[as he sees Tessa walking down the stairs]
Trevor Matthews: Wow. You clean up nicely.
Christian Vance: Jee, Trevor, you sure know how to charm the ladies.
Zed: Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.
Hardin Scott: That’s a stupid f***ing expression. Why would a cat drag me anywhere?
[comes up behind Hardin and covers his eyes]
Molly Samuels: Guess who. Okay, I’ll give you a hint. She’s super f***ing hot, a lot of fun, and loves to f***.
Hardin Scott: Mother Teresa.
Molly Samuels: No. Ew.
Molly Samuels: I know, I look amazing. I’ve had like no carbs in eight weeks, but I’m feeling f***ing fantastic.
Hardin Scott: Wow.
Steph: Yeah, it’s from the lack of carbs and not all the blow.
Molly Samuels: Don’t you have some carpets to munch on?
Steph: Don’t you have some d**k to suck?
[as Hardin pushes Molly off]
Molly Samuels: What the f***, Hardin?! Hardin, you didn’t mind f***ing me before, though, right? Oh, let me guess. You’re still moping over that stuck-up b**ch.
Hardin Scott: Don’t f***ing talk about her, okay?!
Molly Samuels: Look at you. You look like a lost little puppy over some Virgin Mary turned skank who doesn’t even want you!
[as a drunk Tessa calls Hardin from the nightclub]
Tessa Young: I just wanted to inform you that I look hot, and you’re missing it.
Hardin Scott: Tessa, where are you?
Tessa Young: Somewhere that you’re not.
Hardin Scott: Tess, I have your location, I can find you.
Tessa Young: Oh, hey, Hardin? I’m the commander. I’ve been the commander all night. Commander. What’s it called? I’m not wearing any underwear!
Hardin Scott: Tess, who are you with?
Tessa Young: Why haven’t you called me?
Hardin Scott: I’ve texted you a hundred times! You haven’t replied!
Tessa Young: I actually have to go. But it was nice talking to you, Mr. Hardin Scott. So, goodbye.
Trevor Matthews: I’m drunk, uncomfortable, and I saw a tampon on the ground. I’m leaving.
Tessa Young: Yeah, no, me too.
Tessa Young: What’s your favorite book?
Trevor Matthews: It’s The Principles of Economics by Alfred Marshall.
Tessa Young: No, it’s not.
Trevor Matthews: [laughs] Yeah, it is.
Tessa Young: No. I mean like fiction. Like a real book.
Trevor Matthews: I don’t do fiction. I mean, have you seen how I dress?
Tessa Young: [playfully] You heathen!
Tessa Young: Fiction is an escape from reality. It’s a way that like you can live a hundred lives, or even a thousand.
Trevor Matthews: I don’t need to live a thousand lives. Okay? And I would rather watch paint dry.
[as Hardin finds Trevor in his underwear in Tessa’s room]
Trevor Matthews: Hey, Hardin, didn’t see you. How you been?
Hardin Scott: F***ing Trevor?!
Trevor Matthews: Time to go, I think.
Tessa Young: You’re such a d**k. Why are you even here?
Hardin Scott: I’m a d**k? I’m not the one taking advantage of drunk girls.
Tessa Young: You do know that not every guy is trying to get into my pants, right?
Hardin Scott: You’d be surprised.
Tessa Young: You can’t tell me who I can and can’t have sex with, because it’s none of your business anymore!
Hardin Scott: Were you going to have sex with him?
Tessa Young: Oh, my God!
Hardin Scott: What?
Tessa Young: You’re insane!
Hardin Scott: You’re avoiding the question.
Tessa Young: You don’t like the idea of Trevor’s hands all over my body? Touching me?
[she kisses Hardin’s ear]
Tessa Young: I’ve missed this.
[as she’s touching Hardin]
Tessa Young: You don’t want this?
Hardin Scott: Of course I want this. But…
Tessa Young: Hardin, you have two options here. Either you f*** me, or you leave. You decide.
