Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Geoffrey Rush, Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Paul McCartney
OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆
Fantasy action adventure sequel directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, in this fifth installment Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea, including him. Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.
Our Favorite Quote:'Just because you can't see something, it doesn't mean it's not there.' - Carina Smyth (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales) Click To Tweet
Henry Turner: Father?
Will Turner: Henry, what have you done?
Henry Turner: I said I’d find you.
Will Turner: Look at me, son.
Henry Turner: I don’t care.
Will Turner: There’s no place for you on the Dutchman. They know you’re here. Get home to your mother.
Henry Turner: No!
Will Turner: Leave now! Before it’s too late.
Henry Turner: I won’t! I’ll never stop. And if you throw me over, I’ll come straight back.
Will Turner: Don’t you see, I’m cursed to this ship?
Henry Turner: That’s why I’m here. I think I know a way to break your curse, to free you from the Dutchman.
Will Turner: Henry, no.
Henry Turner: I’ve read about a treasure. A treasure that holds all the power of the sea. The Trident of Poseidon can break your curse.
Will Turner: Henry, the Trident can never be found.
Henry Turner: I found you.
Will Turner: It’s just a tale.
Henry Turner: Like the tales of you and Captain Jack Sparrow? He will help me find the Trident.
Will Turner: You stay away from Jack. Leave the sea forever. You have to stop acting like…
Henry Turner: A pirate? I won’t stop. I want you to come home.
Will Turner: Henry, I’m sorry, but my curse will never be broken. This is my fate. You must let me go.
[the Dutchman starts sinking, Will takes off his necklace and gives it to Henry]
Will Turner: I love you, son.
[picking up a drawn picture of Jack Sparrow with his sword]
Captain Salazar: Jack Sparrow. Do you know this pirate?
Henry Turner: Only by name. You’re looking for him? Is that a yes?
Captain Salazar: Yes. For too many years the Triangle has cursed us, condemned us to this Hell on Earth. The key to our escape is Jack Sparrow, and the compass which he holds. No need to fear me, boy. I always leave one man alive, to tell the tale. Find Sparrow for me and relay a message, from Captain Salazar.
Henry Turner: Salazar.
Captain Salazar: Tell him I’ll behold the daylight again. And on that day, death, death comes straight for him. Would you say that to him, please?
Henry Turner: Yes.
Captain Salazar: I wish I could tell him myself, but dead men tell no tales.
Captain Jack Sparrow: That was not part of the plan.
Carina Smyth: I’m not looking for trouble!
Captain Jack Sparrow: What a horrible way to live.
Gibbs: Face it Jack, bad luck dogs you day and night.
Captain Jack Sparrow: That is a blatant fabrication.
[at that moment a bird dropping lands on Jack’s shoulder]
Captain Salazar: Now, now. It’s time to hunt a pirate.
Henry Turner: Psst. I need to speak with you.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Hand me your sword.
Henry Turner: I don’t have a sword.
Captain Jack Sparrow: What kind of soldier has no weapon?
Henry Turner: I’m currently wanted for treason.
Captain Jack Sparrow: So not the very good kind then.
Henry Turner: I’m looking for a pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Well, today is your lucky day, because I just happen to be Captain Jack Sparrow.
Henry Turner: No, it can’t be. I’ve spent years searching for this? The great Jack Sparrow is not some drunk in a cell. Do you even have a ship? A crew? Pants?
Captain Jack Sparrow: A great pirate does not require such intricacies.
Henry Turner: Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment? The risks I’ve taken to be here.
Henry Turner: Are you sure you’re the Jack Sparrow?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Real question is, who are you?
Henry Turner: My name is Henry Turner. Son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Ugh! You’re the evil spawn of them two? Does mummy ever ask about me?
Henry Turner: No.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Oh, go on. She call my name in her sleep?
Henry Turner: She never spoke of you.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Are you sure we’re talking about the same people? He’s a cursed eunuch. She’s golden-haired, stubborn, pouty lips, neck like a giraffe, and two of those wonderful…
Henry Turner: Yes! Yes, it’s her.
Henry Turner: The Trident of Poseidon. The treasure to be found with The Map That No Man Can Read.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Never heard of it.
