Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes - Sporadic Comedy

(Total Quotes: 132)

Directed by: Adam McKay
Written by:
Will Ferrell (story and characters)
Adam McKay (story and characters)
Will Ferrell – Ron Burgundy
Steve Carell – Brick Tamland
Paul Rudd – Brian Fantana
David Koechner – Champ Kind
Christina Applegate – Veronica Corningstone
Dylan Baker – Freddie Shapp
Meagan Good – Linda Jackson
Judah Nelson – Walter Burgundy
James Marsden – Jack Lime
Greg Kinnear – Gary
Josh Lawson – Kench Allenby
Kristen Wii – Chani Lastnamé
Fred Willard – Ed Harken
Chris Parnell – Garth
Harrison Ford – Mack Tannen
Bill Kurtis – Narrator (voice)
Sacha Baron Cohen – BBC News Anchor
Marion Cotillard – Canadian Anchor
Will Smith – ESPN Reporter
Kirsten Dunst – El Trousias Maiden of the Clouds
Jim Carrey – CBC News Anchor
Tina Fey – Entertainment Tonight Reporter
Liam Neeson – History Channel Host
Amy Poehler – Entertainment Tonight Reporter
John C. Reilly – The Ghost of Stonewall Jackson
Vince Vaughn – Wes Mantooth
Kanye West – MTV Host


In this highly anticipated sequel Anchorman 2 quotes are a totally zany, completely silly hit and miss humor.

The story continues the adventures of broadcaster Ron Burgundy who now with his wife, Veronica Corningstone, co-anchor the national news in New York. However, things change drastically when Veronica is promoted and Ron fired which leads to them separating. Feeling rejected Ron’s life falls apart until he’s given a second chance when he’s offered the job to work at the world’s first 24-hour news network which leads to Ron reassembling his Channel 4 news team and proving their total incompetence is actually a perfect fit for the 24-hour news cycle.

The narrative is just as brilliantly stupid as the original albeit less funnier moments and the satirical set up is perfect for reassembling the Channel 4 news team. The quotable dialogue is still present but this time there are less hits with equal moments that leave you rolling with laughter as there are that leave you totally blank.

The ensemble cast delivers as expected but Brick’s character is unnecessarily overplayed making it one of the major downfalls.

Verdict: The film maintains the style and tone of the original but clocking in close to 2 hours the comedy becomes too sporadic with a lot of tumbleweed moments.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Quotes Page  1   2


[first lines]
Narrator: [voice over] There are many places we could begin the next chapter of the legend of Ron Burgundy. This is one such place.
[we see Ron screaming as he frantically tries to swim away from a shark]
Narrator: [voice over] However, we won’t begin our tale here. No, our story begins in a place all newsmen dream of. In New York City.anchorman-2-2
[we see Ron and Veronica walking together in New York City]
Soul Brother: Ron Burgundy! That lady’s got a ass like the Loch Ness Monster. Thing is mysterious and ever sought after.
Veronica Corningstone: Ron, aren’t you gonna say something to him?
Ron Burgundy: Hey, when you’ve got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it.
Narrator: [voice over] It was a time before cell phones and steroids. And for Ron and his now wife Veronica, life was good.


[Ron and Veronica are preparing for broadcasting the news at the World Broadcast news station]
Ron Burgundy: The Tooth Fairy’s exposed breast made the child uncomfortable. The bishop wore buttless chaps to the bat mitzvah. Bat mitzvah. The garden gnome had a normal size penis. The garden gnome had a normal size penis.
[Veronica starts doing voice exercises]
Veronica Corningstone: Corningstone. Corningstone.
[Ron also starts making high pitch noises]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, no! Oh, no! They’re coming in through the back door! Oh, no! Oh, no! Grab the children! Save the children!
WBC Stage Manager: Five, four…
[turning to Veronica]
Ron Burgundy: Have a great broadcast.
Veronica Corningstone: You, too, darling.
[the stage manager uses to his finger to count down and signal going live]
Ron Burgundy: Good evening. This is the weekend edition of WBC News at six-thirty. I’m Ron Burgundy.
Veronica Corningstone: And I’m Veronica Corningstone. Our top story tonight. The U.N. today announced sanctions against…
[the stage manager turns to their boss, Mack Tannen]
Mack Tannen: When the broadcast is over, send these two up to my office. Time to make a change.


