Office Space Quotes
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[Peter in casual clothes is sitting at his cubicle with only one wallesk, munching chips and playing computer game]
Bill Lumbergh: So, Peter, what's happening? Aahh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those TPS reports for us this afternoon?
Office Space Quotes Peter Gibbons: No.
Bill Lumbergh: Uh. Yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk. Hmm?
Peter Gibbons: Not right now, Lumbergh, I'm...I'm kinda busy. In fact, look, I'm gonna have to ask you to go ahead and come back another time. I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes.
Bill Lumbergh: Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, they called me at home.
[Peter walks away]
Bill Lumbergh: That sounds good, Peter. And uh, we'll go ahead and get this all
fixed up for you. Great.

Bill Lumbergh: Hi, Milton. What's happening?
Milton Waddams: I, I, I, I, I didn't receive my paycheck this week.
Bill Lumbergh: Um, you're gonna have to talk to Payroll about that.
Milton Waddams: I did and, and they said...
Bill Lumbergh: Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into Storage B.
Milton Waddams: No...I...I...
Bill Lumbergh: Uh, we have some new people coming in and we need all the space we can
Milton Waddams:, I was told, if, there's no space...
Bill Lumbergh: So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific. Okay?
[he walks away]
Milton Waddams: Uh, excuse me. I believe you have my staple?

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob.
[they all start laughing]

Bob Slydell: I...I'm sure've, you've heard some of the rumors circulating around the hallways about how we're going to be doing a little 'housecleaning' with some of the software people.
Peter Gibbons: Well, Bob, I have heard that and you gotta do what you gotta do.
Bob Porter: We're gonna be getting rid of these people here. Uh, first, Mr. Samir Nagahe...
Bob Slydell: Naga...
Bob Porter: Naga...Not gonna work here anymore, anyway!
[the Bobs laugh]
Bob Slydell: And Mr. Mike Bolton. Who's gonna miss him?
Peter Gibbons: You're gonna layoff Samir and Michael?
Bob Porter: Oh, yeah. We're gonna bring in some uh, entry level graduates for us to work in Singapore, that's the usual deal.
Bob Slydell: Well, it's standard operating procedure.
Peter Gibbons: Do they know about this yet?
Bob Slydell: No! No, of course not. We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week. Anyway, Peter, what we would like to do is put you into a position to have as many as four people working right underneath you.
Bob Porter: This is a big promotion, Pete.
Bob Slydell: It's huge.
Peter Gibbons: So you guys are gonna fire Mike and Samir, and you're gonna give me more money?
[both Bob's nod]
Peter Gibbons: Wow!

[after Peter's just been told by the Bob's that Michael and Samir are to be layed off]
Peter Gibbons: Michael, there comes a point in a man's life and maybe that time for you is
now, when it doesn't hurt to start think about the future.
Michael Bolton: Uh, no offense, there, Peter, but speak for yourself there, sport. I'm not the one who's been flaking out at work. I know you had this religious experience or whatever the hell that was, but you better snap out of it and get your shit together or you're gonna get canned.

Peter Gibbons: Listen, that virus you're always talking about. Like the one that could uh, rip off the company for a bunch of money.
Michael Bolton: Yeah? What about it?
Peter Gibbons: Well, how does it work?
Michael Bolton: It's pretty brilliant. What it does is every time there's a bank transaction where interest is computed, you know, thousands a day, the computer ends up with these fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is it takes those remainders and puts it into an account.
Peter Gibbons: This sounds familiar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah. They did it in Superman III.
Peter Gibbons: Right
Michael Bolton: Yeah. Not a great movie actually. And then there were a bunch of hackers that did this in the 70's as well. One of them got busted.
Peter Gibbons: Well, so they check for this now?
Michael Bolton: No, here's the thing. Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating for the year 2000, they'd never notice.
Peter Gibbons: You're right. And even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code.
Michael Bolton: Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses.
Peter Gibbons: So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this?
Michael Bolton: It's not worth the risk. I got a good job.
Peter Gibbons: What if you didn't have a good job?

