Puss in Boots Quotes
(Page 2)

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Jack: Our biological clocks are tickin', darlin'. You gotta start lookin' at the big picture.
Jill: Listen, I put a lot of work into my body. I look good and I am not just gonna throw it away.

[after Jack and Jill have caught Puss and Kitty trying to steal the beans]
Jill: Alright, cat! Give me them beans!
[she holds Puss by his leg over the edge of the cliff]
Jill: Is it true, a cat always lands on its feet?
Puss in Boots: No! That is just a rumor spread by dogs!
Jill: Well let's find out.
[just as Jill is about to throw Puss over the edge Humpty drives his wagon close by and Puss lands inside the wagon]

[after Puss has found out Kitty has no claws]
Kitty Softpaws: I am called Kitty Softpaws because I'll steal you blind and you'll never even know I was there.
[she holds up Puss's money sack that she's just stolen from inside his boot]
Puss in Boots: Kitty, you're not as good as they say. You're better. I will respect your privacy.

[telling Puss the story of how she lost her claws]
Kitty Softpaws: I was just a stray, but I had beautiful claws. One day a really nice couple took me in, gave me milk every morning, loved me. Maybe I scratched her curtains or play too rough with the hamster. I don't know why they did it, but they took my claws.
Puss in Boots: Cat people are crazy.

[after they've planted the magic beans but only a small bean sprout pops up]
Humpty Dumpty: What's happening here?
Puss in Boots: Maybe the magic rubbed off in your pocket.
Humpty Dumpty: That's impossible!
Kitty Softpaws: Okay. Okay. Let's not panic. You know I read somewhere that plants have feelings. So, come on. Say something nice to it.
Humpty Dumpty: Okay. Let me just think for a second.
[he leans close to the plant]
Humpty Dumpty: Hi, little plant.
[suddenly the plant shoots up and grows all the way to the sky]

[after they've ended up at the top of the beanstalk in the sky, they're voices sound squeaky]
Humpty Dumpty: Uh...guys!
[Humpty suddenly slips off the giant leaf of the beanstalk]
Puss and Kitty: Humpty!
Puss in Boots: I do not see him. Did you see him?
Kitty Softpaws: I don't see him anywhere.
Puss in Boots: You sound...weird.
[suddenly Humpty pops up from one of the clouds in the sky]
Humpty Dumpty: It's the thin air. Come on in, it feels great!

[as they play around in the clouds]
Humpty Dumpty: Somewhere down there, there are two little kids. I don't know, maybe orphans, and they're laying on a hill staring at the clouds dreaming about the future. That was me and you, Puss. Me and you.
Kitty Softpaws: Boys, you might wanna take a look at this.
[they stare up and see the castle in the clouds]
Humpty Dumpty: The giants castle! Okay, time to suit up.
Puss in Boots: Humpty!
Puss in Boots Quotes[Puss and Kitty watch in disgust as Humpty gets undressed]
Humpty Dumpty: I'll fit right in with the golden eggs.
[Humpty changes into into a golden suit]
Humpty Dumpty: Brilliant or what, huh?
Kitty Softpaws: Humpty, you're not wearing underwear!
Humpty Dumpty: What? Are you embarrassed? I'm not. Puss, remember when everyone was laughing at bean club? And who is laughing now? We are!

[as they enter the castle]
Humpty Dumpty: That is our target.
Kitty Softpaws: Hey, you don't sound like an elf anymore.
Humpty Dumpty: It's because the air pressure in here is normal.
Puss in Boots: Let's go!

Puss in Boots: So here is the plan. You two get the golden eggs, I will fight the giant.
Humpty Dumpty: There's no giant to fight. The giant's been dead for years.
Puss in Boots: What?
Humpty Dumpty: You didn't do the reading, did you? Oh, boy! Jack and the beanstalk, chapter fourteen. Giant takes a big dirt nap.

