21 Jump Street (2012) Best Movie Quotes

Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Brie Larson, Dave Franco, Rob Riggle, DeRay Davis, Ice Cube, Dax Flame, Chris Parnell, Ellie Kemper, Jake M. Johnson, Nick Offerman, Holly Robinson Peete, Johnny Pemberton, Stanley Wong, Justin Hires, Brett Lapeyrouse, Lindsey Broad, Caroline Aaron, Joe Chrest

OUR RATING: ★★★★☆

Story:

Buddy cop action comedy directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. 21 Jump Street (2012) follows two police officers, Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum), who are forced to relive high school when they are assigned to go undercover as high school students to prevent the outbreak of a new synthetic drug and arrest its supplier.

Our Favorite Quote:

'You never won't know what you can't achieve before you don't achieve it.' - Mr. Gordon (21 Jump Street) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

Hamilton Principal: You’re not going to the prom. Boy, you’re lucky you’re even graduating.
Jenko: But I’m going to be prom king.
Hamilton Principal: I’m glad you had a great time in school, because you ain’t learn nothing!

Jenko: [seven years later, as Schmidt is entering the police academy] Not so Slim Shady? What’s up?

Jenko: [as they are about to graduate the academy] You ready for a lifetime of being bada** m**herf***er?
Schmidt: Oh, I am.
Jenko: [cut to Schmidt and Jenko riding police bicycles around a park] I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions. And less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.

Schmidt: [to the One Percenters smoking marijuana in the park] Gentlemen, we having a little party?
Jenko: Have we forgotten that the use of marijuana is illegal?
Domingo: Well, I have glaucoma.
One-Percenter #1: I get nervous in crowds.
Tom Hanson: Herpes.

Domingo: [to Schmidt and Jenko] Are you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.

Jenko: I’ll beat your d**k off with both hands. What’s up? Let’s go.
One-Percenter #1: That’s weird, man!
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he’s going to punch you so many times round the genital area that your d**k’s just going to fall off.

Schmidt: [as the One Percenters make a run for it] What do I do?
Jenko: Chase someone!
Schmidt: Chase someone? Are you leaving your bike here?

Deputy Chief Hardy: [referring to Domingo] The department was forced to drop the charges, because you forgot to read him his Miranda rights. What possible reason is there for not doing the only thing you have to do when arresting someone?
Jenko: I did read him his rights. I did a version of that.

Deputy Chief Hardy: [referring to Jenki reciting the Miranda rights] Go ahead. It’s four declamatory sentences followed by a question, for a total of fifty-seven words.
Jenko: Okay. Look, it obviously starts with, “You have the right to remain silent.” I know you heard this before. And then like…
Schmidt: [whispers to Jenko] You have the right to an attorney.
Jenko: Oh, right! You have the right to remain an attorney. And…
Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you say that you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: You do have the right to be an attorney, if you want to.

Deputy Chief Hardy: Where were you?
Schmidt: I was chasing my perp, sir.
Deputy Chief Hardy: And how did that go for you?
Schmidt: Honestly, he did get away, and he threw me down pretty hard. I actually f***ed up my elbow pretty bad.
Deputy Chief Hardy: May I see that?
Schmidt: Yeah, actually it hurts because the dirt gets mushed into it.
Schmidt: [as Hardy flips his finger hard at his injured elbow] Ow!

Deputy Chief Hardy: I think you idiots are perfect. You’re officially transferred.
Schmidt: Alright.
Jenko: That’s great. Where should we report to?
Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street. No, that doesn’t sound right.

Captain Dickson: [at 21 Jump Street] You will be going undercover as high school students. You are here simply because you look young. You some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus looking m**herf***ers.
Schmidt: [whispers to Jenko] Captain’s sassy.