[after finding out that they are to be layed off]
Michael Bolton: Cockos! Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place. And you, you haven't been showing up and you get to keep your job.
Peter Gibbons: Actually, I'm being promoted.
Michael Bolton: What?!
Peter Gibbons: I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. And I realized something today. It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us together. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die, Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

Michael Bolton: I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music.
Peter Gibbons: Oh. That is not right, Michael. For five years now, you've worked your ass
off at Initech, hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit sharing or something. Five years of your mid-twenty's now, gone. And you're gonna go in tomorrow and they're gonna throw you out on the street. You know why? So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point.
Michael Bolton: [angrily] Ahh!
Peter Gibbons: Michael, let's make that stock go down. And let's take enough money out of that place so that we never, ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again. Your software works, right?
Michael Bolton: Of course it works. That's not the point. Look, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to install it. I don't know the credit union software loan well enough, okay?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. But Samir does

[after Peter's told Samir about his plan of stealing from Initech]
Peter Gibbons: Look, I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?
Samir: Yes, Peter, but I'm not going to do anything illegal.
Peter Gibbons: Illegal? Samir, this is America! Come on, sit down. Come on! This isn't Riyadh. You know they're not gonna saw your hands off here, all right? The worst they would ever do is they would put you for a couple of months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! Shit, we should be so lucky! Do you know, they have conjugal visits there?
Samir: Really?
Peter Gibbons: Yes.
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.

[trying to decide if he should go along with Peter's plan of stealing from Initech]
Peter Gibbons: Samir, you came here looking for a land of opportunity. And this is the knock of that opportunity. Tomorrow's your last day at Initech. You have two options; unemployment or early retirement. What's it gonna be?
Samir: I have a question.
Peter Gibbons: Yes?
Samir: these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?
Peter Gibbons: Yep, you sure can.
Samir: Okay, I'll do it.
Peter Gibbons: That's what I'm talking about! I'm talking about America!

[referring to their plan to steal from Initech]
Peter Gibbons: But listen, before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.
Samir: Of course.
Michael Bolton: Agreed.
[from the next apartment through the wall]
Lawrence: Don't worry, man. I won't tell anyone either.
Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?
Peter Gibbons: No, don't worry about him. He's cool. All right.
Office Space Quotes

[Drew's just told Peter, Samir and Michael the story of Tom getting laid off and his botched suicide attempt and getting hit by a drunk driver]
Peter Gibbons: Is he okay?
Drew: Sort of. He broke both his wrists, legs, a couple of ribs, his back. But check it out. He's gonna get a huge settlement out of this. Like seven figures. He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow and he's gonna throw a big party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. I'm thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O face. "Oh...Oh...Oh!" You know what I'm talkin' about. "Oh!" Yeah. Right. See you guys there.

Michael Bolton: Wow, our last day at Initech.
Samir: I can't believe they had security escort us out. Not like we're going to steal something.
Peter Gibbons: I stole something.
Michael Bolton: Oh, yeah. I guess we all did.
Peter Gibbons: No, I stole something else.
Samir: What did you steal?
Peter Gibbons: We'll call it a going away present.
[cut to them in a field taking turns to bashing the printer from their office to pieces]
Office Space Quotes

[leaving Peter's apartment after they've been dancing and drinking]
Samir: [rapping] Back up in your ass with the resurrection...