Kitty Softpaws: What was that?
Humpty Dumpty: They call it The Great Terror. It's the monster that guards the golden goose. Legend has it that if you look at it, you'll turn to stone. But nobody really knows, because nobody's walked away from it alive. Follow me and keep quite.
[they follow Humpty towards the golden goose but Humpty suit keeps squeaking loudly]
Kitty Softpaws: Shh! Humpty!
Humpty Dumpty: I can't...I can't help it! Everything's rubbing and pinching. I need powder!

[as they hear the giant monster waking up]
Puss in Boots: Do not worry. I will protect you.
Kitty Softpaws: What are you gonna do? Hit it in the head with a guitar?
Puss in Boots: Please, stop bringing up the guitar.

[they find the golden eggs lying around in the grass within the castle grounds]
Humpty Dumpty: Look at this! It's egg paradise! Oh, it's so beautiful. I feel like I belong here.
[he laughs and runs towards the eggs]

[referring to the golden goose as the golden eggs are too heavy to take]
Humpty Dumpty: Let's just take her.
Puss in Boots: Wait a minute! This is the goose of legend. We don't know what happens if we take her.
Humpty Dumpty: I know what happens if we don't take her, we got nothin'!
Kitty Softpaws: Guys! Guys! It's a gold pooper! We're taking it!

[as Jack is putting a nappy on a piglet]
Jill: Look at that! You finally got that family you wanted, Jack.
[Jack holds up the piglet]
Jack: You here that? I think it just called me daddy.
Jill: Oh! He looks just like you, Jack.
Jack: Thank you.

[as they are dancing, celebrating stealing the golden goose]
Puss in Boots: There is one word for you, Kitty Softpaws. Me-wow!
Kitty Softpaws: I know you have quite a reputation with the ladies, Mr. Frisky Two Times.
Puss in Boots: I've also been knowns as The Fury Lover! But that was before I met you.
Kitty Softpaws: You don't know me, Puss. I'm not who you think I am. I'm all about the score.
Puss in Boots: Come on! Look me in the eyes and tell me all you care about is the gold?
Kitty Softpaws: Puss.
Puss in Boots: Kitty.
[as he comes close to kiss Kitty suddenly Humpty shoves the golden goose in Puss's face and takes Kitty]
Humpty Dumpty: New partners!
[he starts dancing with Kitty]
Humpty Dumpty: Do not fall for his animal magnetism! Stay focused

[after he's taken Kitty from under Humpty and continues dancing with her]
Puss in Boots: So, I have been thinking, Miss Softpaws, that when we go our separate ways we can go our separate ways together.
Kitty Softpaws: Puss, you have to go now.
Puss in Boots: You do not have to push me away anymore. You can trust me.
Kitty Softpaws: But...
[suddenly Humpty comes between them interrupting their moment]
Humpty Dumpty: Give it up for the legend of San Ricardo! Humpty and Puss, we did it!

[after they've finished dancing]
Kitty Softpaws: I'm calling it a night, guys.
Puss in Boots: Kitty, stay up with us.
Kitty Softpaws: No, I feel a...
[she coughs]
Kitty Softpaws: ...hairball coming on.
[she walks off]
Humpty Dumpty: Okay, yeah! Have fun with that!
[to Puss]
Humpty Dumpty: We should give her some privacy.

Puss in Boots: I never thought we would get here, after all we went through. To pull this off together. It is good to have my brother back.
Humpty Dumpty: Yep, it sure is. Well, we have a big day tomorrow. Really exciting stuff. We should get some rest.
[he closes his golden suit rolls over and the golden goose jumps on top of him]
Puss in Boots: Good night, Humpty.
[as Puss is about to fall asleep, Jack and Jill sneak up behind Puss and knock him out]

[Puss enters San Ricardo and sees the shadow of Jack and Jill holding Humpty and follows them]
Humpty Dumpty: What do you...what do you want? Gold? I have gold!
Jill: Jack, egg's tryin' to bribe us.
Jack: Hah, with our own gold.
Jill: Come on now. All we want is a little breakfast.
Humpty Dumpty: No! No! No! Please!
Jack: How do you like your eggs, pumpkin?
[Puss sees the shadow of Jack and Jill breaking egg]
Puss in Boots: Humpty! No!
Humpty Dumpty: Aaah!
[suddenly Puss sees breaking open a bottle of champagne and laughing]