[on the elevator as they go to meet with Tannen]
Ron Burgundy: Rumor has it that after thirty-five years of manning the helm, Mack Tannen is thinking about stepping down.
Veronica Corningstone: That’s right. Do you…do you think we could be…we could be getting the Nightly News, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: I think that’s exactly what’s about to happen.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh, my God. That’s what’s happening, isn’t it?
Ron Burgundy: That’s what I think is about to happen. I’m hyperventilating.
Veronica Corningstone: Yes, I see that. Please calm down.
Ron Burgundy: Look at me.
Veronica Corningstone: You… Well.
[Ron starts laughing in a strained manner]
Ron Burgundy: I’m laughing like a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Veronica Corningstone: You are. Let’s stop that before we get in there. Don’t do that in there, darling.


[as they meet with Tanning]
Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Tannen, you are an inspiration, sir.
Mack Tannen: I’ve been doing the evening news now for over thirty-five years.
Ron Burgundy: Done a hell of a job.
Veronica Corningstone: Yes, sir.
Ron Burgundy: A hell of a job!
Mack Tannen: I’ve gone through four wives. I have six or seven kids that I haven’t got the time to tell I love them.
Veronica Corningstone: To be honest, they sound a little needy.
Mack Tannen: I killed four men in Okinawa.
Ron Burgundy: W-W-Two.
Mack Tannen: And that was two weeks ago. The point is, this is a very demanding job.
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Mack Tannen: But I’m close to thinking that you may have what it takes. Now, let me look at you.
[suddenly Tanning comes up close to Ron’s face]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, my God. Would it be wrong to say you smell terrific?
Veronica Corningstone: Ron, please!
Ron Burgundy: Okay.


[as he’s looking closely at Ron]
Mack Tannen: What are you? Finnish?
Ron Burgundy: Oddly enough, I’m hundred percent full-blown Mexican, from the state of Oaxaca.
Veronica Corningstone: No, you’re not, honey.
[Tanning moves over to Veronica]
Veronica Corningstone: Hello, sir. Oh, my heart is racing.
[Tanning bends down to look closely at Veronica, he touches her neck]
Ron Burgundy: I just have to say, this is super creepy and unorthodox.
[Veronica looks at Ron as if to say “be quiet”]
Ron Burgundy: You like-a da merchandise, huh?
[Tanning gives Ron a cold look]
Ron Burgundy: Sorry.


[after he finishes inspecting Veronica]
Mack Tannen: Alright. We’re about to make network news history. Veronica?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes?
Mack Tannen: You’re going to be the first female full-time network news anchor.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh, my goodness!
Ron Burgundy: I knew it!
Mack Tannen: And you, Mr. Burgundy…
Ron Burgundy: I’m going to be the first lactose intolerant anchor.
Mack Tannen: Mr. Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy: Yes?
Mack Tannen: You’re fired.
Ron Burgundy: Come again?
Mack Tannen: Fired. You are the worst anchorman I have ever seen.
Ron Burgundy: But what did I do wrong? Name one thing.


[we see footage of Ron yelling the news because the teleprompter text was in all caps]
Ron Burgundy: Korean soldiers were fired upon in the DMZ!
[he stops reading the text]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, jeez. I am so sorry. Someone put the story in all capital letters, and I… I thought I was supposed to yell it.
[we see another footage of Ron as he’s reading the news]
Ron Burgundy: President Parter… Oh, shit! I mean, President Carter will speak at the summit Tuesday.
[looks off camera to the stage manager]
Ron Burgundy: Tony, did I just curse? Are you kidding me? Shit! I mean…shit. Shoot!
[we see another footage of Ron as he’s reading the news]
Ron Burgundy: The slain Civil Rights leader was eulogized…
[suddenly Ron sneezes onto the camera lens]
Ron Burgundy: Oh, wow! Did you see that? Right on the lens!
[then another footage of Ron]
Ron Burgundy: Folks, I’m sorry. I hold myself to a high professional standard and you shouldn’t hear that language, okay? I’m having a shitty day. Oh, fuck-stick!


[to Ron and Veronica]
Mack Tannen: Now, I know this is tricky given your relationship, so I’m going to give you the evening to think about it.
[cuts to Ron and Veronica entering their home]
Ron Burgundy: I forbid it!
Veronica Corningstone: You forbid it? What? Who are you? Julius Caesar?
Ron Burgundy: Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don’t follow the NBA.
Veronica Corningstone: Look, I am so sorry that this happened, Ron. But you and I, we’re partners, sweetheart. And when something good happens to me, it also happens to you.
Ron Burgundy: That’s ridiculous! It clearly just happened to you!
Veronica Corningstone: You’re…
[to Ron as they hear someone walking downstairs]
Veronica Corningstone: Oh, be quiet.
Walter Burgundy: Mom?
Lupita: I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Burgundy. He don’t go to sleep.
Ron Burgundy: Dammit, Lupita. What have you been doing up there, eating nachos?
Walter Burgundy: Mommy? Daddy? Why are you yelling at each other? Did Mom touch Dad’s hair again?
Veronica Corningstone: Walter, honey, why don’t you just go to bed, alright? Mommy and Daddy are just having a discussion.
Ron Burgundy: No! He needs to hear this. He’s six years old, he’s a man.