[trying to explain their plan of stealing from Initech]
Peter Gibbons: All right, so when the sub routine compounds the interest, right, it uses all these extra decimal places that just get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing, we just, we round them all down and just drop the remainder into an account that we opened.
Joanna: [confused] So you're stealing?
Peter Gibbons: Uh, no. No, you don't understand. Uh, it's very complicated. It's's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. And uh, over time they add up to a lot.
Joanna: Oh, okay. So you're gonna be making a lot of money, right?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Right. It's not yours?
Peter Gibbons: Uh, well it becomes ours.
Joanna: How is that not stealing?
Peter Gibbons: I don't uh...I don't think I'm explaining this very well.
Joanna: Okay.
Peter Gibbons: Um...the 7-Eleven, right? You take a penny from the tray?
Joanna: From the cripple children?
Peter Gibbons: No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. know the pennies that are for everybody?
Joanna: Oh, for everybody.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Well those are whole pennies.
Joanna: Right.
Peter Gibbons: All right? I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here, okay? But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple a million times. So, what's wrong with that?

[after Peter's explained about how he took money from Initech]
Joanna: I dunno, it just seems wrong.
Peter Gibbons: It's not wrong! Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation, all right? Chotchkie's is wrong. Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair they made the Jews wear.
Joanna: What?!

[at Tom's barbecue where Tom is in a full-body cast in a wheel chair due to his injuries]
Peter Gibbons: Uh, listen, I, I heard about your...your settlement. Congratulations.
Office Space QuotesTom Smykowski: Well, thanks, Peter. You know, I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you. I know how you get depressed about your job and all, and I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way.
Peter Gibbons: Really?
Tom Smykowski: Sure. Oh maybe I didn't whine as much, but I bet I hated my job even more than you, and I've been doing it for over thirty years!
Peter Gibbons: Wow!
Tom Smykowski: Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me.
[he starts to laugh]
Peter Gibbons: Thanks, Tom.

[talking to Samir and Michael at Tom's barbecue]
Rob Newhouse: Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. Minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be all right. Why do you ask, anyway?
Michael Bolton: Oh no, we were just...
[nervously he drops his drink]

Drew: Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Drew: Hmmm. Who's she here with?
Peter Gibbons: She's with me.
Drew: Really?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Drew: All right, Peter! Ooh! Ooh! Right on. Make sure you wear a rubber, dude.
Peter Gibbons: Why is that, Drew?
Drew: Are you kidding me? She gets around. All right?
Peter Gibbons: She does, does she?
Drew: Oh, yeah. Like a record.
Peter Gibbons: Like, with who?
Drew: Oh, let's see, uh...hell, Lumbergh fucked her. Oh, let me see who else...
Peter Gibbons: Lumbergh?!

[after confronting Joanna about sleeping with Lumbergh]
Joanna: Peter! What is wrong with you? That was like two years ago! What, did you know him?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I know him. I know him! He's my boss! He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!
Joanna: He's not that disgusting.
Peter Gibbons: He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him!
Joanna: Hey, that is none of your business, okay? I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. I don't care.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I didn't think that you slept with guys like Lumbergh!
Joanna: Listen to you. Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me! I mean what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing, wanna-be!
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh!

[as she's about to get out of Peter's car in the middle of the street]
Joanna: Why don't you just call me when you grow up! Oh, wait, you know what, that's probably never gonna happen, so just don't call me, okay?
[just as Joanna is about to close car door]
Peter Gibbons: Say hello to Lumbergh for me!

[Peter's nightmare where Lumbergh is naked, having sex holding a foot in one hand a cup of coffee in the other]
Bill Lumbergh: You can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left. That's it. Great. Peter. What's happening? Um, could you get me those TPS reports ASAP? Mmmkay?
Office Space Quotes

Stan: We need to talk. Do you know what this is about?
Joanna: My, uh, flair?
Stan: Yeah. Or, uh, your lack of flair. Because, I'm counting and I only see fifteen pieces. Let me ask you a question, Joanna.
Joanna: Umm-hmm.
Stan: What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?
Joanna: Huh. What do I think? Um ,you know what, Stan, if you want me to wear thirty-seven pieces of flair, like your uh, pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum thirty-seven pieces of flair?
Stan: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.
Joanna: Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. I do want to express myself, okay? And I don't need thirty-seven pieces of flair to do it.
[she gives Stan the finger]
Joanna: All right? There's my flair! Okay? And this is me expressing myself, okay? There it is! I hate this job! I hate this goddamn job and I don't need it!
[she storms out]