[as Puss comes upon Humpty celebrating with Jack, Jill and the men that Puss met in the tavern that told him the story about the magic beans and the golden goose]
Puss in Boots: What is going on?
Humpty Dumpty: It's a surprise party and the surprise is on you!
Jill: Looks like cat's out of the bag.
[they laugh]
Puss in Boots: You were in cahoots?
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, yeah! They all work for me. I spend a lot of time in the prison preparing for this.
Puss in Boots: You set me up?
Humpty Dumpty: Oh, yeah! Set you up? Of course! You think this was all about getting the gold and clearing your name? This little adventure was about one thing. Revenge! You never knew it, Puss. But I was always there.

Humpty Dumpty: You wanted to repay and old debt, Puss? Well so did I.
Puss in Boots: Why would you do this?
Humpty Dumpty: You left me on that bridge! You abandoned me when I needed you the most. What happened to brothers forever?
Puss in Boots: I trusted you!
Humpty Dumpty: Well now you're finally gonna know what it feels like. You know? To trust someone and have them stab you in the back! Guards!
[the Comandante's guards surround Puss]
Comandate: Puss in Boots, you are under arrest for the robbery of the San Ricardo bank!
Humpty Dumpty: Consider this the final meeting of bean club.
Puss in Boots: I should scramble you with onions!

[in jail taking Puss's possessions]
Comandate: One hat. One belt. And two boots. Once a symbol of honor. One bottle of catnap!
Puss in Boots: Uh...it is for my glaucoma.

[thrown in his jail cell Puss meets an old prisoner shackled to the wall]
Andy Beanstalk: It looks like the egg got what he wanted.
Puss in Boots: You talking about Humpty?
Andy Beanstalk: Ublee..ublee...umm! Don't say his name! I used to share this cell with that smelly thing. Happiest day of my life was when he left, till I realized he stole my magic beans.
Puss in Boots: Wait! Wait! Wait! You had the beans? Who are you?
[the prisoner has fallen asleep snoring loudly]
Puss in Boots: Hey! What's your name?
Andy Beanstalk: Uuh! Andy Beanstalk, my parents call me Jack. I traded the family cow for them beans. Of course it wasn't my family's cow, some others family's family cow. That's why I got eight to ten year. Always know which cow's you're...
[he falls asleep again snoring loudly]
Puss in Boots: Crazy man! Wake up!

Puss in Boots: What else do you know?
Andy Beanstalk: We're all goners! Thanks to that little stinky! I told him! I told him not to take the goose, but all he wanted was his revenge.
Puss in Boots: Don't take the goose. Why?
[the old man's fallen asleep again and Puss slaps him awake]
Andy Beanstalk: The Great Terror! That's the golden goose's mom.
Puss in Boots: Oh, no.
Andy Beanstalk: And she will be out for blood when she comes back for her baby.

[after she's helped Puss escape from jail]
Kitty Softpaws: I hope you can forgive me.
Andy Beanstalk: Apology accepted!
[he runs off]
Puss in Boots: I don't really have time for you. I have to save the town from The Great Terror.
Kitty Softpaws: Wait, Puss! Don't you see, I'm here because...I am here because you made me realize that there is something I can care about more than gold.
Puss in Boots: Some thing?
Kitty Softpaws: Okay, someone. He's about two feet tall, wears high heels.
Puss in Boots: Handsome?
Puss in Boots Quotes Kitty Softpaws: He's very handsome.
Puss in Boots: A real beefcake?
Kitty Softpaws: Mmhmm.
Puss in Boots: A stallion?
Kitty Softpaws: Yes.
Puss in Boots: Tiger?
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, brother!
[Puss laughs]
Puss in Boots: But, this does not make us even.