Ron Burgundy: Walter, listen to me. Life isn’t a fairy tale, it’s not a bunch of jumping rope and grabbing ass. It’s complicated. What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be when you grow up?
Walter Burgundy: I want to be an astronaut or a cowboy!
Ron Burgundy: You’re never gonna be any of those, okay?
Veronica Corningstone: Ron!
Ron Burgundy: You’ve gotta set the bar a lot lower. Service industry, fry cook, prison guard. Maybe you’re a lighting guy at a porn shoot. Which basically means you hold up a flashlight while adults do things.
Veronica Corningstone: He is a child, Ron!
Ron Burgundy: Nah, nah, nah, nah! He’s got hair on his nugs. He’s old enough to hear this.
Lupita: Your father is a wise man.
[to Lupita]
Veronica Corningstone: I will lock you in a closet!
Ron Burgundy: Veronica, here’s the bottom line. It’s a very simple decision. It’s either me or the job.
Veronica Corningstone: It doesn’t have to be a choice, Ron. Don’t do this. Don’t throw away everything that we’ve worked so hard for.
Ron Burgundy: Me…or the job.


[six months later; at Sea World]
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to the 3:10 Dolphin Show at Sea World, sponsored by British Petroleum. BP Oil, nature’s best friend. And now, here’s your host, Ron Burgundy.
[a drunk Ron appears holding his microphone in one hand and a glass of scotch in the other]
Ron Burgundy: Good afternoon, everyone. And welcome to world famous Sea World, here in San Diago, California. Here’s a fun fact, dolphins aren’t fish, they’re mammals. Here’s another fun fact, I haven’t felt the loving embrace of a human being in over three months.
[he starts sobbing and the people in the crowd look at him with confusion]
Ron Burgundy: I’m so lonely I paid a hobo to spoon with me. Let’s bring out our world class trainers here, Jesse and Paula.
[the two women walk onto the platform]
Sea World Trainer: Thank you. Thank you, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: Sometimes I try to kiss ’em.
[Ron starts to laugh and the trainer laughs awkwardly with him]
Sea World Trainer: Ron Burgundy, everyone.
Ron Burgundy: I want to kiss you.
Sea World Trainer: No.
Ron Burgundy: Or I’ll kiss your friend.
Sea World Trainer: No.
[to the crowd]
Ron Burgundy: How about the two trainers kiss each other? What do you say, huh?
[some of the crowd starts cheering]


Sea World Trainer: So, let’s say hello to the stars of the show, Chippy and Roo-roo!
[the two dolphins appears from under the water]
Ron Burgundy: For your information, Chippy was rehabilitated and Roo-roo is an asshole.
[the crowd claps as the dolphins swim around the pool on their tail]
Ron Burgundy: Wooh! Look, they’re swimming and doing tricks. Folks, what do you expect? They’re dolphins.
[one of the dolphins comes to the edge of the pool and starts squeaking]
Ron Burgundy: What did you say? Look at you, with that permanent smile. You think you’re so smart with your secret language. You just fart out of the top of your head.
[Ron starts mocking the dolphin by blowing raspberries and the crowd starts booing him]
Sea World Kid #1: You’re a punk, Ron Burgundy!
Sea World Kid #2: Booooo….
Sea World Kid #3: Children and animals hate you, Ron Burgundy!
Ron Burgundy: I would eat dolphins if it was legal!


[Ron is being escorted into his dressing room by two Sea World guards]
Ron Burgundy: Unhand me, you buffoons!
[they throw Ron to the ground]
Sea World Manager: Alright, first, you threw up in the shark tank. Then you fed the seals a chicken gyro? And now this? You’re fired, you washed-up drunk!
[he turns to leave the room]
Ron Burgundy: Guess what, Trevor?
[the manager leaves the room and shuts the door]
Ron Burgundy: Every morning I get here a half hour early and I sexually assault a starfish!
[Ron decides to hang himself from the fluorescent light]
Ron Burgundy: This is the end of the road, I’m not turning back.
[his dog starts barking as Ron ties the rope around the fluorescent light]
Ron Burgundy: Well, I know it’s not a pretty sight. And you’re gonna be the sole witness. If you can’t handle it, you leave the room.
[his dog starts whining as Ron puts the other end of the rope around his neck]
Ron Burgundy: It’s too late, Baxter. I’m going the way of the ancient samurai who, when dishonored, would hang themselves from a fluorescent light.
[Baxter barks at him]
Ron Burgundy: Goodbye, my sweet hairy prince.
[as Ron jumps off the chair his weight causes the light to break and he falls to the floor]
Ron Burgundy: Sweet cream on nipples!


