Starring: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Peter Stormare, Wyatt Russell, Amber Stevens, Jillian Bell, Ice Cube, The Lucas Brothers, Nick Offerman, Jimmy Tatro, Caroline Aaron, Craig Roberts, Marc Evan Jackson, Joe Chrest, Eddie J. Fernandez, Rye Rye, Johnny Pemberton, Stanley Wong, Dax Flame, Richard Grieco, Anna Faris, Dave Franco, Rob Riggle, Seth Rogen
OUR RATING: ★★★½
Buddy cop action comedy sequel directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. 22 Jump Street (2014) follows police officers Morton Schmidt and Greg Jenko (Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum) as they go undercover at a college in order to find the supplier of a new drug.
Schmidt: Man, this is BS. I thought we were going to actual college, not online college, listening to coded messages and lectures.
Jenko: What are you talking about? Look around. This is our city. What do we want to be in college for?
Schmidt: You’re right. Partners for life.
Schmidt: Huh? I got a new identity that’s going to be killed. I’m going to be throwing it to you to make it legit.
Schmidt: I’m going to need you to improvise, okay?
Jenko: I don’t know how to improvise.
Schmidt: I’m going to need you to improvise.
Jenko: I don’t f***ing want to improvise. I don’t know what we’re doing.
Schmidt: Oh, s**t. Yoh, Sleepy! What’s up, homie? You know my cousin Savoy?
Scarface: I think you’ve got the wrong guy, homes?
Schmidt: That’s bulls**t. man! You’re Sleepy. Everyone’s saying Nebario’s Sleepy, he’s like the Mexican Wolverine and s**t.
The Ghost: [looks at Schmidt and Jenko with suspicion] Can’t believe the punks I have to deal with these days. Really makes me miss the 90s. When we had professional around.
Schmidt: [to Scarface, referring to Ghost] Where did you find this gringo, man? The f***ing Mumford & Sons concert and s**t?
Scarface: [referring to Jenko] He’s like the f***ing Terminator!
Jenko: [Ghost] You owe me a car! It better be a f***ing Lamborghini, you b**ch!
Deputy Chief Hardy: Is that a hickey?
Schmidt: Oh, this was actually an octopus from the incident.I opened a crate, and the octopus had leapt onto my face. And it has apparently, they have many, many arms.
Deputy Chief Hardy: They have eight tentacles.
Deputy Chief Hardy: Look, ladies, nobody gave a s**t about the Jump Street reboot when you first came on. Anyone with half a brain, myself included, thought it was destined to fail spectacularly. But you got lucky. So now this department has invested a lot of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. We’ve doubled their budget, as if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit.
Jenko: Yeah. Like that’s going to work.
Deputy Chief Hardy: Yeah. Well, the Commissioner’s convinced this debacle happened because you weren’t doing the same undercover student thing you did the first time. She doesn’t get that it’s always worse the second time around. You settle into worn out roles.
Deputy Chief Hardy: [points to Schmidt then Jenko] One gets possessive, the other runs away. You begin a slow painful unraveling as all of the good things that came before begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness.
Schmidt: That doesn’t sound like us. I mean…
Deputy Chief Hardy: I’m getting a divorce.
Jenko: We don’t want to do the same thing. We want to burst through our ceiling. You got to find another ceiling, and you got to bust through that one. And you just got to keep hammering ceilings…
Schmidt: Okay, okay, okay.
Jenko: What if we actually went to the Secret Service, and like try to protect the White House? I think, I’m saying we can…
Schmidt: I don’t think that would work.
Deputy Chief Hardy: I’m going to ask you to stop talking.
Jenko: I thought it was a pretty good idea.
Deputy Chief Hardy: Do the same thing as last time. Everyone’s happy.
Jenko: [outside the Korean church at 21 Jump Street] I can’t believe the Koreans bought their church back.
Schmidt: Yeah. But I mean good thing there was even a bigger abandoned church directly across the street.
Jenko: Yeah, that’s convenient.
Schmidt: Yes, it is convenient.
Jenko: Next year we’ll probably be just right back across the street, just next door.
Schmidt: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Jenko: I’m not ahead of ourselves, it’s right next to us.
Captain Dickson: So you want the same s**t, so here we go. Same identities, same assignment.
Jenko: We’re going back to high school?
Captain Dickson: Your a** look like you’re about fifty. You’re going to MC State.
Schmidt: We’re going to college, for real?
Jenko: [reading the name of the drug WHYPHY] Wipey?
Captain Dickson: No, you dumb m**herf***er. Why-Phy. Stands for: Work Hard? Yes, Play Hard? Yes.
Schmidt: Sir, can I just say, it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim. I mean, we care so much more because she’s black.
Jenko: I think what he’s really trying to say is that we care equally. It’s a tie really how much we care.
Schmidt: No we’re not. If it was a white person I wouldn’t even care. One less crackera** crackhead to worry about.
Captain Dickson: Why every time you speak I want to throw the f*** up? Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier!
Schmidt: You alright?
Jenko: Yeah. It’s just I’m the first person in my family to pretend to go to college.
Schmidt: Best part is we get to do it together.
Schmidt: Welcome to college.
Jenko: F***, yeah.
Jenko: Pop-up hamper.
