve been stuck in here for hours. I can’t believe nobody’s found us yet.
[she sits down to think for a moment]
Elise: We could have our own party.
Randy: Mm. I don’t think so.
Elise: Oh, come on! We got to do something to get you out of your New Year’s Eve funk.
[she grabs some decorations out of Randy’s garbage bag]
Elise: We’re at a party. You’re standing on one end of the room alone and I’m on the other.
Randy: We’ve never met.
[she puts on a party hat]
Elise: The countdown begins. You start scanning the room for cute girls amongst the sea of couples. Ten, nine…
Randy: Eight, seven…
[Randy pretends to look around the room]
Elise: Finally you see me.
Randy: There you are!
Elise: Our eyes meet. We smile tentatively at each other.
[Randy does giant fake smile]
Elise: Tentatively! We start walking towards each other.
Elise: Finally we meet.
Elise: Just as it’s about to be midnight.
Elise and Randy: Three, two…
[they move closer to each other]
[just as they are about to kiss they hear a loud noise and the elevator starts to move]
[at the hospital, Tess is ready to give birth but Griffin is distracted watching the other couple in the room next to them]
Griffin Byrne: Oh, this is amazing. I can totally see him.
Tess Byrne: What? He’s coming out? You can see him?
[she leans forward and tries to look for the baby between her legs]
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Okay, if you try to see, I can’t see.
Tess Byrne: Look with your other eye!
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Oh, hostility! That’s good. Yes, now we’re getting somewhere.
Griffin Byrne: No, I can’t see the baby. I can see that couple who’s trying to steal our money. Oh, this is great, babe. So, look. If I do this…
[he holds up his arm and waves his hand]
Griffin Byrne: That means they’re having their baby.
Tess Byrne: I don’t care about the money anymore.
Griffin Byrne: What?
Tess Byrne: Hey, Griff. Come here?
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: You are disturbing her calm zone.
Griffin Byrne: You’re disturbing my calm zone.
[he walks toward Tess when he gets close she grabs his shirt and pulls him close]
Tess Byrne: I need you to focus. I’m just trying to squeeze a giant Escalade out of a compact fucking parking spot!
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Nice. Swearing helps sometimes. But now we use our words right.
[Sam and the Pastor’s family have finally arrived in New York City]
Sam: It’s been a real treat, getting to know you with the family, Grandpa Jed. Pretty cool, very horny.
Pastor Edwin: Well you got a chance to see how the other half lives, huh, Sam?
Sam: You guys make the other half look pretty good.
Pastor Edwin: Ah, you seem to have a pretty fun life.
Sam: It has its moments.
Pastor Edwin: Remember, follow your heart.
Sam: Alright. I will. I’ll see you.
[at Times Square, Paul drops Ingrid as close to the ball drop as he can]
Paul: This is it. This is as close to the ball dropping as I can get you. Hey, good luck with that last one, alright?
Ingrid: Oh, I figured that was a long shot going in.
Paul: Long shot? What are you talking about? Going to Bali, that was kind of a long shot.
[they both laugh]
[she gives him the tickets to the Mask Ball]
Ingrid: Make a list of your own. Don’t wait as long as I did.
[referring to the tickets]
Paul: Thank you.
[they shake hands]
Ingrid: Have a great time.
Paul: You too. Happy New Year.
[she turns and walks off and looks back to wave to Paul before going into the crowd]
[Sam runs into the Ahern Records party and meets his mother, Rose Ahern]
Mrs. Rose Ahern: All your pretty little girls are here.
Sam: Yeah. well, I’m starting to think I need something more than just a pretty girl with nothing to say. You know?
Mrs. Rose Ahern: Did maturity just walk into the room?
Sam: Well, maybe. Maybe not.
Mrs. Rose Ahern: You know what you’re going to say to all these people?
Sam: Yes. Yes, I do.
[the President of the Times Square Alliance rolls up in his limo to talk to Claire]
Claire Morgan: Mr. Buellerton, you wanted to see me?
Mr. Buellerton: Yes. Claire, you spoke eloquently about the ball getting stuck. You swayed everyone’s views.
Claire Morgan: Thank you, sir.
Mr. Buellerton: Except mine.
Claire Morgan: Oh, of course.
Mr. Buellerton: Now, I like a speech. But I don’t think you realize what’s at stake here.
Claire Morgan: Oh, I do, sir.