[after Ron’s failed suicide attempt Freddie Shapp enters the room]
Freddie Shapp: Uh…Mr. Burgundy? Hello, I…
[he notices Ron on the floor with the rope still around his neck and broken glass everywhere]
Freddie Shapp: Oh, my God! What the hell happened?
Ron Burgundy: Um, uh, um…I tried to hang myself? Because my life’s a mess? And I saw no other option?
Freddie Shapp: I think you’re telling the truth, but why are you saying it like you’re lying?
Ron Burgundy: It was a call for help? But it didn’t work cause I’m too heavy and the ceiling lamp broke? Something like that?
Freddie Shapp: Yeah…
Ron Burgundy: Yeah, yeah.
Freddie Shapp: I think you’re telling the truth.
Ron Burgundy: Well, yeah. That’s what happened.


[later Ron and Freddie are eating at a diner]
Ron Burgundy: These are first-rate flapjacks. I’m telling you, suicide makes you hungry, I don’t care what anyone says.
Freddie Shapp: My name is Freddie Shapp, and I’m a producer of a new kind of news. We’re starting a twenty-four hour news channel, first of its kind. GNN, The Global News Network.
[Ron starts laughing]
Ron Burgundy: That is without a doubt the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You mean news going twenty-four hours around the clock? A channel that’s never off, in other words?
Freddie Shapp: Yeah. Yeah. Just twenty-four hours, it’s…it’s uh…
[Ron laughs again]
Ron Burgundy: No offense, but you are a stupid asshole.
Freddie Shapp: Mr. Burgundy, I assure you we are a hundred percent for real. We’ve got state of the art facilities in Manhattan, and Kench Allenby, multi-millionaire and owner of Koala Airlines.
Ron Burgundy: So glad he was acquitted of murder. I’m a big Kench Allenby guy.
Freddie Shapp: He’s funding the whole network. He believes in it.
Ron Burgundy: I don’t think you understand, Freddie. My hero, Mack Tannen, told me I was the worst journalist he’d ever seen. I’m not good enough.
[Shapp opens his briefcase and takes out an envelope]
Freddie Shapp: Here. This is your uh…first week’s salary.
[he hands the envelope to Ron who opens it and looks at the cash]
Ron Burgundy: By the hymen of Olivia Newton-John!
Freddie Shapp: What do…what do you say, Ron?
[Ron hesitates a moment before replying]
Ron Burgundy: I’ll take the job. And I swear I’ll be number one again. I’ll…I’ll take back my son, restore my reputation and make everything right with Veronica. But more importantly, I’m going to do what God put Ron Burgundy on this Earth to do; have salon-quality hair and read the news.
Freddie Shapp: Ron, you’ve made my day.
Ron Burgundy: I’ve got the best damn news team in the world.
Freddie Shapp: Your call.
Ron Burgundy: I just have to find them.


[Ron drives in his truck to San Diego]
Ron Burgundy: San Diago.
[to Baxter who’s sat on the passenger seat next to him]
Ron Burgundy: Looks like we begin our search right here at home. Last I heard, Champ Kind was fired for being drunk on the air and saying, “The only Olympic sport Filipinos are good at is eating cats and dogs.”
[Baxter barks; we then see Champ doing an advert for his fried chicken restaurant called Whammy Chicken]
Champ Kind: Who loves chicken? You do!
Whammy Chicken Girls: We do!
Champ Kind: Delicious chicken, swing on through! Meet the crew! I’m local San Diego legend Champ Kind, and I believe in two things: good chicken, and that the census is a way for the U.N. to make your children gay. So come on by and grab a wing. Cause when you do, you’ll say, “Whammy!” No Catholics or Jews admitted.
[we then see Champ serving a customer as his ad plays on the TV in the background]
Champ Kind: Alright, there you go. One Whammy Special with Whammy Slaw.
Whammy Chicken Customer: There’s a used Band-Aid in my coleslaw!
Champ Kind: Oh, my gosh. Let me take care of that.
[Champ bends to take something from behind the counter and suddenly brings out baseball bat]
Champ Kind: Get out of here before I smash your head in, you Commie bastard! If you’re from the census, you take me off your list!
[the customer runs out and at that moment Ron walks in]