[after they find out that $305,326.13 has been deposited into Peter's account]
Samir: Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Peter Gibbons: Son of a bitch! Shit!
Samir: This is a...fuck!
Peter Gibbons: Son of a bitch!
Samir: I...I...Shit!
Michael Bolton: What happened?
Peter Gibbons: You tell me, Michael, it's your software!
Samir: Yes, it's your software!
Peter Gibbons: You know corporate accounting is sure as hell going to notice three hundred five thousand three hundred...
[grabs the receipt from Michael]
Peter Gibbons: ...twenty six thirteen, Michael!
Samir: Oh shit!
Michael Bolton: They probably won't know it's gone for another three or four days.

Peter Gibbons: Michael! Michael! You said the thing was gonna take two years! What happened? You said the thing was supposed to work.
Michael Bolton: Well, technically it did work.
Peter Gibbons: No it didn't!
Samir: It did not work, Michael, okay?
Michael Bolton: Okay! Okay! Okay!
Samir: Okay?
Michael Bolton: Okay! I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit! I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail.
Peter Gibbons: Oh! What is this fairly mundane detail, Michael?
Michael Bolton: Okay, quit getting pissed at me, all right? This was all your idea, asshole!
Peter Gibbons: All right. Okay. All right. Let's try not to get pissed off at each other, all right? Let's just calm down. Let's try to figure this thing out together. The first thing we gotta do is we gotta close that account down before it gets any bigger.

[employees are singing birthday for Bill in a flat monotone. He blows out the candles]
Bill Lumbergh: Looks terrific. Mmmm. Here Peggy, you wanna get everybody started there.
[he gets a slice of cake]
Bill Lumbergh: Mmm. Oh, that is terrific. Just terrific. Thanks everybody, really. I really, really appreciate this. Very special.
Office Space Quotes[a slice is handed to Milton]
Nina: Now Milton, don't be greedy. Let's pass it along and make sure everyone gets a piece.
Milton Waddams: Yeah, but last time I didn't receive a piece. And I was told...
Nina: Just pass.
Milton Waddams: Okay. But this, this, it, it, it's a little cake. There's not enough cake. The ratio of people to cake is too big.
[eventually Milton notices that everybody but him gets a piece of cake]
Milton Waddams: [muttering] I could set the building on fire.

Samir: Is there some way to just give the money back?
Peter Gibbons: What? You mean just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? I, I think they'd figure that out.
Samir: Well, we have to do something.
Michael Bolton: May...maybe we launder the money.
Peter Gibbons: That's a great idea. Okay, how do we do that?
Michael Bolton: I don't know, I don't know. I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. I think...I think coke dealers do it.
Peter Gibbons: Okay. All right. Do we know any coke dealers?
Michael Bolton: My, my cousin's a coke head.
[he looks at Peter and Samir]
Michael Bolton: Fuck. We're in deep shit!
Samir: Yes. We are in very, very deep shit.

[Lumbergh comes down to the basement to see Milton]
Bill Lumbergh: Milton.
Milton Waddams: Yes.
Bill Lumbergh: What's happening?
Milton Waddams: I wanted to see you because...
Bill Lumbergh: Say, Milton, you know what would be great?
Milton Waddams: Wait. No.
Bill Lumbergh: Since you're down here, it would be really great if you could just sort of take care of the cockroach problem we've been having in here.
Milton Waddams: No. That's really not my job and I, I haven't received my pay check...
Bill Lumbergh: So, for now, why don't you go ahead and get yourself a flashlight and a can of pesticide and...
[Dom enters]
Dom Portwood: Bill! We need you upstairs right away. We got a big problem. Some major glitch in accounting. A lot of money missing.
[they go upstairs and Bill turns off the light leaving Milton in the dark]
Milton Waddams: Excuse me? Excuse me? Okay, that's...that's the last straw.

