An American Pickle Best Quotes – ‘The world has changed.’

Starring: Seth Rogen, Sarah Snook, Jorma Taccone, Sean Whalen, Joanna Adler, Eliot Glazer, Kalen Allen

OUR RATING: ★★★½

Story:

HBO Max comedy directed by Brandon Trost based short story “Sell Out” by Simon Rich. The story follows Herschel Greenbaum (Seth Rogen), an immigrant worker at a pickle factory. One day he falls into a vat of brine and stays there, perfectly preserved, for a hundred years. He comes back to life in modern day Brooklyn and decides to seek out his family and finds that his only surviving relative is his great-grandson, Ben Greenbaum (Seth Rogen), a mild-mannered computer programmer whom Herschel can’t even begin to understand.

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Our Favorite Quotes:

'It's never too late to do things completely differently.' - Liam (An American Pickle) Click To Tweet 'This is what we're reaching for, everybody. This is the dream. This is the goal. Perfect jar of pickle.' - Herschel Greenbaum (An American Pickle) Click To Tweet

Best Quotes

[first lines; in Schlupsk, Eastern Europe, 1919]
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] In old country of Schlupsk, I am ditch digger. It is not always great. Life is difficult. But then one day, Hashem gives me a miracle. Her name is Sarah. She is strong, and she has all her teeth. Top and bottom. I decide at once to woo her.

[in Yiddish]
Herschel Greenbaum: So do you come here often?
Sarah Greenbaum: No. Food is expensive and I am destitute.
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] Wooing fails, but I am determined to win her.

[referring to Sarah]
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] We have so much in common. Her favorite color black. My favorite color black. Her parents murdered by Cossacks. My parents murdered by Cossacks. I notice nice little thing about her. She always sneeze same way. Four time. Is adorable.

[in Yiddish]
Sarah Greenbaum: Sometimes I imagine that I work hard, and save, and become rich.
Herschel Greenbaum: How rich?
Sarah Greenbaum: Like “afford my own gravestone” rich!
Herschel Greenbaum: Woh.

[in Yiddish]
Sarah Greenbaum: What is your dream?
Herschel Greenbaum: Someday, before I die, I would like to try seltzer water. To feel the bubbles tickling my tongue.
Sarah Greenbaum: If people heard us talk this way, they would say we’re crazy.

[in Yiddish]
Herschel Greenbaum: I know a way for us to reach our dreams.
Sarah Greenbaum: How?
Herschel Greenbaum: Together.
Sarah Greenbaum: Together.
[Sarah puts her hand on Herschel’s shoulder]

Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] The Cossacks destroy our whole world. But we are the Greenbaums. We are strong. And together there is no stopping us. We keep fighting till we have American dream.

[after arriving in America]
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] I find good job in pickle factory. A good Jewish business. The foreman will not let me mix salt. Or sort cucumber. But he says I can chase rats with club and he will pay nickel for every ten Herschel smash. It is not dream job. But I am grateful for chance to prove my worth.

[as he sees a seltzer water vendor in the street]
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] Some things still out of reach. But over time we work and save. I grant Sarah’s wish. A beautiful Greenbaum family plot for us to share. Forever.

[making a vow to a pregnant Sarah]
Herschel Greenbaum: Our child will be strong. And our child’s child will be strong. Our family will prosper. And in one hundred years, the Greenbaums will be powerful. Successful. The strongest in the land. And then one day, everything changed.

[after Herschel falls into a vat of brine and wakes up a hundred years later]
Scientist: Essentially, the pickle brine preserved him perfectly. It’s been a hundred years, but he hasn’t aged a day.
Reporter: That’s impossible.
Second Reporter: You don’t honestly expect us to buy that, do you?
Third Reporter: What’s the science behind it?
Scientist: Please, let me explain.

Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] The scientist explains. His logic is good. It satisfies everyone. But I’m very sad. The world has changed. Everything I know is gone. And everyone.

Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] My Sarah is gone. Our child is gone. I have nothing. Then I get some great news.

[after his great-grandson, Ben, has been found]
Herschel Greenbaum: [narrating] I am so excited I forget all my misery. Even though I have not met this Ben, I can see him in my mind. He will be just like how I vowed to Sarah. Powerful. Successful. The strongest in the land.

[when he sees Ben for the first time]
Herschel Greenbaum: Greenbaum?
Ben Greenbaum: Greenbaum! Greenbaum!
[they embrace]
Ben Greenbaum: Alright! This is nuts.