Ron Burgundy: You never did have much of a bedside manner, Champ.
Champ Kind: Ron? Ron Burgundy? Get over here!
Ron Burgundy: How are you, friend?
[they embrace and Champ holds on tightly to Ron]
Champ Kind: God, I have longed for you.
Ron Burgundy: It’s good to see you, too.
[as Champ holds onto Ron with longing]
Champ Kind: Oh, this feels like home. Yeah.
Ron Burgundy: Are you alright?
Champ Kind: Yeah, I’m fine. Better now.
Ron Burgundy: Okay, let’s break the huddle here, huh?
Champ Kind: Yeah. Okay.
Ron Burgundy: Alright.
[as Champ is reluctant to let go, Ron pulls Champ’s hands off him]
Champ Kind: You get back here!
[Champ goes to grab Ron again but Ron pushes his hand away again]
Ron Burgundy: Don’t be weird!


[later Champ and Ron are sat in Champ’s restaurant]
Champ Kind: So, anyway, Harken sat me down, he said, “Champ, you’re a dangerous alcoholic, a racist and I don’t think you know a lick about sports.”
Ron Burgundy: Mm.
Champ Kind: And I said, “Ed, you dirty Polack, it’s ten in the morning. Let’s go have some drinks, go to a baseball game where the Mexicans hit some touchdowns.” Then he fires me. Fortunately, on the way out the door, I fake a work injury. With the settlement, I bought this place.
Ron Burgundy: Well, I’m glad to see you landed on your feet, Champ.
Champ Kind: Yeah.
Ron Burgundy: Listen, uh…can I ask you a question?
Champ Kind: Sure. Anything.
[he holds up one of the fried chickens being served at Whammy Chicken]
Ron Burgundy: Is…is this chicken?
Champ Kind: Hell, no. It’s really impossible to turn a profit if you serve real chicken. Yeah. We use mainly bats.
Ron Burgundy: What?
Champ Kind: Yeah. But the…the good quality kind.
Ron Burgundy: That’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever heard.
Champ Kind: Yeah? You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
Ron Burgundy: So what you gotta do is serve fried bats?
Champ Kind: Yep.


Champ Kind: Do you know what they call bats?
Ron Burgundy: Bats.
Champ Kind: Chicken of the Cave.
Ron Burgundy: No one calls them Chicken of the Cave. Who’s “they,” by the way?
Champ Kind: There’s a guy I met named Paco, sells bikers speed at the pier.
Ron Burgundy: So that guy calls them Chicken of the Cave.
Champ Kind: Yeah.
Ron Burgundy: That’s not “they.”anchorman-2-3
Champ Kind: Why don’t you have a bite and stop judging it?
Ron Burgundy: I’m not going to bite into a fried bat.
Champ Kind: It’s delicious.
Ron Burgundy: It’s all tendon, look at it.
[suddenly a bat flies through the restaurant and out the door making the customers gasp in shock]
Ron Burgundy: Was that a bat?
Champ Kind: Chicken of the Cave.


Ron Burgundy: What brings you here, Ron?
Champ Kind: My friend, we’ve got a job, in New York City.
Ron Burgundy: Whammy! I’m in! You’ve got yourself a sportscaster.
[he shakes Ron’s hand]
Champ Kind: Oh, great.
[Champ turns to one of his employees]
Champ Kind: Denny!
[he throws the keys to Denny]
Champ Kind: Lock up!
Ron Burgundy: Any idea where Brian Fantana is?
Champ Kind: You haven’t heard? Fantana hit the big time.


[we see Brian in a photography studio holding a camera]
Brian Fantana: Oh, baby. Yeah, that’s it, play for me. Just play around. Roll around and lift those legs up. Mm. You are a hairy little thing, aren’t you?
[we see he’s taking photos of kittens]
Brian Fantana: Yeah. Oh, I like what’s happening! Oh, that’s it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you little fuzzball, that’s… Oh! I got it.
[as he finishes his crew clap for him]
Brian Fantana: It’s not getting any better than that.
Brian’s Female Assistant: That’s brilliant!
Brian Fantana: Yeah, yeah.
[just then Ron and Champ walk in]
Ron Burgundy: Hey, Brian, you have any time for the little people?
[Brian looks surprised for a moment]
Brian Fantana: Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch.
[Brian and Ron laugh as they embrace]
Champ Kind: Hey, Brian.
Brian Fantana: Champ!
[Brian embraces Champ]
Champ Kind: Hi, how you doing?
[Champ then turns to embrace Ron]
Champ Kind: Hey!
Brian Fantana: This is a…
[Ron tries to push Champ away]
Ron Burgundy: Cool it!