[Michael is looking up "money laundering" in the dictionary]
Peter Gibbons: I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in a dictionary.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well. You guys can both eat my ass, okay.

Peter Gibbons: I can't believe Joanna slept with Lumbergh, that's what I can't believe.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, you didn't know that?
Samir: Yeah, you didn't know that?
Michael Bolton: A couple of years ago, before he moved to Atlanta.
Peter Gibbons: You mean, Ron Lumbergh, the...the Initrode guy? The young guy?
Michael Bolton: Yeah, who'd you think I meant? Bill?
[Samir and Michael start to laugh]
Michael Bolton: If she fucked him, their children would have hooves!
Peter Gibbons: Ron's not related to Bill, is he?

Steve: Good evening Sir, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean.
Peter Gibbons: Okay.
Steve: That is why I am selling magazine subscription.
Peter Gibbons: No. No...
Steve: And I was hoping you would help me out.
[just as Peter's about to close the door]
Michael Bolton: Wait, wait, wait, wait! You used to be addicted to crack?

[Peter Michael and Samir are trying to find out about money laundering from the magazine subscription guy]
Steve: Look, I'm very sorry. I do not know anything about any money laundering.
Michael Bolton: No, no, no. We're...we're not asking you about money laundering. All we need is for you to hook us up with the right people.
Peter Gibbons: If he doesn't know anybody who wants to hook us up, he doesn't know anything.
Samir: No, no. Wait, wait, wait a minute. Look, uh, you just give us the name of one drug dealer. I mean I could talk to him. I have good networking skill. I...
Steve: I lied. Um...all that stuff I said about being a crack head. It just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed software engineer.
Peter Gibbons: You're a software engineer?
Steve: Yup.
Samir: Things, must be very rough for you.
Steve: Actually man, I make more money selling magazine subscription, than I ever did at Initrode!

[after finding out the Steve used to work at Initrode]
Peter Gibbons: Wait a minute, you're, you're not gonna tell anybody about all this stuff we told you? I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's...
Steve: Actually, um...that all depends.
[he holds up his clipboard]

[after he's bought magazine subscriptions from Steve to keep him quite]
Peter Gibbons: What am I gonna do with forty subscriptions to Vibe?

Michael Bolton: We never should have done this. What were we thinking? You know what I
can't figure out? How is it that all these stupid, Neanderthal, mafia guys can be so good at crime and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it?
Samir: We're new to it, though. If we had more experience...
Michael Bolton: No. You know what I think? I think we're screwed. I think there's enough evidence all over the building to link us to this. Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. What we've done is bad enough. We get caught laundering money, we're not going to go to white-collar-resort-prison. No, no, no! We're gonna go to federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prison.
Samir: I don't want to go to any prison! Why the hell did I do this? I've never done anything wrong in my whole life! We weren't thinking clearly because you told us we were losing our jobs! And now look at us now, we're, we're worried about going in to prison!
Peter Gibbons: Don't worry about it. I'll think of something.
Samir: Ssss! I'm going home.
Michael Bolton: Me too.
Samir: You are a very bad person, Peter.

[Peter knocks on his wall to get Lawrence's attention]
Peter Gibbons: Lawrence, you awake?
Lawrence: Yeah.
Peter Gibbons: You wanna come over?
Lawrence: No thanks, man. I don't want you fucking up my life, too!