[referring to Ben’s apartment]
Herschel Greenbaum: All this yours?
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah. I mean, I don’t own it, or anything like that. I do live here by myself. I work from home though, a lot. It would be nice, honestly, to have someone around. So you can stay here as long as you want, man.
Herschel Greenbaum: I do not want to be burden to you.
Ben Greenbaum: It’s not a burden, Herschel. At all. I mean, I’m amazed you’re alive. I really never thought I would get a chance to meet another Greenbaum, so.
Herschel Greenbaum: Neither did I.

Ben Greenbaum: [to Herschel] You must be thirsty. I mean, you were brined for like a century. And there’s salt in brine, right? So you must be pretty parched, to say the least. Can I get you something to drink? Macadamia milk? Or there’s cashew milk. I got pea milk. They’re milking peas now. They’re milking everything these days, dude. You name it, they’re milking it.

Ben Greenbaum: There must be something I can get you. Would you like some seltzer?
Herschel Greenbaum: [shocked] You have seltzer.
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, I got seltzer for days, son. I got a whole seltzer machine. It’s pretty cool actually.

[referring to the seltzer machine]
Ben Greenbaum: You want to press it?
Herschel Greenbaum: You’ll let me press seltzer button?
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah. It’s a pretty big deal, but we’re family. So you can press the seltzer button. Knock yourself out.
[Herschel sticks his finger out and presses the button]
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah! There you go. You’re seltzering.

Ben Greenbaum: This is a scooter.
Herschel Greenbaum: You have legs. You do not need this thing.
Ben Greenbaum: That is a weirdly inappropriate thing to say.

[after Herschel asks him how many socks he has]
Ben Greenbaum: I have like twenty, twenty-five pairs of socks.
Herschel Greenbaum: Twenty-five socks! Twenty-five.
Ben Greenbaum: It’s a lot of socks.
Herschel Greenbaum: You only have two feet, right?
Ben Greenbaum: No, it’s just these.
Herschel Greenbaum: Ben Greenbaum. Owner of twenty-five pair of sock.
Ben Greenbaum: It’s pretty normal for today.

Herschel Greenbaum: Tell me, what is it you do for job? Wait, let me guess. You’re a doctor. No. You’re a lawyer.
Ben Greenbaum: No. Close. Freelance mobile app developer.
Herschel Greenbaum: What?

[trying to explain to Herschel the app he’s developed]
Ben Greenbaum: But let me ask you this, before people buy something, what’s something they wish they knew?
Herschel Greenbaum: How long has meat been dead for?
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah, that. Also, they want to know whether or not the company they’re buying from is ethical.
Herschel Greenbaum: They do?
Ben Greenbaum: Yes. They do. It’s called “conscientious shopping”. It’s very popular. My app makes it very easy.

[referring to the name of his app]
Ben Greenbaum: It’s called Boop Bop.
Herschel Greenbaum: Why Boop Bop?
Ben Greenbaum: You know, it’s kind of just like the trend, I guess, these days, to give apps like silly names. You know, Venmo, Hulu, Hipmunk.

[pointing to a poster of David Bowie on Ben’s wall]
Herschel Greenbaum: Is this your father?
Ben Greenbaum: No, that’s David Bowie.
Herschel Greenbaum: Is this your mother?
Ben Greenbaum: No, that’s also David Bowie. That whole poster is David Bowie.

Herschel Greenbaum: How come in this whole place you have so many things, but no pictures of the family?
Ben Greenbaum: I have pictures of my family. I just haven’t really, you know, like framed them or incorporated them in my design.

[as Ben is showing Herschel pictures of his parents]
Herschel Greenbaum: Who is this very shapely young woman here?
Ben Greenbaum: That’s me.

[referring to the photo]
Herschel Greenbaum: These are your parents. Where are they?
Ben Greenbaum: They passed away.
Herschel Greenbaum: I’m very sorry. Murdered or regular?
Ben Greenbaum: It was a car crash.
Herschel Greenbaum: So regular.

[referring to Ben’s parents]
Herschel Greenbaum: You will tell me everything of their death so I may bear witness to your grief. How their bodies died, their faces as the life left. Be very specific. Spare no detail. We will bond over our pain. No detail too small.
Ben Greenbaum: We don’t have to get into that right now.

Ben Greenbaum: I’m not very religious.
Herschel Greenbaum: You do not know Mourner’s Kaddish?
Ben Greenbaum: Not anymore, no.
Herschel Greenbaum: How do you grieve for dead parents if you do not say prayer for dead?
Ben Greenbaum: I’m doing okay.