Schmidt: Shower caddy.
Jenko: Hot plate.
Schmidt: Bean bag chair.
Jenko: Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol.
Jenko: Three shower poofs.
Schmidt: Some bacon machine that my mom got me. I do not understand how it works.
Jenko: [holds up a retro looking desk lamp] This thing.
Jenko: Bean bag chair. Comforter that I will not wash for the next 6 months.
Schmidt: That’s true.
Jenko: Super high tech police gear.
Schmidt: Carte blanche with the budget, m**herf***er.
Keith Yang: [to Schmidt and Jenko] You got crows feet under your eyes, man.
Keith Yang: [to Schmidt] You specific.
Schmidt: We’re actually just normal college age.
Kenny Yang: I mean, even if you were older, that’s cool, man. Because, you know, girls here love older dudes.
Jenko: I love Spring Break. But I do have to say I’ve f***ed a thousand girls by now, and I don’t know, at the end of the day you just kind of want something that’s just a little deeper really.
Keith & Kenny Yang: Yeah, balls deeper.
Schmidt: It’s going to be super fun. Alright? Same as last time.
Jenko: If it’s like last time, you’re going to have an awesome time, and it’s going to suck for me.
Schmidt: No. You’re going to have an awesome time too because I’m going to make sure of it. You took a bullet for me.
Jenko: That’s right, I did, and it sucked. I won’t do it again.
Schmidt: No way, it’s my turn. I owe you a life debt.
Girl in Bathroom: What’s up?
Schmidt: Just exhausted from inventing Facebook, or whatever website people our age use.
Jenko: They still have books! I thought they just put books inside the computers.
Schmidt: Yeah, I guess the kids just use this to hide and have sex.
Jenko: Dude, in Human Sexuality do you get to f***, or do you just get to watch people f***?
Jenko: Then what the f*** am I taking it for then?
Stoned-Looking Kid: You looking for some Why-Phy?
Schmidt: Yeah, I’m going to be sick.
Stoned-Looking Kid: Go to the Police Station, walk in, and ask your Captain to see the evidence room, because you’re a f***ing narc.
Schmidt: I think you’re mistaking me…
Stoned-Looking Kid: You’re literally wearing a badge. Did you really just check to see if you were wearing a badge? This guy’s a f***ing cop.
Schmidt: I didn’t look down.
Professor Jacobs: Mr. McQuade?
Jenko: Covalent bonds.
Professor Jacobs: What has been the result of the war on drugs?
Jenko: Why would you ask me? I’m not a cop.
Professor Jacobs: Because this is a college seminar, and that’s how college seminars work. A Professor gets into a lively conversation with a student, friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned.
Jenko: Well, it’s definitely harder to get drugs. I can personally tell you that.
Professor Jacobs: The average price of cocaine has dropped seventy percent in the last thirty years.
Jenko: Then your dealer’s probably selling you some pretty stepped on s**t.
Professor Jacobs: Mr. McQuade, college is a wonderful place. This is where you get to decide who you actually are instead of the person that you’re clearly pretending to be right now. Which everyone sees through, by the way. You got to decide do I just keep doing the same thing, or am I going to choose a different path? And question my convictions.
Jenko: I don’t have any prior convictions. Why are you saying this stuff?
Professor Jacobs: That’s exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. McQuade! I want you to question what I’m saying! This is the basis of this whole course, and that’s the beauty of college! You can say whatever you want! You can be whatever you want! I mean I have tenure, I can really say whatever I want. George Washington was a black lesbian. The Eiffel Tower’s made of d***os. They can’t fire me. I’m indestructible. I’m sleeping with two of my students.
Improv Student: Okay, we got time for just one more improv game. For this one we need a ton of different suggestions. So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank in the sentence that we’re going to set up. So, it’ll go like this, “Oh, I’m so hungry. I wish I had a…”
Improv Student: Okay. But we want it, we want it to be actual food, so that it like makes sense with the game. It’s more fun that way. So, let’s try it one more time. “Oh, I’ve got to get home so I can feed my…”
Improv Student: You know what? Let’s just play the game, okay?
Jenko: Wouldn’t it be better just to like plan stuff out ahead of time, and make sure it’s funny, and you’re not saying anything in front of people to embarrass yourself?
Improv Student: That’s a thing that people do. That’s stand-up comedy.
Jenko: That’s probably what you should do because that stuff is funny.
Schmidt: Slam. Poetry. Yelling. Angry. Waving my hands a lot. Specific point of view on things. Cynthia. Cyn-thi-a. Jesus died for our Cynthia’s. Jesus cried. Runaway Bride. Julia Roberts. Julia, why. Hurts. Cynthia. Mmm, Cynthia. You’re dead. You are dead. Bah-boo-beep-bap-bap-boo-bap. You’re dead. That’s for Cynthia, who’s dead.
Schmidt: I don’t have a single lead.
Jenko: I do. I hear you can get Why-Phy on campus anywhere twenty-four-seven.
Schmidt: Do you think they mean Why-Phy the drug, or Wi-Fi like the internet?
Jenko: How did we find the dealer so easily the first time?
Schmidt: Well, his number was literally on a sticker.
Jenko: Well let’s go find this guy’s sticker.
Schmidt: I don’t think this guy does stickers.