By Cameron

 

I wonder how Bram Stoker the creator of Dracula would react to the modern age of Vampires, If your movie is a hit with young girls, mid-aged women, Fans of the books and to no one else, If the first movie was awful than its sequel was just as bad but both of these movies but was still a huge hit than what does the third movie have to do to top all of that? This franchise loves to over stay its welcome.

I remember how huge these movies were back in the day, the movie follows Bella Swan, she meets a mysterious young boy named Edward Cullen, painful, boring and formulaic. This maybe the worst couple I’ve seen in a film, she’s a living breathing piece of cocaine to him. Whiteness: The movie, they’re vegetation’s for Vampires I guess, Jacob Black, required to do 75% of the movie without a shirt, I’m convinced hands down that Bella is the worst main character I’ve ever seen. Vampires and Werewolves Don’t Make Any Sense; she meets The Vampire Goth Lords, she’s 18 and he’s 3 million years old, it’s a 3/10 abs on Jacob’s body.

‘If you don’t like it don’t watch them. SERIOUSLY! Are You Serious? The Most Pointless Love Triangle Ever. Bella and Edward also have Vampire sex. 1/10 times you’ll need to stare at an actual Eclipse, my final Twilight Review. Part 1, an hour of boredom. Finally the baby is born and Bella dies, Renesmee. I see the Twilight movies as this one big terrible dessert. If you’ve made it this far I would say just grab the second part right now.

Well here we are let’s ends this.

Plot: Bella (Kristen Stewart) is a vampire now and can now do everything that her husband Edward (Robert Pattinson) can. Their daughter Renesmee starts to grow very rapidly and this scares The Volturi. So Bella, Edward and The Cullen’s have to recruit Vampires from across the globe to prepare for a final confrontation with The Volturi.

Why Was It In 2 Parts: Now I’ve seen the two parts I can say that this movie should’ve been one movie. I could even say the other three could’ve been shrunk into two or even one movie if I was in charge of this series. So like many great two parter movies one part is really boring and part 2 is really awesome. I’m going to compare this to the Harry Potter two parter because it’s the only one I’ve seen and it’s the only one that did this right. Even though Deathly Hallows Part 1 is my least favourite of the two, but there is still enough going on to keep my interest. Unlike in Breaking Dawn Part 1 where nothing really happens besides they get married, have sex, baby is born and Bella dies which could’ve all been the first 40 minutes if it was all just one movie.

Then there’s Deathly Hallows Part 2 which keeps the action going, it gives us an epic final battle and with actual stakes and it really means something when all these people die for Harry. Then we have Breaking Dawn Part 2 where the beginning feels like its own movie not a continuation of the last part. Then we get to Bella who and is so poorly written that I never feel like she’s worth fighting for and I more feel that she’s more responsible for getting all these people into danger and there is no real stakes because these guys really haven’t lost anything or they seem to be able to handle everything that comes to challenge them. Then we get to the endings which all I’m going to say is there both really cheesy but Harry Potter’s is better than Twilight’s.

Okay now I’ve explained why the two parter idea is a terrible idea let’s get into the final Twilight movie.

The First 30 Minutes: After the terrible opening credits we see Bella very much alive. (Which is the last thing I wanted to see) This is the filler part of the movie. Bella is a Baby Boomer now and has to learn to become a boring vegetation like the rest of them. They get their own house so they can do you know forever now and they do a bunch of other pointless stuff like arm wrestling. I think I know how to fix these issues if this was all one movie but by this point I am beyond caring. Then Jacob (Taylor Lautner) shows up to mess everything up. Bella shows some emotion for once and that leads to Jacob stripping naked in front of her dad so he can show off his wolvie powers. Too be honest Bella’s dad is probably the best actor in this series followed by Edward’s Sister and maybe Jacob too if he was in a better movie. Bella’s baby is now 8 or something and I can see she got her acting ability from her bland boring parents.

A Bunch of New Characters and More Things That Don’t Make Any Sense: So in the post credit scene that I skipped before seeing because I saw the credits and bolted for my remote. The VGL (The Vampire Goth Lords I’ve been calling them) want to kill the kid because Vampire kids destroy entire villages I think and these guys hate everything that’s weird. So Bella and her uninteresting friends recruit some vampires. This movie brings up again that some Vampires have cool super powers and that makes Werewolves even more pathetic in compassion. Bella also has her own super power. Her Coke turns her into a Shield I think and she can put force fields on people and that’s about it. This still doesn’t explain how special she is and it makes it even more confusing that everyone has their own super power! If these guys all have super powers than me from 4 movie reviews ago was right. (‘Why not do something useful powers like become a team of superheroes?’ Me From My Twilight Review. I feel like I’m very close to breaking!!)