[he starts kissing her]
Tessa Young: Do you have a condom?
Hardin Scott: Are you sure?
Tessa Young: Why not.
Hardin Scott: You’ll hate me tomorrow.
Tessa Young: Yeah. Well, I hate you already.
[as they’re having sex]
Hardin Scott: Tell me I’m the only one.
Tessa Young: You’re the only one.
[as Hardin’s calling out to her]
Tessa Young: What do you want?!
Hardin Scott: The other Tessa. The one who’s nice?
Tessa Young: Yeah, well, she’s late for work!
[as Hardin sees her in her underwear]
Tessa Young: Hey! Privacy!
Hardin Scott: Privacy. After what we did last night, you want privacy?
Tessa Young: Don’t remind me.
Hardin Scott: Hey, you called me.
Tessa Young: I didn’t tell you to come here.
Hardin Scott: Okay, I’m starting to get the feeling you’re not entirely cool with what happened last night.
Tessa Young: No, I’m not cool with it.
Hardin Scott: Well, do you want to talk about it?
Tessa Young: Nope. You hurt me and I can’t forgive you. That’s it.
Hardin Scott: So last night meant nothing.
Tessa Young: I was drunk. I called you. You came here. I made a mistake.
Hardin Scott: But you obviously missed me.
Hardin Scott: My Tessa would never kiss a f***ing stranger at a club!
Tessa Young: There is no “Your Tessa” anymore!
Hardin Scott: Yeah, well, when you were kissing that guy, I was f***ing Molly.
Tessa Young: F*** you!
Tessa Young: Trevor, I’m so sorry about last night.
Trevor Matthews: No, don’t be. If I showed up to my girlfriend’s hotel room, and I saw a half-naked, incredibly handsome man there, I’d react the same way. Is he still lurking around? Should I be hiding in the van?
Tessa Young: He’s the one that should be hiding. And we are not together.
Trevor Matthews: You know, I didn’t peg you as the bad boy type.
Tessa Young: We’ll save that for another time.
Hardin Scott: Look, bro, I know I…
Landon Gibson: No, step-bro. I’m not your brother. You made that very clear. And if I was Tessa, I’d never speak to you again, Hardin. It’s unforgiveable.
Hardin Scott: You think I don’t know that?! I know I f***ed up! I know! She won’t return my calls or texts.
Hardin Scott: I found out she kissed some guy. And I told her I f***ed Molly.
Landon Gibson: You slept with Molly?
Hardin Scott: No, I said I did. That’s the point. I didn’t. I said it to get back at her, and I realized how stupid that was.
Landon Gibson: So you’re just going to run away like you do from everything. Right? Where you going?
Hardin Scott: London. I was going to take her with me. I’ll see you next year.
Landon Gibson: Hardin, do you really love her? No bulls**t.
Hardin Scott: Yes. Of course I f***ing love her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before! I just wish I didn’t f*** the whole thing up.
Landon Gibson: I’m actually looking at your birthday horoscope. So first off, you share a birthday with Joseph Stalin.
Tessa Young: Great.
Landon Gibson: You are a proud, idealistic person.
Tessa Young: Like Stalin.
Landon Gibson: You are more emotional than is obvious. You may solidify a romantic relationship, or become involved with a mature partner. Mature. That doesn’t really sound…
Tessa Young: No, it doesn’t.
[as Tessa has flashback of when Hardin read to her]
Hardin Scott: “You can draw me to fire. You can draw me to water. You can draw me to the gallows. You can draw me to any death.”
Trish Daniels: I cannot believe how pretty you are. I mean, Hardin said you were the most beautiful girl in the world. But honestly, I thought you were going to be covered in tattoos, green hair, and a piercing on your bean.
Tessa Young: What bean?
Hardin Scott: Mum!
Trish Daniels: Don’t be so melodramatic, Hardin. You and I are going to be the best of friends.