Captain Dickson: I know what you’re thinking. Angry, black Captain. It ain’t nothing but a stupid stereotype. Well guess what, m**herf***ers? I’m black, and I worked my a** off to be the Captain! And sometimes I get angry. So suck a d**k! What I’m trying to show you is, embrace your stereotypes.
Captain Dickson: [points to Jenko] Like this guy, right here. Handsome, and he’s probably a dummy.
Captain Dickson: [points to Schmidt] And then this guy. He’s short and insecure, and he’s probably good with money.
Jenko: [whispers to Schmidt] Well, you are good with money.
Schmidt: F***.

Captain Dickson: [to Schmidt and Jenko] Teenage the f*** up!

Captain Dickson: Keep that dirty d**k in your pants. Don’t f*** no students. Don’t f*** no teachers.
Schmidt: Sir, I know we come off as a couple of ladykillers, but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.
Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn’t talking to you, big titties! You cherub looking m**herf***er. I was talking to your partner over here, Fake A** Handsome McGee! When I’m talking to him, I’m talking to him. When I say, “Shut the f*** up,” I’m talking to you.

Captain Dickson: [to Schmidt and Jenko] They’re teenagers, man. They’re really stupid, so you should blend right in.

Captain Dickson: Whatever he took, the lab has never seen it before. And as you can see, this kid is white. That means, people actually give a s**t.
Schmidt: Sir, I just want to throw out to you that I would give a s**t if he was black.

Captain Dickson: Schmidt, it says you were a virgin through high school.
Schmidt: It says that?
Captain Dickson: No, I just assumed it. Due to your many years on the honor role and your membership to the juggling squad.
Schmidt: It’s a juggling society, but it’s fine. It’s fine.

Captain Dickson: The mission is this, infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
Jenko: We get to be brothers?
Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
Jenko: What if we find the supplier first? We don’t have to worry about the dealer?
Captain Dickson: Goddamn! Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

Schmidt: [praying at the Korean church at 21 Jump Street] Hey, Korean Jesus. I don’t know if you cater to Korean Christians, or if you even exist. No offense. I’m just really freaked out about going back to high school. It was just so f***ing hard the first time. I know we haven’t made our first arrest, or maybe I’m not the best cop. Korean Jesus, I just really don’t want to f*** this up. I’m sorry for swearing so much. The end? I don’t really know how to end a prayer. The end? Yeah.

Captain Dickson: Stop f***ing with Korean Jesus! He ain’t got time for your problems! He’s busy, with Korean s**t!

Schmidt: [referring to his pictures at his parents house] Guys, can we get rid of this stuff? I mean, it looks like I died in a car crash and you guys haven’t moved on.
David Schmidt: If we take it down, we have to stop bragging about you.
Schmidt: I look like Fred Savage from The Wonder Years! But completely naked wearing Indian friendship bracelets.
David Schmidt: That is a great picture, Morton.
Jenko: You look like a young Jay Leno.

Schmidt: [to his parents] I mean this is a fourth grade participation medal for soccer. It’s literally a medal for sucking!

Schmidt: If you don’t know your identity, we’re screwed tomorrow. You got to study this stuff.
Jenko: Forget those identities, they’re bulls**t! It says I was held back a year.
Schmidt: You were. You were held back two years.
Jenko: Just because it’s a fake back story, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt my feelings.

Schmidt: Dude, do you still not know the Miranda rights? You’re a cop!
Jenko: Come on, man. They always cut away on TV before they finish them.

Jenko: Are you two strapping?
Schmidt: My backpack? Yeah.
Jenko: I got to be seen with you. You got to one strap it. Seriously, I’d have no strap if that would even be possible.
Schmidt: Okay, what makes you the expert?
Jenko: I was cooler in high school than you were.
Schmidt: Okay, that makes sense. Continue.

Jenko: The three keys of coolness in high school, by Jenko. One, don’t try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try. Three,be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-a** car.
Jenko: [as he sees old run down car they will be driving] S**t.

Jenko: [as Schmidt tries to jump across the car] You okay?
Schmidt: I think I s**t my pants.

Jenko: I didn’t punch him because he’s gay. I punched him, and then he’s happened to turn out to be gay afterwards.
Juario: I was gay when you punched me!
Schmidt: In a weird way it might have been homophobic not to punch you, just because you are gay.