Herschel Greenbaum: I do not understand. You were raised Jew.
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah.
Herschel Greenbaum: Are you not still Jew?
Ben Greenbaum: Technically. I also had a Jumanji themed bar mitzvah. It’s not like I was that religious in the first place. Also like organized religion is very regressive.

See more An American Pickle Quotes

[after Herschel fights with the construction workers about the billboard ad over Sarah’s grave]
Herschel Greenbaum: We must go back to grave. We will cut down Cossack billboard.
Ben Greenbaum: Dude, if we do that, we’re going to go back to jail. So, no.
Herschel Greenbaum: Okay. We must purchase billboard from Cossack, which I do not like, and then we cut down billboard.
Ben Greenbaum: First off, the Cossacks don’t own it. Second off, it’s owned by some giant billboard company. It costs two hundred thousand dollars.
Herschel Greenbaum: Then we buy from giant company, and then we cut down billboard. Why are you being so difficult about this?
Ben Greenbaum: I can’t afford it!

Herschel Greenbaum: It’s not my fault!
Ben Greenbaum: What is your fault is that you started a fight with some construction workers!
Herschel Greenbaum: Someone has to defend honor of family. Not you.
Ben Greenbaum: And I’d be defending the honor of our family more if I wasn’t busy trying to create a company and a product, man!

Herschel Greenbaum: Let me tell you something. In Schlupsk, we have saying.
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, good. Yeah, what is it? I’m sure this has aged well.
Herschel Greenbaum: If man says he is going to throw punch, but he does not throw punch, it is because this man secretly has polio arm. This is you. You have polio arm. This your polio arm. Throw your punch! Do something, Ben! Don’t just sit there, looking at Boop Bops. Blue! Yellow! Green! Who cares? Throw your punch!
Ben Greenbaum: Okay. Fine! You know what? Fine! Fine!
Herschel Greenbaum: Good. Good. Do it.
Ben Greenbaum: I’ll email the guy. No choice anyway. I have no money. It’s not ready. Logo’s not right.
Herschel Greenbaum: Who cares about the stupid logo?!

Ben Greenbaum: You know they cured polio, right?
Herschel Greenbaum: They did?
Ben Greenbaum: Yes, they did. A long time ago. A guy named Jonas Salk.
Herschel Greenbaum: Was he Jew?
Ben Greenbaum: He was. Yes.
Herschel Greenbaum: He was Jewish?
Ben Greenbaum: Yes.
Herschel Greenbaum: Yes! Knew it.

Herschel Greenbaum: I would look at polio people and think, “They could fix this.”
Ben Greenbaum: You thought that?
Herschel Greenbaum: This problem not unfixable problem. You put a Jew on this, he will fix this.
Ben Greenbaum: Very prophetic of you, Herschel.
Herschel Greenbaum: I was right. Very good.

[after finding out that his app’s not going to get funding]
Ben Greenbaum: What’s the problem?
Liam: Before you came in, we Googled your name, and the first thing that comes up is your arrest. Look, it’s just bad optics. I mean, the whole app is about ethics, and the founder is a violent criminal. Like, if you Boop Bopped Boop Bop, you’d get a really low Boop Bop score.

Liam: [to Ben] Maybe you can make an app where it doesn’t matter if the founder’s a bad person. You know, like a social media thing. Hey. I don’t know if you want my advice, man. But it’s never too late to do things completely differently. You know?

Herschel Greenbaum: I have other idea. We start pickle business. Is good business. Jewish business. I have knowledge of pickling. I was myself a pickle.
Ben Greenbaum: That’s a very stupid idea, Herschel.
Herschel Greenbaum: It will work. We will start pickle business. We will become success. You will finally make dead parents proud.
Ben Greenbaum: Don’t you talk about my parents. You never talk about my parents! You don’t know anything about them! You never met them! Because you were too busy getting pickle-brined for a hundred years!

Herschel Greenbaum: You hear this vow. I will create pickle empire. I will make two hundred thousand dollars. I will buy back Cossack land. And I will cut down billboard. I will prove you stupid. Because you are my enemy. You dishonor Greenbaum name. We are no longer family.
Ben Greenbaum: Good luck with that. You don’t know jack s**t about s**t, man! You can’t even read from what I can tell. You’re going to start a pickle empire? You can’t even survive out there without my help!
Herschel Greenbaum: Do not need help from anybody! I will prove you stupid with no help from anybody, ever!

