Starring: Patton Oswalt, Eric Stonestreet, Kevin Hart, Jenny Slate, Ellie Kemper, Lake Bell, Dana Carvey, Hannibal Buress, Bobby Moynihan, Tiffany Haddish, Nick Kroll, Harrison Ford, Pete Holmes
Animated comedy sequel directed by Chris Renaud, which follows the story of the secret life of Max (Patton Oswalt) and his pet friends after their owners leave for work or school each day.
Katie: Hey, Maxie, let’s say we go for a walk.
[as he’s going for a walk with Katie]
Max: Ah, I got to admit, this is nice.
[Max walks by another dog with his owner]
Dog: I don’t want to go the vet!
Max: Uh, the vet!
[he stops walking]
Max: No! No, no, no!
Katie: Come on, buddy.
Max: You tricked me!
[Katie pulls on Max’s leash into the vet]
[sitting in the waiting room at the vet]
Cat: First time here?
Max: Uh, yeah.
Cat: Oh, Dr. Francis is the best veterinarian in the business. You’re going to love him. He specializes in behavioral disorder.
Max: But I don’t have a behavioral disorder. I, I…
Cat: Yeah, I’m fine too. It’s my human that’s nuts. I mean, you know, I, I bring her a dead bird, she throws it out. I bring her dead mouse, right in the garbage!
[the cat starts getting hysterical at his owner]
Cat: Is nothing I do good enough for you, mother?!
[Max looks over at the guinea pig in its cage at the vet, running around in its cage wheel]
Guinea Pig: I run, I can run, and I run, and I run, and I get out, and I’ve gone nowhere. Nowhere!
[Max sees a nervous looking dog waiting at the vet]
Nervous Dog: My owner always says, “You’re such a good dog,” and I feel like a good dog. But what if deep down I’m a bad dog? What if I’m a bad dog?!
[Max notices two creepy looking Siamese twin cats]
Siamese Twin Cats: We start fires.
[Max freaks out and yells]
Daisy: That was weird.
Chloe: Oh, sister, it’s going to get way weirder.
Gidget: Chloe, why is there a lamp shade on your head?
Chloe: My owner might have given me a little bit of catnap.
Gidget: Oh, okay. Gotcha. That’s great. Um…
Chloe: Do you hear that?
Gidget: Chloe, you’re purring.
Chloe: Oh, I wonder what other sounds I could make.
[Chloe starts making strange meow sounds]
Gidget: Are you finished?
[Chloe make another weird sound]
[dressed in his superhero outfit]
Snowball: Good morning, New York City!
[starts singing his superhero theme as he poses for flight off]
Max: Snowball, what are you doing?
Snowball: What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m doing superhero stuff.
[in her bedroom with Snowball and her toys]
Molly: I’m calling this meeting of the superhero animal friends to order.
Molly’s Mother: Come on, Molly. Time to go.
Molly: Ooh. I’m going to be late for school. Captain Snowball, you’re in charge while I’m gone.
[she kisses Snowball and leaves the room, Snowball continues the meeting with the other toys]
Snowball: First of all, I want to welcome White Thunder back from the washing machine, who was put in there with a red blanket, and hence forth will be known as Pink Thunder. Personally, I like the new look.
Daisy: What you’re about to hear is the most dramatic thing you ever heard in your whole life.
Daisy: Excuse me, do you any of you know Captain Snowball?
Snowball: Uh, yes. Yes, we do.
Chloe: And here we go.
Daisy: My name is Daisy, and I really got to talk to him. I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but a poor defenseless animal needs saving. I need Captain Snowball for top secret…
Snowball: Well, I got to go. But nice meeting you, uh, what was it again?
Daisy: Okay, you don’t listen. It’s Daisy.
[he starts hopping off]
Snowball: Whatever. Okay, I got the dude that gets stuff to do things. Bye-bye.
[Snowball puts on his superhero costume]
Snowball: It’s Snow-time, baby.
[Daisy here’s Snowball shouting]
Daisy: Uh, is he okay?
Chloe: Not in any way, no.