See more 21 Jump Street Quotes

Principal Dadier: [to Jenko] Here are your class schedules. You know, it’s funny. I wouldn’t have taken you for the brainy type. I wouldn’t.
Principal Dadier: [to Schmidt] And you as a drama geek, far less surprising.
Schmidt: Thank you.

Schmidt: Now we have the wrong identities, you dumba**! I’m in drama! I suck at drama! It’s girlie, embarrassing.
Jenko: Oh, my God! Relax, dude. Who cares? I can fake my way through band practice and AP Chemistry for a few weeks.
Schmidt: AP Chemistry! AP Chemistry! No, you can’t! Because you didn’t even know what it’s actually f***ing called!
Jenko: It’s going to be fine. You go to my classes, and I’m going to go to yours. Okay, now chemistry is the one with the shapes and s**t, right?

Mr. Gordon: New person. Mister textie-textie, since you have so much to say to Molly, let’s see if you can be Peter to our Wendy. You look like you might have a little Peter inside of you.
Schmidt: I can’t. I’m fine just being a tree or something.
Mr. Gordon: Doug, you never won’t know what you can’t achieve before you don’t achieve it.

Zach: You look really old. Were you held back or something?
Jenko: No. You’re super young. Were you held forward?

Mr. Gordon: [as Schmidt is auditioning for part of Peter Pan] Okay. Maybe try one cooler, and faster, and louder, and better, and less insecure, and more just cool.

Ms. Griggs: [referring to Jenko’s pop quiz] Wow! You’re fast. Not like that. Just let me check you out. I mean, check out your chest. Check out your test. I mean, I’m going to grade your quiz.

Eric Molson: [referring to the drugs] Alright, take it so I know you’re cool.
Jenko: I’m sorry. What? We were going to take it home.
Schmidt: I got to go back to class is the only thing.
Jenko: I was thinking that I was going to go home, maybe turn down the lights, getting snuggly, get a little weird.
Schmidt: I was going to take it, and then m*******te later.

Jenko: [after they take the drug and try to throw up] Let’s just finger each others mouths.
Schmidt: No!
Jenko: Yeah.
Schmidt: No, you’re not fingering my mouth!

Jenko: [as they’re trying to make each other vomit] What are you doing? Are you trying to find my G-spot? Just stick it in!
Schmidt: I don’t know! I’ve never done this before!

Mr. Walters: [to Jenko] You have exceptional muscle tone there, young man. When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something? You look like you’re in your mid twenties for crying out loud.

Jenko: [in his chemistry class as he’s tripping on the drug] One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor, carry the two, changing its atomic isotope into a radioactive spider. F*** you science!

Schmidt: [to Dickson, referring to their crime chart] Okay, so we stayed up all night making this. It’s awesome, you’re really going to like it. All yarn work was done by Jenko.

Fugazy: We just brought down a group of want to-be thugs, stripping down cars in the Garfield High metal shop.
Jr. Jr.: Mean while, you two were standing, finger popping each others a**holes.
Schmidt: We’re not finger popping each others a**holes. What we’re doing is getting s**t done.

Jenko: I’m here to study.
Zach: Good. You could use it, you’re pretty far behind, so.
Jenko: You’re behind. I’m ahead. I know everything.
Zach: Really? What’s a covalent bond?
Jenko: You know, f*** you, man! I don’t need to tell you!
Zach: I wasn’t trying to be rude. Sorry. I just, I don’t think you know everything.
Jenko: I know everything.

Schmidt: Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.
Jenko: I know. It’s bulls**t. You know what? I totally know the cause. Glee. F*** you Glee!

Captain Dickson: Are you all throwing a party?
Jenko: What?
Captain Dickson: There’s rumors, in the Twittersphere. And if any of my officers are caught giving alcohol to minors, they’ll find themself in prison with a snorkel duct taped to their mouth, and me s**tting down that snorkel!
Schmidt: That’s extremely vivid. Thank you.

Schmidt: [after he wins the fight with Scott] Oh, s**t! When did I get stabbed? That’s awesome!