[as he goes to buy some cucumbers]
Herschel Greenbaum: I would like to purchase. How much?
Female Cashier: Looks like these are ninety cents apiece.
Herschel Greenbaum: Terribly sorry, little boy. It sounds to me like you are saying these cucumbers are ninety cents apiece.
Female Cashier: I am.

[as they see Herschel selling his pickles on the street]
Christian: Sir, how local is your produce?
Herschel Greenbaum: I make pickle here in Brooklyn.
Christian: And are they all natural?
Herschel Greenbaum: Is pickle.
Christian: But do you add any chemicals like, you know, benzoates, or preservatives?
Herschel Greenbaum: I do not even know these words.
Christian: Oh, I like your style.

[takes a whiff from the pickle jar]
Christian: Wow! Ooh! Just hits me in my throat.
Herschel Greenbaum: Very pungent.
Kevin: Let me smell it.
[smells the jar]
Kevin: Oh! Yeah, that burns.
Herschel Greenbaum: You can feel the burn.
Christian: I can like smell it in my eye.
Herschel Greenbaum: Feel the sting.
Kevin: Give it to me again. Let me smell it. Mm, yeah. That’s straight from the devil.
Christian: Satanic. Oh, it stinks.

[as they pay him for the pickles]
Herschel Greenbaum: You no haggle.
Christian: Haggle? No, I mean, it seems like four dollars is appropriate for one pickle.
Kevin: Yeah, unless you got a coupon.
Christian: Ew!

Herschel Greenbaum: Also, you bring back jar when you finish.
Christian: He reclaims his jars. He reclaims his jars.
Kevin: Wow.
Herschel Greenbaum: There is nothing wrong with used jar. They same after many, many use.
Kevin: Amen to that!

Kevin: Well, thank you so much. Have a good day.
Herschel Greenbaum: Don’t forget bring back jar. Or I will find you, and I will do terrible violence.
Kevin: You know what? You should do a post on him.
Christian: Oh. Yeah. How could I not?

[as Ben watches the video about Herschel and his pickle business]
Christian: Herschel’s jars have no label, and his product doesn’t even have a name. But he just might be the most authentic artisanal pickler in all of Williamsburg. And his accent is cute AF.
Herschel Greenbaum: Hello.
Christian: Aw! Oh, my God!

[as Ben watches Herschel being interviewed in a cab]
Local Reporter: Herschel, your pickles are the hottest thing in Brooklyn. How does it feel to be such a runaway success?
Herschel Greenbaum: Ben Greenbaum, you see me now on your television box. Well, I become huge success. Soon I buy back Cossack billboard, and I prove you are stupid. You are stupidest person I ever seen in my life.
Cab Driver: [to Ben] Wow, that Ben guy really sounds stupid.

Local Reporter: Herschel, I understand your pickles are made with rainwater.
Herschel Greenbaum: Rainwater, yes.
Local Reporter: Yes.
Herschel Greenbaum: Rainwater from gutters. Nutrients from roof come off into jar.
Local Reporter: There’s bird droppings in there?
Herschel Greenbaum: All sorts of animal parts in here. Little essence of animal feet.

[after Ben reports Herschel to the Health Department]
Inspector Sanders: Are you Herschel Greenbaum?
Herschel Greenbaum: Yes. Fourteen dollar for pickle. Ten dollar extra if you want telephone photograph with the Herschel. Get in line.

Inspector Sanders: Listen, you’re going to have to shut this down, immediately.
Herschel Greenbaum: Why shut down?
Inspector Sanders: Because you’ve got dozens of flagrant health violations. You can’t just take food out of a garbage can and sell it to people. That’s insane.
Herschel Greenbaum: But is all natural. Is vegan. No benzoate. No preservative.
Inspector Sanders: You’re lucky no one has died. You owe twelve thousand dollars in taxes, fees, and fines. Till then, you are shut down.

[to his team of interns]
Herschel Greenbaum: This is what we’re reaching for, everybody. This is the dream. This is the goal. Perfect jar of pickle.

[after he has taken down the billboard ad over their family’s gravesite]
Herschel Greenbaum: I have done it. I have restored honor to family and conquered the Cossacks.
Ben Greenbaum: Congrats.
Herschel Greenbaum: Now I have some free time on my hands, so I have good news. Herschel is back.