Henry Turner: There is a girl inside this prison, Jack, who holds that map. The moon has turned to blood, the Trident will be found and you could be the one who holds the sea and with it become all that you once were. The great… Jack!
Captain Jack Sparrow: I’m so sorry. Were you still talking? I believe I nodded off a bit.
Henry Turner: One more thing. A message from someone you know, named Captain Salazar.
Captain Jack Sparrow: I once knew a Spaniard named, something in Spanish.
Mullroy: The entire fleet is being sunk, and we’ll soon be dead.
Murtogg: And quite possibly out of business.
Haifaa Meni: But now you come to me in fear, as the dead have taken command of the sea.
Captain Hector Barbossa: And what would the dead be wanting with me?
Haifaa Meni: Not you, Captain. They’re searching for a Sparrow.
Captain Hector Barbossa: Jack?
Haifaa Meni: Jack will sail for the Trident with a girl and a Pearl.
[whilst in prison]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Uncle Jack!
Uncle Jack: Jackie boy! How’s it going?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Can’t complain really. You?
Uncle Jack: I’ve been waiting all morning in here for a beating. But the service is terrible.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Shameful.
Uncle Jack: Did I ever tell you the one about the skeleton?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Yes, you have. Many times, in fact.
Uncle Jack: Skeleton goes into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Funny as ever.
Uncle Jack: Oh, if they disembowel you, ask for Victor. He’s got the softest hands.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Thank you!
Uncle Jack: And mention my name. They won’t cut your feet off.
[as he’s about to be executed]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Guillotine? Sounds French. I love the French. Did you know that they invented mayonnaise? How bad could it be? It’s French, eh?
[he sees what the guillotine actually is]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Oh, well, then. I’ve changed me mind!
[as he’s being taken to the guillotine]
Captain Jack Sparrow: No, please! Have mercy upon me! I’m a bed-wetter. Oh, come on. I mean, I have to walk upstairs as well for this?
Guard: Strap him down!
Captain Jack Sparrow: Here’s an idea. Here’s an idea. Why don’t we try a good old-fashioned stoning, eh? I’d kill to be stoned right now. Gets the crowd involved, doesn’t it? I should like to speak to Victor in Disembowelment. I should like to speak to…
[as his head gets put under the guillotine]
Captain Jack Sparrow: I’m not one to complain normally, but this basket’s full of heads.
[as she’s about to be hung]
Carina Smyth: Good sirs, I’m not a witch, but I forgive your common dimwittedness and feeble brains. In short, most of you have the mind of a goat.
[as he’s trying to save Carina from being hanged]
Henry Turner: From this moment on we are to be allies!
Carina Smyth: Considering where you left hand is, I’d say we’re more than that!
Captain Jack Sparrow: There is no map in this map.
Carina Smyth: Give me my diary.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Give me “The Map No Man Can Read”.
Carina Smyth: If you could read it, then it wouldn’t be called “The Map No Man Can Read”.
Henry Turner: I beg you, please, don’t argue with her.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Most of the men on this ship can’t read. Which makes all maps “The Maps That No Man Can Read”.
Carina Smyth: Well, if you can’t read it, then you have no use for it, or me.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Now, a bit of discretion when courting a brunette. Never pursue her sister. But if you cannot avoid the charm of her sister, kill the brother. Savvy?
Henry Turner: No, I do not savvy.
Captain Jack Sparrow: By the way, that little sliver of knowledge will cost you five pieces.
Henry Turner: I’m not paying you for that.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Never say that to a woman.
Carina Smyth: Just because you can’t see something, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Captain Salazar: You don’t know who I am.
Captain Hector Barbossa: I’ve heard stories of a mighty Spanish captain, El Matador Del Mar. A man who scourged the sea, hunted and killed thousands of men.
Captain Salazar: No, no, no, no! Men, no. No, no, no, no. Pirates. Pirates.
Captain Salazar: Pirates had infected the seas for generations. Taking the life of my father and his father before. So I vowed to end this plague once and for all. And that is what I did. I destroyed dozens of ships. The last ones joined together to try and defeat me! But they soon realized it was hopeless. Nothing could stop the Silent Mary.