Annie Schmidt: You think I don’t know that’s a d**k and balls! I know all about d**k and balls! I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober, when he was really f***ed up, and a lot of fun!

Delroy: Who’s going to take us to the prom? There’s no one that wants to go to the prom with us.
Jenko: Come on! Picture it! You pull up in a white stallion of a limo, you got fine-a** honey’s with you, you dress to the nines with your best buds! Doves fly out behind you, slow motion.
Zach: Doves? Why doves? Because doves make you look like a bad-a**, that’s why!

Lisa: Doug, okay, settle an argument. You and your brother aren’t related, right? Because he looks totally different.
Schmidt: He’s adopted. We all suspect he’s from a very lame family.
Lisa: Where is he tonight?
Schmidt: Probably at home with those lame tools he hangs out with. You know how Tom Cruise is always pi**ed off at Rainman? That’s like my life, except Brad is really s**tty at Math.

Jenko: [reciting his poem in his chemistry class] Potassium Nitrate. Don’t hate, it’s great. It can act as an oxidizer. I didn’t know that, but now I’m wiser. It has a crystalline structure. If you can’t respect that, you’re a butt-muncher. It’s a key ingredient in gun powder, KNO3. Don’t get no grief. It can be used to make corned beef. It’s also known as salt peter.

Jenko: If they see us, just pretend like you’re sucking my d**k.
Schmidt: What? No!
Jenko: Yes! Stop!
Schmidt: You pretend like you’re sucking my d**k!
Jenko: No, just pretend like you’re sucking my d**k.
Schmidt: Why am I automatically blowing you?
Jenko: Because you’re in a f***ing Peter Pan costume!

Jenko: What’s wrong with you? Run!
Schmidt: I can’t! I’m wearing tights!
Jenko: I got skinny jeans on! It’s the same f***ing thing!

Schmidt: [referring to the One Percenters] They’re coming! They’re coming!
Jenko: I got an idea! Why don’t you text them and ask them to stop chasing us!

Jenko: Look at yourself? You’re in too deep, man. Yesterday I found a college application on your desk!
Schmidt: I don’t know how long this case is going to last. And Eric’s going to get into Berkeley! And honestly, I can get in too! Who knows, I could ride this thing out, I could be a doctor or something!
Jenko: Have you lost your f***ing mind? You’ll screw this investigation all up.
Schmidt: At least I know my Miranda rights, you idiot.

Jenko: You made fun of me behind my back! Everybody laughs at me!
Schmidt: I was a loser for four years! You couldn’t handle it for five minutes! How does it feel, you m**herf***er!

Jenko: [after he and Schmidt get expelled from school] Is that it? You’re not going to, you’re not going to scream at us?
Captain Dickson: Nope. I’m going to just fire you.

Eric Molson: Okay, I just I don’t want to go to jail! You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail? It rhymes with grape!

Eric Molson: A lot of things have made me wonder about you.
Jenko: Come on.
Eric Molson: You’re taste in music. The fact that you look like a f***ing forty year-old man. And after that s**t at the play, I realized there’s no way you guys could be cops.

Schmidt: Jenko, will you go to the prom with me?
Jenko: I guess.
Schmidt: Are we really going to take down a whole drug operation by ourselves?
Jenko: I got some contacts that’ll help us.
[cut to them getting out of a white limo with doves flying out behind them]

Schmidt: I was in a French fry commercial when I was a kid. So people are like, you know, often say I think I know you. But I don’t think we’ve ever met before.
Domingo: Do I look like I eat French fries?
Schmidt: No, you look like you’re in great shape, but maybe you have like corn cheat day. Like a carb blow out. You know? I don’t know.
Domingo: No.
Schmidt: Yeah, I think you saw me, I was like, “Come to Andrew’s French Fry Emporium, where friendship and French fries go hand in hand!”

Eric Molson: You’re f***ing cops? We partied together, man. You bought us Taco Bell.
Schmidt: Eric, honestly, that was a sincere gesture.
Eric Molson: You made me this friendship bracelet.
Jenko: Well, he’s not really your friend! He was pretending the whole time, because it’s a fake bracelet.