Brian Fantana: Oh, I can’t believe it. Oh, wow! It’s great to see you! Welcome. Welcome to my doje.
Ron Burgundy: Wow, this place is spectacular!
Champ Kind: It’s amazing.
Brian Fantana: A bit chaotic today. We got the Cat Fancy cover coming out, you know how that can be.
Ron Burgundy: Mm.
Champ Kind: I’ve been living in a tent for the last two years.
Brian Fantana: Oh, yeah, this is not that.
[Brian then shows them around his house]
Brian Fantana: We got a sauna in the kitchen. A lot of people think that’s weird, but uh..I keep wine in it. I’m not a wine guy, but I know you gotta keep it hot.
Ron Burgundy: Right.
Brian Fantana: Oh, and check this out. This…this was fun.
[he points to photo framed photo of a kitten stuck in a fish bowl with the caption “I hate Mondays!”]
Brian Fantana: We shot this over two weeks in Prague.
Ron Burgundy: Wow.
Champ Kind: You know what they call cats? Chicken of the rail yard.
Ron Burgundy: No.
Brian Fantana: What?
Ron Burgundy: Don’t indulge him.anchorman-2-4
Brian Fantana: Yeah.
Champ Kind: There’s a lot of meat…
Brian Fantana: But I love it.
Ron Burgundy: And what’s so great about it is it’s so damn true. I hate Mondays. I’m not a Monday guy.
Champ Kind: Ron hates Mondays. Hell, I’m not crazy about ’em, either. I also don’t like Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays.
[they all laugh]


Brian Fantana: So why are you guys here, anyway?
Ron Burgundy: Well, Brian, we’re getting the news team back together again.
Brian Fantana: Really?
Ron Burgundy: And, of course, we wanna know if you’ll join us.
Brian Fantana: Jeez, I don’t know. I…I kind of got the world by the tail her. I…I don’t know if I can.
Champ Kind: Christ, I get it. I mean, you’re the Quincy Jones of cat photographers. Why would you leave all this?
Ron Burgundy: Hey, Brian, I don’t know if you heard, but New York has all-nude strip clubs.
[we see Brian has joined Ron and Champ as Ron drives them to their next location]
Ron Burgundy: The question still remains, where’s Brick Tamland?
Brian Fantana: Oh. You guys didn’t hear?
Champ Kind: No, what happened?
Brian Fantana: Brick’s…dead.


[at Brick’s funeral we see on his headstone it has the engraving “I like toasters. I also like mittens because they are easy to put on.”; to Ron and Champ]
Brian Fantana: Brick was lost at sea about a year ago. Thought he saw a bird and he swam out to pet it, he never came back.
[they listen as their old boss, Ed Harken, says a few words]
Ed Harken: We all loved Brick, even though he never had a phone number or address or a social security number. In six years of working at the station, he never cashed a paycheck.
Ron Burgundy: That sweet Brick.
Ed Harken: He was a sensitive man, though. He told me he wanted to donate his organs to science before he died, so he could see where they ended up. He’ll long be remembered and he’ll be sorely missed.
[Ed turns steps aside and then next person to step up to say a few words is Brick]
Brick Tamland: Thank you, Reverend.
Brian Fantana: Oh.
Ed Harken: Oh, come on!
[everyone looks frustrated]
Brick Tamland: Brick was a great man.
Ron Burgundy: Really?
Brick Tamland: And I will miss him so much. And I will not rest until I find his killer.
Brian Fantana: What?
Ron Burgundy: His killer?
Brick Tamland: It is hard for me to believe that he is gone.
Brian Fantana: He’s not gone!
[Brick starts weeping]
Brick Tamland: I feel that I just saw him yesterday!
Ron Burgundy: You were probably talking to yourself in a mirror.
Brick Tamland: When I got the news…I didn’t even know how to make sense out of it!
Brian Fantana: None of us understand!


[Brick starts yelling hysterically]
Brick Tamland: Why? Why? Why did you take him from us?
Ron Burgundy: You’re clearly standing in front of us, Brick.
[Brick still ignores them as he cries hysterically]
Brick Tamland: Goddamn you!
Ron Burgundy: Brick!
Brick Tamland: Brick is dead!anchorman-2-5
Champ Kind: No, Brick’s alive.
Brick Tamland: Brick is dead! Look at him!
[he points to his own picture]
Ron Burgundy: He’s not dead.
Champ Kind: He’s not dead, Brick. You’re not dead.
Ron Burgundy: You’re Brick!
Brian Fantana: Brick, it’s you!
Brick Tamland: He’s dead!
Ron, Brian, Champ: No!
Ron Burgundy: You are Brick! Touch yourself.
Brick Tamland: I am Brick?
Ron, Brian, Champ: Yes!
Brick Tamland: I’m alive?
Ron, Brian, Champ: Yes!
[Brick starts laughing with joy]
Ed Harken: Of course. Of course you are. Oh, for heaven’s sake.
[Brick embraces Harken]
Ron Burgundy: You kind of…you kind of want to slug him. You want to slug him.


