Starring: Kristen Bell, Kirby Howell-Baptiste, Paul Walter Hauser, Vince Vaughn, Joel McHale, Bebe Rexha, Dayo Okeniyi, Joel McHale, Nick Cassavetes, Stephen Root
Comedy written and directed by Aron Gaudet and Gita Pullapilly. Inspired by a true story, Queenpins (2021) centers on bored and frustrated suburban homemaker, Connie (Kristen Bell), and her best pal JoJo (Kirby Howell-Baptiste), a vlogger with dreams, who turn a hobby into a multi-million dollar counterfeit coupon scam. On the trail to total coupon dominance, a hapless Loss Prevention Officer, Ken Miller (Paul Walter Hauser), from the local supermarket chain joins forces with a determined US Postal Inspector, Simon Kilmurry (Vince Vaughn), in hot pursuit of these newly-minted Queenpins of pink collar crime.
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We’ll add the best quotes once the movie is released and we’ve had a chance to watch it, but for now, here’s a small selection.
JoJo Johnson: [vlogging] Yoh, yoh, yoh! It’s time to save with JoJo. Is it hot in here? Or is it just me?
JoJo’s Mom: Just you.
JoJo Johnson: Mom!
Rick Kaminski: We have a mountain of debt.
Connie Kaminski: Is this the best we’re ever going to do?
JoJo Johnson: How come I’m so broke?
Connie Kaminski: They system has set us up to fail. You know who gets rewarded? People who don’t follow the rules. It’s time we start bending them a little.
Connie Kaminski: When you send these companies a complaint, they send you a coupon for free stuff. All of these free coupons come from one factory.
JoJo Johnson: It’s like Robin Hood. We got to steal these coupons, and sell them to families who really need them. That’s money in the bank.
Ken Miller: I am Loss Prevention Officer. Thousands of these coupons, they’re getting mailed out all over the country. We need boots on the ground asap.
Simon Kilmurry: Simon Kilmurry. US Postal Inspector.
Ken Miller: They said that they were sending the FBI. What do you do? You carry mail around, or something?
Simon Kilmurry: That would be a mailman. They carry the mail. I carry a gun.
Simon Kilmurry: We are investigating a counterfeit coupon ring. Costing companies tens of millions of dollars.
Simon Kilmurry: We need someone who’s had experience with this sort of thing.
Tempe Tina: We’ve got to spread this s**t out. I’m talking bank accounts, credit cards, a stash house, and aliases.
JoJo Johnson: Could you say it all again, and like much slower?
Connie Kaminski: And do you have like a pad, just to write it down?
Tempe Tina: No. Get out.
JoJo Johnson: Okay. We don’t got it, but we got it.
Connie Kaminski: I’m going to wing it.
JoJo Johnson: We’re Queenpins, b**ch.
Tempe Tina: The website is way too easy to trace back to you. Is there anything else I should know about?
Connie Kaminski: I don’t think so.
JoJo Johnson: No.
Connie Kaminski: Well…
[we see JoJo’s Savy Super Saver YouTube video]
JoJo Johnson: I mean, how could they trace it…
Connie Kaminski: It back to your face?
JoJo Johnson: Oh, yeah. My face is right on it.
Ken Miller: You got to let me in on this thing.
Ken Miller: Who’s the girl, Earl?
Simon Kilmurry: I think it’s pretty clear that Earl doesn’t know.
Ken Miller: Call a sketch artist!
Simon Kilmurry: [to Miller] Call a sketch artist? Who do you think she is? Keyser Söze?
Postal Police Officer: Alright, boys, lock and load! So what are we dealing with here? Gunrunners? Drug dealers?
Ken Miller: It’s two women who are counterfeiting coupons.
Postal Police Officer: This feels like a lot. You don’t think we’re coming in a little hot here, boss?
Ken Miller: Coupons aren’t about what you buy. It’s about the feeling you get. They call it the “coupon high”. Supposedly, it’s better than intimacy with another person. Or so I’ve been told.
Connie Kaminski: Sorry, have you not used a coupon, or have you not had sex?
Ken Miller: What happened?