Mr. Walters: Drop the gun, or she’s dead!
Schmidt: She looks dead already!
Mr. Walters: [as Molly is slumped in his arm] What? No!

Tom Hanson: [to Schmidt and Jenko] Shut the f*** up! You little dweebs just ruined a five year investigation!
Schmidt: We had no idea. You’re like an amazing actor, man.
Domingo: You played saxophone at my sister’s wedding, man!
Tom Hanson: Tough titty. I f***ed her too!
Domingo: What?

Tom Hanson: You see this nose? That is a fake nose. You want to wear a fake nose on your f***ing head, for like months on end? Glue and s**t?
Schmidt: Worse things in the world.
Tom Hanson: We had to get f***ing tattoos on our d**ks, man!
Officer Doug Penhall: Yeah, actually, I just said that to mess with you.
Tom Hanson: What?
Officer Doug Penhall: It looks tough.

Tom Hanson: You guys are with Jump Street?
Jenko: Yeah!
Schmidt: Yeah.
Tom Hanson: That’s funny, because we were actually Jump Street.

Tom Hanson: [as they’re dying] I know sometimes I was a jerk to you since we were undercover. It’s just I didn’t feel good about myself. All that stuff I wore, like the braceletes, the rings, the tight pants. It was just so that people would think I’m cool. The only approval that I ever needed, was from my best friend.
Officer Doug Penhall: Thanks, man.

Jenko: Let’s do this.
Schmidt: Let’s make a baby.
Jenko: What? What are you talking about?
Schmidt: I don’t know. I was trying something out. Sorry.
Jenko: Let’s go!

Jenko: I’m not trying to shoot people! Will you stop! Just two seconds! You’re really hot, and you’re really slutty, and that’s awesome! But I got to shoot people right now!
Lisa: You think I’m hot?

Jenko: Pop quiz notes. What do you get when lithium batteries react to potassium nitrate? That would be a covalent bond, brother. That’s when two atoms, they share electrons. You see, they both need what the other one has. That makes them stick together.
Schmidt: Are you saying we’re covalent bonds?
Jenko: What? No! We’re not atoms, dude!

Schmidt: Are you alive, buddy? Are you okay? You took a bullet for me, man.
Jenko: Yeah. I’m feeling a little ambivalent about that right now.

Schmidt: Oh, s**t! I shot him in the d**k.
Mr. Walters: You shot me in the d**k! Oh, my God!
Schmidt: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Schmidt: You are under arrest! You have the right to remain silent!
Jenko, Schmidt: Anything you say, can and will be used against you in the court of law! You have the right to an attorney, and if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you! Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you? F*** you! Yes!

Jenko: You’re a Goddamn rock star. Do you feel that? Goddamn, you’re so cool. You just shot him in the d**k. I’ve never seen that. Who does that?
Schmidt: Look, I’m sorry I called you Rainman. I know I didn’t say you were, but you’re smart. You’re a smart guy, and you’re thoughtful, and you’re sincere, and you’re sweet and you’re loyal. And I f***ing cherish you. Shall we high five?
Schmidt: [as they high five] Ow! My hand!

Mr. Walters: That’s my d**k! Will you get my d**k, please!
Schmidt: No! We’re not picking up your d**k!
Mr. Walters: F***ing pick my d**k up!

Schmidt: We’re like in the end of Die Hard right now, but it’s our actual life! That’s crazy!
Jenko: Number one or two?
Schmidt: Three. Sam Jackson’s style!
Jenko: Yeah!

Captain Dickson: [to Schmidt and Jenko] Congratulations, you crazy sick vigilantly, m**herf***ers. You got your first arrest, huh?

Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and f*** anything with a big a** in jeans with low self esteem, I’m going to send you to a place where all that s**t is allowed.
Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland.
Captain Dickson: You two sons of b**ches are going to college!
Schmidt: Yes!
Jenko: No!

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