Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Best Quotes

Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario, Geoffrey Rush, Golshifteh Farahani, David Wenham, Paul McCartney

OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆

Story:

Fantasy action adventure sequel directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, in this fifth installment Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) finds the winds of ill-fortune blowing even more strongly when deadly ghost pirates led by his old nemesis, the terrifying Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle, determined to kill every pirate at sea, including him. Captain Jack’s only hope of survival lies in seeking out the legendary Trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that bestows upon its possessor total control over the seas.

Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 25)

Henry: Father?
Will Turner: Henry, what have you done?
Henry: I said I’d find you.
Will Turner: Look at me, son.
Henry: I don’t care.
Will Turner: There’s no place for you on the Dutchman. They know you’re here. Get home to your mother.
Henry: No!
Will Turner: Leave now! Before it’s too late.
Henry: I won’t! I’ll never stop. And if you throw me over, I’ll come straight back.
Will Turner: Don’t you see, I’m cursed to this ship?
Henry: That’s why I’m here. I think I know a way to break your curse, to free you from the Dutchman.
Will Turner: Henry, no.
Henry: I’ve read about a treasure. A treasure that holds all the power of the sea. The Trident of Poseidon can break your curse.
Will Turner: Henry, the Trident can never be found.
Henry: I found you.
Will Turner: It’s just a tale.
Henry: Like the tales of you and Captain Jack Sparrow? He will help me find the Trident.
Will Turner: You stay away from Jack. Leave the sea forever. You have to stop acting like…
Henry: A pirate? I won’t stop. I want you to come home.
Will Turner: Henry, I’m sorry, but my curse will never be broken. This is my fate. You must let me go.
[the Dutchman starts sinking, Will takes off his necklace and gives it to Henry]
Will Turner: I love you, son.

[picking up a drawn picture of Jack Sparrow with his sword]
Captain Salazar: Jack Sparrow. Do you know this pirate?
Henry: Only by name. You’re looking for him? Is that a yes?
Captain Salazar: Yes. For too many years the Triangle has cursed us, condemned us to this Hell on Earth. The key to our escape is Jack Sparrow, and the compass which he holds. No need to fear me, boy. I always leave one man alive, to tell the tale. Find Sparrow for me and relay a message, from Captain Salazar.
Henry: Salazar.
Captain Salazar: Tell him I’ll behold the daylight again. And on that day, death… death comes straight for him. Would you say that to him, please?
Henry: Yes.
Captain Salazar: I wish I could tell him myself, but dead men tell no tales.

Captain Jack Sparrow: That was not part of the plan.

Carina Smyth: I’m not looking for trouble!
Captain Jack Sparrow: What a horrible way to live.

Gibbs: Face it Jack, bad luck dogs you day and night.
Captain Jack Sparrow: That is a blatant fabrication.
[at that moment a bird dropping lands on Jack’s shoulder]

Captain Salazar: Now, now. It’s time to hunt a pirate.

Henry: Psst. I need to speak with you.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Hand me your sword.
Henry: I don’t have a sword.
Captain Jack Sparrow: What kind of soldier has no weapon?
Henry: I’m currently wanted for treason.
Captain Jack Sparrow: So not the very good kind then.
Henry: I’m looking for a pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Well, today is your lucky day, because I just happen to be Captain Jack Sparrow.
Henry: No, it can’t be. I’ve spent years searching for this? The great Jack Sparrow is not some drunk in a cell. Do you even have a ship? A crew?
[he looks down and sees Sparrow has no pants on]
Henry: Pants?
Captain Jack Sparrow: A great pirate does not require such intricacies.
Henry: Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment? The risks I’ve taken to be here.

Henry: Are you sure you’re the Jack Sparrow?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Real question is, who are you?
Henry: My name is Henry Turner. Son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Ugh! You’re the evil spawn of them two? Does mommy ever ask about me?
Henry: No.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Oh, go on. She call my name in her sleep?
Henry: She never spoke of you.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Are you sure we’re talking about the same people? He’s a cursed eunuch. She’s golden-haired, stubborn, pouty lips, neck like a giraffe, and two of those wonderful…
Henry: Yes! Yes, it’s her.

Henry: The Trident of Poseidon. The treasure to be found with The Map That No Man Can Read.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Never heard of it.
Henry: There is a girl inside this prison, Jack, who holds that map. The moon has turned to blood, the Trident will be found and you could be the one who holds the sea and with it become all that you once were. The great… Jack!
Captain Jack Sparrow: I’m so sorry. Were you still talking? I believe I nodded off a bit.
Henry: One more thing. A message from someone you know, named Captain Salazar.
Captain Jack Sparrow: I once knew a Spaniard named, something in Spanish.

Haifaa Meni: But now you come to me in fear, as the dead have taken command of the sea.
Captain Hector Barbossa: And what would the dead be wanting with me?
Haifaa Meni: Not you, Captain. They’re searching for a Sparrow.
Captain Hector Barbossa: Jack?
Haifaa Meni: Jack will sail for the Trident with a girl and a Pearl.

[as he’s about to be executed]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Guillotine? Sounds French. I love the French. Did you know that they invented mayonnaise? How bad could it be? It’s French, eh?
[he sees what the guillotine actually is]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Oh, well, then. I’ve changed me mind! No, please! Have mercy upon me! I’m a bed-wetter. Oh, come on. I mean, I have to walk upstairs as well for this?
Guard: Bring the basket.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Basket? Why?
Guard: Strap him down!
Captain Jack Sparrow: Here’s an idea. Here’s an idea. Why don’t we try a good old-fashioned stoning, eh? I’d kill to be stoned right now. Gets the crowd involved, doesn’t it? I should like to speak to Victor in Disembowelment. I should like to speak to… I’m not one to complain normally, but this basket’s full of heads.