Tessa Young: Why didn’t you tell her that we broke up?
Hardin Scott: She was so excited when I told her first, I couldn’t ruin it for her.
Tessa Young: Hardin!
Hardin Scott: She’s my mum! I couldn’t tell her about the stupid bet, okay? I’m sorry.
Hardin Scott: I don’t expect you to pretend we’re still together.
Tessa Young: It’s fine.
Hardin Scott: What’s fine?
Tessa Young: I said it’s fine. I’ll play along.
[as she shows Tessa baby photos of Hardin]
Trish Daniels: I know I’m biased because I’m his mum, but isn’t that just the cutest little bum you’ve ever seen?
Hardin Scott: Oh, my God. Mum, please.
Trish Daniels: Oh, hush.
Tessa Young: It’s a pretty cute bum, Hardin.
Hardin Scott: Right. Well, you guys are obviously having lots of fun. So I’m just going to clear up, and then set myself on fire.
Hardin Scott: I’m just going to grab a blanket and sleep on the floor.
Tessa Young: You don’t think we could share the bed and not, you know.
Hardin Scott: Do you?
Tessa Young: Well, I’d like to think that we’re not total Neanderthals.
Hardin Scott: Okay.
Trish Daniels: I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see Hardin this way.
Tessa Young: What way?
Trish Daniels: Happy.
[after finding out her dad wanted to see her]
Tessa Young: I just don’t understand why you would keep that a secret.
Carol Young: And you never kept any secrets from me? Because I can think of a big one, and so can Noah. I thought we got past this little hiccup once you got your heart broken. But I can tell by the sound of your voice that this not the case. This boy is not good for you, Teresa. He is just like your father.
Tessa Young: I’m so sorry for what happened to you.
Trish Daniels: I just hoped he’d forget the whole thing. But the nightmares kicked in.
Tessa Young: Sorry.
Trish Daniels: And I took him to therapist after therapist, but nothing seemed to help. And then he started self-medicating with alcohol. But he told me that the nightmares went away when he started seeing you.
Tessa Young: I didn’t know that.
Trish Daniels: May I ask, why does your mum hate him so much?
Tessa Young: Hardin’s your son.
Trish Daniels: Yes, and I love him. But he is not without his challenges. You can tell me. What happened between you two?
Tessa Young: He lied to me.
Trish Daniels: A big lie?
Tessa Young: A massive lie.
Trish Daniels: Is he sorry?
Tessa Young: He is.
[as he gives Tessa a card]
Hardin Scott: Happy belated.
Tessa Young: But you already got me a gift.
Hardin Scott: True, but you had to snoop around and open it without me, thus denying me the pleasure of watching you react to said gift. Therefore…
Tessa Young: “Tessa’s perfect day.” What’s my perfect day?
Hardin Scott: Well, that’s for you to decide. Whatever your wish or desire, I will agree to without any snide remarks or tantrums. Your time starts in three, two, one.
[after Hardin falls during ice skating]
Tessa Young: Are you okay?
Hardin Scott: Yeah. Just a tad rusty.
Tessa Young: When was the last time you skated?
Hardin Scott: I’ve never skated before.
Tessa Young: Do you want me to get you a walker?
Hardin Scott: F*** no!
Hardin Scott: Is yoga supposed to be a turn-on? Are you turned on?
Tessa Young: Mm-hmm.
Hardin Scott: Well, can we leave then?
Tessa Young: Mm-hmm.
[as Tessa and Harding are babysitting Vance’s young son]
Smith Vance: What are those marks on your arm?
Hardin Scott: My tattoos.
Smith Vance: Why do you have them?
Hardin Scott: Because I like them.
Smith Vance: Don’t people think it looks strange?
Hardin Scott: I don’t give a f*** what people think.
Smith Vance: Which people don’t you give a f*** about?