Herschel Greenbaum: I have decided I would come back to be with you. Not for me. I am fine. Very stable. Not ups and downs. Herschel feel very happy all the time.
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, yeah?
Herschel Greenbaum: But for Ben, I figure maybe I come back and I help you. You have no wife, no children, no friends, and now, no job. You need help! Herschel will help. Do not worry.
Ben Greenbaum: Go away, Herschel. I don’t want you here. Okay? Just please leave my apartment.

Herschel Greenbaum: But I am only family you have left. You need Herschel. Without Herschel, you’ll be all alone. No one to fix broken life.
Ben Greenbaum: My life isn’t broken, Herschel. I’m fine. I’m completely happy. The only problem I have right now, honestly, is you. Just please go!
Herschel Greenbaum: If you do not realize you need Herschel, you are stupider than Polish person. And they are the stupidest.

Ben Greenbaum: How’s your Twitter presence these days, Herschel?
Herschel Greenbaum: What is Twitter?
Ben Greenbaum: “What is Twitter?” You don’t know what Twitter is? Big, powerful pickle magnate like you doesn’t know what Twitter is?
Herschel Greenbaum: I might know what it is by other word. Well, maybe tell me what it is. Clarify.
Ben Greenbaum: Twitter, you know, it’s a marketplace of ideas, where the world’s best and brightest come to share their opinions in a very measured and reasonable manner. Twitter.

Herschel Greenbaum: If you can do Twitter, I can do Twitter.
Ben Greenbaum: In order to do Twitter really well, you got to be like totally raw, and uncensored, and just share like your completely unfettered opinions. I don’t think you’ll be very good at that.

Herschel Greenbaum: I will do Twitter. I will do Twitter better than anyone has ever done Twitter.
Ben Greenbaum: Well, I’ll believe it when I see it, Herschel.
Herschel Greenbaum: You will see it. And you will believe it.
Ben Greenbaum: Well, have at it, my friend!
Herschel Greenbaum: Watch.

[after Herschel’s disasterous Twitter messages]
Dane Brunt: Who is Herschel Greenbaum? And what is he selling? Is it pickles? Or is it hate? Greenbaum’s tweets are so outrageous, they seem almost designed to cause offense. He’s drawing protests and boycotts. But maybe that’s the point. Some view him as a hateful bigot with rage in his heart. Others see him as a defender of free speech, a clever provocateur testing the limits of the First Amendment.

Male Interviewee: Everybody in the mainstream media’s like, “Herschel’s this terrible person.” I think they got it all wrong. He’s playing chess. Everybody else is playing checkers.

[Herschel is being interviewed on Global Cable News]
Dane Brunt: Tell me, Herschel. How do you respond to those who have called your belief system abhorrent?
Herschel Greenbaum: I would tell these people I do not understand what this word means.
Dane Brunt: So, what you’re saying is when it comes to online speech, you don’t understand restrictions.
Herschel Greenbaum: I am saying I do not understand what is happening. I do not understand what is happening with this whole thing.

Dane Brunt: What is happening with this whole thing? With our culture, our country, our way of life. This is a question Herschel Greenbaum, for better or worse, is determined to ask.
Herschel Greenbaum: What is happening? What is happening right now? I really wish somebody would tell me what is happening.
Dane Brunt: Indeed.

Dane Brunt: Herschel, you have captivated the imagination, the hearts and minds of the entire world with your passion and your truth.
[turning to the different cameras]
Herschel Greenbaum: Buy my pickle. Buy my pickle. Buy my pickle.
Dane Brunt: We will.

[during Herschel’s debate]
Audience Member: I was wondering how you felt about the taxes that are crushing small businesses.
Herschel Greenbaum: I’m glad you ask. You tax Herschel, Herschel will do violence to you. Yes, terrible violence!
[the audience cheers]

Second Audience Membe: Herschel, have you considered running for office?
Herschel Greenbaum: I would like office.
[the audience cheers]
Herschel Greenbaum: I would like big office. I would like biggest office in America! Huge office!

[after Herschel’s citizenship has been revoked]
Herschel Greenbaum: These Christians, they try to kill me.
Ben Greenbaum: They’re not trying to kill you, Herschel. They just want to send you back to Schlupsk.
Herschel Greenbaum: Is worse! I never go back to Schlupsk.

Herschel Greenbaum: I have accepted I have new fate. I will move to Canada, become icicle man. I will trade beaver for fire. It’s not ideal. But this is what must happen.
Ben Greenbaum: I’m terribly sorry this is happening to you, and that everyone’s turned on you because you’ve said truly despicable things. But I’m not going to risk getting arrested again to help you.
Herschel Greenbaum: Is not help. Is trade.
Ben Greenbaum: Trade?
Herschel Greenbaum: I know you do not like Herschel. I know you think your life better before Herschel. You take me to Canada, you never have to see me again.
Ben Greenbaum: Alright.

