No Strings Attached Quotes(Page 2)
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[referring to Sam’s car]
Adam: Wow! Prius. Nice. It’s kind of girly, but nice.
Sam: What do you drive?
Adam: Ah, just an old BMW, five series. Right there
[points to his car]
Sam: Oh, yeah. Sure. But I actually paid for mine, I didn’t take it from my parents.
Adam: Yeah, I paid for mine too.
Sam: Oh, yeah?
Adam: You’re a big guy. Do you work out?
Sam: Oh, I row.
Adam: Like boats?
Sam: I rowed crew at Harvard.
Adam: Oh, Harvard. What were you a cocksman? What do they say? What do they call it?
Sam: Coxswain. No.
Sam: You know I get it, right. You’re sleeping with Emma.
Adam: I’m what?
Sam: You and Emma have sex sometimes. I get it. She’s tired, she calls you up, you drive over and have sex for guessing ten minutes. Think that’s gonna last?
Adam: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sam: Sure you do. That’s fine for now, but you should just know that I’m gonna be there right next to her every day, using big words, saving people’s lives. Then when she’s done having a fun with you, she’s gonna come running to me because I’m a grown up and I have a real job. I can actually take care of her. You know? I’m the guy she marries, Adam. You’re the guy she fucked a couple of times in the handicap bathroom.
[as Adam walks into the apartment and finds Eli holding his legs up and looking at his feet]
Eli: I’m not saying Alvin and I did mushrooms together, but I’m not prepared to say that we didn’t. I know that you have issues with your dad, and that’s cool. But he really likes you and he definitely likes me and we were just jammin’ ideas and goofin’ around and trippin’ our balls off.
[after she’s told Emma about her engagement]
Katie: Mom is so excited. She was like screaming and crying last night! Oh, and she’s gonna fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.
Emma: With who? Bones? Who’s Bones?
Katie: Oh, crap.
Emma: Katie. Katie, who’s Bones?
Katie: He’s mom’s friend. I wasn’t supposed to tell you about it. Crap!
Emma: She has a boyfriend named Bones? What is he a drifter?
Emma: Why didn’t she tell me?
Katie: Well Emma, you’re so good at being alone. Mom and I aren’t like that.
Emma: What’s that supposed to mean?
Katie: It’s Just…it’s true.
Emma: Look, Katie, you are twenty two. Do you really think you’re ready to quit school…?
Katie: I love him.
Patrice: Tea for you, Gina.
Emma: Thanks. My sister’s getting married.
Patrice: Yes, we know that.
Guy: We heard.
Shira: Oh, shut up, Emma!
Patrice: Did you take your Pamprin?
Shira: Leave me alone.
Patrice: You leave me alone.
Guy: I love it when we’re all on the same cycle. We all get to be passive aggressive and fight.
Patrice: You are not even a woman!
Adam: Oh, I understand what’s going on. You’re all on the same cycle. This is very exciting. Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
Shira: Nice memorization. Did you Google that?
Adam: I may have. Because you’re women. And I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Patrice: It’s like a crime scene in my pants.
[Adam takes out a CD]
Adam: Oh, I also made you this.
[hands the CD to Emma]
Adam: To help soothe your womb.
[reading the CD songs]
Patrice: It’s a mix! “Even Flow.” “Red, Red Wine.”
Shira: “Sunday Bloody Sunday”?
Emma: Adam, did you make me a period mix?
Guy: That’s so romantic!
Patrice: Frank Sinatra, “I’ve Got the World on a String”!
Adam: That’s a classic.
[Emma wakes up to find Adam spooning her]
Emma: Adam! Adam!
Emma: We fell asleep, we were spooning.
Adam: We were?
Emma: Yeah. And we were spooning with our clothes on which is like ten times worse.
Adam: Oh, shit.
Adam: Fully clothed spoon.
Emma: This is bad!
Emma: Maybe we should…maybe we should stop for a while.
Adam: No, we’re not stopping.