[as they are driving to New York in Ron’s van]
Ron Burgundy: Do you remember our Easter trip to San Francisco? We got so drunk, we put Brick in a refrigerator box and threw him off the Golden Gate Bridge.
[they all laugh]
Brick Tamland: I broke my back!
Ron Burgundy: Yes!
Brian Fantana: What…what about the time that you dared Champ to drink that beer stein full of Woolite?
Ron Burgundy: He drained it faster than you could say, “No, don’t do it. That’s the equivalent of drinking poison.”
[they all laugh again]
Champ Kind: Oh, Lord, I was in a six month coma. They said from the neurological damage, there’s no way I’d live past fifty-five!
[they all laugh again]
Ron Burgundy: You got three years left, my friend.
Brick Tamland: You’re gonna die!
[they continue to laugh]


Brick Tamland: Hey, hey, remember, I was by myself and I had that dream about the orange tree, but instead of oranges, it had babies on it?
[the others look at Brick as he laughs]
Brick Tamland: It was a baby tree!
Ron Burgundy: Brick, how could we remember? It’s your dream.
Brick Tamland: I don’t know. It’s all the same thing.
[Brick continues to laugh hard]
Ron Burgundy: I mean, it’s an interesting dream, but we’re telling stories involving the entire news team from the past.
Brick Tamland: Or how about the time when I was born and I came out of the vagina? I was screaming, “Here I come! Ooh! Here I come, Mom!”
Ron Burgundy: First off, Brick, I highly doubt you remember your own birth. And, once again, we weren’t there.
[Brick laughs again]
Brick Tamland: Ron, I can’t…Ron, I can’t stop laughing, Ron! Ron!
Brian Fantana: Put a pencil in his mouth.
Ron Burgundy: It’s okay.
[Brick starts to slow down his laughing]
Ron Burgundy: There you go.
Brick Tamland: I’m okay now.


Brian Fantana: Man, this…this just feels right! The news team is back!
Champ Kind: Ron, Brian, Brick, me, even Baxter!
[Baxter barks]
Brick Tamland: That old man is so little and hairy!
Brian Fantana: Hey, Ron, who’s driving?
Ron Burgundy: Oh, it’s okay, it’s on cruise control.
[we see that no one is driving the car]
Ron Burgundy: Who wants some chimichangas? Huh? Best thing I ever did was install this deep fryer in the ‘bago.anchorman-2-8
Champ Kind: Ron, why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: Oh, it’s a long crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Hey, Ron. Cruise control just regulates speed, it doesn’t steer.
Ron Burgundy: Come again?
[suddenly the van steers off the road causing it to topple over which makes the hot oil from the deep fryer, the bowling balls and scorpions injure each of them as the can finally lands by the side of the road]
Ron Burgundy: Well, that is gonna make one hell of a story.
[they all laugh]


[as they drive into New York]
Ron Burgundy: The Big Apple. Ron Burgundy is back.
Champ Kind: Why do they call it the Big Apple, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: It’s because New York has an apple tree on every street.
[at GNN station, Freddie shows them around]
Freddie Shapp: Here we are. Welcome to GNN.
Brian Fantana: I don’t know, Ron. Are you sure about this place?
Freddie Shapp: Guys, I know it’s a bit of a mess, but trust me, everything will be ready for the launch tomorrow. And we’ve culled the whole country for the best newsmen. There’s Curtis Knightfish from Houston.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Curtis Knightfish. They don’t get any better than that.
Freddie Shapp: Yeah. And there’s Diane Yahwea from Carson City.
Champ Kind: Diane Yahwea. You know what they call her, right? “All the Way Yahwea.”
Brick Tamland: She’s my aunt.
Freddie Shapp: And the best in the biz. Jack Lime, out of Chicago. Rumor is Allenby is giving him one mil a year.
Champ Kind: That’s crazy. Who’s worth that kind of money?
[Jack Lime turns and the guys are mesmerized by his good looks]
Champ Kind: Oh, my God! He’s absolutely magnificent!
Ron Burgundy: I bet his poop smells like sandalwood.