Mr. Buellerton: You are about to let down the city of New York, the country, the whole world. Unless you get that ball fixed.
Claire Morgan: With all due respect, sir. I’ve been watching the ball drop since I was five years old and it’s one of my most favorite family memories. We’ll be sure to get this fixed.
Mr. Buellerton: You remember the eighty six Mets Red Sox World Series?
Claire Morgan: No.
Mr. Buellerton: Bill Buckner let a ground ball go between his legs and the Sox lost the game and eventually the world series.
Claire Morgan: Uh-huh.
Mr. Buellerton: Very few remember who was on the field that day, but everyone remembers that Buckner missed the ball.
Claire Morgan: Uh-huh.
Mr. Buellerton: Now the baseball’s a lot smaller than your ball, which is not dropping.
Claire Morgan: Right, I’ll be sure that I don’t drop the ball on the ball drop.
Mr. Buellerton: Yeah. Yeah, whatever you said. Anyway, fix it.
Claire Morgan: I will.
Mr. Buellerton: Otherwise, you’re going to hear a speech from me about the new Vice President of the Times Square Alliance.
Claire Morgan: Okay. Uh, I’m not going to let you down or the world. I promise, sir.
[in Times Square just as Elise is about to go on the mains stage Randy runs up to her and gives her the little pink plastic bracelet she dropped in the elevator]
Randy: Here, you left this in the elevator. I didn’t know if it was lucky or something. And also it’s a balance thing, so if you dance while you’re singing, you’ll need your balance.
Elise: Thanks. You came all the way here to, uh, bring me my runner bracelet?
Randy: Sort of. And to say, Happy New Year.
Elise: Happy New Year, Randy.
Randy: But you also left something else on the elevator.
[he kisses her]
Elise: Glad you remembered that.
[just then backup singers get called to go on stage]
Elise: I got to go. Okay, well go watch.
Randy: For you.
Elise: Thank you.
Randy: I will be your groupie.
[he turns to walks away]
Elise: Thank you. Hey, nice pajamas.
[Jensen arrives in Times Square to give his performance, but he’s unhappy and Claire goes over to him to find out what’s wrong]
Claire Morgan: Mr. Jensen, what’s the problem?
Jensen: I saw your speech on TV.
Claire Morgan: I’m Claire Morgan. I’m the one that hired you.
Jensen: Hi. Boy meets girl, boy screws up, boy loses girl.
Claire Morgan: Oh. Um, is there any way I can help you?
Jensen: I don’t think so.
Claire Morgan: Well, it is New Year’s Eve. Anything is possible.
Jensen: Not this time. I think I really screwed it up. I don’t think I deserve a second chance. You know what that feels like?
Claire Morgan: Actually, I do. I have the same situation going on right now. Um, maybe all this is too much for her, huh? I don’t know, maybe all she wants is to not have to share you with the rest of the world.
Jensen: Sounds familiar.
Claire Morgan: We girls, we have a handbook.
Claire Morgan: Um, well I need to go fix the ball, and you need to fix what you broke too. But will you please sing first? Please. And don’t forget, second chances they don’t expire until midnight. Okay?
Claire Morgan: You rock. I’m a big fan.
Jensen: Thank you.
[at the Ahern Records party Sam is on stage delivering his speech the guests]
Sam: As we move forward into this new year, let’s try to remember that sometimes it’s okay to listen to your heart. I know it’s risky, take that leap of faith. Happy New Year, everybody.
[we find out that Laura is the caterer for the Ahern Records party]
Mrs. Rose Ahern: I have to say, that he was absolutely right. The food is sublime.
Laura: Thank you. Thank you so much, it’s great to hear. Um, who was right?
Mrs. Rose Ahern: Jensen! He told us that we had to hire you or he wouldn’t sing tonight.
[Laura tries to hide her surprise]
Mrs. Rose Ahern: I’m going to recommend you to everyone I know, and honey, I know a lot of people.
[it’s near midnight and we go back at the hospital where Stan is looking even more ill]
Nurse Aimee: Stan, it’s just me, Aimee.
Stan Harris: Please go. I don’t want you to see it happen.
Nurse Aimee: No, I’m not going to leave you alone.
[suddenly we hear Claire’s voice from behind the curtain]
Claire Morgan: He’s not alone.
[Aimee pulls back the curtain to reveal Claire]
Claire Morgan: Hi, daddy.