Hardin Scott: Oh, s**t. Don’t say f***.
Smith Vance: S**t.
[referring to the inscription on the charm bracelet he gives Tessa]
Hardin Scott: It says “Whatever our souls are made of…”
Tessa Young: “His and mine are the same.”
Tessa Young: I didn’t think that I’d see you over the holidays, so I didn’t get you anything. Is there anything that you want?
Hardin Scott: Another chance?
Tessa Young: Do you promise to act like this every day?
Hardin Scott: No. But I’ll try. Whatever it takes.
Hardin Scott: There’s no one else for me, Tessa. No one. I love you.
Tessa Young: I love you too.
Hardin Scott: Don’t say “too”. Sounds like you’re agreeing with me.
Tessa Young: I love you, Hardin.
[referring to his father, Ken]
Hardin Scott: Look, I’m sorry I’m not like you. You may be able to forget everything he did, but I can’t.
Trish Daniels: I haven’t forgotten anything. I’ve chosen to forgive him so that I can move on. Hardin, resentments like this are going to destroy you. And they’re going to take Tessa right down with you.
Trevor Matthews: And I thought I was the only Grinch who worked the day after Christmas.
Tessa Young: We have got to stop meeting like this.
Trevor Matthews: You’re right. I’ll have restraining orders drafted immediately.
Tessa Young: I thought that things were getting better, but it’s clear that he still has a lot of stuff he has to deal with. And I just feel really bad for him, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Trevor Matthews: Well, let me ask you this. Are you in love with him?
Tessa Young: I am.
Trevor Matthews: Then you got yourself a problem.
Tessa Young: Those are your words of wisdom?
Trevor Matthews: Hey, I never said I had any words of wisdom.
Tessa Young: No, you just wanted to know whether I actually loved him.
Trevor Matthews: My sister has struggled with addiction her whole life. This thing between you and Hardin, it’s not going to end well.
Tessa Young: Well, you’re wrong.
[as Tessa agrees to go to the frat house New Year’s Eve party with Hardin]
Tessa Young: I’m not scared of them. Besides, if it blows up in my face, then we can just stay in next year.
[Hardin kisses her]
Tessa Young: What was that for?
Hardin Scott: I just loved how you said “next year”.
[as they’re playing Truth or Dare]
Molly Samuels: Is it true that you’re a dumba** for getting back together with Hardin after he clearly f***ed you for a bet?
Hardin Scott: Let’s go.
Tessa Young: No, that’s not true.
Molly Samuels: Oh, but it is. You believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
Hardin Scott: I f***ing hate you, Molly.
Molly Samuels: Which I don’t blame you. Because, oh, man, what that mouth can do. And that tongue.
[Tessa lunges at Molly and they start fighting]
[as Tessa takes off his pants]
Hardin Scott: Miss Young, are you objectifying me?
Tessa Young: Why, yes, I am, Mr. Scott.
[after Tessa sees Hardin talking to a girl at the New Year’s Eve party]
Hardin Scott: You should know I would never f***ing cheat on you!
Tessa Young: Were you with her tonight? Is she who you disappeared with the whole night?!
Hardin Scott: Yes! I was trying to make her forgive me.
Tessa Young: For what?!
Hardin Scott: Because I’m trying to be a better person for you! That’s all I f***ing do!
Hardin Scott: Tell me what else I can do to make you believe that I love you. Tell me! You’re never going to trust me.
Tessa Young: Trust you? You think that I should trust you?
Hardin Scott: Yes!
Tessa Young: Where has that ever gotten me?!
Hardin Scott: You’re never going to forgive me, are you? You’re just going to keep bringing it up, every time.
Tessa Young: Because I don’t trust you!
Hardin Scott: You act like you’re so f***ing innocent. Like you’re perfect. Oh, f*** this. And f*** you!
Tessa Young: F*** you too.
[after Tessa has a car crash]
Hardin Scott: Tell me where she is!