[shouting across the room to Ron as he stares at Jack]
Jack Lime: Can I help you, guy?
Ron Burgundy: What…what was that?
Jack Lime: I said, can I help you, guy?
Ron Burgundy: Uh…what do you mean?
Jack Lime: Well, you’re staring at me, hotshot. Do you want my autograph?
[the men standing behind Jack laugh]
Ron Burgundy: No, he was just explaining who you were and I was looking at you. And… and then he said something and I was still looking at you.
[mocking Ron’s voice]
Jack Lime: Roo-ree-ra-ree-roo-ra-roh!
[Jack, along with Brian, Champ, Brick and Freddie all laugh]
Brick Tamland: Jack Lime is a great man!
Ron Burgundy: Is that what I sound like when I talk?
[Brick tries to copy Jack’s imitation of Ron talking]
Brick Tamland: Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra!
Ron Burgundy: I guess it’s funny.


Jack Lime: Is there a problem?
Ron Burgundy: No, no, no. No, no, no. No problem.
Jack Lime: Well, you’re making a face like you got a problem.
Ron Burgundy: Um…I’m sorry that I’m making that face. I don’t mean to make a face that seems like I have a problem.
Jack Lime: I don’t like that face! You need to change it, change it quick.
[whispering to Ron]
Freddie Shapp: Stop making that face.
Ron Burgundy: Is this face better?
[Ron tries to change the expression of his face]anchorman-2-6
Jack Lime: Oh, I don’t like… Oh, that new face is driving me crazy! Change it, now!
Freddie Shapp: You’re getting him mad.
Ron Burgundy: I only have so many faces.
[Ron changes his face to show another expression]
Jack Lime: I’m just grinding your gears, man.
[Jack laughs]
Jack Lime: Welcome to the station! We’re gonna have a good time together.
[Jack laughs again as he turns from them]
Freddie Shapp: Oh, my God. That’s uh…vintage Jack Lime. Come on, guys. Let’s go meet the boss.


[as they wait in their new boss’s office]
Freddie Shapp: We’ll have separate cameras for you, and then sports and then weather.
Ron Burgundy: Let me ask you this, Freddie, how’s the new head honcho?
Freddie Shapp: Well, Linda Jackson has a shelf full of Emmys. She’s as tough as nails. And Linda loves to win.
[their new boss, Linda Jackson, enters her office with her male assistant]
Freddie Shapp: Oh, hey! Linda! I want to introduce you to Ron Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy: Linda Jackson. How are you, my friend?
[Ron ignores Linda and shakes Linda’s assistant’s hand]
Freddie Shapp: Ron.
Ron Burgundy: What?
[pointing to Linda]
Freddie Shapp: This is Linda Jackson.
Linda Jackson: Hello, Mr. Burgundy.
[Ron looks visibly shocked]
Ron Burgundy: Oh. Um…black. Black.
Freddie Shapp: Jesus, just stop, Ron.
Ron Burgundy: I’m terribly sorry. I don’t know why I can’t stop saying…black, the word black.
Linda Jackson: Hello, Mr. Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy: Black.
Linda Jackson: Stop.
Ron Burgundy: Black.
Linda Jackson: Stop saying black.
[Ron closes his mouth trying hard not to say the word when it bursts out again]
Ron Burgundy: Black.
Freddie Shapp: Stop saying it!
Ron Burgundy: If I don’t say it, I’ll pass out.


Linda Jackson: Uh…Donna, can you please get me a cup of coffee?
Linda’s Assistant: Right away, Miss. Jackson.
Linda Jackson: Thank you.
[her assistant leaves the office]
Linda Jackson: Please be seated. Everyone.
Ron Burgundy: Sure.
Linda Jackson: Please be seated.
[they all take a seat]
Linda Jackson: Great. So I know that all of you are aware that the news community is laughing at what we’re trying to do here at 24-hour news. But that is why they brought me in.
Freddie Shapp: She’s the best.
Linda Jackson: You see, gentlemen, I don’t lose.


Ron Burgundy: Listen, I feel like I need to clear the air.
Linda Jackson: Oh, please don’t.
Ron Burgundy: I want to say, on behalf of the entire news team, we are huge supporters of all African and Americans.
Brick Tamland: Veronica got so tanned.
Ron Burgundy: I remember the first African and American I ever saw.
Linda Jackson: It’s African-American.
Ron Burgundy: Are you sure?
Linda Jackson: Yeah.
Ron Burgundy: Absolutely a hundred percent positive? It isn’t like…
Freddie Shapp: Ron…
Ron Burgundy: Fish and chips?
Brian Fantana: Hey, we’re all the same on the inside, stinky and pink.
Champ Kind: When I was in high school, me and my buddies used to sneak in the girls locker room. We’d peek at the girls in the shower, and I’d look at all of them, no matter what color they were. So…
Freddie Shapp: Jesus, this is the worst meeting I’ve ever been in.


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Total Quotes: 132



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