So There’s A Girl Who Can Taser People, A Guy Who Rips Off Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Some Jungle women with hallucination drugs, two acrobat twins and a Vampire Hunter guy who eats humans with no real loyalty to anyone. Then they mention the bad guys only have Dakota Fanning who can torture people and a guy who eats people with black smoke. Okay so just take those two out and you’ll win. Do you see now that none of this makes any sense? So there are a few pointless training montages and more boring scenes that go nowhere interesting. Then we get to Edward’s sister cryptic plan which we’ll discuss in more detail in a bit. She leaves Bella cryptic clues and how all of this leads to a book that makes Bella think that this battle will make her never see her daughter again or something. I… I…don’t… I…..Forget it let’s get to The Battle.

The Battle: So we get to the epic final showdown where our boring heroes stand on one side of the snow with their pack dogs then on the other has the red cloaked British dudes. (Even though they said they’re Italian) So they just stand there in the snow for 10 minutes trying to get the head VGL to touch the kid. This would be the last thing if I was them because the guy is clearly deluded and is going to kill everyone no matter what they say. What happens next is exactly what I’ve predicted expect Future girl shows up and tries to calm the guy down, but that doesn’t work then Edward’s dad does something stupid and dies. The Battle commences all your favourite nobody characters get killed, Jacob runs away with the kid, there’s a lot of bloodless decapitations, Earth bender guy makes a crack in the floor killing all the Wolves, Dakota Fanning dies Bella is still useless and Head Dude is beheaded by the boring lovers. It’s a pretty awesome battle and for once in this series I was actually engaged with the story. It’s a moment where I was interested and wanted to see what happens. So well done Twilight you made me care about your dumb story. So anyway after the Head VGL dies this happens…

The Ending: The battle never happened. It’s just a vision that Edward’s sister gave to the head VGL. So that convinces the guy to call off the attack and they all go home and forget this battle ever happened. ‘What The ………………………………………….. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!’ It’s cool twist don’t get me wrong but all it does is it makes this movie entirely pointless! So we’ve building up to an epic battle for 5 movies the last 2 were all disappointing then this one manages to be the biggest middle finger of them all!

Firstly I thought she could only see the future not make up alternate realities. Secondly if she didn’t run away and just told everyone her plan from the beginning that could’ve solved the quest to recruit everyone and just had a short one on one chat with the VGL in a club or a cafe, thirdly This ending ruins the entire series, fourthly with the villains still alive at the end they could still come back if you mess up again also they’ll still kill people because you morons and lastly this is the biggest cop out I’ve ever seen in a film!

For most of the movie it was just tolerable same with the other 4 movies. But this ending actually made me angry I was mad! There’s still anger in me right now. I actually despise this ending because the little love I had for Twilight is gone now I hate everything about this series now it’s a cancer on our society and Twilight deserves to burn at the stake for putting me through this torture! But whatever they all live happily ever after and it ends with reminding you about the terrible 5 movie drug trip you just went on and then it ends and I want to burn everything Twilight related in sight.

Conclusion: The Twilight Saga is a series that shouldn’t have even had a franchise and shouldn’t have spawned a following and shouldn’t have been printed in on piece of paper. But at least the pain is finally over and I’ve been thinking about what to give it and I think it deserves a 2/10 it just escapes a one thanks to some good performances, the CG is decent and the fake battle was pretty awesome.

At last we’ve reached the end. The Twilight movies have been painful to sit through but I’m glad I had ‘you’ faithful reader by my side. Once the credits role I’m always excited to jump onto this computer and write a review that I hope makes someone’s day. If you’ve joined me on my Twilight journey from the beginning I’m very grateful for and it’s you people that motivate me to continue writing these reviews. So thank you so much for walking with on this dark path I call my Twilight Series Reviews. (I promise there will be no corny speeches in any of my other reviews from this point on)

Those are my thoughts on Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 if you agree or disagree please let me know in the comments and share it with your loved ones.

I’m a bit lost on what movie franchise I should review next so let me know on what I should review next.

Thanks for reading this review and I’ll see you again in the next review.

Rating: 1/5

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