Starring: Melissa McCarthy, Bill Barretta, Maya Rudolph, Joel McHale, Leslie David Baker, Elizabeth Banks

OUR RATING: ★★☆☆☆

Story:

Puppet crime action comedy directed by Brian Henson. The story is set in a world where puppets co-exist with humans as second class citizens. When the puppet cast of a beloved classic puppet television show, The Happytime Gang, begins to get murdered one by one, a former puppet cop, Phil Phillips (Bill Barretta), who has since become a private eye, takes on the case and is forced to work with his ex-partner, human cop, Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy), to solve the brutal murders.

As the killings continue, Jenny (Elizabeth Banks), Phil’s former flame, is next on the list. It’s up to Phil and Connie to find the culprit, but as bad blood and old resentments resurface, the clues start pointing to the only viable suspect: Phil himself. Now he’s on the run with only his wits and hard-headed determination as he and his partner attempt to solve the Happytime Murders.

 

Best Quotes    (Total Quotes: 12)


 

Goofer: For fifty cents I’ll suck your dick.
Detective Connie Edwards: Well, it’s a great price. It almost makes me wish I had a dick for you to suck.
Goofer: Well I’ll take that as a yes.
[as he moves towards Connie, she punches him in the face]


 

Detective Connie Edwards: You want me to pull my gun?
Goofer: No. Unless you’re talking about your wiener.


 

Lt. Banning: You two were the most decorated officers in this department. So what do you see?
Detective Connie Edwards: It looks like a robbery gone wrong to me.
Phil Philips: This wasn’t a robbery, this was a hit. Someone out there is killing puppets.


 

Puppet Prostitute #1: Hey, handsome.
Puppet Prostitute #2: Are you looking for some rotten cotton.
Detective Connie Edwards: I’m a woman!
[there’s a pause as they look at her]
Puppet Prostitute #1: That’s okay.
Puppet Prostitute #2: Yeah, that’s even better.
Puppet Prostitute #1: We got a good time for you.


 

Phil Philips: We’re going to catch the bastards who did these murders, because bodies are going to start piling up.


 

Detective Connie Edwards: [to Phil] You’re one of the best damn cops I’ve ever seen.


 

Agent Campbell: I’ll have your badge for this. I’m the fucking FBI!
Phil Philips: Oh, yeah. What’s that stand for? Fucking big idiot!


 

Phil Philips: If this shit gets crazy, I’m going to go crazy as shit.


 

[as she tries to kick down a locked door]
Bubbles: God, are you alright?
Detective Connie Edwards: I ruptured my hymen.


 

Detective Connie Edwards: Now we know the purple carpet doesn’t match the drapes.


 

[offering her some drugs]
Lyle: This is pure ecstasy.
Detective Connie Edwards: I’m not doing this!
[pointing a gun at her]
Puppet Rat: Do it!
[Connie snorts the drug and passes out on the chair]
Lyle: Oh, sorry, about your dead human friend, Philips.
[Connie suddenly becomes conscious]
Detective Connie Edwards: Wow! That is good shit!
Lyle: Well, fuck me!
Detective Connie Edwards: Maybe!


 

Agent Campbell: Is Phil in?
Bubbles: He’s servicing a client.
[we see Phil having sex with a female puppet in his office making loud noises]
Agent Campbell: Is that what I think it is?
[they suddenly see the female puppet plastered against the glass door as Phil has sex with her from behind]
Phil Philips: Here I go. Here I go. Here I go. Here I go. Here I go. Here… !


Total Quotes: 12

 

What do you think of The Happytime Murders quotes? Let us know what you think in the comments below as we’d love to know.

 

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