Emma: Yeah, well. I don’t know. Go…go hook up with someone else.
Adam: Are you serious?
Emma: Yeah. Go…go to the nearest bar and have sex with a stranger.
Adam: You’re kidding?
Adam: This is crazy.
Emma: You made me a period mix. Adam, this is an emergency.
Adam: So you just want me to go?
Adam: Just have sex with a random woman?
Emma: Yeah, go.
Adam: Like a sexual woman?
Emma: Yes! I’ll go have sex with someone too.
Emma: No, this is gonna be…
Emma: This is gonna be good for us.
[he gets off the bed and walks out of her room]
Adam: That’s great. Great. Well done. Well played.
Adam: She said I should hook up with other people. I mean what am I supposed to do with that.
Wallace: Look at my face.
Adam: No, I get it. I…I…
Wallace: Look at my face. What does my face say?
Eli: Yeah, Adam. Come on. You’re living every man’s dream. I mean she wants you to hook up with other girls.
Eli: Look in ten years from now you’re gonna be having sex with your wife. And it’s gonna be in the missionary position and one of you is going to be asleep.
Eli: And you’re gonna think back to this moment and you’re gonna call me up, crying. And I’m gonna laugh in your face, Adam. I’m sorry, but it’s what I’m gonna do. This is a gift right now.
Wallace: You don’t even have to have breakfast with her!
Shira: You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
Emma: No. Things were getting too intense so we decided not to see each other until we hook up with other people.
Shira: Okay. Yes. Good! We are getting laid tonight, right? This is gonna be like Sideways except that you’re Paul Giamatti and I’m the guy that gets laid.
Emma: I can’t get laid?
Shira: No. Tonight is about me, Emma. Alright? I’m feeling hot. I’m feeling good. I am wearing bikini bottoms because my other underwear is dirty. Alright, we’re hot! You feel hot?
Emma: [shrugs] No one threw up on me today.
[Emma walks away]
Shira: We’re sluts, Emma! We’re dirty, dirty sluts!
Shira: Remember, we’re sluts!
[a very drunk Emma interrupts Adam’s night with Lisa and Joy]
Joy: What’s going on?
Adam: This is Joy.
Joy: I’m Joy. Hi.
Emma: Good for you.
[Lisa, wearing nothing but her underwear, joins them at the door]
Adam: And this is Lisa.
Emma: You are such an overachiever.
Adam: Thank you.
Lisa: Uh…no, we don’t need her. Make her leave.
Emma: No, you leave.
Lisa: Are you trying to get rid of us?
Emma: You look like a pumpkin, bitch!
Adam: This is amazing.
[Emma goes nuts on Lisa and Joy prompting them to leave of Adam’s place]
Emma: Ring-ring! It’s the pumpkin patch. They want their pumpkins back!
Lisa: We’re not pumpkins!
Joy: We’re ladies!
Emma: But you’re so orange!
[Adam tries carrying Emma inside]
Emma: Hey! Someone call Charlie Brown! We found the Great Pumpkin!
[referring to Emma going nuts on Lisa and Joy]
Adam: You’re crazy. I felt like Flava-Flav.
Emma: I can’t believe you chose those girls.
Adam: Are you jealous?
Emma: Don’t do that. Don’t just disappear like that on me.
Adam: You told me to.
Emma: You shouldn’t listen to me.
Adam: Fine, I won’t.
[she kisses him]
[Adam is in hospital for punching his hand into a wall]
Emma: Dr. Metzner? Adam, what’s going on? What happened?
Dr. Metzner: He sprained his wrist punching a wall.
Emma: You texted me that you were dying.
Adam: It really hurt.
Dr. Metzner: I gave him some Hydrocodone for the night. It’s a very strong painkiller. You might want to have Dr. Kurtzman here drive you home. And here is a prescription for an anti-inflammatory.
[hands it to Emma]
Dr. Metzner: Don’t worry, you’re in good hands. Your girlfriend here is a very talented doctor.