Landon Gibson: It’s your fault she crashed! You didn’t come home last night! Get off of me! She was out looking for you.
Hardin Scott: I don’t believe you.
[after Hardin calls Tessa and Trevor answers her phone]
Trevor Matthews: Shut the f*** up and listen to me. You’re toxic, and you’re bad news. If you love Tessa, and I think that you do, let her go.
Hardin Scott: Trevor, I just want to talk to her. Please. Please. Trevor, please, just let me talk to her.
Trevor Matthews: Give her a chance to find happiness in this life, because she’s never going to find it with you.
[in his letter to Tessa]
Hardin Scott: “My dearest Tessa, like all our favorite stories, there are happy and unhappy endings. I thought we had a chance for a happy one, but at last, it was not mean to be. I love you with all of my heart, and that’s exactly why I had to get as far away from you as possible. We’re like an addiction to each other, with equal parts pleasure and pain.”
[in his letter to Tessa]
Hardin Scott: “And as for that other night, that girl, she was one of my former conquests. I had to apologize for my past in order to have a future with you. But fate just seems to get in our way. So let’s cut the bulls**t. You’re too damn good for me, and I know it. And somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew we wouldn’t last, and I think you did too.
[in his letter to Tessa]
Hardin Scott: “I know this is going to be painful at first, and it could take days, even more. But one of those days, you’re going to wake up and the sorrow will start to slip away, until we’re nothing but a distant memory. Goodbye, Tessa.”
[referring to Ken]
Trish Daniels: Hardin, what happened that night, it wasn’t his fault.
Hardin Scott: And all the other nights? Not his fault?
Trish Daniels: Yeah, it was s**t. It was s**t, and we both deserved better. But the only person you’re punishing by not forgiving him is yourself. And Hardin, I want you to stop punishing yourself.
Trish Daniels: Did you hear that Vance was moving to Seattle?
Hardin Scott: Tessa’s going too. How did you know?
Trish Daniels: Well, we talk from time to time. He’s having a going away party on Sunday, and I think you should get your a** off this sofa, and go get her.
Hardin Scott: No, I can’t.
Trish Daniels: Can’t? Or you don’t want to face what you left behind?
Hardin Scott: I’d have to leave right now.
Trish Daniels: So what are you waiting for?
Hardin Scott: Mum, I’m not going to…
Trish Daniels: Hardin, I love you, but you have to start fighting for what really matters.
[after Vance proposes to Kim]
Trevor Matthews: Who said happy endings don’t exist?
Tessa Young: Don’t tell me. You’re the cynic.
Trevor Matthews: I’m turning over a new leaf.
Trevor Matthews: Look, Tessa, there’s something I actually want to get off my chest.
Tessa Young: Okay.
Trevor Matthews: The other day, in the hospital, I answered your cell phone, it was Hardin, and I told him to stay away from you.
Tessa Young: What?
Trevor Matthews: In retrospect, I do realize that that was over the line. And I do realize that I let my emotions get the best of me. And I’m sorry, but somehow you bring that side out of me, so.
[after Hardin shows up at Vance’s party]
Tessa Young: You’re just never going to leave me alone, are you?
Hardin Scott: I tried.
[to Tessa and Hardin]
Uber Driver: So I was dreaming of a white Christmas. All I got was heat. You know, I hate the heat. Heat get into people’s minds and make them do some crazy things.
Hardin Scott: Like I said, this is a story you’ve heard before. Only difference is, this is our story. Tessa’s and mine.
[Tessa reads the new tattoo on Hardin’s back]
Tessa Young: “I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”
Hardin Scott: And who knows? Maybe there is a happy ending for us after all.
[then Tessa’s dad shows up]
Hardin Scott: I guess we’ll just have to find out.
[mid-credit lines; practicing asking Tessa out on a date in front of the bathroom mirror]
Trevor: I only pull out my teal suit when I have something important to say.
