By Cameron


If the first movie was awful than its sequel was just as bad but both of these movies but was still a huge hit than what does the third movie have to do to top all of that?

Pre-Review: Welcome back to Part 3 of The Twilight Movie Series where in this movie it will make you want to look directly into a Solar Eclipse after watching it. When I started watching this series I was asked by a few people ‘If you don’t like it don’t watch them’ or ‘No one is forcing you to them’ or ‘They’re only for fans of the books and can only be truly appreciated by fans because we’re the only ones you understand this stuff’. Well I’ll explain why I watch them.

Why I Watch These Movies: The first movie I watched for fun but as I got more into the sequels I found myself a greater purpose. I’ve come to conclusion that when people say they like Twilight all I think is ‘SERIOUSLY!’ Are You Serious, because you’re not watching a movie but a product? A Product made by talentless slimy producers who will be happy to milk this thing until it’s all dry and the reason why all these movies will be terrible is because they simply don’t care and they know it’s going to make them big bucks. I’m calling them out for this genre is nothing more than bait to catch the masses of fans who defend no matter how bad it is. The only way to stop the true villains of this story is to simply stop watching these movies all together and stop giving them your money. Once you done that just go and watch something else like Transformers 3 or Pirate of the Caribbean 4 and give those talentless producers your money instead. Or just go outside… Who still does that?

Anyway you’re here for my review on bad movie number 3 am I right? Okay this negative review should get you a seat at your local theatre to see this movie. So here’s why you should see this movie.

Plot: In Seattle a new breed of Vampire’s called The Newborns want to take out The Cullen’s. Meanwhile Bella (Kristen Stewart) is still in love with Edward (Robert Pattinson) but also wants to be with her best friend Jacob. (Taylor Lautner) Bella must reunite the Vampires and Werewolves while also deciding where she finds herself in the future.

The Things I Liked: Well this may be the worst one yet but they’re some good things. The Camera work is quite well done. With some decent performances from most notably Bella’s dad who they call Charlie including Bella. (Which I found weird) I did kind of appreciate that they expanded some of the minor characters who I just didn’t notice before. That’s it with the positives. Now everything else.

The Most Pointless Love Triangle Ever: So in this movie Bella and Edward get engaged and plan to get married after graduation which changes when The Baby Boomers arrive in the town with Bryce Dallas Howard as their leader. So with the power of love Vampires and Werewolves work together to tear apart the bad Vampires like their made of wax. I guess you noticed I never mentioned Jacob once in my little synopsis. Well that’s because he completely pointless to the main story and is only there for that useless forced love triangle.

I’m serious when I say this love triangle is pointless since we all know who Bella will end up with in the end. This was so frustrating seeing this play out as it takes up most of the movie. Bella loves Edward but also wants to remain friends with Jacob, Jacob really wants to be with Bella and Edward just sulks a lot. (Groans) It’s so forced that it’s jarring to believe some writer thought it would a good idea to add to the movie. Let me tell you it isn’t its filler and there’s no drama because we all know how it’s going to end and I’m sick of talking about this.

The Rest of the Movie: The main plot doesn’t even kick off until we’re 40 minutes into the movie! Before that we had boring flashbacks and the love triangle nonsense. So when The Baby Boomers decide to get involved is when the movie starts to get worse. With terrible action, bad CGI and more of that Love Triangle that will continue to be the highlight of the movie. We later find out that The Baby Boomers are just pawns for Bryce Dallas Howard so she can kill Bella for getting her boyfriend killed. When it was Edward who killed her? What? There’s also a party that was made important but forget about that so we can Bella and Edward also have Vampire sex which I thought wasn’t a good idea to have because they said that it could kill her. I’m jumping the gun let’s move onto.

Nothing In These Movies Don’t Make Any Sense and No Cares That it Doesn’t: So I mentioned about The Vampire Sex so let’s talk Bella and Edward wanting to get married. It’s been like a year since the first movie and for the first two movies they just stared at each other a lot and just talked about Bella not loving him for who he is but to use him to become a vampire. (Which still happens in this movie) Anyway they want to get married even though she’s just 18 and her dad said he doesn’t like Edward. So Daddy says to go and hang out with Jacob and he wants her to some ritual with him so she can stay the way she is. But Bella keeps saying no to remind us how useless Jacob is. Fast-forward to the teaming up part where Werewolves watch Vampires fight each other. Speaking of The Werewolves in this universe they’re so useless. They transform when they’re angry and they can’t catch up to speeding Vampires and their only weapon is their mouth and are pretty much useless without a pack behind them. The Vampires should just these kids on their own.

Speaking of the villains what’s their plan? We know Bryce Dallas Howard no I mean her other counterpart hated Bella for getting her boyfriend killed in the first movie. Okay sorry that he was stupid enough to make a death trap only to get Bella’s stalker boyfriend on his back. Anyway she forms an army of Baby Boomers (Who all have to look young to qualify in this group) who are more dangerous because they just got bit and they’re like grumpy vampire teenagers. They’re also really stupid so they get themselves all killed. (Also aren’t they still just normal people who were all forced to march to their deaths because of this dumb red head’s poor planning skills)

Team Good Guys use Bella’s Coke to make them lose focus. That doesn’t make sense because shouldn’t it make them more dangerous. (Forget it I’m no expert) Bryce Dallas Howard’s plan goes wrong when she goes one on one with Edward and she’s so gullible that she gets herself killed. After that Dakota Fanning shows up to remind us these villains still exist and are annoyed they didn’t get involved sooner. Which they could’ve just solved the problem themselves since they watched them eat people like 2 days before the battle even started. But whatever I didn’t understand any of this nonsense because I didn’t read the books that makes me a clueless hater than.

Final Thoughts: Do I really need to keep explaining how I feel they’re all the same. This one is just as bad as The First One so here you 1/10 times you’ll need to stare at an actual Eclipse before you go blind. Even though this is an abomination and it would kill most of your brain cells by watching it. I would recommend it to everyone so you can see how wrong I am and so we can tell the big Hollywood Producers ‘More of This Please’!

Those are my thoughts on Twilight: Eclipse if you agree or disagree please let me know in the comments and share it with your loved ones.

If you haven’t read my other Twilight Reviews here’s a link to them both.
Twilight (2008) –
New Moon (2009) –

If you haven’t notice I’m a huge fan of movies and I’m willing to suffer for my audience (If I have any) so let me know on what I should review next.

Thanks for reading this review and I’ll see you again in the next review.

Rating: 1/5



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