[Snowball hops in front of Daisy and Chloe dressed in his superhero costume]
Snowball: Hello, citizens.
Daisy: Who is that? Mm-mm-mm.
Snowball: I’m Captain Snowball. Let’s free that tiger.
Daisy: Or die trying.
Snowball: Well, I mean…
Daisy: I mean we might.
Daisy: Probably you.
Daisy: You’re wearing a bright suit. Everyone’s going to notice you. I’ll be fine.
Chloe: Tail. Ears.
[puts fakes ears and tail on Gidget]
Mel: You look so much like a cat it’s crazy.
Gidget: Yeah. Who knew? So easy.
Chloe: Woh, woh, woh, hold on. Now you got to learn how to act like a cat.
Chloe: I’m going to throw some situations at you, and you’re just going to react like a cat.
[reveals a ball under box]
[Mel and Buddy start running towards the ball to fetch]
Buddy: Yeah! I’m going to get it!
[as Gidget goes to fetch the ball Chloe stops her]
Chloe: No! Fetching is for dopes. You’re above that.
[Chloe pushes Mel and Buddy off a ledge, they both scream in terror as they fall]
Chloe: Cats land on their feet.
Gidget: Really? How…
[suddenly Chloe pushes Gidget and she manages to land on her feet]
Gidget: Oh, I did it!
Buddy: Nice work.
[referring to the cat carrier]
Chloe: You got to. It’s a fact of life.
Gidget: Absolutely not. Never going to happen.
[just then Mel pops his head out from the carrier chewing on something]
Mel: There’s no treats!
Buddy: Oh, Mel.
[Chloe looks like she’s going to puke]
[Gidget jumps up onto the desk]
Chloe: And tail in the face.
[Gidget moves so that her tail touches the dummy human in the chair]
Chloe: Okay, touch your butt to the cup.
[Gidget pushes the cup with her butt]
Chloe: Walk on keyboard.
[Gidget walks on the laptop keyboard]
Chloe: There you go. Coffee on computer.
[Gidget kicks the coffee cup with her foot, which spills on the laptop]
Chloe: And down.
[Gidget jumps off the desk]
Chloe: Yes, you got it. You’re as close to a cat as a dog can get.
[referring to the small pet bird]
Chloe: Eat Sweetpea.
Chloe: Cats eat birds.
Buddy: You’re seriously going to make her eat Sweetpea?
Chloe: Oh, no, no, no, no, of course not. I’m just…
[just then they see Gidget has put the bird in her mouth]
Chloe: Gidget, no!
[Gidget spits out Sweetpea]
Chloe: Bad dog! Bad cat-dog!
[Sweetpea pecks Gidget hard on the head in anger and flies off]
Duke: Max, we’re going on a trip.
Max: Really? We’re going in the car?
[talking through the window of cars that are driving by each other]
Max: Hey, man!
Dog: I’m in a car!
Max: Us too!
[they are on a farm]
Duke: So many smells I’ve never smelt before! My nose is so confused and happy!
[goes up to a ram]
Duke: Hello, I’m Duke. And you are?
[he starts smelling the ram’s butt, and the ram kicks him, knocking Duke away]
Duke: Hey, cow, moo!
[the cow looks at him uninterestingly]
Duke: You’re a cow, you’re supposed to mooo!
Cow: Oh, I’m a dog. I’m wagging my tail like an idiot.
[she starts imitating a dog wagging her tail and sticking her tongue out]
Duke: Okay, dude. Not cool.
[still imitating a dog]
Cow: Oh, are you going to throw a ball? Oh, please throw a ball, and I will chase it because my brain is the size of rat turd.
Duke: [laughs] Okay. Yeah, I get it. You made your point.
Max: He, uh, he got the jump on me. I guess he, I couldn’t see him because of the cone.
Rooster: Then get rid of the cone.
Max: Man, I would. I would, but my therapist says I need it. It’s a medical device. These doctors…
[suddenly Rooster uses his teeth to take the cone off Max]
Rooster: Here. You’re cured. Hallelujah.
[he walks off]
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