Starring: Pete Davidson, Marisa Tomei, Bill Burr, Bel Powley, Maude Apatow, Steve Buscemi, Pamela Adlon, Jimmy Tatro, Ricky Velez
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Comedy directed and co-written by Judd Apatow. The story follows Scott (Pete Davidson), who has been a case of arrested development ever since his firefighter father died. He’s now reached his mid-20s having achieved little, chasing a dream of becoming a tattoo artist that seems far out of reach.
As his younger sister, Claire (Maude Apatow), heads off to college, Scott is still living with his ER nurse mother, Margie (Marisa Tomei), and spends his days smoking weed, hanging with his friends, and hooking up with his best friend, Kelsey (Bel Powley). But when his mother starts dating a loudmouth firefighter, Ray (Bill Burr), it sets off a chain of events that will force Scott to grapple with his grief and take his first tentative steps toward moving forward in life.
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Kelsey: This movie makes no sense. Why would the government make a purge legal?
Scott: Clearly to let them blow off some steam. Hello.
Kelsey: That’s why you go to the spa.
Tara: Yeah. Or the therapist.
Kelsey: Or get your nails done.
Scott: Or murder some folks. Hm?
Kelsey: [to Tara] No, don’t talk to him. He has chlamydia.
Oscar: I had.
Tara: Oh, my God.
Oscar: Had chlamydia.
Tara: It’s curable.
Oscar: And you introduced me to the girl that gave me chlamydia, so you basically gave me chlamydia.
Scott: You assisted the chlamydia.
Kelsey: He doesn’t have insurance. He can’t get the meds.
Scott: Who’s there?
Oscar: Not your dad!
[they all laugh]
Kelsey: You know, I feel bad that you never do.
Scott: No, I do all the time. I just, you know, I don’t put on a Broadway show like you do. You know, I’m more quiet. I’m more like Charlie Chaplin when I come.
Kelsey: Like a silent movie.
Scott: Silent movie.
Kelsey: Do you think it’s the antidepressants?
Scott: Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. If I didn’t have the antidepressants, I’d come in like eight seconds. And then you wouldn’t come. And then you’d be depressed. And then you would have to take antidepressants.
Scott: [to Kelsey] Alright, can I just tell you something? But can you like not tell anybody? Well, people probably know, but there’s like something wrong with me. Like mentally. Like I’m not okay up there. You know? Like I get all mad, acting like crazy, and I make really insane, impulsive decisions. And I’m scared of myself, and I don’t want to like scare you, or me, or like hurt anyone, you know?
[referring to her graduation party]
Claire: Just don’t sit on the couch in the corner the whole time. It’s weird.
Scott: I don’t see the problem with sitting in the corner, okay? There’s some people that go to the party and dance, and there’s some people that sit in the corner. I’m the corner guy. Accept your brother.
Claire: Also, don’t try to f*** Layla, okay? She told you she’s not interested.
Scott: What are you talking about? I never tried to hook up with her. She’s always trying to f*** me, and I have to avoid it at all costs, out of respect for you. I just thought she looked really good in those pants.
Scott: I thought that was a nice thing to say.
Claire: Just don’t.
Scott: I didn’t know I would get MeToo’d for it.
[referring to Scott’s outfit]
Claire: Mom, he looks like he f***ing sells crack under a bridge.
Scott: I know the guy who sells crack under the bridge, okay? And he looks awesome.
Margie: Just put on the suit, Scott, please.
Scott: No! It’s not fair! She thinks she’s like princess of the world because she graduated high school.
Claire: Okay, well, then just please be respectful for two f***ing seconds!
Scott: Everybody graduates high school!
Joy: It makes me sad to think of my little sister sitting in that sad little house, waiting for her son to be perfect.
Margie: I’m not.
Joy: Then you’re wasting all of this. All of it’s getting wasted. You’re a mess.
Margie: You’re wasted.
Joy: Mom would be disappointed in you.
Margie: You’re the one who’s always wasted.
Joy: You’re wasting. It’s like leaving food on the table.
Scott: Why are you offering me a job anyway?
Joe: Because I told your father I’d always look out for you.
Scott: How? He died suddenly in a fire. Did you ask his ghost?
Joy: That’s not witty, Scott.
Joe: Your dark sense of humor doesn’t work for me.
Grandpa: I find it funny.
Scott: So what is this?
Claire: It’s paintbrushes and some paint. Well, I know you’re into art, so I thought you could expand your horizons while I’m gone.
Scott: You got a gift receipt for this?
Claire: Are you going to be okay without me here?
Scott: What, you don’t think I could survive here without you?
Claire: Okay. Just don’t be a d**k, okay? Like be nice to mom, okay? Don’t give her hard time. She deserves a break.
Scott: I always give her a break. When am I going to get my break like?
Claire: What are you talking about? All anyone ever does is worry about you. I was ignored my entire childhood because of you.
Scott: Yeah, I forgot that my childhood was so dandy.
Claire: Okay, like but what are you going to do? Are you going to get a job? Or are you going to leave the house?
Scott: I don’t know. I’m going to open that tattoo restaurant.
Claire: No, like for real.
Scott: I am being real! It’s never been done before! I looked it up. I Googled it. It’s never been done. Not even as a joke.
Claire: Because no one wants to go to a restaurant and watch people get tattooed while they eat. It’s gross!