Henry: From this moment on we are to be allies!
[Henry catches Carina as she’s being hanged]
Carina Smyth: Considering where you left hand is, I’d say we’re more than that!

Captain Salazar: You don’t know who I am.
Captain Hector Barbossa: I’ve heard stories of a mighty Spanish captain, El Matador Del Mar. A man who scourged the sea, hunted and killed thousands of men.
Captain Salazar: No, no, no, no! Men, no. No, no, no, no. Pirates. Pirates.

Captain Salazar: Pirates had infected the seas for generations. Taking the life of my father and his father before. So I vowed to end this plague once and for all. And that is what I did. I destroyed dozens of ships. The last ones joined together to try and defeat me! But they soon realized it was hopeless. Nothing could stop the Silent Mary.

See more Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Quotes

Carina Smyth: My calculations are precise and true. I’m not only an astronomer, I’m also a horologist.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Mmm. No shame in that, dear. I mean, we all have to earn a living, eh?
Scrum: Oh, yeah.
Carina Smyth: No. No, I’m a horologist.
Scrum: So was my mum. But she didn’t crow about it as loud as you.
Carina Smyth: Are you saying your mother was academically inclined?
Scrum: More like, horizontally reclined.
Carina Smyth: Horology is the study of time.
Scrum: And she was always looking at her watch.
Captain Jack Sparrow: I can vouch for that.

Carina Smyth: Are all pirates this stupid?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Yes.

Henry: Carina, the dead are coming.
Carina Smyth: Well, I choose not to believe in supernatural nonsense.
Henry: Do you not see what’s behind us?

Henry: What are you doing?
Carina Smyth: The men on that ship are looking for Jack and Jack is on this boat. So I’m going to swim for it.
Captain Jack Sparrow: How dare you do exactly what I would do if I were you.
[Carina starts to take off her dress]
Henry: Carina, stop that.
Captain Jack Sparrow: No, no, no, no, don’t stop that!
Henry: This has gone far enough.
Captain Jack Sparrow: No, it has not! Listen not to him. Carry on. Carry on.
[after taking off her dress Carina jumps into the sea to swim towards the ship]
Captain Jack Sparrow: Why, she was almost finished?
Henry: I saw her ankles.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You’d have seen a lot more if you’d have kept your cake-hole shut!

Henry: No. That’s it. I’m going with her.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You would leave me for some horologist in her knickers?
Henry: Yes.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You men are all alike.

Captain Salazar: You will soon pay for what you did to me.

Captain Jack Sparrow: I know what’s ailing you, boy. You’ve got the unscratchable itch.
Henry: Carina is the only one who can help us find the Trident, and I’m not in love with her.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Love? Who said anything about love? What are you talking about?
Henry: The unscratchable itch?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Scabies. I’m talking about scabies. Small mites that burrow under the skin. It’s certainly ailing me, has been for years.

[referring to Carina’s diary]
Captain Hector Barbossa: Where did you get that from, missy? I know this book. Stolen from an Italian ship many years ago.
Carina Smyth: Stolen? No, you’re mistaken.
Captain Hector Barbossa: There was a ruby on the cover I would not soon forget.
Carina Smyth: This was given to me by my father, who was clearly a man of science.
Captain Hector Barbossa: He was clearly a common thief.
Carina Smyth: The memory of my father will not be defiled by the tongue of a pirate. This diary is my birthright, left to me on the steps of a children’s home, along with a name and nothing else.
Captain Hector Barbossa: Oh, so you’re an orphan. What be you called?
Carina Smyth: The brightest star in the North gave me my name.
Captain Hector Barbossa: That would be Carina.
Carina Smyth: Carina Smyth. So you do know your stars.
Captain Hector Barbossa: I’m a captain. I know which stars to follow home.

Captain Jack Sparrow: Smyth. Smyth is quite an unusual name. Did we not once know someone called Smyth?
Captain Hector Barbossa: Shut your trap.
Captain Jack Sparrow: What was her name? It’s right on the tip of me tongue. Oh!
Captain Hector Barbossa: Do you wanna lose that tongue?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Margaret Smyth.
Captain Hector Barbossa: Aye.
Captain Jack Sparrow: Should we make an accord then? Or shall I tell you-know-who what we both know to be true?
Captain Hector Barbossa: We both take this secret to our graves.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You mean, it is true? I was bluffing.
Captain Hector Barbossa: I’m not.
Captain Jack Sparrow: You kill me, you got nothing to bargain the dead with. So you need me.

[referring to Carina]
Captain Jack Sparrow: I’ll have to be frank, Hector. You are very, very ugly. So how could you produce a fetching creature such as that?
Captain Hector Barbossa: Margaret died. I summoned as much honor as a worthless blaggard ever could. I placed the infant in an orphanage, never to see her again. I thought the ruby might afford her some ease in life, but I never imagined she’d take those scribblings and make a life of her own. A life that’s led her back to me.
Captain Jack Sparrow: I’d say this puts me in a rather favorable position, Daddy.
Captain Hector Barbossa: You tell me what you want.
Captain Jack Sparrow: I want me compass. Two hundred and sixteen barrels of rum, and the monkey.
Captain Hector Barbossa: You want Jack?
Captain Jack Sparrow: Dinner. I want to eat him, I want to eat that monkey.
Captain Hector Barbossa: No deal, Jack. A clever young woman such as that would never believe that a swine like me could ever be her blood. And the Trident will be mine.

Carina Smyth: Who am I to you?
Captain Hector Barbossa: Treasure.

Total Quotes: 25

Trailer:

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Best Quotes – ‘It’s time to hunt a pirate.’

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