By Cameron


This franchise loves to over stay its welcome. Gotta keep milking that cow dry until it’s begging you to stop and all it wants most in the world is to be put out of its misery and to finally end this horrible nightmare that doesn’t want to end! (Sorry I’m getting off topic)

Pre-Review: Welcome to my final Twilight Review. Part 1. (The rest of this review will cost another $20 fee. Thank You) The end is nigh people and to make your last moments with this franchise more painful the producers decided to split their last movie in two so they can make more money … I mean really flesh out the ending to this beloved franchise. Because we all know how much we loved it when The Hunger Games and The Hobbit took forever to finish a story that should’ve all been told in one movie. (But what do I know it was obviously necessary to end it that way)

As of writing this review I haven’t seen Part 2 yet so I can’t get into if the 2 part idea worked or not. Also on an unrelated note I watched this movie on Friday the 13th. I must be the luckiest person you know? As always there will be spoilers everywhere in this review and this review may offend any die-hard fans of the series so with that said here’s my thoughts on Twilight Part 4 of 1.

Plot: Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) finally get married and during their honeymoon Bella gets pregnant and her baby is slowly killing her. The Cullen’s and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) have to protect Bella from the Werewolves who plan on killing her and her unborn child.

An Hour of Filler: So before the main plot kicks off we have an hour of boredom. In the first 15 minutes of the movie Bella and Edward finally get married. I imagine if this was just one movie this part should’ve taken up like 5 minutes or should’ve been inserted into the last movie. But we got to pad the running time so let the bore factor commence! The whole wedding is so damn boring that I can’t imagine how people watched this scene at a theatre and Kristen Stewart is at her peak at how terrible her acting she is. After the main boring clichéd wedding There’s a weird scene with a few blonde green eyed weirdos who I couldn’t take seriously with their eyes the way they were. They add nothing to this movie but I imagine they have a bigger role in the next movie and Jacob is just there to remind us he’s still there for that forced love-triangle which means less now than it did two movies ago.

Then we get about 30 minutes of Bella and Edward on a romantic Island for their honeymoon that I can’t remember anyone ever mention this Island in any of the other movies. This part of the movie is the most boring by far. They don’t really do anything but have fun and mess around a lot. The only main purpose of this part is that Bella really wants to have sex with Edward. (Which I apologize for my mistake and spelling errors in my last review) But since the movie has to appeal to young girls it’s just a bunch of making out scenes but this time with no clothes on. (Which doesn’t help because I’m absolutely sick of these two sucking face by this point) The vampire sex didn’t kill her (which shocked me) but it gave her a few bruises and now’s she pregnant with Edward’s baby and she’s going to die now.

Vampire Babies make no sense just like everything else in these stupid movies: So somehow Bella is pregnant with Edward’s baby, Even though Edward is pretty much a living corpse and none of his human organs work. (I’m not going to even dive into that one) So anyway Bella is dying because her baby is growing really fast and the Cullen’s said no vampire has ever had a baby before. Even though they’re immortal, they’re young forever and I bet they’re always hitting it off. In less than two weeks Bella is all withered up and her baby is ready to come out. Jacob gets involved because he’s done with sulking around. But his friends also want to help out and he keeps sending them off to their deaths because there’s only room for two hunks in Bella’s life.

So The Shirtless Bros want to kill Bella to keep the peace (which doesn’t make any sense by the way) but since Werewolves are useless in this universe they just wait it out and guard the place. Edward’s dad needs to feed before he can perform on Bella and that involves putting himself in danger so he can’t make it back to help Bella. (Idiot) Bella’s baby is coming and the only way to save her life is to suck the coke within her. This also features a weird point of view from Bella’s perspective full of blurs and shaky cam it looks really bad. Finally the baby is born and Bella dies.

So after that we meet Bella and Edwards’s baby girl Renesmee, which might be the dumbest name I’ve ever heard. (Makes sense coming from the girl with the dumbest face in the movie) After the baby is born Jacob has a weird bonding moment with the baby and he can see into her future or something. So he uses that to tell his former comrades to go away and they do for some reason and that’s the end of that epic war they’ve been building up to for 3 movies. So the movie ends with the worst ending I’ve seen in this series so far. It ends with Bella’s funeral and whoever thought Bella was actually dead hasn’t seen many movies. It ends on an awful shot of her opening her eyes. Then you celebrate it’s over, then you realize there’s another one to go. (What is there left to Tell!)

Final Thoughts: At this point I see The Twilight movies as this one big terrible dessert. This one has most of the same problems as the others but this one is easily the most boring of the lot, mostly because it’s two parts and I bet all the cool stuff is in Part 2. All together I would give it a 3/10 and a 0/10 on the boring as hell scale. If you’ve made it this far I would say just grab the second part right now and just finish it already if not avoid it as you would avoid having sex with a Vampire.

Those are my thoughts on Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 if you agree or disagree please let me know in the comments and share it with your loved ones.

If you haven’t read my other Twilight Reviews here’s a link to them below.

Twilight (2008) –

New Moon (2009) –

Eclipse (2010) –

If you haven’t notice I’m a huge fan of movies and I’m willing to suffer for my audience (if I have any) so let me know on what I should review next.

Rating: 2/5



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