Stan Harris: Hey, kiddo! Hey, kid. Did we miss it?
Claire Morgan: The ball hasn’t dropped yet.
Stan Harris: You really here?
Claire Morgan: Yeah.
[Claire sneaks her father to the hospital rooftop where they can watch the ball drop at Time Square]
[in the kitchen at the Ahern Records party, Laura now all dressed up notices Ava has also dressed up]
Laura: Wow-e-wow! Where in the world is the rest of that dress?
Ava: Ah, New Year’s is all about the dress! You said that we could change before desert. There’s nothing wrong in showing a little something.
Laura: Oh, trust me. There’s nothing little about those.
[referring to her boobs]
Ava: What? Did one fall off?
Laura: No! They didn’t fall off. They’re still there. You look great, perfect in fact.
[Aimee finishes her shift, changes into a party dress, then heads into a room with a computer and webcam set up, she turns it on and talks to her husband who’s a soldier overseas]
Soldier: You look so beautiful. I think I need to be there.
Nurse Aimee: I think I wish you were. Hi, baby.
Soldier: How have you been?
Nurse Aimee: I’m okay.
Soldier: The guys are all watching Times Square on TV right now. I tell ’em I’m better off, I’m watching you.
Nurse Aimee: I miss you, so much.
Soldier: I miss you too, baby. I do.
Nurse Aimee: But you know what? This is going to be a great New Year, because you’re coming home really soon.
Soldier: I hope so.
Nurse Aimee: You are.
Soldier: Yeah. Happy New Year!
Nurse Aimee: Happy New Year.
[Laura is alone in the kitchen eating chocolates, Jensen comes in and interrupts her]
Laura: So, you talked Mrs. Ahern into hiring me tonight, huh?
Jensen: Well, I knew you had a lot of other offers and I wanted you to take this one. I really wanted to talk to you.
Laura: Well, I’m glad you did. I’m glad we had a chance to talk.
Jensen: I’m canceling the tour.
Jensen: Because of you. I’m never going to leave you again, ever. Best decision I ever made was asking you to marry me, and the worst decision I ever made was sprinting. I plan to make it up to you as long as it takes.
Laura: Well, you do realize that it could be an awfully long time before I choose to forgive you. I mean, we could be old and gray before I choose to forgive you.
Jensen: I’ll wait.
Laura: It could be years of makeup sex, before I choose to forgive you.
Jensen: I’ll suffer. It’s almost midnight, do you want to go out to a party?
[to Claire as they watch the ball drop in Times Square]
Stan Harris: I’ve made so many mistakes. You weren’t one of them.
[as the midnight countdown ends everybody in Times Square kisses, but Ingrid is standing alone when suddenly Paul runs up to her grabs her and kisses her]
Ingrid: What the hell are you doing? I’m twice your age!
Paul: Final resolution; midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve. Boom! Check it off!
[at the hospital James comes into Tess’ room to congratulate Tess and Griffin on their new baby]
James Schwab: Hi. So you had your baby. Congratulations. Boy or girl?
Griffin Byrne: Boy.
James Schwab: A boy!
[referring to his baby]
James Schwab: A girl. Third one. Exactly at twelve-oh-four. And yours was when?
Griffin Byrne: Twelve-oh-five.
James Schwab: Really?
[Griffin shakes his James’ hand]
Griffin Byrne: Yeah.
James Schwab: Thank you!
[crying with happiness, James kisses Griffin on the cheeks]
James Schwab: Thanks so much!
[as Dr. Morriset watches James walk towards his wife and new baby]
Spiritual Dr. Morriset: Twelve-oh-five it is then.
[outside La Gambina we see Sam sitting there looking disappointed, just as he starts to walk away, he sees a horse-drawn carriage approaching, a woman steps down and runs towards him]
Sam: You showed up!
Kim: You showed up!
Sam: You look beautiful.
Kim: Well, I had a year to get ready.
[he kisses her and they drive away in the carriage]
Sam: [voice over] Sometimes it feels like there are so many things we can’t control, earthquakes, floods, reality shows. But it’s important to remember the things we can, like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts. Because the one thing that turns the world from a lonely place to a beautiful place, is love. Love in any of its forms. Love gives us hope, hope for the New Year. That’s New Year’s Eve to me. Hope, and a great party.
[as the credits roll, we see footage of Paul and Ingrid dancing at the Ahern Records party]