Emma: No! No. I’m…I’m not his girlfriend.
Adam: She is not my girlfriend.
Dr. Metzner: Oh sorry. I saw that he listed you as an emergency contact. My mistake. Feel better.
[Emma gives Adam a dirty look]
Dr. Metzner: Oh, uh…by the way, I enjoyed your dad’s TV show. Great Scott! It’s funny stuff.
Adam: I’ll tell him you said that.
[he pops a painkiller]
Adam: My dad invited me to dinner, he’s bringing Vanessa. You have to come.
Emma: No, I don’t. I just worked fourteen hours. I’m not gonna meet your parents.
Adam: You know what? Just help me. These are really powerful painkillers. I can’t feel anything.
[suddenly Emma slaps Adam]
Emma: Feel that?
Adam: Yeah. I felt that.
[having dinner with his father and Vanessa]
Alvin: How long have you two been together?
Emma: Oh, we’re not.
Adam: We’re sex friends.
Emma: Yeah. Yes, we are.
Adam: We’re friends with benefits. Fuck buddies.
Alvin: Great Scott!
Vanessa: I know this might be hard, but just because I’m your ex-girlfriend doesn’t mean that you can’t look at me as a kind of mom.
Emma: Oh, boy!
Vanessa: Especially, because well, Alvin and I have been talking about creating new life together.
Alvin: You see we were at the Burning Man.
Vanessa: And we were all dressed up.
Alvin: Yeah. I was dressed as a fire bird.
Emma: And what were you dressed as?
Vanessa: I was naked. And we were just out there in the desert and…and he was burying my bare body in the sand.
Alvin: Yeah, pecking at it with my fire beak.
Vanessa: And…and then I just though, you know, what if all these grains of sand were actually babies?
Alvin: And so we…
Vanessa: We had this wonderful idea.
Alvin: And we…well, we’d like your blessing, Adam. How do you feel about the two of us having a baby together.
[suddenly Adam bangs his head hard on the table]
Emma: This isn’t really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes. But…
Adam: Yes, she does.
Emma: But, there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world since you’re acting like children already.
Vanessa: That was really mean.
Emma: Yeah, I’m mean. But you’re fucking crazy. Cause given the choice between Adam and his dad, given the choice between Adam and anyone really, I’d choose Adam, every time.
Emma: Do you wanna get out of here?
Adam: Yeah. Fuck this.
[they get up to leave]
Emma: Oh, by the way. It’s the best sex of my life.
[yells to Alvin and Vanessa as they walk out of the restaurant]
Emma: Great Scott!
Adam: Go on a date with me.
Emma: [laughing] You’re heavily sedated.
Adam: Come on, it’s…it’s one date. Just do it.
Emma: Why? So I can wear make-up and act perfect all night?
Adam: Yeah. I’ll pick you up and we can talk about our favorite books and our favorite TV shows and I’ll pay for everything. And you can reward me with an over the jeans cock rub. Like a real date.
Emma: Is that what you really want?
Adam: This Friday.
Emma: This Friday is Valentine’s Day.
Adam: Go big or go home. They’ll be hearts and maybe some flowers. One date.
Emma: I’ll go on a date with you.
Emma: I made you a Valentine’s Day card.
[takes the card looks at it and laughs]
Adam: It’s perfect. Will you read it for me? Is that weird?
[Emma takes the card back and reads it]
Emma: You give me premature ventricular contractions.
Adam: I’m assuming that’s a good thing.
Emma: You make my heart skip a beat.
Emma: Don’t make fun of me!
[at the diner during their Valentine’s Day date]
Emma: I don’t get my own milkshake?
Adam: No, it’s one milkshake, two straws. That’s what makes it so special.
Emma: But I’m so hungry
Adam: We have dinner, later. Didn’t you read the itinerary?
Emma: You’re gonna get more shake you have a bigger mouth.
Adam: You have a pretty big mouth.
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