[as they are fighting the guards]
Puss in Boots: I saved you. You owed me one. You didn't tell me about Humpty. So now you owe me two.
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, you are a lot of work.
Puss in Boots: I know, but I am worth it!

[Puss draws his sword at Humpty]
Puss in Boots: I shall make you into an egg salad sandwich!
Humpty Dumpty: Aah! That is disgusting!
Puss in Boots: Give me the goose, Humpty.
Humpty Dumpty: No can do, I'm afraid. See the mama's on her way and when she gets here, it's bye bye San Ricardo and everything you ever cared about.
Puss in Boots: Revenge on me is one thing, but why Imelda? Why the orphanage? This is our home.
Humpty Dumpty: You mean your home. I...I never belonged here. We had a plan to get out of here, but then you became a hero and you picked this place over me. You left me with nothing.
Puss in Boots: Humpty, I'm sorry I hurt you. But do not take it out on these people. You are better than this.
Humpty Dumpty: No, I'm not.
Puss in Boots: Oh, come on! I know the real Humpty. The way you saw the world, the inventor, the dreamer. What happened to that guy?

[as they hear The Great Terror getting nearer to San Ricardo]
Humpty Dumpty: I think it's too late.
Puss in Boots: It is never too late to do the right thing. Together we can save San Ricardo.

Puss in Boots: I can forgive you, Humpty, if you help me now.
Humpty Dumpty: Really? After everything I put you through.
Puss in Boots: Prove to me there is still a good egg in you.
Humpty Dumpty: I'll try.

[as Humpty and the golden goose are hanging over the edge of the broken bridge and Puss is holding onto their ropes]
Humpty Dumpty: Here we are again. Right, Puss?
Puss in Boots: I will not leave you behind this time, Humpty.
[the rope that is holding the golden goose starts to unravel]
Humpty Dumpty: I'm sorry, Puss. I've made a mess out of everything. I'm a rotten egg! I'm not...I'm not a person, I'm not a bird, I'm not even a food. I don't know what I am.
Puss in Boots: You are what you have always been, my brother.
Humpty Dumpty: Brothers forever.

[as Puss attempts to pull up Humpty's rope the edge of the bridge breaks making Puss fall further down the rope]
Humpty Dumpty: You can't save us both.
Puss in Boots: Yes, I can. Just hang on.
Humpty Dumpty: Puss, you have to save the baby or the mama will destroy San Ricardo. It's the right thing to do.
Puss in Boots: I will not let you go, Humpty.
Humpty Dumpty: I know you won't, so I won't make you choose.
[suddenly Humpty let's go of the rope falling to his death leaving Puss free to save the golden goose]
Puss in Boots: Humpty!

[Puss looks down the end of the bridge to look for Humpty's body but instead sees a golden egg lying on a rock]
Puss in Boots: Humpty, I always knew that you were good inside.
[the giant mother goose and the golden goose take the golden egg and fly off]
Puss in Boots: Goodbye, Humpty.

[Puss enters San Ricardo again, now a hero to the people]
Puss in Boots: I have to go, the soldiers are coming for me.
[Imelda hugs Puss]
Imelda: I am so proud of you, my son. Today you faced the past with bravery and honor. You earned those boots and the people know that you are San Ricardo's greatest hero.
Puss in Boots: I did it for you, mama.
Imelda: You will always be in my heart.
Puss in Boots: And you in mine.

[as they dance on the rooftops getting away from the Comandate and his guards]
Puss in Boots: I will see you again, Kitty Softpaws.
Kitty Softpaws: Sooner than you think.
[Puss looks down and sees his boots are missing and looks across at Kitty she holds up his boots]
Puss in Boots: She is a bad kitty.
[she blows him a kiss and goes off]

[last lines]
Puss in Boots: [voice over] This is the story of a cat who became a hero. An outlaw dedicated to justice and a lover of beautiful women. A great, great lover. Really, it is crazy. I am Puss in Boots! And my name would become legend.

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Total Quotes: 69

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