[Peter's dreaming that they're in court, with Rob as their lawyer]
Judge: And in light of this sentence for these heinous crimes that you have committed against Initech. I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton and Samir a term of no less than four years in a federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prison.
[Samir begins to cry]
Judge: Peter Gibbons, you've lead a trite and meaningless life. And you're a very bad person.
[the judge bangs the gavel and Peter wakes up]

[Peter's waiting outside Flingers parking lot. Joanna comes out of Flingers]
Joanna: Hey.
Peter Gibbons: You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh?
Joanna: No, no, I got fired.
Peter Gibbons: What happened?
Joanna: I flipped off my boss. Some customers, actually a line just happened to be standing there, so...
Peter Gibbons: I might be going away for a while. Uh, to jail. You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea. I'm gonna take the blame for it, I decided. I'm on my way now to return the money and leave the confession under Lumbergh's door. Joanna, I wanna apologize. I had no right to get pissed off at you about Lumbergh. Lumbergh is not my problem. It wasn't even the right Lumbergh. I...I don't know why I can't just go to work and be happy, like I'm supposed to, like everybody else.
Joanna: Peter, most people don't like their jobs. But you go out there and find something that makes you happy.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Well, I may never be happy with my job. But I think that if I could be with you, that I could be happy with my life. I've been a real asshole. But if you could give it another shot, I promise, Joanna...
Joanna: Okay, shut up.
[she comes over and hugs him, they kiss]

[seeing Peter and Joanna kissing in the parking lot]
Brian: Wow! Hey, what's going on here? Get a room you two!
[he gives them the finger, mocking Joanna's action for getting fired]
Joanna: I hate that guy.

[talking to Lumbergh's secretary]
Milton Waddams: Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I,I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it and I don't appreciate that...
Peggy: Um, well, why...why don't you go back down and sit at your desk. Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute.
Milton Waddams: Mr. Lumbergh...
Peggy: Just go and sit at your desk.
Milton Waddams: But, but...
Peggy: Okay?
Milton Waddams: Okay, I, I, I'm going to set the building on fire. I tell him, if I don't get my stapler...
[Peggy leaves her desk]
Milton Waddams: I'm just going to have to take my stapler back because it is my stapler.
[he goes into Lumbergh's office]
Milton Waddams: It's my stapler, the Swingline. It's been mine for a very long time.

[Peter knocks on Lawrence's door]
Peter Gibbons: Lawrence, you in there?
Lawrence: Hey, Peter, man.
Peter Gibbons: Hey. So, I might be going away for awhile.
Lawrence: Yeah, I know, man. It's a bummer, dude, what can I say?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. Uh, well, time to go face the music. You take care of yourself if I don't see you, all right?
[they shake hands]
Lawrence: You too, man. Take care of yourself, bud. All right.
[they shake hands. Peter starts to leave]
Lawrence: Hey, Peter?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Lawrence: Watch out for the corn hole, bud.
Peter Gibbons: Okay, Lawrence.

[Peter and Lawrence are working on the crew cleaning up the burned Initech building. Peter notices Milton's burnt Swingline stapler in Lawrence's shovel]
Peter Gibbons: Wait a minute. Let me take a look at that.
Lawrence: Who would want that stapler, man? That's toasted, man.
Peter Gibbons: [smiling] I think I know someone who might want this.
Office Space Quotes

[Samir and Michael are now working at Initrode, they visit Peter whilst he's working]
Michael Bolton: Probably could get you a job there if you want.
Peter Gibbons: No, thanks. I, uh, I'm doing good here.
Michael Bolton: So, uh, we're gonna be okay, right?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah. I think the fire pretty much took care of everything.
Samir: I wonder if the money burned up? This would be a shame.
Peter Gibbons: Yeah...
Samir: Are you sure you don't want us to get you a job?
Peter Gibbons: That's one thing I'm definitely sure of.

[whilst he's clearing the burnt rubble of Initech building]
Peter Gibbons: This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, gettin' exercise, workin' outside.
Lawrence: Fuckin' A!
Peter Gibbons: Fuckin' A!

[last lines; Milton is relaxing on a beach and a waiter comes up to him]
Milton Waddams: Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you, please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt. No salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the glass...
Office Space QuotesMexican Waiter: Lo siento mucho, senor.
[under his breath as he walks away]
Mexican Waiter: Pinche gringo.
Milton Waddams: I won't be leaving a tip, 'cause I...I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put...I could put...strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass, big grains of salt.

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Total Quotes: 89

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