Scott: It’s the best idea ever! “Ruby Tattoosdays, where everyone’s welcome. Chicken and tattoos.”
Claire: That’s not a business!
Claire: You know, you got to get your s**t together. Time is passing by very quickly.
Scott: That’s why I smoke weed all the time, okay? It slows it all down.
Scott: You never gave a s**t. You like literally never cared until this second. Like what gives? You never looked out for me once.
Claire: You’re my older brother. You’re supposed to look out for me!
Scott: You’re just guilty because you’re leaving? Now, all of a sudden, you’re afraid I’m going to die? I was going to die anyway, whether you stay or not.
Claire: Are you going to hurt yourself?
Scott: Probably. Yeah, I’m probably going to hurt myself. I don’t know how. But, yeah. If anybody could do it, it’s me.
Claire: This is why I don’t talk to you, because the one thing I know is, you’re not going to listen to my advice, so.
Scott: Yeah, well, why would I? Like you don’t even give a s**t. You’re leaving. You’re not even part of the family.
Claire: I’m the only f***ing normal person in this family.
[after Claire leaves for college]
Margie: I was thinking of finally seeing that Game of Thrones. Should I binge it?
Scott: Oh, it’s a pretty violent show. You sure you could watch that?
Margie: I work in an emergency room.
Scott: Right, yeah. So, you could probably handle a good pillage.
Kelsey: See, that guy, that is what is wrong with Staten Island. We don’t get any cool people from any of the other boroughs. No one comes here. We’re stuck with the f***ing pr**ks that live here.
Oscar: You’re talking about us. Right in front of us.
Kelsey: Yeah, kind of.
[referring to tattooing on him]
Scott: Come on, Rich. What about you, man?
Richie: Don’t even look at me, dude.
Richie: Your work is mad inconsistent.
[we see a really bad tattoo of Obama on his arm]
Richie: Obama ain’t right.
Scott: I got the eyes wrong, okay?
Richie: He’s not right. Alright, man. This has hurt me, alright? I don’t have any black friends anymore. I can’t go to a barber shop no more. You got Obama wrong. Ain’t nothing worse than that.
Scott: What about you, Igor? You want a dragon or something?
Igor: Oh, I love your tattoos. My brother? It’s a spitting image.
[he points to a really bad tattoo of a baby on his arm]
Scott: Yeah. It’s one of the best. It’s my favorite.
Igor: No, no, no, no. This is my favorite.
[pulls up his shirt to reveal tattoo of a cat’s behind over his bellybutton]
Igor: Oh, you killed that.
Scott: Yeah, I really worked hard on the eyes.
Igor: He’s so cute. I love his butthole. It reminds me that I have a belly button. So, I’m good.
[after Scott’s given Igor a tattoo on his arm]
Oscar: I think that tattoo’s dumb.
Igor: Y’all should’ve told me when you saw the design.
Oscar: It says, “Unfollow me.” You don’t even have that many followers.
Carla follows me.
Richie: Bro, she’s imaginary.
Oscar: Carla’s not real.
Scott: Carla’s not real, dude.
Richie: How many times do we have to say this?
[after Harold runs off when Scott tries to tattoo on his arm]
Oscar: Goddamn it. I f***ing believed in that kid, man.
Scott: He seemed so tough at first, but then immediately wasn’t.
Oscar: That’s why I don’t f*** with millennials, dude.
Scott: Again, we are the millennials.
Oscar: You keep saying that, but I don’t know what that means.
Igor: I regret my friendship with you guys.
[referring to Harold]
Scott: Hey, he said he was eighteen.
Ray: He looks like he’s four, you f***ing moron! Sorry.
Scott: He consented!
Harold: He’s lying.
Scott: Harold, come on!
Ray: Of course he’s lying! You can’t have consent! He’s nine years-old!
Margie: You know, there’s no reason to call the cops. I can handle this, and I can also handle disciplining him.
Ray: Well, clearly you can’t, or you wouldn’t have a middle-aged son still living at home, tattooing minors against their will!
Harold: I asked him to do it. It’s not his fault.
Scott: That’s right. That’s my man.
Scott: [to Ray] For your information, I am not a middle-aged man. I’m a twenty-four year-old man, and I’m going to my room because I f***ing want to.
[after Ray asks Margie out for a coffee]
Margie: Scott got his first tattoo when he was sixteen.
Ray: Oh, okay.
Margie: It was of Kermit the Frog.
Ray: Oh. That is kind of cute.
Margie: Yeah. Yeah. Kermit smoking a joint, so.
Ray: Kermit smoking a joint? Jeez, I don’t remember that episode on Sesame Street, huh?
Margie: I’m seeing somebody.
Scott: What does that mean?
Margie: I’m seeing a man. Well, I’ve been dating someone for a little while now.
Scott: You’re dating someone? That’s awesome. Like why are you dating him secretly, you little slut? Why didn’t you tell me? Is he like really, really old? Or is he really, really young? Is it one of my friends? Is it Igor?
Margie: No, no, no. I just didn’t want to bother you unless it was really serious.
Scott: Bother? You’re my mom. I hope you’re getting banged out real good.
[after Margie’s told him she’s seeing someone]
Scott: Who’s the lucky guy?
Margie: Uh, it’s Ray.
Scott: Who’s Ray?
Margie: Remember the kid you tattooed? His father.
Scott: That f***ing prick?
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