Starring: Will Ferrell, Amy Poehler, Ryan Simpkins, Jason Mantzoukas, Nick Kroll, Allison Tolman, Michaela Watkins, Jessie Ennis, Rob Huebel, Cedric Yarbrough, Jeremy Renner
OUR RATING: ★★½
Comedy directed and co-written by Andrew J. Cohen, the story follows Scott and Kate Johansen (Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler) who after they lose their daughter’s college fund team up with their neighbors to start an illegal casino in his basement to earn money.
Best Quotes (Total Quotes: 25)
[to Scott and Kate]
Frank: Alex going to college. You guys must be pretty psyched, right?
Scott Johansen: I’ve gotten so used to being us three. What’s it going to be like when it’s just us?
[Scott and Kate start to laugh]
Kate Johansen: Well…
Scott Johansen: A whole lot of air. Empty nest. This nest is going to be filled with our loving. Oh, yeah.
Kate Johansen: It’s going to be a regular fuckfest around here.
Scott Johansen: Oh, yeah. Get your passport ready. Because we’re…we’re going to be going to fuck town.
[referring to her email reply from Berkeley]
Alex Johansen: Oh, no, I don’t want to click it. I’m not going to click it. Why don’t you click it?
Scott Johansen: If they say no to you I say we say no to them. If they don’t want my baby they’re stupid.
[Alex opens her email and it pops up with heading “Welcome to Berkeley University”]
Alex Johansen: I got it in!
Scott Johansen: I knew it!
Scott Johansen: When I became a dad I made a choice, to support my daughter’s dreams.
Dawn: You don’t have enough money.
Scott Johansen: It says right here we have four hundred and one thousand dollars.
Kate Johansen: Jackpot.
Scott Johansen: You missed it.
Dawn: Uh, that’s says you have a 401K account.
Kate Johansen: Alex thinks we can afford tuition and we can’t.
Scott Johansen: We got to lie, that’s what parents do, because otherwise the kids are going to realize that we don’t know what we’re doing!
Kate Johansen: If we don’t have the money she can’t go to college.
[looking at the money they owe]
Scott Johansen: Fifty million dollars!
Kate Johansen: Thousand, honey. Oh, my God. My butt just got so tight. I can’t believe this.
Frank: Welcome. I have a way for you guys to make four years tuition in one month. Underground casino.
Frank: You guys need money, I know how to get it. Let’s start and underground casino.
Kate Johansen: I don’t like this.
Frank: Check this out.
[pulls up a photo of Alex in a mockup business magazine showing her to be successful business woman]
Frank: Look at Alex. Here she is, she’s gone to college. If she doesn’t go, boom!
[he pulls up another photo of Alex passed out on a sidewalk dressed in hooker clothes]
Kate Johansen: Yeah.
Frank: She’s a homeless prostitute on the streets, selling her tiny body for money.
Frank: We’re going to make crazy money. We got to invite everybody!
Scott Johansen: The math seems to check out.
Kate Johansen: Do this math. You’re forty years-old and you go to jail for twenty years, how old are you when you get out?
Scott Johansen: Ninety.
Kate Johansen: No.
Scott Johansen: A hundred.
Kate Johansen: Honey.
Scott Johansen: If I have some scratch paper I can figure it out.
Frank: If you want to make money like Vegas you got to look like Vegas. We’ve got a nail salon, massagers. You’re never going to believe what’s in this next room.
Kate Johansen: Is it a strip club? Oh, my God.
[they open the room to see it’s been turned into a strip club]
Kate Johansen: What’s up with that kid?
Scott Johansen: That kid’s eleven.
Frank: He’s a fantastic DJ. Drop that beat!
Scott Johansen: Your mother and I will be working late every night.
Alex Johansen: I just can’t help but feel like you’re lying. You’ve been coming home late every night smelling like smoke and booze.
Scott Johansen: We love you so much, we’re so proud of you, but you need to shut up.
Alex Johansen: What did you just say?
Scott Johansen: It’s so hard being a parent.
[referring to Scott, Kate and Frank]
Craig: There’s something fishy going on with those three.
Craig: There’s something going on in this town.
Craig: You guys have to shut down this casino.
Scott Johansen: Are you going to bet on our friends fighting?
Frank: We’re a casino. Have you ever heard of fight night?
[as their neighbors are fighting]
Scott Johansen: Martha and Laura are pretty good in there.
Kate Johansen: They both take the same MMA class at The Y.
[as the two women fight]
Kate Johansen: Ooh, she doored her!
Scott Johansen: I don’t know why I love this so much!
Casino Patron: Are those women’s sunglasses?
Scott Johansen: No, they’re Italian.
Kate Johansen: I feel like a badass bitch.
Scott Johansen: I’m not going to tell my daughter she can’t go to college, so we resorted to a life of crime.
Frank: Guys, we got a problem.
Scott Johansen: He’s cheating. We got to send a message, like De Niro in Casino.
Frank: You think you can cheat us!
Carl Shackler: I got lucky.
Kate Johansen: Well your luck just ran out, man, because me and my friends are about to fuck you up!
Carl Shackler: What are you guys going to do about it anyway, you’re a bunch of soccer moms?
[Scott gets hold of an axe]
Kate Johansen: Maybe we’ll cut your dick off!
Frank: Oh, shit! This shit just got real!
Carl Shackler: [laughing] Ooh, I’m so scared.
Frank: I’m going to do this.
[Kate tries to take the axe from him]
Kate Johansen: No, I’m going to do this.
Scott Johansen: Hey, hey, hey! Don’t play around with…
[as Scott tries to grab the axe from Frank and Kate he accidentally hits Carl and cuts off his finger]
Frank: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Kate Johansen: Shut the fuck up!
[they all scream as Carl’s sliced off finger is spurting blood everywhere]
Carl Shackler: Put it back! Put it back on!
Scott Johansen: I’m trying to find it!
Kate Johansen: Could this help?
[she passes him a shoe, Scott places it over Carl’s hand to stop the stem of blood, Carl screams in pain]
Scott Johansen: Just hold onto that.
Frank: Tell your friends if they miss with us, this is what they’re going to get..
[he looks like he’s going to hurl]
Total Quotes: 25