[as Ben is helping Herschel to cross over to Canada]
Herschel Greenbaum: Sarah loved to chase wolf. She would club them with stick, hit them with rock, kill them. Very good time.
Ben Greenbaum: She sounds pretty amazing. I wish I could have met her. Although, maybe it’s for the best that I didn’t.
Herschel Greenbaum: Why you say this?
Ben Greenbaum: I’m probably not like the best case scenario for what the family’s become. She probably wouldn’t be too psyched to, you know, to see who I am.
Herschel Greenbaum: Not so sure.

[after Ben confesses to sabotaging Herschel’s business and gets captured instead to be deported]
Defense Attorney: This is Ben Greenbaum. This is Herschel, who switched places with him because, as you can see erschel Greenbaum has a beard, whereas my client, Ben, has no beard.
Prosecuting Attorney: I object, Your Honor. What precedent are we setting here? That the defendant isn’t actually the defendant? Well, then, maybe Charles Manson wasn’t actually Charles Manson. Let me try something really fast. So I’m me. I’m me, the guy you know.
[puts on a fake beard]
Prosecuting Attorney: Is this a new guy? With that, I move to dismiss the defense’s entire case.
Judge: Granted. Court adjourned.

[after Ben’s been deported to Schlupsk and Herschel finds him a temple]
Herschel Greenbaum: Is Herschel.
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah, I figured that out.
Herschel Greenbaum: Alexa tell me how to fly here.

Herschel Greenbaum: [to Ben] I was wrong about you. I thought you did not care about family. But now I see with your Boop Bops, you were just trying to honor family. This is why you do not sell Boop Bops, and you sit alone all day. Not because you are coward. You not sell Boop Bops because you are afraid to let down family. But you do not.

Herschel Greenbaum: [to Ben] I never met mother or father, but they would be proud. Sarah would be proud. I am very proud. You make my vow come true. You are everything I hoped family would become.

Ben Greenbaum: So people love your pickles.
Herschel Greenbaum: They do. It’s true.
Ben Greenbaum: Can’t get enough of them.
Herschel Greenbaum: It’s the brine. It make people go crazy.
Ben Greenbaum: And, you know, I’m good with the internet, good at building websites, things like that. So I thought maybe I can build a website, and we sell your pickles to people all around the world.
Herschel Greenbaum: Family business.
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah. Family business.

Ben Greenbaum: You can pickle more things than cucumbers these days. You can pickle watermelon. You can pickle strawberries.
Herschel Greenbaum: They pickle fruit these days?
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, yeah. You thought they were milking a lot? Wait till you hear what they’re pickling.
Herschel Greenbaum: Just when I think I figure it out, you throw a pickled watermelon at me. I’m like, “Oof!”
Ben Greenbaum: It’s a crazy world out there, man.

Herschel Greenbaum: Many people still hate Herschel very much.
Ben Greenbaum: That is true.
Herschel Greenbaum: I say many terrible things. And if one thing true in America, once you say terrible things, you will never be success.
Ben Greenbaum: That is not true. At all.
Herschel Greenbaum: Oh, that’s great news.
Ben Greenbaum: Still, we should make some apologies.

Ben Greenbaum: All I know is that whatever we do next, we should do it together.
Herschel Greenbaum: Together?
Ben Greenbaum: Yeah. Together.
[Herschel puts his hand on Ben’s shoulder like Sarah had done]

[mid-credits lines; as they are watching Yentl]
Herschel Greenbaum: She very pretty.
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, yeah.
Herschel Greenbaum: She is Jew.
Ben Greenbaum: Oh, yes. She is a Jew. Very much Jew.
Herschel Greenbaum: Very attractive trait, dress like boy to go to yeshiva.
Ben Greenbaum: I’ve always said that.
Herschel Greenbaum: She little Jew boy. She dress like little Jew boy. But little Jew woman underneath there. I like this film very much.
Ben Greenbaum: You’re really coloring it in a new way.
Herschel Greenbaum: It’s very naughty.
Ben Greenbaum: It is super naughty the way you describe it. Yeah.
Herschel Greenbaum: She is married.
Ben Greenbaum: She is.
Herschel Greenbaum: One day, Barbra Streisand. One day.

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